But my mind didn't change, I still feel the same.

The Truth Hurts, But Those Lies Heal.

[FINAL CHAPTER. The ending I left ambiguous in terms of "good" or "bad". I really just depends on how you look at it. :) Thank you all for reading. Enjoy~ ]

"Unnie? ____, they keep calling from work...  I'm just going to tell them you're not feeling well today."

The faint, concerned voice of your best friend lightly woke you from your pensive state of mind. Nodding, you pulled your knees up against your chin, bowing your head into your thighs as your chest heaved in fighting attempts to not cry. It had been almost six days since that call. You were still deeply hurt from it. Days of work had passed by and you hadn't bothered to call in after the second day. Every time you fell asleep, you slipped in and out of a Seunghyun-filled dreamland that would have, in other circumstances, been a beautiful thing. However, all you could replay was his somber, regretful expression, and each time he had tried to pull you close to him, you'd woken up. You wish you could have blinked your tears away and have his strong arms there to hold you tight and kiss away the pain that he had inflicted so carelessly. Although... there was no way to dream that it would have ended happily, as that was the look he had given you the last time you'd seen each other.

How could a dream have a happy ending when the reality of what actually happened wouldn't allow for it?

 

-------------------------------

A few weeks had passed since that fateful run-in with that woman, and fortunately you and Seunghyun had been very busy with preparing for the wedding. Due to their various public events--namely, their Big Show--he couldn't see you for much, but you were getting good at occupying most of your time with planning and putting on a happy face for everyone. Soon, but not yet, you'd mentally remind yourself before finishing Skyping or hanging up after a three-hour phone call session. Besides, the two of you would have plenty of time to be together after your wedding day. The thought alone made you smile, knowing that soon your years of waiting patiently by your best friend's side meant so much to him as well. The days flew by fast, and the events that foreshadowed a wedding made it more fun as well. Hye Yoon, his sister, had gladly planned on giving you a bridal shower, and that had been fun. Only a few special people from your group of friends, the bridesmaids, and the important women from Seunghyun's family had attended, and you were thankful that they seemed so elated to have you as a future daughter/sister/niece-in-law. The Chois had known you since your childhood as well, and they had always been approving of you for their little Seung.

Dress fittings and finishing touches on the details of the modernized reception, which would last well into the night as opposed to being a short open dinner, were being set. Occasionally Seunghyun managed to disappear from promo shoots and would surprise you at the most random of places, whether it be leaving the dress shop or getting ready to pick out things for the gift registry. Everytime he'd hug you tight, giving you that serious-yet-loving look that he normally faked for the camera, but for you, it was the most sincere of affections.

"I can't wait until you're truly mine, yeobo," he'd murmur while using his thumbs to smooth away loose strands of hair that had escaped your messy bun and fallen around the temples of your forehead. Giggling softly, you'd raised your eyebrows in surprise, tilting your head to the side slightly. "Does that mean I'm still single until the marriage is legally declared?" "Yah! Woman, you're going to get it soon." He'd scowled like a little boy being denied a cookie from a cookie jar, and you had playfully until he'd tugged your head back a little so he could shut you up with a tender kiss. "Two more weeks," you sighed, and you lowered your head to gaze at the desk-sized calendar, your eyes settling on the date that was surrounded by tiny hearts that he'd drawn.

 

***

"Four more days! Noona, you have four more days to let me know when you're going to come to your senses and marry this Seunghyun instead." He flashed you a grin, and a loud "OMO!" interrupted the maknae.You laughed loudly, and a loud smack on the back of Seungri's head from the normally quiet Daesung caused everyone in the room to laugh. Jiyong elbowed Seungri away from the small mic before letting Youngbae speak. The chuckling died down as he directed his gaze towards you and Seunghyun, who were seated just in front of the small stage where they were giving their speeches during the rehearsal dinner. "But in all seriousness, ____, we wish you two every happiness. I know you two will be very happy together. Chuka hae!" The four men all raised their flutes of champagne, and everyone clapped appreciatively. Seunghyun gently squeezed your bare shoulder, leaning over to press a kiss onto your lips briefly. He looked so handsome in his suit, and he had shown his own adoration for your simple wrap dress. Soon after toast speeches, it was time to enjoy a preview of the menu, and everyone began digging in on the yummy traditional Korean food. The boys were seated a table away from the one occupied by your parents and Seunghyun's family and your best friend's family and her, and they kept turning to hear what you were all talking about, even more so since you were all busy listening to a funny, albeit embarrassing story Hye Yoon was telling about something Seunghyun had done when he was younger. He was sitting there with a semi-amused smile, but you could tell he must have been getting annoyed. He kept ducking his head down to his lap, and you placed a hand over one of his on the table, giving him a smile. He cleared his throat, giving you a half-hearted smile, and your smile faltered. He tugged his hand away from yours before he pushed his chair away from the table, standing. "I'll be right back, I'm going to light one up. Don't listen to her too much, she likes to make me look dumb." He nodded to his sister, and she laughed loudly, shaking her head before resuming the ending of the story.

 

 

 --------------------------------

"____?"

Turning, you lifted your head, hastily rubbing at your cheeks when you saw four familiar boys hesitantly approach the doorway. Your friend offered you an apologetic look. "They kept insisting," she pouted, and you nodded, shaking your head. "It's fine." They had always been so supportive of you and of Seunghyun, and you knew that if they were here, it was for a good reason.

Sitting upright, you waved them in. Youngbae was staring at you with sadness, and Seungri and Daesung both sat on either side of you on the couch. Jiyong settled for pulling up a spare chair up in front of you. "Noona, we need to talk." Seungri sighed, using the opportunity to place an arm around your shoulder. There was a silent pause as you sighed softly, and it was Youngbae's soft voice that began after a few seconds. "______... I'm sorry for how I spoke to you. It's just irritating, how badly he messed this up with the two of you and..." You glanced up at him, and his eyes conveyed the sincerity in his voice. You opted not to say anything, as you were now on the verge of tears and instead cleared your throat, blinking rapidly to keep from crying when Dae politely patted your hand with his. "We didn't know what to do about this, to resolve things," Jiyong began, chewing on his bottom lip while he thought. "But, ah... we figured you could just talk to each other once. For the last time." Seungri nodded, nestling his head on your shoulder. "Clearing the air and feelings, it's good for the both of you," Daesung's comforting voice added.

In truth, you wanted to do that. It would be for the best, and it would leave you free to let go of him--or, begin the letting go process again.

But that was the thing. You didn't want to. He had been the only one for you, and now... knowing that he wouldn't feel that way for you was painful.

All these past emotions and feelings came rushing back, and your lips trembled as you felt the urge to cry happening again. Jiyong stood and reached over, pulling you up to him and hugging you tight. You closed your eyes as you felt warm tears trickle past your eyes, and Daesung let out a soft "Omo" before hugging you as well. "Noona~! Aigoo," Seungri whined, and he hugged you too. Having them here eased you a little. They had been there when it had happened, and knowing they were still here for you because they cared about you was very comforting.

 

 -------------------------------

"Yeobseyo?"

Seunghyun exhaled slowly, flicking the ashes of the cigarette he had lit up away before answering the soft voice that came from the other side of the line. He had gone to smoke, yes, but in truth, it was the text that he had received that had sent him outside of the small reception hall.

"What do you want? How can you tell me something like that when you know I'm getting married?"

Her voice grew shaky and her release of sobs tore Seunghyun's heart in half.

"I'll act better, sarangha," she cried, and anguish washed over his face as he realized she was using the very same line that she had tried to convince him with before she'd left him so many years ago. The only line he truly remembered as it had left a scar in his emotions, the one line that he had allowed to be used in a Big Show concert when they'd been filming an intro for his song. She had been so cruel to him, constantly putting him down when the call from YG had come. She had been supportive until the moment he was going to have to choose between his two true loves: music... or his girlfriend. And in the end, he had let his passion for music win out. Truth be told, he had never truly let her go. You don't forget a first love, regardless of the circumstances in which the relationship ended.

His eyes focused on the end of his cig, analyzing the glowing-orange embers that were slowly eating away at the remaining pure-white edge. He didn't know what to do with this anymore. Seeing her a few months ago had unleashed a torrent of memories and feelings that had never gone away, despite his efforts to dissolve them completely. He'd thought he could fill the hole in his heart with music, but then you had come along, and he soon fell in love with how much you had cared about him. It was almost enough to make up for losing her. Although he had known you longer, he had never felt the same kind of love that he had felt for her as he did for you. You were different. You had always been there for him, even when he hadn't felt likeable. He loved you, and for once he had thought he would be over the past as well with the future in store for the both of you.

But now...

"Seunghyun? I know what I'm doing is wrong of me, and selfish. B-but egi, I can't just lose you without letting you know how I feel. How I've always felt. D-don't you... feel the same?"

He gave no response and he let his cigarette drop from his hands and down onto the smooth pavement below his feet, stamping it out with the heel of his shoe. He shook his head very slightly, taking a deep breath and letting it out through his nose before finally speaking.

//

Meanwhile, inside, you were just about to practice cutting the cake. The small cake they'd gotten for this had been picked out by Jiyong very last minute, and Seungri stifled a laugh when he saw your expression. Daesung shook his head, and Youngbae gave him a puzzled look. Your best friend burst into a laugh when she saw it, shaking her head when Jiyong shot her a look. "Couldn't you have found something less pink?" He asked, and you giggled, reaching out to swipe a finger over the rosy frosting on the flower-shaped cake. "It was the last one they had!" Jiyong pouted, smirking immediately when he saw you eating the frosting. "Besides, ____ seems to like it, and that's all that matters, maja?" You gave a nod of approval, squealing when Seungri grabbed your hand and frowned. "I wanted to try some too!" Laughing, you gently pried your small hand away from his death grip, tapping the long cake knife in your hand. "Then we need to find Seunghyun-oppa, don't we? I think he went outside." Your best friend nodded and turned, raising her eyebrows. "Did you want me to--" You interrupted her, smoothing down your hands over the hips of your dress. "I'll get him." The boys and the girl all nodded and began calling people over to the cake table. The last thing you heard was Seungri yelling, "Yah! But fill up on your dinner, hyung picked out a cake fit for five children!"

You could see him through the glass doors near the entrance. He was putting out his cigarette--maybe Seungri's yells had reached him--and you felt a glowingly happy smile on your lips as you watched him. He was so handsome, so amazing, so perfect. And soon... he would be your husband. Your one and only.

You quietly pushed open one of the doors, about to call his name, when you heard him speaking. Wait, was he on the phone? You couldn't see anyone else around, and you took a few steps closer, aware that he didn't know you were right behind him.

"I want to tell you truthfully... nan hangsang dangsin-eul salanghabnida." His voice was low, and he felt his throat tightening as he heard her crying still on the line. You watched him, confused.

What? What did he just say? Who is he.. is he talking to her

Your eyes widened in disbelief at his next sentence.

"She's... she's no you. And I mean that in the best way possible."

Tears filled your eyes as his words stabbed your heart, and you gasped, a hand over your mouth as you headed back inside, letting the giant glass door slam shut behind you. Your best friend was on her way out to come and get the two of you to let you know that they might have to order another cake when she bumped right into you.

It was only then that he turned around, dropping the phone on the ground in surprise, and he watched with a heavy heart as you collapsed against your friend's arms and into the main open doors that led into the giant hall. Everyone had turned to look at you then, as you had fallen onto your knees and were sobbing and crying uncontrollably. Your best friend was at a loss for words, and she hugged you, concerned. "What's wrong?!"

"Noona?! What's wrong?!"

"_____? What happened?"

"What happened?"

"Omo!"

You felt hands tugging you up, and you opened your eyes, staring into five very worried faces.

"I'm sorry, yeobo. ______, please. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to... to hear that."

Seunghyun's voice cut through the blurry mix of familiar faces and people you didn't know too well, and you faced him, trembling. His face had regret all over it, but regret from what? Being caught? Feeling bad? You just couldn't believe what had just happened. Never once had Seunghyun ever talked to you the way he just had to her. And you knew it was her. The sting of his words felt like sprinkles of lemon on your gaping emotional wound at the moment. "What did you do? I never knew you to be this cruel," your friend spat, and you sniffled, his words ringing in your ears.

You are my one and only true love.

She's no you.

You pushed Seunghyun away with your hands as he tried to embrace you. You slipped the ring off of your finger, gasping as your voice threatened to give out.

"I'm sorry I'm not her," you whispered, holding the ring out to him and letting it fall as he didn't take it from you and tried grasping your hand instead. Daesung and Seungri watched in confusion and sadness. Your parents and Seunghyun's as well had come running to see what was wrong, and a crowd had formed around the two of you. The embarrassment and disappointment, not to mention the complete hurt you felt, was too much to bear, and Jiyong and Youngbae pulled you away from him, your hands covering your face as salty tears and makeup flowed down your cheeks.

 

-----------------------------------------

Knock-knock.

Knock-knock.

Kno--

"Aish! What do you wan--"

The chestnut-colored door to his villa flew wide open in annoyance, but he stopped mid-sentence the second he laid his eyes on you. Thanks to some convincing from the boys, you'd agreed to talk things out with Seunghyun. Unfortunately, you were starting to rethink this, because just seeing him made you want to simultaneously fall into his arms and run far away crying. His deep, charcoal eyes ran over your face, settling his stare onto your eyes. No words were spoken for a few minutes, and you cleared your throat quietly. "You dyed your hair," you said softly, and you faintly felt a tiny smile actually develop on your lips. Seunghyun raised a hand to his hair self-consciously, nodding shyly before letting the door open further.

"Come in," he murmured, not once taking his eyes off you as you entered. He was too afraid you'd disappear like a dream.

Sitting on the couch nearby, you chewed nervously on your bottom lip, wanting to just get it over with. A part of you wanted to take him back, but you couldn't do that. He wanted her. She wanted him. And who were you to mess with what would make Seunghyun truly happy?

Seunghyun timidly sat next to you on the couch, but not too close. He clicked the TV off, his deep voice resonating into your ears as he spoke. "I apologize for my actions last night. It was childish of me. I'm sorry for bothering you." You tilted your head to look at him, feeling a familiar flutter in your heart when your gaze locked with his.

No, no, no. No more feelings. You have to fake it 'til you make it, right?

"Seunghyun... I'm not here for a one-time phone call apology. I'm here to tell you that I'm completely over what we had. I want you to be happy, and even if it's..." You took a soft breath here, mentally yelling at yourself not to cry again. You'd cried too much already over this. "If it's not with me." His expression hardened, a somber tone exuding from his voice when he spoke. "Is that what you think? How can I be happy when the one I love doesn't want to be with me anymore?" He scooted forward, and you slightly moved away as he leaned closer to you, his face inches from yours. One of his arms pressed across your body to rest his hand on the armrest of the couch, his intense eyes glossy with tears as they stared into your own blurry ones. "S-S-Seunghyun," you mumbled, hating him for doing this to you. Just one look and you were giving in again, wishing things could be as they were before he had messed it all up.

Before he messed it up.

He.

"I can't," you whispered, shaking your head when he collapsed on you, his strong arms hugging you tight. A tear slid down his left cheek. "I ed up, and I'm so sorry," he croaked out, his warm hands taking your cheeks in them and, using his thumbs, he wiped off the fresh tears that had began to fall from your tired eyes. A wistful sigh escaped your lips, and you gently placed your small hands on his own cheeks, tracing the perfect curve of his jawline with your fingers.

"Please," he pleaded, staring into your eyes. "Please, _____, I promise. I don't want to lose you. I can't. I was a stupid man for what I did, jagiya. Saranghae."

You couldn't find the words at the moment, as you were completely torn. But you had to make the decision that fate had made itself.

 

 

***

 

 

Closing the front door behind you quietly, you tossed your apartment keys and your purse onto the kitchen counter, tugging your hair loose from its messy bun and allowing it to fall in cascading waves along your shoulders and back. You felt as if a weight had been lifted off your emotional shoulders; a weary smile passed your lips when you saw your best friend tapping away at a laptop on her bed. "Hey! You alright? How'd it go?" She asked when she noticed you in the dimly lit hall, setting the laptop on the comforter and crossing her knees. You took a seat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath before half-shrugging. "If it's meant to be, it'll be. Right?" Your friend eyed you with sympathy, patting your knee. Just as you were about to speak, your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you pulled it out, the familiar number flashing across the screen. You shook your head, tossing the phone on the bed.
"Wh
at did he say?" You stared at your lap, shaking your head slightly. "He just needs time to really think about it. I love him and I know him all too well. Maybe that was the catch," you sighed, half-rolling your eyes. "I know what he needs more than he does."  

 

 

"...We're sorry. But the person you are trying to reach," the robotic voice recited, pausing jerkily for your personal greeting to cut in.

"______!"

"She means Choi ______!"

"Seunghyun!"

Laughter filtered through the line.

"is not available."

 

 He sighed, staring at the photo he held in his hand.

Her.

Him.

He was so young then.

Taking a long drink of beer, he quietly thumbed through the phone, his glazed, dark eyes focusing on the number. Pressing the 'call' button, he lifted the phone to his ear, listening to the line ringing.

 

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr--

"Yeobseyo?"

I'm still trying to figure things out. Like an idiot, my regrets came too late.

 

 

 

----------------------------------------

 

 

 

Is that what love is?

Constantly teetering between what one wants and what the other wants?

No.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want.

Sometimes you sacrifice your own happiness for theirs.

Because that is what love is.

 

 

 

 

fin.

 

 

[omo! DAS IT~ Muahaha. Hey, it's a sad story. BUT THANK YOU ALL FOR SUBBING AND READING AND COMMENTING. I LOVE YOU ALL.

I hope you enjoyed the story, as it was so fun for me to write! I plan on writing more minfics later, and suggesstions would be helpful. <3]

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Comments

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TheDerpKing
#1
Chapter 4: omooooooo i love your story<3<3<3
though i really want to know why seunghyun said that to the other girl:) i think i can find that in the sequel=))))
tokiyoona #2
Daebak! Its sad but at the same time I love it! :)
seungriism #3
Loved it:)
ketop4
#4
this is a daebak story!
sayurimei
#5
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want.

Sometimes you sacrifice your own happiness for theirs.

Because that is what love is.

That part specially made me cry... I had to let go someone i love for him to be happy with someone else, so i can perfectly relate with this story... It was beautifully written!
couturedreamerr
#6
@IRIS006 There very well might be~
IRIS006
#7
Sequel please I really like the plot!
emo_hyuga15
#8
WHYYYYYY.
im crying right nao.
naw_yo #9
omgoodness, i love your writing sooo much..im a history major and writing is so important to me..i love to see well written things..its so beautifully done