Always
Loving You From A DistanceIt's been a while yet, somehow, my friends managed to convince me to go out to this party. Jongdae was the most excited- I couldn't really see why.
He loved social gatherings like this but, I guess that's just him being him. I only agreed to all this because I had nothing planned for the evening and
it's been a minute since I've been out with the guys. I didn't want to spoil anyone's fun.
"There! Park right there, Chan." Kyungsoo was basically playing GPS on me as I drove. He wasn't very good at it but, he was trying to help. It only took
us about half an hour. I pulled up over to the parking space and switched the ignition off. I looked out through the window and saw the well-lit house.
We all went down and I locked the car behind us, trudging along beside Junmyeon. He glanced at me and chuckled lowly, he always seemed to understand
me even when I wasn't talking. "Glad you're out with us again, kid." There he goes again, being all father-like. I chuckled and he patted my back.
We all stepped past the front gate and soon, into the front door. My eyes traveled as I looked around the house, Fake Love was playing, people were
dancing, chatting, eating carelessly- it seemed like it was going to be a fun night. I perked up and followed the rest of my friends into the living room.
Here, they slowly fell into their own rabbit-holes, talking to other people, drinking, eating all the sliders. But I had fun just seeing all of them be so happy,
occasionally, I would joke around with them and we all had a good laugh. The night was going well, the company was nice, and the music wasn't so bad
either. Then someone familiar walked in, there were about 4 more people with her but, to be honest, she was all I could see.
She didn't seem to notice me- which would make sense because the place was rather crowded and she headed straight for the kitchen with her friends.
I started to feel a bit odd although not in a bad way- just... odd. Just when I thought we would have to spend the whole evening without seeing each other,
one of her friends stepped into our crowd. Apparently she was friends with Minseok. - - - - was standing right behind her and she saw me. We both smiled.
Seeing her smile again like that was hard, both hard and comforting. After - - - - and I broke up, we haven't seen each other too much. She lived relatively
far from where I did, we worked at different places, and we had few mutual friends. Yet somehow, here we were, standing in front of one another in someone's
living room. "Hi" she whispered, still loudly enough for me to hear. I greeted her back with a "hey" and we both found ourselves laughing a bit. I don't know what
made her laugh but, I laughed because I couldn't believe any of this. I haven't seen her since that day at the waiting shed near her village.
"Chanyeol, i can't keep doing this. You know I love you very much and I've been thinking about this for so long now.. but, I think it's better for us to end it here.
While no harm is done. You can go back to being you and I can go back to being me. The distance kills me. It isn't that I don't trust you- I do. I care for you so
much and I can't forgive myself if I ever hurt you.." she was crying a lot. It broke my heart to see her like this- I felt guilty, mad, confused- but I hated that I
couldn't see her smiling. I understood though. I was traveling a lot and we could barely make ends meet. We tried hard to keep everything going despite the
long distance issues but, I suppose it gets to be too much for someone. All I could do back then was hug her. "I can't lose you- you mean so much to me" her
voice shook as she spoke. She wasn't losing me, I assured her on that. "- - - -, you're not going to. I understand.. I can't ask you to wait on me forever but you
have to know this, you will always be important to me. I promise you that I'll continue to value you and our friendship." She stayed in my arms a bit more after
I had said all that. It hurt. Of course I didn't want to let her go- but, I guess it wasn't the right time for either of us.
We chatted for a bit, caught up on things. She was working as an independent designer now and was well off. I could see how happy she was when she spoke
about her job with such enthusiasm. She apologized for "nerding out and boring me to death" which was typical for her to do. I missed her- but this was enough.
She went back to her friends a little while later and Junmyeon sat next to me, "was that....?" he asked, I nodded and took a sip out of my drink. "How did you
two stay friends like that? I don't mean to be insensitive but, this is the girl you were bumming out over for months, Yeol. It doesn't piece together to me."
I paid attention to his words and found myself smiling at my cup. I juggled it between my hands before I finally responded. "I get it. I understand why it
might be a bit weird. But what I had with her... is something I'll always hold on to. That doesn't mean I'll never get over her, it's just the memories that I'm keeping"
I paused for a moment and looked over to the other end of the room. There she was. Smiling and laughing with her peers, clearly having a great time. "See?
call me weird but, I think, that when you end a relationship with someone, you have to continue to respect them. You value their happiness just as much as your
own and you wish nothing but the best for them. To me, even when things are over, you continue to love the person. It doesn't have to be romantically. Yes,
breaking up with her was hard, I love her so much- but seeing her happy like that? seeing her smile and achieve so much in her life? that's something I might
have never been able to give her. So, I'll take what I can get. There were no bad things or happenings that ended us. We decided on that ourselves- but that
doesn't mean I've stopped loving her. In fact, I don't think I ever will." I ended, smiling down to my cup. I felt Junmyeon lean back into the couch and pat my
shoulder so, I turned my head to face him. He just smiled at me and clinked his glass against mine. Then I turned my gaze back on to her. My heart wasn't heavy,
nor was it so light. I just felt at peace. I knew she was happy and that was enough for me. I smiled to myself and then enjoyed the rest of the evening with my
friends. They bantered and acted like children but at the end of the night, we all felt happy.
She was happy. So was I.
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