I wake up, a small IV in my arm. I’m confused as to why I seem to be in a hospital and look around. I blink my eyes a few times and finally, it hits me. Everything. I scouring around the bed to find a button, but I can’t find one.

“NURSE, SOMEBODY!” I yell, and a few minutes I have three nurses running in. They see me and look super worried.

“Mr. Jeon, are you ok!?” One asks, and I shake my head. 

“There was an accident,” I say in a hurry, “A man, Mr. Kim, with a school bus! I need to know, where is he? Is he okay!?” I ask, and the other nurses exchange glances and look at the floor. My heart drops. “Please, tell me…” I beg quietly, and another nurse walks to the end of my bed. 

“I’m so sorry, but the man you’re talking about passed a little while ago, his family is filling out the paperwork,” she says solemnly, and I cry.

“No! It’s can’t be! I promised! I promised he would be okay!” I shout, and the nurses rush to me. I’m struggling to breathe and I can't stop crying.

“Please, Mr. Jeon we need you to calm down!” They say over and over but I can’t hear them. I shout this over and over until I suddenly can’t. My limbs become once again heavy and I lay back, falling back asleep.

***

My mom was having a hard time with everything. I helped her make the arrangements. I stayed by her side, and haven’t gone to school for a week. I’ve had my friend Mark bringing my missed work, and have been doing it when my mom is able to sleep. I’ve been almost numb, this feeling almost unreal.

I feel like my dad would be strolling in the door any moment from the college where he worked teaching and would be telling me about his daily frustrations. He’d have a really good story every now and then and would laugh hard, and I would too. “You had to be there Tae,” he would laugh, fixing the glasses that would slide down his nose. His job sounded so fun and made me want to possibly teach music in the future. But there were no more stories to be told, he would no longer be at the door. All that was left were the several baskets and ‘get well’ baskets and such people who knew him would bring, including his students. He was going to be missed.

I learned to pick up these things and hide them in the basement so my mom wouldn't have to deal with them. I would leave some out and my mom would occasionally eat a muffin or whatever was from the baskets when she actually did eat. It had been a week and I could already see her lose weight, and I was getting worried.

My dad’s last words still haunted me. I wanted to know why he thought it was so important, why he had to say it. I would think about getting in contact with Jungkook but something stopped me every time. I hadn’t talked to him since he was in the hospital months ago, and he seemed to be recovering. He hung out with a guy named Jimin, who was know for being a pretty good guy. I wasn’t sure if they were more than friends, but I stayed out of it, it wasn’t my business. I didn’t want to bother him or to make him upset. I wasn’t sure if he had heard, but I knew he would be upset because he really liked my dad.

I watch my mom sleep on the couch next to me, breathing gently. I play with the hem at the bottom of my shirt and think to myself. I take out my phone and scroll through my photo album. I found one of my dad and me from 3 weeks ago. We went to the woods a few miles away for a camping trip. We loved to take pictures of the nature around us and just have good bonding time. In the picture, we’re trying to pose, but my dad’s eyes are towards the bottom left of the shot. He was staring at a raccoon that had just appeared and was heading towards our leftover food. I took the picture and we ran to chase off the raccoon, but it was a mean little one. He stole a hotdog and finally left, and my dad and I laughed so hard. We decided to name him Bandit, and he would be our pet here in the woods whenever we came. It was one of the best trips we’d ever been on, and it ended up being our last as well…

I sniff quietly and wipe my tears on my sleeve. I try and stop because I don’t want to wake my mom up, it was rare for her to sleep these days.  

I finally get it together and just stare out the window. The sun was starting to lower behind the horizon, and the world looked as though it was calm. I was jealous.

I slowly get up to go through the funeral invites one more time. I had a large list, and it seemed like they were all there. One lay empty next to the pile, already for someone, yet had no written name on it. I hadn’t filled it out yet, I wasn’t sure if I should. I watched it sit on the table, seeming to hold the weight of the world. I slowly pick up a pen and decide to fill it out.

Jungkook

***

I take deep breaths as I walk down the street, adjusting my suit. I was happy to have had one from a wedding I had to go to a few months ago for my cousin. It was sleek and black, and my father had let me borrow his black tie. I walked alone, my family wanted nothing to do with this, and begrudgingly let me go.

The cool breeze blows back at my hair and hidden tears make eyes ache. I look up and bite my lip to try and control myself, I didn’t want to be seen crying.  My sleeve rubs at the still sore from the IV  that was stuck in it. I bite at my lip as I walk, soon the cemetery in view.

I could see a large crowd of people around a site, and I see a coffin ready to be lowered. I stop and just watch from afar, trying to catch my breath. I see everything all over again, the crushed metal, his helpless gaze, it suffocates me. It takes a few minutes, but I finally make my way to the gathering of people.

I hear the minister taking, sniffs on an offbeat in the background. I stay towards the back and my head hangs low. I look up and see Tae and his mother standing next to the coffin, head low. He hold’s his mother’s can and I see him cry silently. My heart breaks and the site and I find tears of my own mimicking his.

After what feels like forever there are the finished remarks, and slowly I see the coffin lower. Tae’s mother buries her head in his chest, and he holds her tight and tries to hold back the tears. I can see the strain in his eyes, how strong the pain is. I can see he’s trying to stay strong for her. I wipe my tears and stand there as everyone clears out. I remain there almost in a trance. As I see the coffin lower, there are flashes of memories. His dad laughing telling stories as we ate, him waving anytime he drove by and saw me, then it takes a turn. The scratch of the tires, the crushed metal, blood. I close my eyes tight and try to make the images go away but they won’t.

I’m startled by a tap on my shoulder. I jump and look up and my breath gets caught in my throat. His blue eyes pierce mine, and I can’t do anything, I’m caught in a trance. I see him swallow and take a breath, a tear trailing down his face. His hand remains on my shoulder as I hear him begin to speak. 

His deep voice is strained, and it seems to take a lot for him to say even one syllable, “You came.”

I break out of my trance and turn and run. I run towards the woodsy part of the cemetery and I hear him running after me.

“Jungkook, wait!” He yells, breathing heavily. I keep on at full speed. My legs begins to throb but I ignore it. I run from him, from us, from his father, from everything. He continues to chase me.

I break into a clearing and trip over a tree root and fall. I luckily don’t land on or hurt my injured legs, and I breathe heavily. There’s dirt all over my pants and scrapes on my hands.

Tae breaks into the clearing, eyes, and hair wild. He runs over and kneels next to me. “Are you okay?” He worries, and I silently nod. I hide my face in my hands and try to catch my breath.

I sit taking the weight off my leg, and Tae sits next to me. We both sit there for a minute, catching our breath. I feel a few raindrops come down, it begins to drizzle. I look up and squint, and I see the clouds that rested above the trees around me.

“You came…” Tae repeats, and I look back down. I can’t look him in the eye, I just can’t. I finally respond a quiet, “Yeah.”

We both sit here for a moment lost in our thoughts. “Why did you run?” He asks me, deep voice breaking the silence. I don’t have a real answer for him because I don’t know the answer myself. I just didn’t want to face him. I look down at my dirt soiled pants and shrug. A wave comes over me, and suddenly I find my face getting wet, not by the steady increase of rain, but by tears.

I get up and take a few steps but he comes behind me and grabs my hand.”Talk to me Jungkook, please,” he begs, his voice breaking with the last word. He turns me around and hugs me, and I push him away.

“I just can’t!” I yell trying to walk away, but Tae keeps a firm grip on my hand.

“Why?” He questions, his voice beginning to rise like mine. The tears increase with the rain.

“I’m sorry! I promised him, I promised but it was no use!” I cry, Tae looking at me with concern. 

“Promised who? Promised what?” He asks, urgency peaking with each syllable.

“Your father!” I finally let out, and Tae’s eyes widen.

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“I w-was on the bus. I rode the bus that day, I saw everything. I-I tried to help but I couldn’t. It was such a mess, metal, your father’s injuries, I couldn’t help. I was there, promising him he would be ok, that he would get through this, but I lied! He’s laying in that new grave! I couldn’t help and I’m… I’m so sorry…” I cry, my voice dropping to a whisper.

“Everything makes sense now…” He says letting go of me. He looks down and plays with a ring on his finger. I’m confused, and he speaks again almost reading my mind. 

“My father,” he continues, “His last words were about you. I was there with my mom when he passed. He wanted me to make amends with you, and I couldn’t figure it out why. Never would I have thought you were actually there with him in the accident trying to help…” 

“I was there! I tried and tried but I couldn’t. They pulled me away and the next thing I knew I was in a hospital room, they had to sedate me,” I say, taking a step closer to him. “I’m so sorry, I tried so hard…”

He slowly looks up, and I see that tears stain his face now. It’s pouring now, the wind and rain deafening around us. His hair is dripping as he looks up at me. He takes a step closer to me and hugs me tightly. I’m frozen for a moment but then hug him back. He’s sobbing on my shoulder and I’m doing the same. He lost his father, I could never imagine what he was going through. We stay like this, sobbing in the rain for a while, and slowly he pulls away.

“Thank you,” he says, and I look him in the eye and nod. “I don’t deserve you, I’m so sorry for what I did Jungkook, you have to know this,” he says. I look into his eyes, searching for something, but there is nothing to find. All I see is sadness, nothing more, nothing less. I nod and feel almost a release. I breathe and take a step back.

We look at each other one more time in acceptance, seeming to have gotten past this ordeal, the demons that lived inside of us. We slowly turn and walk back towards the cemetery in silence. We both keep our eyes glued to our feet, letting the rain wash everything away. 

I walked away back towards my house, and him towards his, knowing that I would never meet someone like Kim Taehyung. No one would know what we went through, what we felt. I guess no one would understand what at happened at the funeral except us, but I guess that was all that was necessary. We never spoke again.

I sit here now in my husband's arms, warmth radiating to my bones ten years later. The arms that helped built me up when I was at my weakest. Tae would always have a place in my heart, but I was at peace. I kiss Jimin and say goodnight, and watch the rain slowly descend down the windowpane and fall asleep. Nothing but peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey all! This is it! :D

This whole thing was just going to be the first chapter, but bc of you guys, my supportive readers, I continued, and it all lead to this.

Thank you so much to those who have subscribed, read, commented, and upvoted, it means to world to me

I hope you like the ending, compared to the originally intended one for chapter 1 ;)

Hope you all enjoyed

~With lots of love,

Rin