I hear a crash on the other end of the line.

What was I thinking? I wake up and within the hour I feel the need to call him? He probably is annoyed and threw the phone away. My thoughts are intercepted by him clearing his throat on the other line.

“Jungkook?” I hear him whisper. I can hear him crying, and I tear up too. “Yeah..”

“I’ll be right there give me ten minutes please.” I hear him say, and then I hear a click. He hung up before I could answer. What did he have to cry about? Why does he want to come here for? 

I can’t help but sit there and cry. I can’t even wipe my own tears, both my arms are in a cast. I was thankful for the voice command option on my phone. Now I had nothing to do but sit here and think. I made my parents leave a little while ago to get some sleep. I really did not want to face them. Their eyes were clouded with sadness, but more so disappointment. It’s all I ever was, all I am. I can’t believe I survived the jump.

I close my eyes and try and remember falling, but I can’t. I don’t remember the impact. Nothing. All I have are these broken bones and no will to live. I still don’t know why I even called him, and now I’m stuck with my thoughts until he shows up.

I think I fell asleep when I hear a soft know at the door. It’s creaking open and I see Tae’s face peering in. His hair is in so many directions, and he looks in bad shape too. 

He’s soon fully in the room and closes the door behind him. He looks at me with such disbelief, as though he cannot believe I’m alive. 

“You called me…” He says, his deep voice cracking.

“Yeah, I did. Sorry, guess I hit my head pretty hard to make me want to talk to you.” I say cooly. I can’t help but be bitter, he left my heart for ruin, he deserved it. 

He sniffs and looks at his feet. He stays like this, seeming to think about what to say.  “You can call me anytime you want Jungkook,” He finally says.

“Why, so you can insult me personally?” I reply. He flinches, and I’m taken back. He is the one hurt? I don’t see him flinging himself off cliffs.

“I-I…” He stutters. 

“You what?”

“I’m so sorry. I can try and explain myself but you probably don’t want to listen, and I don’t blame you. If you want me to leave, just tell m-me…” He gets out. I’m amused. What explanation did he have? Was there any real excuse for what he did?

“What kind of explanation could you give to me to even begin to try and make what you did be even remotely acceptable? You ‘accidentally’ talked about me behind my back? Crushed my heart and feeling with no remorse for fun?” I breathe, every word filled with hurt. I see tears streaming down his face.

“Y-you don’t understand, but I don’t either, to be honest. I hate myself for what I did, for what I made you do.” He sobs. I stay silent to let him talk, I really have nothing to say. I nod at him to keep going. He pulls over a chair and almost does it in a way like he’s done it before. Had he? Did he visit me?

“I know how hard our breakup was, the circumstances, it was something neither of us wanted, but we didn’t have a choice. I thought I could manage, that I had you and that was all that mattered, but I couldn’t be grateful for it.” He starts. He stops for a minute to think of what to say next and starts again. 

“Every time you smiled, it broke my heart more, every time you cried it did the same. I couldn't do the things we used to do anymore, and I couldn’t help but get so frustrated with it. I started to resent myself, and honestly you about it a little bit. I know it was wrong, but I was disliking you for being so wonderful. Why could I not be with you? The thought of you being with someone else killed me, I didn’t want to see that happen. I thought it would be better for you to resent me and stay away so I wouldn’t be around to see it.” He says. I’m honestly lost for words, I don’t know what to say.

“If this is true, there were better ways to do it. You didn’t have to be so cold! You could have just told me you did not want to be friends, you didn’t have to be this way. You oversold this whole thing. You talked about me behind my back, it hurt so bad to have someone who said they loved me to say such cold things about me. You don’t understand how I felt. You never will.” I say. I’m trying to hold back tears because I have no idea what to feel anymore.

“I know, I know… I really have nothing to defend myself with. I was mean and bitter, and it was wrong. I can’t believe I treated you that way, drove you to-“ He stops, and looks over me. He breaks into sobs and buries his head in his hands. A part of my heart swells. No matter what happened, the Tae I loved was still somewhere in there, and I still loved him. The boy who loved me and gave me all these memories we share.

“Breath Tae, just breath,” I say in a softer tone. I hate watching people cry, I’m so sympathetic. He takes a few labored breaths and looks at me. “I’m so sorry.”

He abruptly gets up to leave the room. “Wait!” I shout. He turns to me. “What?”

“You’re going to drop all of this on me and just leave? Again?” I whisper. He closes the door again and goes to the chair.

“You didn’t seem to have anything to say, I didn’t want to just sit here crying, I mean look at you. You’re basically in a body cast, you were hurt more, and you’ve barely shed a tear. What’s the purpose of me being here?” He says, then covers his face again.

“You treated me like trash and you finally talk to me and explain after all this time, and you expect me to respond right away? I need at least a few minutes to process Tae.” I say. I feel bad for my harsh tone from earlier, but even with these confessions, the hurt is still there. “You could have talked to me Tae, we could have worked this out, or cut ties the right way, there was no need for what happened. All I did was love you.” The last words come out in a choked whisper, I’m crying now too. I can’t help but let it go. I wanted to let him see my tears, my pain that had only been heard by my bed’s ears.

He finishes rubbing his eyes and looks at me again. His eyes blue eyes are piercing, and look filled with guilt. “I know, I know… I would take it back if I could, I would have tried harder Kookie, I should have tried! Getting rid of you in my life was the worst thing I’ve ever done, I would give anything to have you back.” 

I don’t know what to think. Should I give the boy I once loved a second chance? Or turn away the cold one who had never made me feel so alone?