Seungwan likes to get away sometimes. There’s a place she goes when everything overwhelms her and she needs an escape.

It’s a quiet little cafe, hidden in a graffitied alley and only frequented by regulars. It has two floors and Seungwan always sits on the second. There’s an enormous window that overlooks the nearby crossing.

Some of the people crossing look down when they walk and Seungwan’s sure she knows why. They’re checking their timers and hoping that they’ve stopped. Day after day, people cross and people look down.

On the days when she’s sad, she’ll order a hot chocolate with little marshmallows and watch the people go by.

Today she’s sitting with a slice of cake and waiting for Seulgi. Her roommate had messaged earlier, said she had urgent news and that they needed to meet as soon as possible. She’d sounded so excited on the phone that Seungwan can’t wait to hear what’s gotten her so cheery.

It is said that originally humans had four arms, four legs and a head with two faces, that they were punished by the gods and split into two. The only thing that remains of the other half of your soul is a series of numbers: a timer that counts down to when your soul will again be complete.

The timer stops when your souls become one.

Soulmates can be anyone. Soulmates can be anything. Platonic, romantic, happy, tragic, it’s predestined but somehow you still get to choose. Your soulmate can be your closest friend, your lover, even your worst enemy.

Some let their timers guide their lives and others let their lives guide their timers.

People tend to  assume that soulmates are their intended romantic partner. The popular belief is when someone falls in love with you and you fall in love with them, your timers stop.

But that’s the popular belief. The truth is that only a small, small percentage of timers actually stop. People can hope and pray and try to make their timers stop when they think they’ve found the one, because they believe that's what works. 

Seungwan believes that the old legends are true; that the timer stops when your soulmate accepts your piece of soul.

Some people don’t have timers and Seungwan thinks that they’re the luckiest. They can fall in love with whoever they want, however they want, whenever they want. There’s no expectation looming over their relationships and no deadline to meet.

She's had friends who are certain that they’ve found the one. They get to know one another, they grow closer, they date, all with one eye on their timers. Some work out and some don’t. It’s still love.

Some timers stop and some keep going. People say the saddest part is when one stops and the other continues to count down. Seungwan disagrees. It’s still love. People fall in love in different ways.

She believes that timer stops when your soul becomes one. She believes that in order to stop a timer, you must be be loved completely. Your soulmate needs to see your soul in its entirety, they need to understand your mind and accept all of you before your timer stops.

She thinks that soulmates and timers are a far too romanticised a notion. People wax poetic about hearts and souls, unerring love and happy endings, always beautiful and never tragic.

She supposes she’s more pessimistic than most. People say she’s too dark, a little bit too sad. She’s just being realistic. Humans are imperfect and their souls are flawed. Timers don’t stop because people are fearful of baring their souls, of letting others in. Timers don’t stop because people fall for something that isn’t there.

Seungwan doesn’t want to fall; she won’t fall for the idealised image of anyone. She’s going to explore every nook and cranny, every sharp edge and crack, until she understands their soul completely.

Just because one timer stops and the other keeps going, doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved. Some souls are more complicated than others; some people aren’t necessary more difficult to love, it’s just that it takes longer, that’s all. Seungwan knows that she’s always been hard to love.

“Guess who!” There’s suddenly warm hands covering her eyes and all she sees is black.

“Seulgi, I know it’s you.” It’s always you.

Seungwan knows everything about Seulgi; knows that her soul dances. It glides and sways and snaps, flows into a thousand different forms, to a thousand different songs and she wants to spend an eternity learning about them.

“You’re right! It is I! Kang Seulgi!” There’s giggling and shuffling and then the adorable girl takes the seat opposite her, eyes crinkling into a smile.

“So, mind telling me what you’re so excited about?” Seungwan enjoys talking to Seulgi. Her face is always so expressive and her nose crinkles when she laughs and she’s always moving her hands and she’s just the cutest.

“I saw my ex today and she wants to catch up! Do you think it’s her? Do you think she made my timer stop? Do you think she finally loves me now?!” Seulgi eyes are so hopeful and her grin is so bright. Seungwan hates that it hurts.

“You’ll have to meet up with her and find out, don’t you?” Seungwan pulls into an imitation of a smile and hopes that it’s convincing enough.

Seulgi’s always been a romantic. Her soulmate is her happy ending and she won’t stop until she finds them.

Her last relationship had devastated her.

Seungwan had found her crying by the lake and that’s how they started growing closer. They’d been roomates for a few months, they even shared a dance class at college, more than casual acquaintances and less than friends. Seulgi had looked so sad and small, hiding her face in her sweater, shoulders shaking with unseen tears that Seungwan just had to take care of her.

She’d spent the last few months piecing Seulgi back together. Seulgi was sad and she wanted to wallow in unhappiness and Seungwan let her. She made sure that the broken-hearted girl got out all her misery and anger and frustration, so that she’ll be able to heal.

Seungwan dragged her outside to explore the city, introduced Seulgi to her circle of friends and made sure they ate at new places and tried fun things. Seulgi had been hurting, she’d lash out in anger and grief and Seungwan had understood.

It was raw and it was painful, but they endured. Sometime along the way, Seulgi’s timer had stopped. Seungwan had known then, what she knows now. She knows Seulgi, knows her too well. She knows Seulgi completely.

Seulgi knows her. Seulgi understands her. But she’s not completely sure of Seungwan’s soul.

When they finish catching up, Seulgi leaves first and Seungwan looks out the window. Seulgi crosses and she does not look down.      

Seungwan orders a hot chocolate and watches the people go by.

Sometimes a timer stops and another keeps going. It doesn’t mean that she isn’t loved, it just means it takes longer. Seungwan knows she is hard to love desperately hopes that if she waits long enough, her timer will stop.