Life, as they all say, has many definitions. There is no standard definition to it. How you live it is how you define it. I don’t think anyone has actually found the true meaning of life. People could spend an eternity pondering upon it, but they’ll never get their head around it. Truth is, life is purely about breathing air in and out of your lungs. That’s it. It can’t get any deeper than that. Human life is nothing but a cycle—you get born, you utter your first word, you study, graduate, work, perhaps get married and have children, get old, and then die. Generally, that’s how it is. What I don’t understand is that, what is the use of all of these? What’s the use of squandering all those years of studying to get a job and live a life of fortune, just to die in the end? I mean, you wouldn’t even be able to take anything with you in the afterlife, which, is only a fantasy created by people who dread death. You live to die. How ironic.

I flinched as I remembered I had to take out the trash, snapping me out of my thoughts. I slipped out of bed and stretched. I actually haven’t been vertical since I awoke. I shuffled off to the kitchen to gather the trash. There haven’t been much lately since I don’t move around. I headed to the door leading me outside the unit. I walked past 3 doors before I reached the stairs. I live in an apartment building yielding 12 units, 4 units on every floor. Mine is on second floor, Room 204. I finally found my way outside and tossed the garbage bag in the bin. I headed straight back to my unit.

“Good morning Grandma.” I greeted as I walked past a photo frame of my grandma positioned on a shelf. I came back to my room and rested on the bed, my two hands buried under my head.

 I sighed.

“Should I go to school today?” I asked in the emptiness of the room. I thought for a few seconds and then shrugged. “Nah.” I’ll just sleep again. I shut my eyes closed.

I woke up feeling dizzy and extra tired. I sat up groaning. Blinded by the brightness of the day, I rubbed the back of my index finger on my right eye. As I adjust my vision to the light, I checked the time on the clock located on my bedside drawer – 12:04PM. I rolled out of bed, hair unkempt.  I walked to the kitchen and took out a bag of cookies from the shelf. It took me eight bites to decide I was already full. Well, I’m hungry, but I don’t have the appetite for it, or for anything at all.

On a whim, I decided to head to the rooftop. The rooftop, which is already empty as it was, felt emptier coming back here for the first time after grandma died. The brightness of the sun scarcely allowed me to see anything, but it couldn’t stop my urge to reach the edge. My gaze fell at the view from below. There’s really nothing to see here, just a line of cars and people passing by. I watched each one of them as they disappear from my sight, like how my loved ones disappeared from my life. The sky turned a shade darker and I felt a chill breeze bounced on my skin.

A stupid idea suddenly hit me. I traversed the barrier and stood at the very edge of the rooftop. I looked down, leaning against the barrier, contemplating to jump.

I faced up. I’m scared.

Well, who isn’t scared of dying anyways? But if there’s anything scarier than dying, it’s living. Still, I hesitated. I don’t think I have the temerity to do this. Well, at least not yet.

I sighed loudly.

“You can’t be serious.” A voice coming from behind startled me. I looked over my shoulder. A girl, probably close to my age, with long black straight hair, covering almost the side of her face, thin pointed lips, sharp eyes, was staring widely at me. She seemed unfamiliar. I haven’t seen her in this building before. I acted unsurprised.

“Are you seriously going for it? Well, if you are, I’m not stopping you. Go ahead,” she goaded.

I gave out a puzzled look. What’s up with her? I couldn’t think of a reply.

“It’s funny how people don’t realize how precious their life is that they just throw it away when some people struggle just to add days to their numbered life.” she spoke firmly. I looked back in front. My lips curled up with disdain.

“Why? Are you one of those people with a numbered life?” I asked.

“Yes.”

 My lips went straight, surprised by what she said. I would seem like a loser if I don’t face her so I crossed over the barrier and motioned to her, sneering.

 “So you mean, if people don’t throw their life away, it will save people like you?” I took a pause. “It won’t, right? It’s the same as people who are starving to death still wouldn’t be able to eat even if people don’t waste their food.”

 “That’s not the point. What I mean is, you’re lucky that you have the rest of your life to live while I don’t,” she explained.

“Then why don’t you live mine for me? Live it since you’re acting like you have a control over my life. Mind your own business, will you?” I rolled my eyes at her, walked past her and reached for the door.

I came back to my unit seething with anger. I sat on my bed, leaning against the wall. I bit my nail as I think of the encounter with that girl. It doesn’t seem like she’s lying. Although she’s pretty, she looks pale and frail. She’s too thin for her height too. She might even weigh less than me even though she’s taller. I shrugged. I stretched my arms upward then placed both my hands on my nape.

 “Well, not my business.”

 I spent the rest of the day whistling a tune and staring at the walls, and sometimes I would burst into tears as I pine for my late Grandma. I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up from my sleep realizing I’m about to live another useless day.  I got up and did my business. I contemplated whether to eat or not. I was rummaging inside the fridge when I heard a knock on the door.

I wondered who would come visit me so early in the morning. I don’t even have friends… oh yeah, I got one. I reached for the door and saw Dahyun, my only friend in school, smiling at me from ear to ear

. “Chaeyoung-ah! You haven’t been coming to school. I miss you.” she spoke as she hugged me, whining.

I broke away from the hug. “What are you doing here?” I asked, seeming like she’s not welcome to come in.

“Idiot! I’m your friend. I’m worried about you. You stopped coming to school after your grandma died so I came to check on you.”

Dahyun is that type of friend you would want to be