[CHAPTER 13]

“ Digging His Own Grave “

“How are you feeling?” Hongbin asked as he and Hakyeon was finishing up their dinner and putting away the dishes.

Hongbin placed his hands on Hakyeon’s cheeks which was starting to burn up.

“I told you to take care of yourself, didn’t I?” the younger sighed.

“Sorry,” Hakyeon sighed along with him. “I didn’t think I would actually get sick.”

“Do you want to stay here tonight so I can take care of you?”

“T-take care of me?” Hakyeon blushed.

Hakyeon couldn’t imagine being alone with Hongbin overnight and his imagination would run wild. It was safer for his heart if he just went home instead.

“I-it’s okay,” Hakyeon stuttered. “I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

Hakyeon nodded.

Hakyeon didn’t expect his body to give out the moment exams were over. He’s worked so hard the past few months in order to prepare for the exams as well as tutoring his students. He was alright the entire time but it’s as if his body knew when to shut down, Hakyeon became sick.

Autumn was slowly disappearing and all the leaves have already fallen. The weather have gotten a lot chillier and so, Hakyeon had to be extra careful that his condition doesn’t get any worst. It wouldn’t just be a problem for him but also Hongbin who has been looking out for him.

Despite not knowing how to cook, Hongbin have been helping out during dinner much more often now that Hakyeon was sick. The older could barely keep himself standing for too long without feeling dizzy, so he found it was best to just help make dinner.

Hongbin has never prepared a meal for himself or anyone during his life and for the first time ever, he found himself looking up cookbooks or videos on the internet of how to cook for beginners. His cooking was questionable but maybe because Hakyeon was sick that the older couldn’t tell the difference between what tasted good or what didn’t.

* * * * * *

After a long day of work, Hakyeon finally got to go home. He let out a deep relief that he could finally sit down and relax.

“Hyung, are you sure you don’t need to take time off? You really look pale,” Sanghyuk commented.

“I’ll be fine,” the older insisted.

Sanghyuk wasn’t really sure if the older was actually fine or simply bluffing. He kept a close eye on the older in case something happens.

Hakyeon patted the younger on the back with all his strength.

“I’m fine,” he repeated once more with a smile.

Of course, he really did think he was fine. He’s been getting taken care of at home and while at work. Everyone around him was worried, his colleagues, his students and Hongbin who is always waiting for him next door. How can Hakyeon not be fine when so many people are looking out for him? He hasn’t felt such care and warmth in so long that he can’t help but be moved to tears whenever he thinks about it.

But as he was walking home from work and taking his keys out from his bag, he felt his head spinning a full three-sixty and eventually, everything became black…

* * * * * *

“Yeah, he’s going to have to call in sick for the next few days. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.”

Hakyeon could hear someone talking nearby and though he still felt nauseous, he tried to get up. As he opened his eyes, he saw a familiar ceiling, a familiar aroma much like the plants in his own room…

His room!

Hakyeon shot up and looked around. He realized that he was in his very own bed and staring at his own desk and shelves. He turned behind to see the pots of plants in his room and the same curtains he had installed on his windows.

He really was in his room but how?

“Finally awake huh?” Hongbin said as he came out from the kitchen. “You scared the crap out of me when I came back and saw you fainted at the door.

“How?” Hakyeon felt his voice weak and his head still hurting from a fever.

Why are we in my room? Why is Hongbin inside my apartment? He started to feel panicked.

Hongbin has never been in Hakyeon’s room, it has always been Hongbin’s apartment for a very specific reason.

“I carried you back in, that’s how. I already called your school to let them know you’ll be staying home for a couple of days until you get better,” Hongbin informed him. “Seriously, you never listen to me until things get worst, do you?”

“How long have you been here?” Hakyeon questions as he could care less about his fever at the moment.

“Huh? It’s been a few hours I guess,” Hongbin was rather confused.

“Few… did you see it?” Hakyeon’s voice trembled.

“See what?”

“N-nothing… It’s…”

Hongbin sighed and put Hakyeon lying back in bed.

“You need rest. Serious rest,” Hongbin demanded. “I’m making some soup but it’ll take awhile for the broth to taste anywhere good so get some sleep and I’ll call you up when it’s ready. Okay?”

“O-okay…”

Hakyeon was worried and almost unwilling to close his eyes once more. As he slowly drifted back to slumber, he couldn’t take his eyes off of his bookshelf.

The photo frame that stood on the shelf.

* * * * * *

As Hongbin turned off the stove, he was getting ready to call the older up. But as he walked into the bedroom, he couldn’t take his eyes off of the shelf inside. It wasn’t the hundreds of books that grabbed his attention but rather, it was the photo placed so preciously there.

You still can’t forget about him, can you? He thought.

He knew that the reason why Hakyeon have been refusing to let him inside of the apartment was because of this very photo. The photo that the older have been keeping for himself and away from everyone else. A photo of him and another.

Hongbin was rather annoyed to actually see the other person next to Hakyeon though.

“So this is how you look like…”

He held up the photo and was rather irritated to find Hakyeon looking so happy next to someone else. It was a smile that Hakyeon have yet to really show to Hongbin. Despite the fact that they have been going out for the past few months, Hakyeon was still shy around Hongbin.

Hongbin has known about this person’s existence for way too long as he has read everything there is to know about Cha Hakyeon but it is the first time for him to actually see the person face to face. Well, at least from the photo.

He’s known about how Hakyeon and this person met, what they’ve been through and all the emotions Hakyeon felt when that person left him. He changed who Hakyeon was and made a huge impact on Hakyeon’s life and as a person. It was also thanks to this person that Hakyeon was able to fulfill his dreams and chase after his goals. But it was also because of this person that Hakyeon could no longer stay in his hometown…

What’s so good about you when all you did was leave him in such a state? And you call yourself his-

“Don’t look at that!” Hakyeon shouted and fell off his bed as he tried to stop Hongbin from looking at the photo.

“Ya! What are you doing? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Hongbin rushed straight to Hakyeon’s side and helped the older back up.

“Did you see it? Did you look at it? It’s nothing, I swear!” the older tried to explain even though Hongbin didn’t even question.

“I did see it. But that’s not the problem here. You’re still sick and you need to stay in bed,” Hongbin calmly placed Hakyeon back in bed. “I’ll get you some soup since you’ve awaken. Wait here.”

Hakyeon couldn’t stop his body from shaking. It wasn’t because of his fever or because of him being sick but because he felt guilty. Guilt that he still placed so much value in a photo of someone who was no longer here. He felt guilty about the fact that he’s hidden his past from his current lover, who should have every right to know about him.

About Cha Hakyeon, himself.

But Hongbin did not question the older despite Hakyeon waiting to be interrogated. He was guilty as charged and was willing to reveal everything as long as the younger bugged him about it. Yet, the younger never said a thing. Not once was the photo asked about and not once did Hongbin ask about the person standing next to Hakyeon in the picture.

* * * * * *

Nearing the end of Autumn, was the celebration of another season.

Minhyuk invited Hakyeon as well as Eunji, Sanghyuk and Hongbin to the festivals. It was a good celebration for their hard work and a celebration of Hakyeon’s recovery.

Hongbin wasn’t so sure why he was invited in the first place but Minhyuk insisted that Hakyeon brought a long his ‘boyfriend’, so Hongbin came along.

The five of them walked through the crowds of people and welcomed by the lights of the festival. There was many food stands and games to be enjoyed. The entire venue was happy and bright.

“Is this your first time in these types of festivals?” Minhyuk asked Hongbin.

“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me too,” Hongbin said.

“No problem! Plus, we’ve been dying to meet you in person. We always see you picking up Hakyeon but he’s never introduced us to you formally.”

“Haha. I should’ve greeted you guys myself. Thanks for taking care of Hakyeon for me.”

Hakyeon nudged shyly at Hongbin as if the two were exchanging greetings between a son-in-law and mother.

Hongbin only smiled.

Everyone was enjoying the night and Hongbin’s company except maybe for one particular person…

“What?” Hongbin asked as he watched Hakyeon go off with Minhyuk and Eunji to play some games.

“Nothing,” Sanghyuk averted his gaze even though it was obvious he’s been glaring at Hongbin for the longest time since they’ve come to the festival.

“If you have something to say, say it. Oh wait, it’s because you can’t so you won’t huh?” Hongbin smirked.

“What?!” Sanghyuk felt annoyed. “Just so you know, I still don’t a-“

“Approve of my relationship with Hakyeon, right? Gosh, you’re annoying. How many times do you have to repeat yourself? I get it okay and I don’t care.”

Sanghyuk tried hard not to lose his temper at Hongbin but it was hard. Just the sight of Lee Hongbin made him angry.

“If you like him, you should’ve confessed when you had the chance,” Hongbin said boldly.

“W-what?” Sanghyuk stuttered.

“Only someone as oblivious as Hakyeon would not realize that you have feelings for him. It’s so obvious that you’re jealous. You should’ve confessed when you had the chance.”

“It’s… it’s not that simple. It’s not just that… I…” Sanghyuk’s voice fell apart.

Hongbin looked at the latter and almost couldn’t help but sympathize with the poor child.

Sanghyuk didn’t simply look up to Hakyeon as an older brother or role model, but something much more than that. Yet, he knew he had no chance since the beginning. Hakyeon’s heart was never his to begin with as the older’s heart have always been with someone else.

First it was that person and now, it was Lee Hongbin.

Sanghyuk has lost since the beginning and he never had the chance.

Hongbin smacked the latter who stopped arguing all of a sudden out of sympathy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll look after Hakyeon for you,” Hongbin couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re really annoying you know that?” Sanghyuk was still irritated at Hongbin but he couldn’t really get too angry at the latter either since Hongbin obviously did look out for Hakyeon when the older needed the care the most.

* * * * * *

Hakyeon looked out into the distance as he saw Hongbin and Sanghyuk talking to themselves.

What could they be talking about? he wondered.

This was the first time that Sanghyuk and Hongbin have met yet it seems as if they were already familiar with one another. Hakyeon couldn’t help but feel a bit… jealous.

I wonder if they’re talking about me… he swallowed nervously.

After grabbing some food with Minhyuk and Eunji, the three of them returned to meet up with the other two. They walked around the festival a little more and chattered happily amongst themselves.

Soon, the fireworks would start.

“Com’on guys! Let’s go before it starts!” Minhyuk shouted and ran off to the front to find a good spot for them to watch the fireworks.

“Wait up!” Eunji chased after him.

After finding a good spot to enjoy the fireworks, the five of them looked up into the sky amongst the crowds of people. It was a happy night for everyone and they were able to enjoy such a beautiful night together with friends.

As if the fireworks really calmed them and helped them relieve of their stress, everyone cheered happily that night.

While they watched the fireworks, Hakyeon couldn’t help but glance at Hongbin from time to time. Rather than being mesmerized by the beautiful lights and booming sounds, Hakyeon was more focused on the younger.

It felt so surreal for him to be seeing the fireworks and being here with Hongbin by his side. It almost felt like a relief for Hakyeon to have someone like Hongbin as his lover.

He couldn’t help but tear up just looking at the younger’s face.

Hongbin turned towards Hakyeon and noticed the tears. He didn’t say a word but wiped Hakyeon’s tears away. Then, he smiled.

Should I tell him about me? About my past? About everything that happened back home and that person who was in the photo with me? Hakyeon started to think. What if he hates me once he finds out? What if he leaves me and doesn’t want me anymore?

After the festival was over, Hakyeon and Hongbin went their separate ways from the others. As they were walking home, Hongbin hummed to himself rather happily while thinking back at the music that was played during the festival. The tunes that he couldn’t get out of his head.

Hakyeon on the other hand, couldn’t help but feel nervous around the younger.

I wonder if Sanghyuk told Hongbin about me earlier? He suddenly thought. Why didn’t Hongbin ask me anything? Wouldn’t he want to know who that person was?

“Are you cold?” Hongbin asked the older who was walking a bit slowly than him.

Hakyeon shook his head as he was still in his own thoughts.

He hasn’t said anything about the picture… does he not care? You would care wouldn’t you about the person you love being with someone else? That’s just a normal thing right? Why didn’t you ask me? Hakyeon continued.

“Hakyeon?” Hongbin stopped after realizing that the older was walking further and further behind him. “Is something wrong?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hakyeon said out of nowhere.

“Huh?”

“What did you and Sanghyuk talk about during the festival?”

“Nothing, why?”

“I…” Hakyeon bite his lower lips nervously. “You haven’t said anything or ask me anything about… that photo.”

“That photo?”

“The one in my room!” Hakyeon suddenly raised his voice which shocked the younger.

Hongbin definitely did not expect this.

“Why don’t you ever ask me anything? You’re never curious about where I came from or even once mentioned about wanting to know my family. Aren’t you curious? Don’t you want to know?” Hakyeon said everything that was on his mind.

“I do but that’s your privacy isn’t it?” Hongbin said.

It’s not that Hongbin didn’t want to know… but it’s more because he already knows all about it.

“Anyways, this isn’t something to be so upset about,” Hongbin tried to calm the older down.

“You’re always so care-free when it comes to our relationship. Wouldn’t you want to know more about me and who that person was in the photo?!”

Hakyeon decided to dig his own grave.

“I always wanted to know more about you and how your family or friends are. I want to know everything there is about you and understand you better because I love you. But you… you never ask. Not once, ever!”

“I did. Before we started going out but you didn’t want to talk about it remember?”

“That’s- that’s because we were still strangers,” Hakyeon argued back. “We’re different now aren’t we? We’re lovers now right? So why aren’t you curious about me? Or do you not love me?”

Hongbin sighed at Hakyeon’s sudden outburst.

“I do love you but I just… didn’t think it was right for me to pry into matters you don’t feel like revealing. I believe that you would eventually tell me yourself without me asking. Of course, I’m curious about your past and about that person in the photo. I was a bit jealous when I saw it but that doesn’t make it right for me to question you when you’re not ready,” Hongbin tried to reason with the older.

He was trying to keep his calm rather than revealing the fact that he’s already known everything since the beginning. It was hard to keep up with his façade to be honest and there were times when he’s nearly revealed himself in front of others. He had to watch out and make sure no one knows about it and make sure no one knows that he knows everything already.

“I…” Hakyeon finally decided to calm down. He didn’t think he would suddenly lash out at the younger. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Hongbin hugged Hakyeon tightly and ruffled his hair. “I should be the one apologizing.”

A/N: I apologize if updates are a bit slower than usual. Been really busy with work and also moving preparations. I have two more weeks before I leave and much to pack and finish before I do so please be patient with me. Thank you for understanding!