[CHAPTER 9]

“ Fallen for the Jinx “

A day has passed. A few other days passed and then, another week went by.

Hongbin went back overseas and Hakyeon has no idea when the younger will return.

He sat on his bed and leaned against the walls, thinking about the fact that Hongbin’s apartment was just right next to his.

Somehow, his life has turned into silence once more. He went back to eating alone in his own room and no one to talk with after work. Is it strange to suddenly think that he wasn’t used to this lifestyle anymore? Not too long ago, Hakyeon was completely fine with shutting himself in and not wanting the company of anyone. He wanted silence and peace more than anything because he didn’t want anyone to enter his life and know his past.

But since Hongbin went away, Hakyeon has been going out with Minhyuk for drinks more often just so that he wasn’t alone for too long. He appreciates how happy and encouraging Minhyuk was as a friend but it just wasn’t the same as when Hongbin was around.

“Do you like him?” Minhyuk suddenly asked one night as the two were at the bar, drinking.

“W-what?” Hakyeon spurted out his beer and almost choked.

“You like that kid right? Lee Hongbin?” Minhyuk was rather straightforward that Hakyeon wasn’t prepared to answer such a question.

“I… I don’t know. Plus, we're both guys. Remember?”

“So?”

Hakyeon felt gloomy as he thought more and more about Hongbin’s missing presence. But just as Minhyuk had noticed, Hakyeon also realized that the feelings he’s hidden inside for so long have finally emerged once more.

He really did fall in love again. How long has it been since his previous relationship?

Hakyeon occasionally passed by the bookstore in hopes to see Hongbin’s return but day after day, he was only left with disappointment.

Just exactly how far did Hakyeon fall for Hongbin? And since when did he begin to fall?

*  *  *  *  *  *

Hakyeon went to work as usual and just as he was walking towards his next class, he heard a bunch of his students chattering about something. He didn’t mean to listen in on their conversation but he couldn’t help it as he suddenly heard the name ‘Hongbin’ show up in the students’ conversation.

“I really miss Hongbin-oppa,” one of the girls sighed in disappointment.

“When do you think he’ll be back?” her friend asked.

“I don’t know. He only placed a piece of paper in front of the bookstore saying that he’ll be away temporarily,” another joined in.

The three girls all sighed at the same time.

“And just when we were thinking about confessing too,” another said.

Confess? To who? To Hongbin? Hakyeon gulped as he continued to eavesdrop at his students’ conversation. The moment he heard the words ‘confession’, he couldn’t help but feel unsettled and jealous at the same time.

He peeked a bit over to see how his students looked like. They were petite, delicate type of girls that would be perfect for someone like Hongbin. Hakyeon knew he would have absolutely no chance…

W-wait, what the hell am I thinking of? A chance… why would I … with Hongbin? Hakyeon tried to shake his thoughts out of his mind.

But he knew he couldn’t. He wasted most of his day at work thinking about Hongbin and the impossible relationship he might have with someone like Hongbin. He sighed again and again until he reached the teacher’s lounge after classes to see a bunch of teachers gathered together in the room.

“What’s going on?” Hakyeon focused back on the situation to see what was the commotion all about.

“Oh, Hakyeonie!” Minhyuk waved him to come join them, “this is our new practicum teacher. Come meet him.”

“Practicum teacher?” Hakyeon asked as he walked closer.

A tall, broad shoulder young man stood up amongst the teachers and bowed.

“It’s been a long time,” the young man smiled at Hakyeon. “Hakyeon-hyung.”

“S-sanghyuk? You’re… you’re Han Sanghyuk?”

Hakyeon approached even closer in a hurry to confirm the familiar face the young man had. Indeed, it was a familiar face, one that Hakyeon hasn’t seen in many years.

“Why are you here?” Hakyeon asked as he saw how grown Sanghyuk have become.

“I’m going to be starting my practicum tomorrow. I’m so glad I’m in the same school as you, hyung,” Sanghyuk said.

“You’re going to be a teacher?”

“Mhmm. Just like you!”

“Wait, wait! Hold up.” Minhyuk stopped the two’s reunion. “You two know each other?”

“Yes. Hakyeon-hyung and I used to be neighbors when we lived in Changwon,” Sanghyuk answered.

Why now... why are you here? Just when I thought I could move on...

“Hakyeon?” Eunji noticed her friend’s sudden silence.

It wasn’t because Hakyeon wasn’t happy to see an old friend but because Sanghyuk reminded him once more of the things he was trying to forget. Just as he thought it was time to move on, his past came back to haunt him once more.

How long has it been since that time? He’s been desperately holding onto a memory for so long and even though he tried to forget, this happened once more. As if fragments of his past flashed before his eyes just when he thought his life has finally changed after meeting Hongbin…

Ah, that’s right. Hongbin.

I can’t… there’s no way I can fall in love with him. I shouldn’t. He thought.

Sanghyuk officially started his practicum at Hakyeon’s school and often sought out Hakyeon in order to reminisce about the past or ask for advices since Hakyeon also went to the same school for when he was doing his practicum.

It wasn’t exactly the younger’s fault but Hakyeon almost wished Sanghyuk wasn’t teaching at the same school. Why did he have to meet him once more? Meeting Sanghyuk made him remember things he didn’t want to and Sanghyuk knows about Hakyeon’s past. The younger knows all there is to know about what happened to Hakyeon when they were still living in Changwon.

“Hyung!” Sanghyuk came speed walking towards Hakyeon through the hallways.

“What is it?” Hakyeon said in a cold tone accidently. It wasn’t really his intention to, but it just came out that way the moment he saw the younger’s face.

“I was hoping you can help me on my studies for the practicum. I don’t really know what to write for our report.”

Not only was Sanghyuk teaching at the same school as Hakyeon but also because the two of them knew each other, their principal decided to have Hakyeon become Sanghyuk’s mentor during the practicum. Hakyeon wasn’t very pleased to be honest.

Hakyeon let out a sigh and feeling rather annoyed that he was stuck with such a task. He really shouldn’t be annoyed at Sanghyuk though, since the younger was a kind and good kid but he couldn’t find it in himself to just let go of the fact that the younger might say something he shouldn’t.

“Hakyeon-hyung? Are you okay?” Sanghyuk waved at Hakyeon who was zoning out in the middle of their tutoring.

“Huh? Uh, yeah. I’m fine,” Hakyeon lied.

“I’m honestly so happy for you hyung.”

“What?”

“Your dream came true didn’t it? You’ve always wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid. You used to help me with my studies and tutor me remember? This is like the perfect job for you,” Sanghyuk smiled and said with good intentions.

Hakyeon nodded.

“I’m sure that person will be happy to hear that you’ve really become a teacher,” Sanghyuk said.

Hakyeon was at a loss for words. That person… he prayed to not be suddenly reminded about his past. It wasn’t because Hakyeon resented that person, in fact, he was thankful for everything the other has done for him. If it wasn’t because of that person, Hakyeon wouldn’t have achieved his dream as a teacher after all. But at the same time, Hakyeon was held back by his past and unable to move forward.

“Sanghyuk-ah,” Hakyeon called out.

“Hmm?”

“About that person… about Changwon and my family, can you not mention it to anyone please? I don’t want anyone to know. I beg you,” the older pleaded suddenly.

“Hyung…” Sanghyuk could see the worries in Hakyeon’s eyes and how desperate the older was. “I understand. I won’t say anything, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

*  *  *  *  *  *

It took Hakyeon quite awhile to get used to the fact that Sanghyuk was back in his life. It took him a lot of getting used to and also trying to fix his attitude around the younger who was completely unaware and innocent with everything. All Sanghyuk wanted to do was support his role model and become a good teacher like Hakyeon was.

Except Hakyeon wasn’t so sure that he was a good role model for anyone at all. Aside from being at work, the Hakyeon his students didn’t know about, is actually much more lazy and introverted when alone. He liked his times alone and enjoyed the free time he had with doing absolutely nothing. But it’s true that he almost wished that someone was there to fill in the empty void at times and that someone he wished it was Hongbin.

He’s already lost count how many times he’s gone by the bookstore in hope for it to reopen once more or hope that he would hear the door next to his apartment open one day. But even after weeks of waiting and hoping, the younger still haven’t returned.

Hakyeon also had no way of contacting Hongbin who was overseas or ask anyone about the younger’s whereabouts because he had no knowledge about anything regarding the boy named Lee Hongbin.  Hakyeon found himself almost growing desperate to see the younger once more and he was so alone just sitting there in the darkness of his apartment.

Hakyeon got off the bus and was making his way to work, until he passed by a small newsstand on his way.

He saw a new release of a book, a comic book, sitting there in front of the store.

“Is this this month’s issue?” Hakyeon asked the merchant.

“Yes and the last copy,” the old man told him.

“I’ll get it,” Hakyeon said and took out his wallet.

The old man almost looked quite surprised to see a young man in a proper suit purchasing a comic book. It didn’t look like his style at all.

Of course, Hakyeon didn’t exactly purchase the book for his own sake but rather, he was thinking once more of Hongbin. Despite being the clerk of a vintage bookstore, Hakyeon have never once seen Hongbin read a single book in that store. Instead, the younger was more into reading comic books and this particular monthly series was something that Hongbin reads every month. Hakyeon felt obligated to purchase a copy of this month’s issue in case Hongbin returns. He didn’t want the younger to miss a single chapter while he went back home.

Hakyeon opened up the book and flipped the pages to see what was so interesting about the stories that Hongbin always read. The pages were filled with pictures that were black and white. Dialogues were written rather than narrated and the markings of each page made it seem as if their was actually movement on the pages. It was so different from what Hakyeon was used to but he couldn’t find it in himself to put the book down as he walked his way to work.

But as he chuckled through the stories, he felt a jab of pain through his chest.

“Hakyeon-hyung?” Sanghyuk saw a familiar person’s back and was rushing up to greet Hakyeon.

However, as Sanghyuk got closer and saw the expression on Hakyeon’s face, he panicked.

“Hyung? Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?” the younger grew worried.

“Huh? Sanghyuk?” Hakyeon stood there frozen and dumbfounded for a second as he grasped reality once more.

“You’re… crying,” the younger tells him.

I am? Hakyeon reached for his eyes and felt moisture streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t even know he was tearing up until the younger told him. What was he thinking?

“Sorry. I’m fine,” Hakyeon closed the book and told Sanghyuk so that the younger wouldn’t look so frightened.

“You sure?”

Hakyeon nodded weakly.

“Are you…” Sanghyuk swallowed, “are you thinking about that person?”

“That person…’’

Hakyeon was indeed thinking about Hongbin as he flipped through the comic book but as he saw the expression on Sanghyuk’s face, he knew that that person wasn’t Hongbin.

Hakyeon shook his head.

“No, I’m not thinking about that person at all. Sorry to have scared you. I think I’m just a bit stressed out,” he said.

Sanghyuk who promised not to mention about Hakyeon’s past could only believe in the older’s words and pretend that nothing was wrong. But he couldn’t help the fact that he needed to keep a close eye on Hakyeon after all.

Hakyeon was thinking about Hongbin but the person who Sanghyuk mentioned wasn’t Hongbin at all. The two haven’t met nor has Hakyeon told Sanghyuk about Hongbin’s existence either.

*  *  *  *  *  *

As Hakyeon was cleaning up his dishes after dinner, one of the drinking glasses fell onto the floor and shattered into many pieces. He stared at the shards and swallowed hard. It was as if it was a bad sign to something unimaginable...

Did something bad happen to him? Hakyeon thought as he bent over to pick up each and every single one of the shards. He stared at his calendar to count back at the days since he's last since Hongbin.

That’s when his fear started to grow. He had no idea of knowing Hongbin’s situation nor had any way to contact the younger either.

He knew he was in no position to be asking about Hongbin’s life or how the younger was doing but he was desperate to know. He couldn’t help think that something had happened to the younger and that was the reason why Hongbin was gone without a word.

Is it my fault? Hakyeon started to think.

He started to grow even more restless. What if something happened to him while he went back home? He began to tremble as he thought about all the worst possible outcomes there could be.

He shouldn’t have met me…

No one else knew this but Hakyeon have always believed that he was a jinx, a bad omen or someone who brought misfortune to the people he cares for. After all, he still believes that he was the reason that person was gone. As Hakyeon walked back and forth in his apartment unit, he couldn’t stay still and bit his fingers in anxiety.

It was becoming harder to breath and he trembled by all the thoughts that ran through his mind that night.

“I shouldn’t have met him. We shouldn’t have encountered… what if something happened to him because of me?” Hakyeon thought.

He couldn’t stay still any longer and rushed out of his apartment in haste. As he hurried in haste out of his apartment, he accidently knocked over a picture frame that was sitting on his desk. He looked back at it for a moment and turned around, ignoring the fallen picture. Right now, his mind was only towards one person and at one place.

He knew he was growing needlessly worried as he had no idea whether how Hongbin was doing but he wanted to confirm or at least, ease his mind that night. He rushed around the neighborhood as if he was hoping Hongbin would miraculously appear in one of the streets and making his way home.

But as Hakyeon wandered through the night, he was left only with disappointment.

Eventually at the end of his wanders, he was led back to bookstore. But just like before, the store was pitch black and locked away.

Hakyeon sighed deeply as he saw that nothing had changed. Was Hongbin really gone? Is the younger never going to return anymore?

It’s probably for the best… Hakyeon thought to himself. It’s probably for the best that he didn’t meet someone like me… all I will do is bring him misfortune after all.

He decided to finally give up. He knew that no matter how much he wanted to see the younger, he couldn’t.

Because in the end, Hakyeon was a jinx.

Hakyeon turned away and decides to head back home but just then, a familiar noise could be heard from behind him; coming from the bookstore.

It was the subtle clanking of the tin cans above the bookstore doors.

He immediately turn back and there, he saw light. The bookstore lights were suddenly . Hakyeon was in disbelief as he really saw light coming from within the bookstore. The building was alive again.

Faster, he told himself. His legs were weak but he knew he had to move forward. Hurry. His heart raced uncontrollably as he began to rush closer and closer back towards the building. He reached for the door knobs in a hurry and twisted the handles.

It opened.

He bursted straight into the building, ignoring the loud noises that the tin cans made above his head.

“Hongbin-ah!” Hakyeon shouted as he tried his best to catch his breath.

Finally, in the center all the bookshelves and underneath the vintage chandeliers, Hongbin was standing there.

“H-hakyeon?” Hongbin turned around and jolt to see an unexpected visitor.

“It’s really you… you’re really back,” Hakyeon was in disbelief as he walked closer towards the younger to confirm.

“Why are you here? And what’s wrong? Why are you out of breath?” Hongbin noticed.

“I…. I thought something bad happened to you!” Hakyeon shouted at the younger.

“Huh? Why would- wait, why are you crying?”

Hakyeon’s sudden tears made Hongbin worried. He went up to the older and leaned down a bit to meet Hakyeon’s eyes. The older really was crying suddenly, but he had no idea why. All he knew was that he couldn’t stand seeing such a sad and broken expression on Hakyeon’s face. He wiped the tears gently away from Hakyeon’s cheeks.

“Where did you go?” Hakyeon asked in the midst of his sniffing.

“No where in particular. I told you I was going back home didn’t I?” Hongbin reminded the older and continued to wipe away the older’s tears.

“But why did it take you so long? Why didn't you say anything or contact anyone about when you would be back?”

“Huh? Why would I say that to anyone? Plus I don’t know anyone here in the first place to tell them.”

“What about me?!” Hakyeon finally lashed out. “Do you know how worried I was for you?!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would matter…” Hongbin said. Why would the older care at all whether he disappears or not? “Anyways, stop crying. I don’t know what to do if you cry like this.”

Hakyeon clenched tightly onto Hongbin’s shirt.

“I really thought something bad happened to you because… because of me. Everyone I meet ends up getting hurt or something bad happens to them. I’m a jinx,” Hakyeon spoke with a broken voice. “If something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do.”

Hongbin could see how terrified Hakyeon was and how scared the older could have been with thinking of such things. He knows why the older might be thinking like that, Hongbin knew everything he could about Hakyeon after all.

Hakyeon’s crying and breaking down broke his heart. He couldn’t bear to watch any further and immediately grabbed the older into his arms. He didn’t now what to do to comfort the older but this was all he knew he could do and offer.

“But nothing bad happened to me, see?” Hongbin tried to reassure the older while rubbing gently on Hakyeon’s back. “So please, stop crying.”

“You, you don’t get it,” Hakyeon tried to push Hongbin away gently. “It’s always like this! Everyone I try to approach and care for eventually leaves me one by one. Soon, you’ll also—“

Hongbin stopped those words from coming out of Hakyeon’s mouth. He knew what the older wanted to say and he couldn’t bear to hear those words come out at all. So, he did what he clearly shouldn’t have.

He placed his lips against the older’s and gave Hakyeon a kiss to stop those words from coming out.

Hakyeon’s tears finally stopped. He closed his eyes and could feel Hongbin’s lips pressed gently against his own. It felt so warm and gentle, almost so unreal that this was really happening. He held closely onto Hongbin’s shirt, not wanting to let go. He didn’t want to wake up from what felt like a dream.