This is over, I know it is the end
I know everything now
When You were here
Winter were gone
Day6 "Winter Goodbye"

"Goodbye. "

It was all I could say.

I wanted to tell you so many things. That I still loved you so much that it hurt. That wasn't any moment in the day that I didn't miss you. I wanted to tell you that I missed the softness of your hands and the smell of your skin. That every time it rained I thought If you would still be afraid of thunders. I wanted to tell you so many things. But all I could say was, goodbye.

 For five years I was happy. So happy that I couldn't see it. Every day was an adventure. It was discover simply details and always learning new things. Sometimes we laughed and sometimes we cried. Sometimes we loved and sometimes we did fight. For five years I had everything I ever thought I could have and spoil it.

I never should have listened to those who claimed to be my friends and advised me to leave you. I should never have paid attention to your parents' suggestions. I should never have been there when your sister said you'd be better off without me. I believed them.

Of course, Being the great woman you are, you managed to cope with everything very well. You shine without help from anyone. You no longer needed to take my hand to walk. You became an independent and strong woman. So strong, that you stopped needing me. Finally you left me behind and I didn't have the courage to try to reach you.

When you told me you wanted to broke up, I didn't understand. We were finally okay, or so I thought. I was wrong.
Suddenly, you no longer felt the same and wanted space. You wanted time, to know if you really loved me. At that moment I knew. I had lost you. And it was my fault.

For a while I thought that everything would be fine, that it was only a stage and we could get back together soon.
 When you told me that you had met someone, you destroyed me. A part of me always believed that I could be able to bring you back, that I could fight for you. But I've never been so strong ...
I should've told you that I loved you. I should've told you that I dreamed every day with your smile and that no one could make me feel the way you did. I could never feel what I felt for you again... But it didn't matter anymore.

For the first few months I tried to keep in touch with you. Despite the pain I felt to know you were with him. I wanted to know about you. I wanted to protect you, I wanted to hear your voice. Your laughter. Your complaints and your joys. Even if that meant hearing from him. I knew I could live another day with a simple phone call from you. I knew I just couldn't let you go.

Time passed and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with life. Nothing was right. Fight for months for projects only to be rejected, the debts began to accumulate, opportunities were becoming less frequent and every day seemed to be more and more difficult the simple fact of trying to sleep

Because our friends I knew that you were doing well. Your career had finally taken off. It was no longer fair to try to hold you, this time I had to let you go. I started to avoid you, you were always traveling, always busy. So it was easy to make up excuses to not see you. You never questioned them, you never called, You never looked for me ...

After several weeks I decided to call you. I knew I couldn't expect that kind of attention from you. So, I decided to invite you out. At first you said you didn't have time. But then you changed your mind and said you could give me a few hours a few days later. I was happy...

The day finally came. It was strange but I felt like on our first date. I was so nervous that I turned my clothes upside down. Thank God I looked in the mirror one last time and I noticed it.

When I passed to pickup you, I lost my words. You looked so beautiful there, waiting for me.
You wore black jeans, a colorful sweater and black converse. I always believed that you were born to be a star and by how you looked that night I knew I was right. "Venus in converse" was what I thought ...
Maybe I should've told you how beautiful you looked. How bright your eyes looked with that soft makeup you always thought i didn't notice. Or the pleasantness of your perfume that I never managed to remove from my favorite jacket. I should've told you that I was glad to see you again, even if was one last time ...

We went to eat at your favorite place. That small and simple restaurant of homemade food. I wonder if you came with him too? Maybe I should have asked...
That night you talked more than ever. Or maybe it was just me wanted to hear you. You told me about your job and how happy it was doing to you. You also told me that your relationship wasn't  going well. Maybe at that moment I should have done something to get you back. But how could I, when you smiled naturally again thanks to him. No matter how much it hurt to admit it, you looked happy and it was thanks to him.
So I advised that you should talk to him and sometimes just give in.

After dinner we went to walk to that beautiful place near the rocks. Seaside. Our secret place. That beautiful place where we were together for the first and last time. Our first kiss, I had never been so nervous in my whole life. While you looked shy but very confident.
My lips were dry and salty. I always thought it was awful for you. However, it felt like the sweetest thing I have ever tasted. I should have asked you what you thought that day ...

"Can I ask you for one last dance?"

I asked, trying to hide the pain I felt. This would be our last dance, our last song ...
As we danced barefoot on the wet sand. In my head was our song. I wonder if you danced the same as me. Maybe I should have asked you ...

After midnight we decided to leave. The trip to your house was silent. I wonder if you thought about him ...
During the trip we look at each other a couple of times and try to read your look. But time changes everything and I assumed your thoughts were not with me. I should have kissed you...

When we arrived, I decided to accompany you to the door. I wanted to take every second with you. When we said goodbye there was something in your eyes that I couldn't decipher. For a moment I thought you wanted to kiss me. But that was impossible. I no longer existed for you. So, I just hugged you. I felt your body tighten at first. It sure bothered you. I wasn't prepared to let you go yet. I wanted to feel you one last time. I needed to feel that you were real. That you once loved me, that I once made you happy. I hugged you so hard I thought I might hurt you. However, you hugged me with the same intensity that I decided to do it. I pulled away a little so I could see your face. Your look showed doubts. You didn't know how to react and I didn't mean to scare you, so I leaned slowly. Since you didn't reject me, I just stopped thinking. My memories didn't do your lips justice. The softness and the sweetness. The warmth of your breath and the vanilla flavor I could never find in anything else.

When we separated we were both crying. I assumed you felt guilty. So I dry your tears as if you were going to break. I kissed your forehead and told you that everything would be fine. I would never hurt you anymore ...

"Thank you for letting me love you and thank you so much for making me feel loved. "

You tried to talk but you just sobbed. I hugged you harder to show you that you shouldn't feel guilty.

"I know you'll be fine. I really hope you're happy and never stop smiling. Tell that fool that if he makes you cry I'll come back from hell if is necessary just to protect you."

You finally smiled, I smiled too. I looked at you and tried to record every detail. This could be the last time I'll be able to  see those eyes that when they smile they become in half moons. It would be the last time l could see that little mole near your lips. It would be the last time I could hear your sweet voice saying my name. It would be the last time I could feel the warmth of your delicate and soft hands ...

"I loved you. I love you and I know I will always love you. I'm sorry I failed you. I know I broke my promise ..."

"Don't apologize anymore. Don't say anything. It's OK now. Everything it's alright now."

"I love you Soojung, never forget it please"

"I love you, Amber. You know that, right?"h

I wanted you to know, to feel, that I really loved you. That I wanted you to be happy and that I felt I wasted it.
I wanted you to see that you wouldn't have to worry about me any more. Because I had finally figured out how to let you go. I took your hands and kiss them again ...

"Goodbye"...

I wonder if I had told you anything else, if I had told you that I would never go back. Would you have let me say goodbye?

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ok. So the Amber's POV it's done. I'm not completely convinced about this chapter but I'm thinking in write a third part, I need to release this bad emotions about The bad treatment of SM to Amber and f(x). Hope you like it.

thanks for reading and please feel free to comment :)