I’m not okay, I’m not well
I still have you in a corner of my heart
There’s no way I can be happy
There’s no way I can be alright
Why don’t you know?
I’m sorry to say but
I’m not good, I can’t just smile
Because of you, because of you leaving me
I’m alive but I’m not living

After Chen kissed me two weeks ago, and being alone with those times still keeping me in an abandon mansion in the outskirts of Seoul and knowing what made him like this, what made him mad to the world made me realize that we grew up in total opposite;

I, who was pampered and get everything what the world has to offer easily while him struggling until now, always alone and afraid to love and be love give me the need to be the one who will let those agonies be bygone but how when I’m ready to give myself to him here he was pushing me away and always stepping backwards

When Ahjumma told me he arrived after their operation in Germany, I hurriedly fixed myself in front of the mirror to make sure I look presentable and I let out a deep nervous sigh and mentally encourage myself; Ahjumma lead the way and I saw him at the end of the staircase talking to his men, i called his name softly and he turned around to look up to me at the other end of the staircase, he has this serious face but latter soften when I’m making my way down to reach for him, his men disperse themselves voluntarily when they realized that Chen and I were in our own little world

My hand slides down the railings as my little steps got closer and closer to him until I was three steps away, our eyes are still on each other, I missed everything about him despite we are not in good terms before he went away

My breathe hitched from the nervousness I felt that I really want him to know that I miss him so much; We are standing face to face, I am about to reach and cup his cheeks with my soft warm palms and end my longing for him and I’m finally ready to show that I’m falling in love with him

“Chen.” Someone interrupted us and we both turned our heads where we heard the woman’s voice

The woman went to us and wrapped her arms around him like they were close or they had history, and it confirmed my speculation once she made a quick peck on his lips that made me look away

“And who is she?” The woman looked up and down on me

Chen whispered on her and then the woman looked at me in disgust making me excuse myself than making my own self look more miserable in front of them, the warm welcome I want to give to Chen for us to patch things up are long thrown out of the window, I made my last look to them and I made a big mistake expecting Chen to do the same and what's worse seeing them kissing

Days passed I didn't tend to leave my room, I requested Ahjumma to bring me food over than eating with Chen and the girl he’s with, LuNa, the woman's name I overheard called by Chen’s men, I was in peace at least Chen doesn’t bother to see me and I rather not see them eating each other’s face, I heard Ahjumma knocked and I let her in and help her to push the cart inside my room, She really take care of me like her own daughter, I was chewing my food when my curiosity kicked in again about LuNa

“Who is LuNa in Chen’s life?” I asked in almost whispered

I can sensed that Ahjumma is eyeing me, I know she knew where I’m coming from; I been asking about Chen a lot of times, but her lips are always sealed but she always tell me that Chen has a good heart but have a broken soul and back to LuNa, I learned that he was Chen’s muse

“Muse?” I asked dropping my spoon

“Muse, Let’s say they had a something special, a special bond, they grew up together, I take care of them, LuNa is a good girl and Chen always look after her.” Ahjumma told me always loosing my appetite from I learned

“So? Are they together? or friends with benefits?” I was unsure with my words if Ahjumma got what I mean but she was silent again regarding the two

I let out  a sighed, Why am I being so curious about them, I should care less since they can do what they want together anyway, I'm out of the picture from the very start

“Birds with the same feather flocked together.” I insulted them with my strong denial of jealously

I’m having a few spoonful of my food but why am I already feel full with this emptiness I feel about Chen, there he was happily reunited with his best friend or maybe his girlfriend while I, longing for even just a normal conversation with him but he won’t let happened

I was walking with Ahjumma one afternoon at Chen’s spacious garden with a big pool when I saw them entering disturbing my own world at peace, LuNa’s arm intertwined against Chen made me snorted with her for being too clingy until I got the idea popped on my head

I run where they were and meet them halfway, Ahjumma following me suit, I stand opposite to them, Chen’s face is still serious while LuNa had a one, and his men behind them are waiting for my own show

“I wonder if you can join me?” I asked why acting all innocent and batting my eyelashes

I saw Chen got off guard a bit but fixed his composure immediately, he was about to retort when I cut him off mid sentence

“Not you. It was SeHun-ie, I’m talking to.” I gave him my victorious smirk seeing him clenched his jaw tight

I walked passed from them and walked