Luhan

The doctor said I only have a few months left to live.

Cliche right? I thought so too. 

My mother passed away because of Leukemia, it's the one I have now; the thing that's been killing me slowly. Father and I found out not long ago, just before I turned eighteen. I didn't even get to enjoy life that much. I didn't have a lot of beautiful memories or friends to treasure, except maybe my violin. I was kept in the house most of the time, and homeschooled until now. If I had  friends, it would be my teachers, who are adults, perhaps ten years older than me. I don't even remember all their names. I played with them during my breaks, then it started getting boring as I got older. I started playing by myself later on. I played with instruments, and music became my best friend. I would often become jealous of the kids playing outside, but there was nothing I could do but watch in awe. If I could only go out there and play or go to school and have friends, perhaps my life would be fun and worth living. 

My father is a busy person, he's the town village's mayor after all. He was the one who suggested I stay home and study. I understand that he only wanted to protect me. Though sometimes, I wished he let me go out and meet kids of my age. Maybe then, I would meet true friends or fall in love with someone, just like a normal teenager. 

It would have been beautiful, it would have brightened every waking hours of my life. My life is rather just dull now. It's boring and lonely, and it became even worse when I was told I was going to die soon. When Father heard about it, he was devastated. I was just staring at the doctor, waiting for him to correct whatever it was he concluded about my life ending, hoping I heard it wrong. I didn't cry though, it was as if I knew this was bound to happen, so what's the use of crying? Every life is meant to end, I'm just unlucky that mine has to end without actually living like there's no tomorrow. I always ask myself. 

I noticed how Father tried to calm down and keep his emotions in check when my illness was revealed, but once he left my room after I pretended to have fallen asleep, I heard him let out a sniffle. I watched as his silhouette remained by the door, unmoving and almost breakable. He sobbed quietly behind the door, and it broke my heart into pieces. I felt so helpless in that moment. I wanted to embrace him and tell him that I would never leave him, albeit it would all be lies. Would he even listen to his dying son blabbering miracles? I couldn't even believe myself, but it made me feel better to lie to myself.

It was on my eighteenth birthday when I felt the beauty of life, though I had little regrets that followed me. Father was too preoccupied with his duties that day that he had forgotten about my birthday. I waited until 11 in the evening before deciding to sneak out for the first time.

I'm gonna die anyway. There's no need to worry about anything. 

 I told myself; and fortunately, I managed to walk myself at the shrine without getting caught. Well, it wasn't that hard. I just had to be very careful in taking my steps before jumping over the fense. The guards probably heard when I fell outside, but thanks to the stray cat for distracting them with a simple meow,  they didn't even look towards my direction. 

I was at the shrine in just a few minutes.

The shrine was beautiful. The last time I'd seen it was when I was 8, before mother passed away. It looked as beautiful as ever. There were fireflies everywhere and the bright moon shone between the clouds. The music of nature filled my ears as I danced with the wind and fireflies. 

I wished my life would always be like that. Peaceful yet beautiful, so beautiful you'd want to live more.

But even the fireflies knew I was too weak to enjoy a night with them. Then and there, I found myself on the ground, exhausted and dizzy. I didn't even try to get up anymore. 

I just looked over me, to the moonlight and the stars, and smiled like a fool. "I wish I could live a beautiful, healthy life. Just for one month," I whispered weakly. "If that's too much, then a week. Or just once, I wouldn't mind. I... I just don't wanna die like this," I wished hopelessly. "I want to be able to play some cool games, something like basketball or football. I want to dance like there's no tomorrow. I want to play a song for everyone to hear. I want to be strong, even if it's just once... I want to meet people and fall in love... before I fall. Can't I do all that? Can you hear me...? Someone...?" 

T'was that night when my prayers were answered. I don't know if it was the sky, the moon, the fireflies, the spirits, or God, who answered my prayers, but I was grateful. Before it started to rain, my father, along with the guards, found me there. I was barely awake then, but I recognized my father's voice and his stricken face, contorted with fear and worry. He asked me something I could not thoroughly understand, and after that was darkness. 

That's when it started. That's when I finally found what I've been missing for years. 

I woke up with the sun hitting my face like lava, my sight a blur as I got up from the floor instead of the shrine ground - or my bed. I rubbed on my eyes, and looked around my surrounding in confusion. Everything seemed unfamiliar. There were no signs of guards. I was surrounded by flowers instead, of the colors yellow, red, and white. "Wow..." I mumbled as I blinked and looked at the beautiful garden in bewilderment. "This is... beautiful." 

Then I looked at my palm and my legs and noticed that I looked... different. I wasn't wearing my clothes and I seemed to have gained some muscles. I don't wanna say this but I noticed that the size of my bulge somewhat increased too. My feet was bare and dirty, and my hair felt dry and sticky. I recalled what happened to me at the shrine and assumed I might have slept for too long and failed to shower.

The body I was in didn't feel like me at all nor did he look like me. 

But the good thing was that, I felt extremely alive and healthy, like I could move around freely without collapsing. 

I thought I was dreaming. 

"Oh, I'm dreaming..." I assumed, looking back towards the flower garden with a soft smile. "I wonder if this person planted all these flowers." 

"Are you talking to your flowers again, Chanyeol?" I panicked and turned around to face the owner of the voice, then I found a woman with long black hair, she looked like she was in her 30's. I thought it was this body (Chanyeol's) wife, I didn't think I could make a mistake in a dream too. 

"Goodmorning honey," was what I said that made me feel extremely humiliated. The woman laughed at my outrageous greeting that day, and I just scratched the back of my head in shame before laughing along with her.

I found out that she was Chanyeol's older sister and she's a kindergarten teacher. I also found out that if I wasn't going to shower and change this man's clothes, then he'd be late for school. I only ended up washing this man's dirty feet since I was mentally unprepared to bathe someone else's body even in my dreams. "So this guy's a high school student, I wonder how old he is... don't they have a mirror here?" I was still getting used to his place, his body and all. Before changing into his school uniform, I roamed around his house to look for a mirror, and eventually found one in his sister's bedroom...

It was then that I fell in love at first sight, when I looked straight towards the mirror and saw a face that I had never seen before. "You're..." I mumbled to myself as I caressed his face as if it was my own, "Chanyeol?" I saw a beautiful stranger.

Living as Chanyeol was like a dream to me. He's beautiful and though he didn't have a wealthy life, his life was just as beautiful and wealthy in love and friendship. On that day, I pretended to be Chanyeol and accidentally ignored his friends since I didn't actually know any them. One of his friends threw a ball on my head, but thanks to Chanyeol's hard head, I didn't faint like I was supposed to. 

Chanyeol has a lot of friends. When they approached me, in Chanyeol's form, I literally panicked and stepped back. They gave me a confused look and asked if I was okay - if 'Chanyeol' was okay. They thought I was just high, so they decided to let me off. 

Chanyeol also has a lot of admirers. When his understanding friend, Kyungsoo, led me to his locker and opened it for me, the inside was filled with colorful envelopes. It surprised me that Kyungsoo acted like it was nothing, while I was there taken aback by the pile of love letters. 

"You're acting really weird today," Kyungsoo commented before class started. 

"H-How?" 

"It's like you've never been to a school before," he replied as he fixed his gaze on mine, curiosity was clear in his eyes. "You're also acting like it's the first time you've met us, which is weird." 

The class that followed after my conversations with Chanyeol's friends was kinda fun. I didn't understand why the others didn't pay attention to class when it was the best lecture I've ever heard in my life. 

Lunch time was probably the best. I ate lots of meats using Chanyeol's body and I felt great. After a long lecture in the last class for that day, his friends pulled me in the court to play basketball. At first, I hesitated to shoot. I was scared I'd make a mistake and then they'd get mad at me, but then I remembered, I was living someone else's life, so I decided not to bother. I managed to shoot the ball right into the ring, and everyone applauded me who was in Chanyeol's body. 

I found out from his friends that Chanyeol was a bad shooter. That he's only good at tackling people on the ground. We played until sunset. It was truly fun, especially when I wasn't feeling weak all of a sudden. After that, I headed back to Chanyeol's home with the help of his friends who were laughing at Chanyeol's (or my) lacking memory. However, once they were all gone, I decided to stay outside and walk around the town. 

I felt sorry for using Chanyeol's body, but thinking it was a dream, I decided to just grab the opportunity. 

I ran down the hill gleefully and jumped over big rocks like a kid. I ran until I was almost out of breath, and then I stopped by the beach to watch the rhythmic waves of the blue ocean. Its beauty was indeed calming and beautiful. The last time I went to the beach was when I was 7, it's been that long but the ocean looked and smelled the same. It was like a dream come true and I couldn't be more happy. 

I was back in my own body later on, the beautiful dream I had just shattered without a warning. I was once again on my bed, almost immobile and just waiting to die. I heard my father crying again, muttering something to himself. He was outside my room, being a father instead of the town mayor. I wanted to call o