Soo Jin wanted to run. Soo Jin wanted so desperately to turn on her heel and run and run until she physically couldn't run anymore.

But she didn't. She didn't because Changjo was standing there in front of her, watching her and waiting for her answer.

Soo Jin's lips flapped a few times, and it was more for the sake of her own dignity than anything that she managed to get a hold of herself. She clamped her lips shut, locking her jaw in place and pushing her tongue to the roof of .

Changjo wasn't stupid; Soo Jin could tell from his expression that he was paying attention to her behavior and interpreting it regrettably well.

"Changjo," Soo Jin sighed at last, putting the both of them out of their misery and getting the inevitable over with. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

It was cold outside, and the sun was hovering just below the horizon. The grass was sparkling silver, and Changjo's face lost some of its features behind an opaque veil of fog with each of his exhales. Soo Jin was thankful for that; she was thankful that she didn't have to see the full extent of her rejection.

The Dancing Boy looked down, giving himself a second before he forced a smile. It was stiff, more like a grimace than grin, and Soo Jin glanced away from it immediately, grinding her knuckles into the seam of her coat pockets.

"It's okay," Changjo said. He even sounded like he meant it. "I get it."

Soo Jin's brow pinched, and her gaze went back to Changjo. He watched her for a full second before his eyes darted elsewhere, his smile slipping. Then, as if realizing what he was doing, Changjo brought his attention back to Soo Jin and slapped on another simper. The corners of his mouth barely tilted up, his lips rolling inward towards his teeth.

Soo Jin's brow dipped further.

"I do really like you, you know that, but..." Soo Jin couldn't voice the logic that countered her feelings. What was she supposed to say? 'But you're an idol'? It didn't sound like much of a reason out loud. It was the simplest way to sum up why Soo Jin couldn't bring herself to be Changjo's girlfriend, though.

Soo Jin was only 16. She wasn't sure if she was ready for a boyfriend. Other girls did it and had been doing it for years, but Soo Jin didn't feel like she was on the same page as the rest of her classmates when it came to things like that. She worried about being distracted from her school work, her friends, her family, and the small amount of time she actually got to herself. As cherub-cheeked and giggly as she got around holiday seasons, Soo Jin's romantic side often gave way to her practical side when it came down to it.

Both of them, Soo Jin and Changjo, were too young for a long distance relationship. The idea of being in a relationship, even in the traditional sense, put Soo Jin on edge. Maybe if Changjo had been a typical teenager she would have considered it. She could have thrown caution to the wind and tried going out with Changjo -- and she probably wouldn't have regretted it. She could see them having dates and study sessions and sweet, intimate moments. It would be a lot like what they did already, just with a little something extra. The idea made Soo Jin’s heart flutter.

Soo Jin didn’t deny that she had more than friendly feelings for Changjo, but she wasn’t willing to explore a more than friendly relationship with a boy who couldn’t really be a boyfriend.

Changjo was an idol, a member of a group that had thousands of girls screaming their names and keeping tabs on every available detail of their lives. It was part of Changjo's job to appease them and give them those details. It was part of his job to serve his fans, first and foremost.

Choreography practice alone lasted up to ten hours a day, too, Soo Jin knew. Then there was vocal training, vocal recording, general meetings, television appearances, radio interviews, performances, and a slew of other activities that were continuously shoved into Changjo's schedule. Most of the communication he had with the outside world was limited to brief texts and phone calls during long-winded promotion periods. Maybe Soo Jin would take a higher priority if she were Changjo's girlfriend rather than just a friend, but as it was Soo Jin was lucky if she saw Changjo face-to-face a few times a month. Whether Changjo was in the same city or an entirely different country, he was almost always miles away.

It wasn't only the physical unavailability that Soo Jin saw as a problem, but the lack of emotional acknowledgment. Changjo and Soo Jin would never be able to make any relationship of theirs public, at least not any time soon. For a group as young as Teen Top, dating bans were all but official; T.O.P Media didn’t want anything distracting their brightest stars or threatening their popularity. Changjo would also risk Soo Jin's safety by bringing her into the public eye, and that was true even when they were only class mates who got together outside of school. If Soo Jin was going to love someone, she wanted to be able to love that person without restraint. She wanted other girls to be envious, but not to the point where she was in legitimate danger of their wrath. Having a secret, famous lover was a little exciting to think about hypothetically, but Soo Jin knew that it would get old fast, and she wouldn't be able to handle the headache and heartache.

Soo Jin watched Changjo, her features twisted in turmoil as he bounced his weight between his feet and refused to look her way. She really did care about him, and she wondered if her own comfort and ease were worth losing him. Changjo was mature for his age with a mild mood and manly manners. He was friendly and talkative when he wanted to be and serious when it was time to be. He was honest and playful and talented; he wasn't afraid to chase his dreams and work hard to make sure he achieved them. He was tall and handsome, and Soo Jin felt nauseous as she stood there and told him no.

Changjo was Soo Jin's ideal type, honestly, and it hurt her beyond reason that his only apparent fault was something big enough to keep her away. He was willing to commit himself to her despite any misgivings, so why wasn't she? Wouldn't it be just as difficult for him as it would be for her? Why couldn't she be as brave as him?

Soo Jin felt like crying. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots, and all of the fluids inside of her were gushing around in a whirlpool at her core. There weren't any bona fide tears in her eyes, but she moved her stare to her feet and kept it there; if she looked at Changjo for too long, the stinging might turn into real water works.

"I'm really sorry," Soo Jin said to the ground, giving her last word. She wanted to kick life itself for being so unfair.

Changjo and Soo Jin didn’t speak for a while after that. The city was quiet behind them. The only sound came from the lapping waves of the Han River. There was a sort of static floating between the two of them, waiting to spark.

Soo Jin just wanted to go home and bury herself. She'd always looked forward to her own romantic story and yet there she was snubbing it, even when she returned the feelings being offered to her. She was frustrated with everything, the situation and her response to it. Was she really doing the right thing?

"You know," Changjo said some time later. Soo Jin heard his sneakers scuffing against the pavement and she glanced up, her head still bowed. "This setting is a lot like our new MV. Have you seen it?"

An anemic smile came to Soo Jin's lips. "Yeah."

Changjo poked at the ground with his sneakers one more time before he took a breath and brought his eyes up. Soo Jin felt stupid for it, but his eyes on hers sent a dull shock through her chest.

"Any chance you'll change your mind if I chase you?"

It took a second for Soo Jin to realize what Changjo meant. A much more genuine, albeit heavyhearted, smile replaced the wimpy old one once it clicked. She didn't respond, though, except for smiling. She really didn't know what to tell him. She didn't want Changjo to stay away from her; she wanted to be as close to him as possible as often as possible. Who was to say she wouldn't change her mind in the future? It wasn't even made up to begin with. What she wanted and what she thought were best were two entirely different things, and which she sided with was realtive to her mindset at any given moment.

Soo Jin knew that Changjo didn't understand what was going on in her head, but at least he seemed to understand that something was going on in there. The two exchanged stares, their looks probing and apprehending and a little longing, until Changjo let his chin dip down again. When he lifted his head, he was nibbling on the inside of his bottom lip. It drew Soo Jin's attention.

Changjo took a step forward. It was deliberate, like he was waiting to see how Soo Jin would react to his advance. Soo Jin let him come forward without any hint of resistance, and when he was an arm's length away from her, Changjo reached out and touched Soo Jin's arm. It was covered by the material of her jacket, of course, but the action and the confidentiality behind it still made her toes curl in her boots.

"I'll see you again. Soon," Changjo told her. He hovered where he stood for another moment, rubbing his thumb into the material of Soo Jin’s jacket, before side-stepping her and heading home. Soo Jin stayed where she was, her mind working and wavering.

Soo Jin wanted to run. She wanted to run and run until she caught up to Changjo and...

Scenarios ran through Soo Jin's mind; scenarios of Changjo paying her late-night visits through her bedroom window, sending her secret gestures on stage, or just telling her he loved her. She also saw herself waiting up for him late at night in vain, watching him on a television screen rather than in person, and hearing those three precious words less much often than she would have liked.

Soo Jin let out the puff of air that she'd been holding in her lungs. That boy really was driving her crazy. In some ways she didn't know what she wanted, but in others she had no doubt. Emotions were tricky things that sometimes had to take a back seat to reason. Soo Jin just had to decide if the situation with her and Changjo was one of those times or not. It was easier said than done, especially when Soo Jin didn't have any experience with anything similar to compare it to; she'd never had any boyfriend, let alone a famous one. Could she handle a famous one? She was shooting in the dark and taking a gamble with something that she'd always thought would happen naturally. The heart was supposed to bypass the brain when it came to love, wasn't it? Soo Jin didn't want to have to think about it or struggle through it, she just wanted it to happen.

Soo Jin may not have been sure if dating Changjo would be the best move she'd ever make or a huge mistake, but she knew that she would be thinking of Changjo every moment until she decided one way or the other, and then most likely beyond that. She would be thinking of her and Changjo, and that would make her happier than anything.

And maybe that was the answer in the end.