Jongin had to admit it.

He admitted that before all of this had happened, he had been in doubt about Yunseul’s feelings for him.

Come on. It’s not like Jongin was stupid. You couldn’t really expect him not to know, right?

From the first time he had laid his eyes on her, Jongin had been smitten. Yunseul’s beauty, unlike other girls he had met in middle school and high school at that time, wasn’t jarring. It wasn’t of the drop dead gorgeous genre, as well - it was more of a calming gentleness, kindness and softness. It was also a wise form of beauty, like she knew more than she let on, and she had experienced terrible things in life that made him want to protect her, even at first glance. At the same time, there was a stubborn grit to her, like the way she lived is to uphold her dignity and that of people she loved.

But he also knew, then, that Yunseul only had eyes for Baekhyun.

Who seemed pretty out of it, if Jongin could put an expression to it. At that time, Baekhyun had been nonchalant, blissfully unaware. Baekhyun was someone who couldn’t get his head out of his work, and when he was at work, or talking about something that he really loved but really challenged him at the same time - particularly music - everything else melted away. He never noticed the shy look of admiration in Yunseul’s eyes, never noticed the blush on her face when he hugged her tightly when he’s excited, never noticed Yunseul nibbling on her lower lip when she looked at him.

And since Jongin liked her back then, why should he tell Baekhyun about anything?

Part of him admitted this - that he never wanted Baekhyun to know.

Baekhyun, who was always too busy to cast a glance at Yunseul; Baekhyun, who never seemed to be able to commit to a relationship for more than 6 months; Baekhyun, who was his best friend and never someone he wanted to fall out with over a girl, Yunseul at that.

Even when Baekhyun had left for London, Jongin had to wait for a long time before Yunseul had accepted him. And even then, it had felt like she had been settling for him. Just to settle down.

His affair had started out small, or so he thought. A good companion at work that he could have some fun with on days he was down at work, and felt that Yunseul couldn’t understand. Just to have a little bit of fun, an alternative outside of the world he and Yunseul shared. Of course, he had thought that way. But then he ended up spending more and more time with her, lying to Yunseul that he had meetings and business trips… This girl made him feel otherworldly, you know? It’s a different feeling. He didn’t really know, anymore. But he did know one thing.

He didn’t love her. He loved Yunseul.

And even then, he knew that if all hell broke loose, he would never break up with Yunseul.

It wasn’t like that.

Yunseul was still more important.

And looking at her hurting so much from the wake of his affair, looking at her throwing up every morning because of morning sickness and yet her eyes still glowed when she talked to the baby within her - their baby - Jongin finally realised that he had been wrong. Whether Yunseul had forgotten about Baekhyun was beside the point.

The point was - Yunseul had really, really fallen in love with Jongin.

And Yunseul really, really loved him.

Jongin could tell, because the one thing that cannot lie, were the eyes. And somehow, somehow, he had moved Yunseul to the point that she really loved him, and truly wanted to depend on him.

And now they were having a baby.

Jongin sat at their dining table, the electronic bills and utility bills in his hands, but his mind far, far away.

Just then, Yunseul walked out of the room, walking slowly, and almost slipped.

Jongin rushed towards her.

“Careful! Careful.” He said, holding her up with his arms, biting his lip when he heard her curse.

He looked at her. Her eyes were still swollen and bloodshot. How had he managed to do so much damage to her? How could he have hurt her like this? These were the questions Jongin wanted answers to, he wanted to ask himself what had gone through his mind when he had begun his affair, and what had been going through his mind all those days and nights.

She looked away, and pulled his arms away from her.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Seul-”

“Don’t, Jongin. Don’t, stop.” She sighed, her eyes watery. “Just go away, I’m fine, so just go away.”

“I… I’m sorry, Yunseul...”

Her eyes shot up to meet his, and they were angry and upset, just like her voice when he heard the next words emanate from her lips,

“You clearly weren’t sorry when you were on that flight to Paris with her hand in hand.”

“Baby, I…”

“Stop! Stop it. Stop calling me that.” She looked away again, shaking her head in pain and hurt, furious tears cascading down her face like waterfalls of sorrow. “Please, stop it, Jongin, please. I don’t want to think about the number of women you’ve called that, and when, and where…”

“Yunseul, I… I was wrong.” Jongin pleaded, grabbing on to her hand, and he was surprised when she didn’t push him away. “I was wrong, Yunseul, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done it. But I swear, I promise to you, I never loved any of them. Only you, only you.”

She was crying. “Stop it. Stop making these promises. You promised me the same thing years ago, and look where we are right now.”

“Seul, I…”

She lifted her gaze to meet his.

She had to do this. It was now or never. They had wasted too much, too much time. She had wasted too much time on this.

She wanted to move on. She needed to move on.

Que sera, sera. She told herself, thinking of the lyrics of that childhood song, trying to calm herself down to articulate the question that had been on her mind these past few months.

Whatever will be, will be.

“Let me ask you something, Kim Jongin, and please, please reply truthfully. Don’t think about our seven years, don’t think about the baby, don’t think about the house or the car or anything else. Those are not important. Only one thing, Jongin.” She looked into his eyes, and swallowed. “Only one thing is important right now.” She pursed her lips. It was very difficult to say. “I’m only going to ask you once, so please think carefully before you answer. I can’t take anymore of it. Please.”

Jongin waited.

“Have you ever loved me?”

“I always have.” He said without a moment’s hesitation, and even though Yunseul didn’t know if she could believe him, she heaved a sigh of relief internally.

“Even now?”

“Yes. I love you.”

Tears spilled from her eyes again. “...I love you, too. That’s why I’m trying so hard, I’m trying so freaking hard to save what we had.”

Jongin was crying, too. “I know, I know.”

“This is independent of the baby, Jongin. I thought it was because of the child, but it’s not. I love you, but this can only happen if you love me back.”

His grip on her arms tightened. “I do. I always have. Please. I really do. I was stupid, and not contented, but…”

“...But what?”

She waited.

“But the look on your face that day - that day when you -” He said, shaking his head, as if he could shake those thoughts away, shake the whole scale of the affair away, “It killed me, Yunseul. It killed me because I’ve never loved anyone but you, and yet I screwed up so badly. I really screwed up this time, Seul, but it doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you.”

“...Can I believe you this time?”

“I know you can’t right now, but I will… I will show it to you.