Frustration

Inner Thoughts

CHAPTER 3

               “Seungkwan-ah!” I poked his cheeks. “Kwannie~!” another poke. “Baby boo?” I said and poked again. “What?” he asked. “Are you sleepy?” I asked as well. “A bit, now let me sleep,” he said sounding groggy. “No~! No! Don’t sleep, don’t sleep on me, please~” I practically begged while poking and tapping his cheeks. “Okay, fine I’m not sleeping, stop poking,” he said and looked at me fondly like I’m the only person in the room, which is true, but you get the point.

               We stayed like that for a few minutes until I felt everything turned black and I was dreaming.

               Moments later, I can hear a faint noise, and felt a lips on my forehead kissing me softly and gently like I’m a piece of art, another kiss on the tip of my nose, and slowly, a kiss on my lips. I opened one eye finding Seungkwan smiling cheekily. “Ya~ You sneaky little-“ “Said the one who told me not to sleep,” he puffed. I smiled at him and just chuckled. “Oh, yeah, you look cute while sleeping,” he stated showing a picture of me sleeping on his phone. “YAH! BOO SEUNGKWAN!”

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               I woke up with my eyes refusing to close, my head throbbing so hard, my body refusing to move and my heart slowing down. Today’s Saturday and I have never been so grateful that no one could see me at this state of loneliness, well except maybe for my dance group mates. I stood up and washed my face checking how much damage my crying caused me. It was normal to say at the least, my whole being and all my heart was poured out all at once after a long time of acting strong and brave. I smiled to my idiocy and went to shower.

               I went to dance practice as usual, meeting Minghao, Junhui and Soonyoung. “Hey- woah what the actual funk happened on your face?” Junhui asked. “Jun stop, that’s still his face nothing much happened,” Minghao replied like it’s the most savage thing he said. “Seungkwan thing again?” Soonyoung asked. “No its not, stop asking. My face is normal,” I said and puffed my face. We started our practice and continued polishing our steps. We danced for about more than five hours and taking out all of my stress on my steps, making them sharper and nice. “Chwe Hansol, don’t be too aggressive,” Soonyoung scolded me, I took a deep breath and nod as answer. We continued to practice until it was time for us to leave. I took my things and packed my bag, I was about to go home when Soonyoung called my attention, “Should we eat ramen? My treat,” he said smiling showing his 10:10 feature. I smiled back and nod. We went to the restaurant we always went to because of the unlimited side dishes. We ate a bowl of ramen, with cheese on top and unlimited side dish that the store had offered and started talking about whatever he had to talk about him and Seokmin’s anime marathon something about an angel dropping out of school because of video games, two gay people skating and even a psychotic killer and weird stalker type of anime and I began to question what kind of anime are they watching really. It was time to go home and so I did, resting after a long day and marrying my bed is all I can think about.

               My bed was so comfy that it is so close to eating and I just can’t stop wishing that someone would be an angel brought by G to make marrying an object be legalized on this free democratic country. My dream about marrying my bed was suddenly stopped with a certain notification tone, popping out a message from Seungkwan. ‘Vernonie! Are you home already?’ he asked. ‘Yeah, I’m home, why? You’d like to come over?’ I replied. It took him around a minute to reply, ‘Not sure, but maybe yes, ask your mom if I can go’ he replied back, even before I could reply back to him he said ‘On second thought no, let’s eat?’ he asked again. I was feeling quite full already and if I took another bite I’m pretty sure I’m so close to throwing up. ‘Meet us at the bibimbab café, I’m with Seungcheol by the way, he was the one who asked you to come. Now go!’ he said in the chat and went offline. I want to skip it, probably I’ll be just a 3rd wheel and I’ll just have to up all the sappiness and fluffiness of their so-called relationship, which by the way am still not approve of, and simply just burn my whole body on a suicide mission of seeing your ex-boyfriend with his current boyfriend type of face. I sighed, I don’t want to look like I’m such a salty person and that I still have those existent feelings towards my best friend.

               I stood up from my bed and took my jacket. Yelling a short, ‘I’ll go outside’ call to my mom, I walked  jogged from my house to the bibimbab café at the end of the store. I can already see the mighty brownish blonde hair from afar with a black dyed person at his side. I ran up to them, “We’ll that’s fast, Seungkwan complimented. “Well my house is near so don’t ask, Hey Cheol hyung,” I said greeting him.

               We entered the café, since I was feeling a bit full and I think I can’t eat another bite, if I do, I might end up puking it all. “So what do you guys want to eat?” Seungcheol asked, Seungkwan looked at me and I shook my head, “I’m already full, you guys go ahead and eat,” I told them both but Seungkwan gave me that eye that literally translates ‘Stop lying’. “No really, Seungkwan, I’m already full, if I eat another bite I might throw up.” But he didn’t buy it, “Seriously, you know that I have eating problems sometimes,” I said a bit firm than what I want to, he sighed, “Fine,” he gave up. It was good and all but then Seungcheol began to speak, “No it’s not fine, you need to eat Chwe, come on, it’s my treat anyways,” he said pouting, “No-“ “If you don’t eat I’ll get mad,” he pouted again, he’s my friend and all but- “Fine, kimbab is okay, just Kimbab,” I said giving up coz it’s no use in arguing especially if it’s Seungcheol hyung. He asked me and Seungkwan to find a seat for us three as he lined up to order our food. When we have fully settled, I spoke up, “So what’s up? Why am I being a third-wheel right now? I shouldn’t be third-wheeling,” I slightly whined, “Seungcheol asked me to ask you to come, since you’re around the area, ask him why, I don’t know either,” he said. I sighed and pouted, it might be a long dinner.

               Seungcheol came back with the food and smiled cheekily, we stayed quiet for a while and I can feel the awkward breeze of the air as I was third-wheeling them, surprisingly they’re not being love-y dove-y as I expected, it’s like hanging out a friends, only that the fact that the other one is your friend from a specific club called basketball and the other one is by chance and accidentally your ex-boyfriend, it was normal really. I stopped eating at the 5th slice of the Kimbab since I can feel that I would literally throw up at the next bite. Staring at the both of them, Seungcheol stopped eating his ramen and stared at me, and by cue, I “unintentionally” whined. “Why do I have to be a third wheel again?” I asked straight forwardly, “Yah! Don’t treat yourself as a third wheel, we’re just casually eating out as friends, think about it that way,” Seungcheol said, “I suddenly feel sad and I think I’m going to cry,” out of the blue, Seungkwan shared, the café’s bgm is a sad music, no wonder why he feels like crying. “Shouldn’t I be the one who’s feeling like that? I’m the single person here~ Hello!” I nonchalantly said, Seungcheol chuckled, “Seungkwan, just get this guy as your boyfriend,” he joked, “Uh, no thanks, I’m over him okay?” I said. It is a known fact to people who knows us that we were lovers turned best friends. “’Kay!” He said and chuckled again while Seungkwan just kept eating.

               It was somehow a short dinner, shorter than what I have expected earlier. I went on a separate way, thanking them for the meal and went home. I messaged Seungkwan thanking them again and telling him to safely go home, he replied after 15 minutes saying he was already home and we bid our goodnights.

               Sunday, it was again normal, nothing interesting other than doing my laundry and eating. The whole day was uneventful; I have forgotten my feelings and memories from last night since I was occupied with laundries and research papers including thesis work. Finishing the chapter 1 of the research paper and the thesis work, finished even my assignments that I wasn’t able to do yesterday because of practice. I scrolled down my Facebook account, when suddenly I saw Seungcheol’s status,

Choi Seungcheol
‘It hurts when you realize you aren’t important to someone as you thought you were’

               I got a bit worried, he’s my friend after all, I message him asking why his status was like that. As I was waiting for a reply, Seungkwan messaged me. ‘Vernonie, am I something that is embarrassing?’ that message caught me off guard. I replied questioning why he had said that. Seungcheol replied, ‘I’m getting tired already, it seems like I have to be the one who always have to court him or be the one who always show affection to him,’ he said. Seungkwan replied again ‘Well, I’m a bit disappointed and also I feel a bit sulky. I thought he went to my practice earlier because of me, but I was wrong. He went there because of his friends and not me,’ Seunngkwan said, knowing him, even if you find it a bit petty, it’s a big deal already. Seungcheol replied to me, ‘I went to his practice earlier but he wasn’t even noticing me, like talking to me or anything,’ he whined. I sighed. Side by side the couple was messaging me turning me into a mediator or a person who stands in their middle and vents out their dissatisfaction with one another. They began to chat me about everything that had happened earlier, Seungkwan’s excuse is that Seungcheol wasn’t talking to him, nor paying attention to him, he wanted to show affection because in reality, he is a sweet person, but Seungcheol doesn’t like much affection as how Seungkwan wants to show. He began to question about their relationship, his worth and everything. Seungcheol’s story is a different story with Seungkwan’s, it was Seungkwan who doesn’t like showing affection and all. It was frustrating, irritating and also infuriating; they don’t have a single communication with one another in this case.

               I had enough of their nonsense whining about one another where in fact they should be the one’s talking to one another fixing their problem. I’m both their friend but the amount of disrespect I’m feeling is just too much. I began to grasp my phone tightly, taking a screenshot of my inbox showing that I’m talking to them both at the same time. I messaged the both, ‘You know what’s frustrating? It’s when both of you are making me as your mediator or something,’ I started, then sending them the screenshot. ‘ you both with so much feeling! If you both have problems with one another, fix it yourselves, don’t find someone that will act as your mediator. So what? Are you guys just going to let yourselves fight over something petty? Then that’s nice, Lower you god damn pride you stupid s!’ I replied, completely losing my entire cool and started cussing at them even if I didn’t intend to. ‘Gad! Both of you are already adults for goodness sake; you’re not some kind of kindergarten students. Open up if you both have problems with one another, lower your pride’ I continued. ‘Both of you have your own faults in this case, Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to one another. Fix it both of you before I both bang your head on the school founder’s statue’ I ended. It took me about 5 seconds to realize what I had done. My hands were shaking severely, my heart was beating fast, my head were spinning and my whole body was paralyzed for a good minute. I took a deep breath before typing again. ‘Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scold you both. In fact I shouldn’t be interfering either. I’m sorry.’ I messaged them, slowly calming down. They both messaged that they’re also sorry for acting that way.

               I sighed for the nth time this week. I don’t get it anymore, for a second I was quietly wishing that they’ll split up but now I’m trying to patch them both to be happy together. I don’t get anything, this is probably so far, one of the biggest stupidity and idiocy I would do in my entire life.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: HEY! SO SUPRISINGLY I'M POSTING CLOSELY TO EVERYDAY. A LOT OF THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND I JUST WANT TO COOL DOWN FOR A BIT. I MIGHT NOT SAY THIS BUT PRETTY MUCH THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY. I STILL KEPT RECEIVING LOVE BECAUSE OF THIS THAT I DON'T REALLY MUCH EXPECT, THANK YOU SO MUCH ^^ 
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Boomtph #1
Chapter 2: Why did he mention Mingyu? Whaaaat
cerismea #2
Chapter 1: sad :( subscribed!
fabynee #3
Chapter 1: poor vaenonie :(....but why verkwan broke up?....