Energy is an indispensable effort--to Jihoon, this means studying for exams until five am after late shifts at the studio, going the extra mile in carrying music sheets wherever he goes, and, of course, kissing up to his boss’ ty .

It has always been difficult to balance the two spheres of work and school life, and almost intolerable the first two weeks of freshman year--his managers and teachers both equally demanding, despite merely beginning his academic and musical careers.

A month into the year, Jihoon had been close to giving up, ready to forfeit the chances of a musical career in favor for a less stressful, academic one. And that’s when he met Jeonghan, who has an invariable knack for being at the right place at the right time ( a trait that has been pointedly noticed by others, other than Jihoon himself ).

There are many ‘best’ moments in Jihoon’s life-- getting signed by a music company, producing his first single, playing a note on the piano for the first time--, yet all of them fall short to meeting Yoon Jeonghan.

It had been by mere chances; he was called to a sudden meeting by one of his sponsors, and was making a quick run out of the school. When he turned the corner, he had run right into Jeonghan, knocking him off his feet and sending them in a tumble of books, sheets, and limbs. Naturally, Jihoon had left right after, not even bothering to mumble a half-hearted sorry. But, it must’ve also been natural for Jeonghan to seek him out the day after to return a sheet of music he had unknowingly dropped.

( “You wrote this?” Jeonghan had said as he sat down in the seat in front of him, turning his back at an awkward angle just to hand Jihoon a slip of paper-- and not just any paper, but the last page of his song in the making, a song he’s spent most of the summer, and well into the school year working on.

Jihoon had nodded his head slowly, mumbling a tired thank you as he slid the the sheet into his binder, making sure to tuck it safely in the slot of the binder sleeve. He made it clear he had not wanted any human interaction.

Jeonghan, for all his social insight, did not take such hint.“Well, it looks amazing. You must’ve worked really hard on it.” )

There’s another trait distinctly Jeonghan that others have not failed to notice-- and, that’d be the way he can dichotomize those who need help and those who don’t, the difference between pity and compassion, what is helpful and what isn’t.

For Jihoon, that meant the acknowledgement of his hard work, mainly because he had encountered many people-- managers, and relatives included-- that have undermined his hard work because he had the “talent” to make up for it.

From then on after, he had sought Jeonghan out in thanks, opting to follow him and his less approachable friend, Jisoo, during lunch. Jeonghan had accepted him easily (Jisoo so much less easy), making an effort to show how much he appreciated Jihoon’s presence by offering to share notes with him if he fell asleep during class, buying him coffee after long days at the office, and picking up the habit of having a supply of sheet music, just in case Jihoon forgot his at home.

There’s one last thing Jihoon knows about Jeonghan that others wouldn’t know at face value. And that would be Jeonghan’s remarkable ability to keep secrets.

;;

“Have you seen Jeonghan lately?” Jihoon mumbles as he drags the chair over to Soonyoung’s table. He was seated at the corner of the library, finishing his homework.

“Jeonghan?” Soonyoung looks up from the notebook he’s doodling on as he moves his books aside to create space for Jihoon’s music scores. “Haven’t seen him at all, why?”

Jihoon huffs as he falls backwards onto the stiff wooden chair and shifts uncomfortably. “That’s weird. He’s been missing for a week now. Didn’t even see a glimpse of him, besides maybe in class.”

Soonyoung nods in agreement, busy attempting to draw perfect circles along the margin of the paper. “It’s so unlike him. He’s always up in people’s business, but like, in a good way.”

“Seokmin, you have to eat properly, you won’t be healthy if you don’t eat. Seokmin you can’t sleep after one a.m., that’s not good for blood flow”

Behind him, Seokmin mockingly mimics Jeonghan’s voice. He drags up a chair from the empty table and takes the seat across from where Soonyoung has finally given up on drawing.

“That’s ed up. You’re not Da Vinci.”Jihoon peeks over Soonyoung’s shoulder and wrinkles his nose at the sight.

Feigning hurt, Soonyoung covers the circle with his hand, “Shut up, it’s not like you can do any better.”

Rolling his eyes playfully, the shorter ignores Soonyoung remark in favor of answering Seokmin’s quip. “But yeah, Jeonghan’s the mom friend nobody wants but secretly needs.”

Seokmin’s presence has become less foreign over the span of the most recent weeks, almost to point where it is enjoyable. His personality, an odd mixture of foolish panache and likeable exuberance, is a surprisingly needed addition to his and Soonyoung’s normal banter. Not that he and Soonyoung didn’t get along ( their interactions are enjoyable, as much as Jihoon would like to deny the fact ), but when the atmosphere rides tense on the exchange of sarcastic remarks, Seokmin is the perfect diffusion.

“Please say no more,” Soonyoung exclaims dramatically. “A wild Jeonghan will appear and ask me if I had lunch yet. It’s freaking 4 pm, any sane person would have eaten already.”

Seokmin laughs boldly into the palm of his hand as Jihoon stifles a laugh,  “But, in all seriousness though, I haven’t actually seen much of him at all recently. You don’t think something actually happened to him, do you?”

“Aw Jihoonie, my little Hoonie Bear,” the taller places a hand over his shoulder. “You only ever worry about Jeonghan. I’m sure he’s fine, he probably takes care of you better than you take care of yourself.”

Jihoon squints his eyes in a glare as he shakes Soonyoung’s hand off his shoulder. “Call me Hoonie Bear again and I promise you, I will--”

“Okay,” Seokmin interjects. “If anything, you can just ask him tomorrow; I bet he would tell you why. It’s probably because he had some test to study for, or because the principal wanted him to take up another project again, or something like that.”

That’s right, Jihoon reminds himself. Seokmin has been friends with Jeonghan far less than Jihoon and him. While they have been friends for practically the entirety of their high school lives, Seokmin met Jeonghan back as a sophomore, but only as mere acquaintances, until almost the beginning of their junior year.

Two years is not a short time. Within the expanse, friends can become best friends, strangers to lovers, couples to marriages. If it had been any other person, Jihoon would’ve expected Seokmin to already have been best friends with them, or at least, close enough-- but this is Jeonghan, open to others when they have problems but stubbornly reticent when he has his own.

He doesn’t know yet. He himself hadn’t known anything about Jeonghan’s personal life, besides maybe his likes and dislikes, until Jisoo had told him about his adoptive parents accidentally.

“Yeah,” Jihoon says blankly. “I guess.”

;;

As it turns out, simply catching a glimpse of Jeonghan is hard enough, nevermind talking to him. But Jihoon manages to do it. He corners Jeonghan in the hallway right before lunch starts. Jeonghan was in the midst of pushing through the crowd, like he was late to something, or was desperate to get somewhere.

“Jeonghan,” Jihoon says sternly, grabbing a hold of Jeonghan’s wrist, gripping it tightly.

“Jihoonie” he acknowledges, but his eyes flitted down the hallway, as if looking for something, someone. “Is everything okay?”

The shorter squints his eyes in suspicion. “No, it’s not. What’s going on--no, maybe the more appropriate question would be--where the have you been?”

Jeonghan’s shoulders fall, defeated, finally making eye contact with him as Jihoon slowly loosens his grip. “No, please, not you, too. Jisoo’s already been blowing up my phone with calls, Seungcheol won’t stop pestering me during class, Mingyu, he--” Jeonghan breaks off into a long sigh. “The point is, I’ve just been busy.”

Jihoon scoffs. “What could you possibly even be busy with? Nothing is happening. Don’t give me that bull.”

Jeonghan purses his lips into a strained line. Jihoon can feel the muscles of his arm tense from where his hands still lay gracing the inner skin of his wrist. He takes a few steps back, giving Jeonghan the space he wants. If he has learned anything from the years he’s been acquainted with the other, is that everything must be done in small proportions; if Jihoon pushes too hard, Jeonghan pulls back completely.

“Look,” Jihoon begins, eyes softening, trying to think of the best way to phrase his words, “I get that you may not want to tell me right now, but you--”

“Hey, I gotta go,” Jeonghan says abruptly.

At first, Jihoon thinks he’s finally done it. He’s pushed Jeonghan too far and now he won’t be willing to share anything with him. But another look at his face, Jihoon decides it’s another thing entirely.

This expression-- face slacken with subtle trepidation, eyebrows bunched together in a series of tight wrinkles, lips pressed in a tight trembling line, repressed and fearful-- Jihoon takes a good look and memorizes it, every line, crack and crease. He stores it in the compiles of his memory and makes sure Jeonghan would never make this face again. He promises himself.

“Minhyuk, he’ll…. “He breaks off into a shudder. “It’s fine, I will live. Sorry, Hoonie, I will catch you sometime later, but right now, I gotta go.”

;;

There were many times Jihoon has felt annoyed with Jeonghan’s large network of close companions. But as the school festival is fast approaching, and the number of in and after school hours he’s been forced to spend with all eleven of them increasing-- he hates to admit it, but he’s grown fond.

Some, he finds particularly annoying, like Seungcheol’s blatant assertion of love-- tailing Jeonghan like puppy and owner. But even his faithful pursuit falls short to that of Mingyu’s, who’s pursuance is sometimes verbatim to his past of promiscuity ( Jihoon tries to make sure they do as little as possible together ).

Others, like Seungkwan and Seokmin, and even to an extent, his underclassman Chan, he finds them jarringly cute. Their youthful vigor makes light of practice days, an energy he thinks he’s lost so many years ago.

Today, their existence is a blessing. He mulls over his facebook messaging app for five minutes before adding the rest of the eleven into a private group chat. He wonders if he’s making a big deal out of nothing, if he had misinterpreted Jeonghan’s briskness when it had actually been because of school work or student council duties.   

But all Jihoon has to do is picture the features of Jeonghan’s face, distorted into reluctant compliance. And it’s enough. He types something nonspecific, mentioning the words “Jeonghan”, “scared” and “something’s wrong” in between.

The response is immediate. Jihoon smiles to himself, soft by their display of camaraderie.

Seungcheol :

wait what. what’s wrong with jeonghan

Jisoo :

I’m confused.

Seungkwan :

!! explanation pls !!

Hansol :

^^

Minghao :

^^

Jun :

did anyone else notice how jeonghan

is like just. not there.

Jihoon:

yeah so i went to talk to him about that today

and he seemed to be in a rush

Mingyu :

okay. and.

Jihoon:

and he seemed to be really scared of something. like

Abnormally scared. Idk. it was weird.

Hansol:

?? jeonghan ?? you think something’s up ??

Soonyoung :

lol you type like seungkwan too. loser.

Seungkwan :

awh babe !! we type like each other !!

Hansol :

Baaabe :))

Jihoon :

can you pls

stop

Soonyoung :

okay what do we do about jeonghan then

how do we fix this

Jisoo :

it’s not like we can just ask him what’s wrong

he wouldn’t tell us

Chan :

maybe nothing’s wrong? he’s just tired or something?

Mingyu :

jeonghan wouldn’t avoid us tho. he’s not like that.

Seokmin :

He can barely go half a day without asking me

if i ate properly. that’s like,,, dedication

Soonyoung :

JEONGHAN WE CAN’T BE PROPERLY

FUNCTIONING HUMANS W/O U. COME BACK    

Jihoon:

shut up soonyoung.

Soonyoung :

okay :’))

Seungkwan :

guys. do you not watch any kdrama

Wonwoo:

i don’t like where you’re going with this

Seungkwan :

There’s only one way to solve the mystery

Wonwoo:

i definitely don’t like where you’re going w/ this

Seungkwan :

we follow him after school.

Wonwoo:

point proven

Soonyoung :

O.O

I’m-

Seokmin:

so genius

Jihoon:

Idk if jeonghan would appreciate that

Hansol :

i can’t believe i’m dating a scholar. #blessed

Seungkwan :

And also.

Code names.

i am eagle #1

;;

Jihoon taps his pencil in rhythm to the tune he mentally hums. Across the room, he makes eye contact with Seungkwan, who puckers his lips and then wiggles his eyebrows in an attempt to lull the both of them out of boredom. A quick glance at the clock tells him that there are only two minutes until the end of class. He feels weirdly secretive and it sits unsettlingly as a knot of nerves at the base of his stomach.

It’s so unlike him. Going out of his way just to nosy into other people’s business. But this isn’t just people, it’s Jeonghan-- the same person who saved his sorry from drowning in relentless waves of work.

The bell rings and Seungkwan is already out of his seat, Jihoon only has a chance to shove things haphazardly into his book bag before being pulled out the door and down the hallway. He sees Jeonghan at the end of the hall, features noticeable even past crowds of arbitrary faces.

“Shhh,” Seungkwan says to him, as if he had been speaking. “Text the others and see if everything’s going planned. Eagle #1 and Hoonie Bear on target.”

“ing Soonyoung,” Jihoon grumbles but takes out his phone anyways.

Jihoon:

you good?

Soonyoung:

me & hansol are already down the street

Jihoon:

Eagle #1 says to use codenames

Soonyoung:

roger that

Jihoon:

wrong. your codename is idiot

Jeonghan makes a quick exit out of the school, and takes the closest right turn. Jihoon thinks he’s on the way to the park. The next turn Jeonghan makes, towards the left, confirms his thoughts. Seungkwan and Jihoon huddle behind a bush, some few yards behind him.

There’s another man waiting by the water fountain. He’s of average height, and judging by his uniform, from the same school, his face too far to make out completely. Jeonghan approaches him, arms held open in a hug. The man accepts and brings a hand up to rest on Jeonghan’s neck.

On the other side of the nearby playground, Jihoon sees Seungcheol’s unruly hair stick out from behind the slide and assumes that Chan is somewhere with him.

The boy starts to caress Jeonghan’s neck gently, a gesture that doesn’t go unnoticed by any spectators-- Jihoon’s breath hitches in his throat, Seungkwan’s eyes widen into overgrown almonds, Seungcheol, or at least, Seungcheol’s strands of hair, shifts behind the slide.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and Jihoon’s suddenly grateful for always keeping it on vibrate.

Seungcheol:

It’s minhyuk

The boy-- now revealed as Minhyuk-- leans in and kisses him, bringing his other hand down to Jeonghan’s lower back. Even from a good distance, Jihoon looks away, the scene too intimate to watch any longer.

After a stifling, tense two seconds, Seungkwan pats his shoulder and jerks his head the other direction, signaling that it’s time to go.

;;

Jun:

Well?

Wonwoo:

he wasn’t by the mall

Soonyoung:

not by the cafe either

Chan:

ah hyung… he was at the park. Seungcheol hyung

and i saw him

Mingyu:

and?

Seungcheol:

he’s dating minhyuk

;;

A month is the quintessential limbo.

It takes exactly a month until the next full moon, a caterpillar to completely metamorphosize into a butterfly, for Seungcheol’s english teacher to grade his essays and return them.

A month is exactly how long it takes for Jeonghan to tell them.

Seungcheol knows because he’s been counting days. During practices he sits by the bookshelf, warily observant whenever Jeonghan says something, shifting at every noise Jeonghan makes during lunch-- expectant.

When he finally does, it’s anticlimactic. Everyone already knows, the news and excitement grown stale over the waning period. Jisoo forces a smile, tight and fake, and congratulates him. Wonwoo only nods in the direction, stoic and unphased. Mingyu doesn’t even spare Jeonghan a glance.

Seungcheol doesn’t care about the reactions of the three of them. What he worries about is how Jeonghan didn’t care about their reactions. Maybe that why he follows him after practice, tailing him as he makes his routinal speedy exit out of the library.

“Jeonghan!” he calls out, making the other stop mid step down the hallway. “Can we please just talk?”

Jeonghan turns to face him, his face tense, unsheathed in a frown. “Seungcheol, look. I just really need to get somewhere and I’m in a tight schedule and I’m not in the mood and- “

“Jeonghan.” Seungcheol says again, stepping closer to him, and pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, Please, calm down, alright?”

Jeonghan melts into his hold, the tightened muscles in his shoulders relaxing as he lets out a shaky breath. Seungcheol brings his two arms over the shorter’s shoulders, engulfing his stature under his biceps. He wants to keep him here forever, safely tucked in under his arms, personal and protected. He wonders what is making Jeonghan this way, so avoidant and quick to defend. He can only think of one reason.

“Alright,” Jeonghan says after a while, pushing Seungcheol away. “I’m sorry. I’m just. Not in the right state of mind right now.”

Seungcheol chuckles, stepping back, giving him his requested space. “Like I said, it’s okay.”

“What were you saying before? About wanting to-”

A voice breaks Jeonghan off, and Seungcheol’s mind, once again can only think of one thing. Lee ing Minhyuk.

“Hannie!” Seungcheol’s most hated enemy ( yes, he is the most hated now) appears behind Jeonghan, and places both his hands on top of Jeonghan’s shoulders.

Seungcheol makes eye contact with Minhyuk, and he glares, uncaring of whether Jeonghan can see or not. The fact of the matter is, Seungcheol had never trusted Minhyuk, at least, not since he had caught a glimpse of Minhyuk’s smirk, the day after Jeonghan admitted to harboring feelings for the other.

“Seungcheol.” Minhyuk sneers.

“Minhyuk.” he mimics. “It’s a pleasure to see you as always”
 

“I’m charmed. And I would love to chat some more, but we gotta go,” Minhyuk says. “C’mon, let’s get out of here”

“Hyuk, what did we talk about before?” Jeonghan says exasperatedly. “Just give me a few moments. Please?”

“Hmmm,” Minhyuk’s grip on Jeonghan’s shoulder tightens. “Right. Make it quick,” he gets out through gritted teeth, and proceeds to walk away, turning out of earshot down the hall.

“Please continue,” Jeonghan edges.

Seungcheol rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “Uhh,” he begins, “Are you okay? I mean- is everything okay?

Jeonghan sighs. He’s clearly not the first person to has asked him this question before. “Yes, I'm fine. Promise. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with you guys, I’ve really just been busy”

“Busy with what?”

Jeonghan looks away, and bites his lip. Seungcheol almost feels guilty for being the cause of the look. “Can we please...take this somewhere else?” Jeonghan asks. “The others will be coming out soon, and I don’t want to make a scene.”

The two of them find an empty classroom, luckily, still left unlocked at such late hours. They sit next to each other in one of the chemistry classrooms. For a minute or two, the silence is almost innocently awkward, it reminds Seungcheol of when they first met, brought together by their a Chemistry project assigned early into the year. Freshman year had only been a little more than three years ago, but it feels like decades. He wonders about how much he’s changed, how much Jeonghan’s changed.

But as Jeonghan stares down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs in a nearly purposeful silence, he thinks that Jeonghan has changed more in this past month than all three years combined.

“I really just wanted to make sure you are okay,” Seungcheol tries.

“I am,” the other replies, “I really am. Promise.”

Seungcheol hums. The Jeonghan of three years ago, the Jeonghan of a month ago would never make promises he’d never keep, he was strangely wary of that.

“How about you?” Jeonghan asks quietly. “Are you okay?”

Seungcheol shrugs. “I’m okay. I managed to send an application for the basketball scholarship without my dad finding out. It needed some forgery skills from that junior who’s always weeding in the bathroom, but--”

There is a split second of emotion that runs across Jeonghan’s face that has Seungcheol stopping mid sentence. It was a pained grimace, tearing his features apart by guilt, even his eyes start to water. It has Seungcheol thinking, Yes, I did it. I finally did it. True Jeonghan tries to claw its way out from this odd, dismissive shell of the real one.

“Seungcheol I’m-” Jeonghan chokes up. “I’m so so sorry. I’ve promised and I-. , I don’t know how to-”

From the corner of the table, Jeonghan’s phone lights up. Lee Minhyuk. And as easy as falling asleep after a long day,  True Jeonghan loses his battle.

“- and I-I got to go,” he dabs at the corner of his eyes, making sure to get rid of all traces of unshed tears.

Seungcheol sighs and hums, defeated and angered. He didn’t even care that Jeonghan had forgot about his basketball scholarship, he’s angry that Minhyuk’s presence-- only existing for a mere month, a month in Jeonghan’s life-- supersedes his own. He’s angry that Jeonghan is so weak.

“See you tomorrow,” Jeonghan whispers as he takes his leave.

Another promise he isn’t so sure he’d keep.

[A/N] I promise I'm not dead. But really, if you're still reading this, if you even remember this story, I'm so so so grateful. This chapter was actually supposed to be longer, but I decided to break it into two chapters to help with pacing, I hope you don't mind. 

Special thanks to : edeania, suseolay, anyuki, keruinggirl, FanyLover99, lolcutepeople17, BloodLineDeath, ichigotea, erzascarlet12, caratlovr, _inspiritDongwoo, for upvoting. 

And due to recent news, I hope everyone is doing okay. My private message box is always open if you want to talk, even with no stings attached. Take care everyone.