Log 006

“You reassured me without hesitation.”

 

 

I stepped out of my empty house and stood on the doormat outside. The temperature was slowly dropping with the addition of rain every once in awhile. My eyes closed shut and my mouth opened, taking in a giant gasp of and releasing it through my nose. You can do this.

 

My shoes automatically made its way towards the direction of my school. Halfway in route I met up with Jungkook. The boy looked like he woke up late; his eyes were slightly red with hair strands out of place. He caught sight of me and saluted.

 

I chuckled at his signature greeting. “Did you wake up late Jungkook oppa? You look tired.”

 

He styled a red knitted beanie created by Taehyung’s mom. He was attired in the school’s uniform, but looked rather dashing every time I see him which was daily. No matter how disheveled and tired he was, he was still handsome. The other boys also lived up to their titles. Jungkook rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I stayed up late finishing up the presentation.”

 

“I knew this would happen again. You always wait until last minute.” I nagged the boy. It seemed like long ago when I was the one being scolded. When Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi and Hoseok graduated Seoulite Academy, gears in my head kicked in to take more responsibilities of myself. It was only Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, Hyeri and I left to graduate. Even L and his groups of friends when on to further their education. We were all third years waiting for the time to tick straight to graduation day. The diplomas in our hands and saying farewell to high school.

 

My life has had ups and downs, and I could relay all of them in a blink of an eye. I grew to be a little more independent without the boys’ support. That doesn’t mean I became a totally different person. In my eyes, I became more open to criticism and others.

 

We walked side by side on the sidewalk. More and more students seemed to gather on this concrete lane.

 

“Are you nervous about presenting?”

 

“Nah, I think I’ll ace it again. I am the master of bs.” Jungkook chuckled and boasted about his procrastination skills. I wish I had his talent, he was ranked number 3 for the grade. If you saw his study techniques, you would just believe he was highly intelligent with a photographic memory. One talent out of his hat of many.

 

My neck was wrung in between someone’s arm and their armpit. There are only 2 suspects: Jimin and Taehyung.

 

“How do you guys still manage to wake up on time?” His voice was not as husky as the other, breathing in gasps of air between his words. I guess Jimin woke up on the wrong side of the bed again as he ran to catch up to us.

 

“It’s called an alarm clock hyung.” Jungkook replied and swayed his index finger back and forth.

 

Jimin was unamused by his response and retorted back what I thought of. “You don’t look like you woke up from your alarm clock buddy. Like look at your hair. Only Nana is the reliable one.” He removed his arm and walked on my right side. His eyes looked at me with his cheeky smile as I smiled shyly back.

 

We were right by the entrance of the gates when I asked about the missing boy. “Do any of you know where Taehyung is?”

 

Jimin ruffled his brown hair, and it looked nice tousled up a bit. “That boy probably slept through his alarm and is rushing at this very moment.”

 

Jungkook took out his device and started texting the boy that he would be late if he didn’t start booking it to school this instant. “All done.”

 

Instantly, a vibration echoed through the air from Jungkook’s hand. He unlocked his phone and showed us a messy message.

 

TaeTae: i’ll be there soonnn mom had to shwove me out fo bed.

 

Jimin closed his eyelids and nodded his head. “Of course I was right.”

 

I slapped his arm lightly, joking that we all predicted he slept through his alarm. Jimin feigned a soft whimper, but we both knew it didn’t hurt.

 

The poor boy has been late to school four times and it hasn’t even been half the school year. “I wonder what kept him up so late?” I popped the question in the air, not expecting a response that satisfied my brain.

 

“He’s probably stayed up late playing his video games. You know him and his technology.” Jimin replied without putting much thought into his answer.

 

It was true. The boy had found a love for machine parts, computers, and anything technology related. Taehyung would blab out of the random what he discovered online or new codings he had learned from the internet. The boy had talent and dreams for sure. One thing he might need to tackle head on is attendance.

 

“Mhmmmm,” Jungkook and I murmured to ourselves.

 

The three of us walked through the main hallway to our lockers. Jungkook and Jimin’s lockers was located on the west side, as well as Taehyung’s. Sadly, I was on the opposite spectrum of them and pinpointed on the east side. Jungkook and I still managed to stay in the same homeroom; likewise to Jimin and Taehyung.

 

It was just like last year. The only difference were the irreplaceable oppas. They all managed to make it into top universities. Yoongi pursued computer science; influencing Taehyung and heeding to his dongsaeng’s questions and pleads to learn. Jin chased after his delicious treats and is currently attending culinary school. Namjoon and Hoseok went into fine arts, but with different majors. Who would’ve figured that Namjoon would’ve wanted to become a producer and composer behind the scenes for future top hits. With his knowledge, he can run an entire law firm, but he chose the latter. Hoseok wanted to express and move people with emotions through the art of dance. A perfect fit for a bubbly person like him.

 

And where was I? Everyone had something going for them even if it started out like a speck of dust. I don’t even think I have that.

I looked over to Jungkook and realized that he had it like me, but was forced into something. His parents shifted him to learning all the lessons in business and interning at a top industry. His parents or his own firm. It was already planned for him to take over after his parents stepped down, but he had no real complaints. Then again, he was exceptional at what he does even if he’s not top notch with time, I knew he would make the Jeon’s firm rise further.

 

My head turn to Jimin and my brain recollected the memory I had with him. Our future. We were both lost without clear motivations of where we want to be in the future. Like lost stars trying to find a place in the deep, vast black sky. But, in my head I had an inkling where Jimin would be. That’s something to mention when I’m more than 20% confident.

 

We thought Taehyung would be in the same position as us, but as the days pass I realize that he wasn’t. The way his eyes gleam in admiration at constructing a simple machine or his nonstop work ethic to make a plain app are tiny actions that can lead to bigger projects.

 

He ventured into something. I stayed in the same spot.

 

The hallways divided into three and we stopped to bid a ‘see you later’ before catching up for lunch.

 

Now that it was our last year, the only big fear I had to accomplish was my future. What did I want to be? Work with? I don’t want to have any regrets, however, I didn’t want to be an outcast from my friends.

 

My head scratched the top of my head, trying not to mess up my ponytail. Despite how it’s a normal school day, I can’t just help but think about this topic at least once a day. Something would trigger the thought; a teacher’s mouth or friend or even looking at the people around me with talents.

 

Here I am trying to find out if an average girl like me can do something exceptional. Big steps weren’t my forte. Baby steps. They were my stepping stones as I’ve known for eighteen years. Nevertheless, should I take wider steps?

 

My hands grabbed onto the lock, inserting the tiny key connected to my pink lanyard embroidered with small strawberries. She swished the lock out of the hole and opened the door. There laid her neatly stacked textbooks and notebooks. Pictures of my friends and I were spread vertically down on the side door. The corners of my lips upturned, nostalgic with the smiles plastered on their faces.

 

This was her motivation. To continue and achieve a happiness like this in the future.

 

Within a minute of gathering my belongings for the upcoming lectu