Log 003

“You saved me from bullying when I tried to hide my scars.”

 

 

{ 6 years ago }

 

It was a Thursday morning, the temperature had dropped down tremendously from the impending winter. Nonetheless, the boys would pick me up from my doorsteps and walk to school together, all bundled up like marshmallows.

 

My neck was protected and wrapped in a wool-knitted red scarf I got as a present from Taehyung’s mom. The scarf was extremely long, wrapped around my neck three times, suffocating me with warmth.

 

Taehyung walked on my left, his hand playing with the stringy ends of the scarf. “You should share your scarf sometimes. I feel cold.” His hot breath visible in the air.

 

I felt guilty that he didn’t wear a scarf to school, even though he could’ve always asked his mom to knit him one. He styled himself with his childhood hat etched with stars. The same one that day. Surprisingly he stretched the fabric to fit his pre-teenage head.

 

“But then I would be cold.” I replied back shakingly.

.

He nodded and smiled back. “I know, I’m just teasing you to see if you’ll share with me.” He faced Namjoon on his left and immediately initiated a conversation with the boy.

 

What’s up with him? I mindlessly just walked straight, lower chin nuzzled into my scarf. The other boys were in their own conversations, leaving me out to think to myself.

 

My mind was a black scribble mess ever since the recent incident yesterday. What would've happened to me if I never met them at the playground? Would they have wanted to become my friend now if I wasn't? Was it a pain to be my friend?

 

My train of thought bubble popped when a hand gripped onto the hood of my white winter jacket, pulling me harshly back. I recoiled and wrapped my arms around my chest.

 

My feet stumbled back hitting the shoulder of the perpetrator. The cars zoomed past the crosswalk as I stood shocked.

 

“Yah Nana, you should watch where you’re going!” Jimin’s voice rang in my ear, as his hand released my hood.

 

I felt flustered and embarrassed, eyes restraining the tears from welling up. Weak. “I’m sorry Jimin oppa.”

 

As if on cue, Namjoon slapped the back of his head and scolded him. “Be nicer to her!”

 

He whimpered and grumbled, “Okay okay.”

 

I felt pitied; a bitter taste lingering at the tip of my tongue. He shouldn’t have to be scolded like that. He was saying what anyone would have said to me for not paying attention. He was making sure I was safe.

 

When the crosswalk displayed the white walking man symbol I walked ahead of them, leaving them not far behind. I struggled at my pace, but kept going. I needed more time to think; to be more independent. The girls were right, they did pity me. I saw and felt that I was a frail puppy.

 

Thank goodness the school building was close by; an escape route from most of them. My back stiffened, their eyes boring through my thick coat. I knew I couldn’t escape them, but at least I don’t have the blabber mouth asking my numerous questions.

 

We dispersed and I said my goodbyes to Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, and Hoseok who were a grade higher than the rest of us. I walked down the hallway in nervousness, it felt awkward knowing that I was separating myself from them.

 

Our footsteps stopped at a classroom door and I faced the two of them, Taehyung and Jimin. “I’ll see you guys at lunch.” I gave them a small smile, hoping they believe it.

 

Taehyung ruffled my hair, detangling my ponytail. I frowned at his action as he beamed a rectangular smile at my reaction. “I’ll miss you Riri.”

 

Thump. So cheesy. “Sure you will.” I replied back as Jimin inserted his sarcastic comment. “You’ll miss me more right Nana.”

 

I gave him the eye roll as he patted my hair down too. I death glared both of them, my hair was a victim because of the pair. “Stop messing my hair will you.”

 

“If you left your hair down it would be easier to fix.” Jimin said, avoiding the real problem with a different solution.

 

“Nope. We’re going to be late so bye.” I looked over my shoulder to Jungkook and walked down the hallway.

 

I saw Jungkook’s eyes glance over to look at me as I glance subtly back. I saw the worry in his dark brown eyes, and I didn’t know if I could simply answer his questions.

 

Once our feet stepped into the room, I heard chairs squeaking and whispers amongst the girls scattered around the rectangle room. My lips pressed a firm line and bee-lined to the seat in the back.

 

My sat in the metal chair, back pressed against the chair. The chair next to me pulled out, before the boy sat next to me. The whispers grew, and I knew it was because of him. Darn his looks to be attractive. It was never that loud to my ears, but recently each sound pounded my eardrum.

 

I plugged my pink earbuds in my ears, scrolling through my iPod to play some music. I wanted to drown my mind in ecstasy of pleasant instrumental music. The piano keys echoed in my ears, soothing the muscle tensing my arms. My shoulder was lightly tapped by a finger, head turning to Jungkook with a confused face. Please don’t ask.

 

“Hey Nari, what’s wrong. You’re acting differently.” He asked warily.

 

I played an innocent face, not confused by his statement. “What are you talking about? I’m fine.” I smiled tenderly hoping he believed me.

 

His serious face with no hint of a smile, but concern replayed the same question. “Are you sure, you know you can talk to me if anything is wrong. Or any of us.”

 

I felt happy that he and probably the others cared about me from this small change of demeanor. But, I wanted to solve the matters by myself, I wanted to be stronger. Not for the sake of them babying me all the time, but for me. “I’m sure, if I ever need help you know I would come to you guys.”

 

His lips curved into a smile and I blushed at his cute bunny teeth. As long as they’re happy and I can pass this moment, it’s fine. “Okay!”

 

I saw my homeroom teacher come in, announcing for students to head back to their seats so attendance can commence.

 

 

My bladder couldn’t hold out much longer and I told Jungkook to head to the lunchroom first. I flushed the toilet and walked out of the stall to wash my hands.

 

Slam. The door pushed open harder than it needed to be, wondering who did that. I regret my decision in making eye contact with the perpetrator. I hid my enlarged eyes, and gulped my saliva. I nodded at the girl and returned to rinsing the suds off my hands quickly.

 

I turned the faucet off, but my eyes could see the plaid skirt next to mine. “Hi Nari, I haven’t seen you all day.” She spoke in a high pitched voice, shivers running down my back. Her partner in crime added needles to my cold back.

 

“I know, and it seemed like you didn’t listen to us when we told you to stop hanging out with our handsome oppas.”

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