May 2010 – 14 years old

“Daewon,” a deep voice called pulling me out of my thoughts. After school I liked to hangout on the roof looking down at the world around me. I’d stand there or sit for hours enjoying the peace and quiet. I basked in the quietness. Quietness was a part of me, being a boy of few words.

I turned around seeing Lee Taeyong. He was one of the people in my class that had a ton of friends. I hardly ever saw him by himself that’s how many friends he had. Taeyong was handsome but didn’t seem very approachable when I first met him back in middle school. He seemed to have a rigid outside where only friends would see his true self.

I watched him slowly make his way from the door that led back inside to where I was standing leaning against the metal rail. I waited; that was another thing I was good at. My mom said I had to be one of the most patient people she’d ever met. A few more footsteps and Taeyong was standing in front of me.

He was a head taller than me, because I hadn’t started growing yet. I hoped soon I would be able to grow. I hated being one of the shortest boys in my grade. He took a slow deep breath before taking something out of his pocket. It was an envelope. I took the envelope from his hands turning it over seeing my name written in cursive letters.

“Please open it,” he said quietly motioning towards the letter. He his lips nervously as I fumbled a bit to rip the top of the envelope off. I took out a single piece of paper unfolding it as he shuffled his feet.

            Jung Daewon…

            We are hardly friends; you probably don’t consider us as friends. I see you everyday walking home from school. We live in the same direction but I’ve always been too scared to walk with you. Maybe that can change?

            I noticed sometimes you disappear during lunch and one day I decided to follow you and found out you hung out on the rooftop. You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you. It was like you were in your own world away from everyone else. I wish that I could join you in that world.

            Every time I see you my heart feels strange and I feel this tingly feeling inside of me. I always want to smile when I see you in class or walking down the halls. For the longest time I didn’t know what to call this feeling. But I’ve found a word to describe this feeling; like.

            Daewon-ah, I really like you and want to get to know you more. I want to be into that world where you sit so peacefully. That is if you’ll let me into your world… I really am terrible at writing letters or my thoughts down.

            What I’m trying to say or more ask you is will you be my boyfriend? I know above all else that I want to be with you. I want to walk home with you and hold your hand. I want to connect our worlds and create a new world of just the two of us. What do you say?

            From the boy whose had a crush on you for a long time,

            Taeyong

I looked up from the letter staring at him. He had his head down as he bit on his bottom lip nervously. All this time he’d had a crush on me? I’d never thought someone would grow to have a crush on me. And I definitely hadn’t expected it to be Lee Taeyong. Almost everyone had a crush on him and he was the only one with a crush on me.

Suddenly my heart started beating really fast as my brain screamed at me to say something. Also a warm feeling was spreading out from my chest after reading that letter. It was like the feelings he had were seeped into that letter and transferred to me when I read it. It was a beautiful feeling.

I reached my hand out before tapping him on the shoulder. He quickly whipped his head up looking at me with his milk chocolate eyes. I put the letter in the pocket of my school jacket. I had no idea what to say to him so I did the only thing that would tell him my answer. I stepped forward closing the space between us as I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him.

Taeyong got the message because soon after he was hugging me and we stood there in each other’s arms. He was warm like a summer’s day and it felt comfortable being in his arms. I felt his hand slide up my back as it ran through my hair. I closed my eyes taking in this new feeling.

My mom hugged me all the time, my dad too but this was different. Everything about this hug was like sparks. With each finger of his running through my hair a thousand fireworks felt like they were exploding through me. I realized I didn’t want it to stop even though eventually we would have to let go.

But for now I was going to make this hug last. I rested my head against his shoulder as he continued to run his fingers through my hair. Taeyong and I weren’t friends but that was going to change. He was now my boyfriend and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. I’d never been in a relationship before. I only had minor crushes here or there that didn’t go anywhere. But no matter what I was going to be the best boyfriend to him; he deserved that.

“Thank you,” he whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine. We walked home together for the first time with holding hands with our fingers laced together. It was perfect.

September 2010 – 14 years old

Over the summer word spread that Taeyong and I were dating. I went from a nobody to Taeyong’s boyfriend. At first my parents were shocked to find out I was dating him. I’d never showed interest in anyone before. But eventually they grew to like him and he came over to my house quite a bit. I also went over to his house where his mom cared for me like a second son.

Summer was also when we got to know each other. Taeyong liked strawberries and melons He had quite a few snapbacks in his room. Music was his everything he rapped and wrote lyrics. He liked Studio Ghibli movies which I also liked. I also found out he needed neatness and order in his life. And he had this minor fear of germs, but he told me it wasn’t going to stop him from holding my hand or hugging me.

Taeyong found out that I liked watermelon and bbq. We ate that a lot over the summer. I also really liked music and sang for fun. He told me I had a really soothing voice so I sang for him often as long as he rapped for me. I told him I had a fear of insects because as a kid a beehive had fallen on me and I’d been stung so much I had to go to the hospital. He made sure to keep bug spray with him when we went outside.

Almost every day during summer break I saw him and never got tired of seeing his smiling face when he’d ring the doorbell. I went away for two weeks to visit my grandma who lived on the coast. That felt like the longest two weeks of my life. It was then that I realized how much I liked being around him. I spent most of my nights on that vacation texting and calling him.

Over the summer I finally hit a growth spurt. I grew about four inches in one month. I was the same height as Taeyong now. My mom told me I was going to keep growing because tall genes were in my family. My dad was almost six feet so she was certain I would be too or over six foot. It felt good t