Amber POV

For while now, I’ve been thinking about something. It’s not a happy or wonderful thought. In fact, it’s something that I never thought would happen to us. Something that has been eating away at my soul for weeks now and I think you’ve been thinking about the same thing too. I can’t confirm it but I feel like in the next couple of minutes I will know for sure.

It seemed like it was any other day when we are together. As always, I went to your house to spend time with you. But for some reason the feeling of going to your house hasn’t been the same lately. We are in your room, but I’ve been here for at least an hour and I haven’t moved from the spot on the floor since I got here. We didn’t even hug or kiss like we used when we were alone in your room. Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten out of the honeymoon stage of our relationship. It’s a shame because being that close to you made me so happy and warm, but now it feels awkward and distant. Lately we’ve been getting into more disagreements. Communication seems to be struggling for the both of us, now all we say are the typical “how was your day, did you eat, what do you want to do,” but it seems those conversation starters aren’t leading us nowhere. For the last hour, I watched you clean your room, but at the same time you didn’t get that far before you got distracted with some old letters to yourself when you were young. I was curious, so I playfully asked if I could read them too, but as I went to grab the letter. You got defensive and said “no” with a serious expression. I didn’t want to upset you so I backed off and continued to figure out what to say to you as I’ve been trying to do for the last couple of days.

I guess I shouldn’t put it on hold any longer. I starred at you for as long as I could, preparing myself for the worse and allowing me to take advantage of the opportunity to observe and examine this beauty who sits in front of me for I fear this is probably the last time can look at you like this. With a heavy heart, and a deep breath there was no going back. “Hey princess….”

“Yes babe?” you said as you continued to look through your stuff.

“Are you happy with me?” you paused for a moment and you looked at me with a smile on your face and said “yeah”. But you can’t fool me princess. After all these years together, I know when I can tell the difference between your real and fake smile. And it hurt to see that your smile was definitely a fake one. I kept starring at you not breaking any eye contact whatsoever, so that I may be able make out what you might possibly be thinking. “It’s okay for you to be honest. It won’t hurt my feelings.”

“Amber I-“

“We can work things out. We’re just going through a rough time right now, but I’m sure that we can fix it like how we always do…. Right?” I started to feel nervous and almost desperate waiting for you to say something. “Maybe we can go out more, take more pictures, make more memories? Happy memories..?” The longer we sat in silence, I could feel that heavy feeling in my chest get heavier and pain in my cheek becoming more apparent at I tried to fight back the tears that were starting to form. I chuckled and coughed to clear my throat so I could say what I feared the most. I looked down at my hands that were clamped together feeling defeated. “Or maybe we should break up…”

I looked up at you and your face was blank. “It seems like that the best option for the both of us, right?”

You nod your head. “I’m sorry Am. We’re just not as happy as we used to be. It’s not you, it’s me.” Tears were starting to form in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like nothing is working for us.”

I didn’t notice that my tears had already fallen, but I tried to stay composed and nodded in agreement. “It’s okay princess, it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. I don’t know what to do either.”

You leaned closer to me to wipe away my tears. “Please don’t cry. You never cry…. It’s sad to see you cry.” Then your tears started to fall.

“It’s okay princess, everyone cries. Crying is good” I smiled to her and wiped away my tears but they couldn’t stop. “I’ll be okay. I promise. Don’t worry about me, I’m a tough llama” I laughed to try and lighten the mood.

You smiled. “Yeah you are.”

“How long have you been thinking about it?” I asked you. You got quiet again. “Princess it’s okay to be honest, I won’t be upset.” You took a deep breath before you said something, “Honestly, it’s been for a while. I just don’t feel the spark between us anymore. I’m sorry Amber, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you do so much for me.” You cried more and I started to get angry. Not at you, but at myself because seeing you cry hurts me, and knowing that I can’t do anything to make you feel better kills me.

“Hey it’s okay” I wiped her tears and took both of her hands to reassure her. “Thank you for telling me.” You sniffled, “you’re not upset? Why not” she looked at me confused.

I chuckled. “how can I be upset at someone who means so much to me.” I looked at her with a smile. “It knowing that I can’t make you happy. I love you, and as cliché as it sounds. When you really love something or someone you should let them go.” The tears in my eyes started to form again. “So that’s what I’m going to do. I love you so much princess, but I will let you go. Thank you for everything princess. For being my first kiss, first love, and first everything. I will never forget the memories we made together.” I started rubbing the back of my neck trying to play it cool. “I don’t know how I’m going to get over you”

“And I don’t know how I’ll get over you. It took me four years to get over my first crush. It might take eight for you maybe even more. Thank you, Amber, for loving me.” You pushed your hair out of your face.

I wiped away my tears. “And maybe our breakup won’t have to be with us ending it all and never acknowledging each other. We can be mature and be friends? Because I can’t really imagine what life would be like without my best friend.”

“Me either…But is this really okay? Can we really be friends after all of this?” When you asked me this question, it reminded me of the time when your friends asked us if we ever were to break up would we stay as friends. You said that you hoped that we would. But I was unsure, I didn’t know if I could do it. You seemed disappointed by my answer, so I tried to make you feel better saying that we wouldn’t break up anyways. But look at where we are now. Breaking up.

“Yeah, I think so. We can both be mature about it and stay as friends. Besides this was a mutual agreement.”

“Are you sure Amber?” For a moment, I thought to myself. Honestly, I really don’t know. But I’m going to try. For your sake. “Yeah princess, I’m sure.” After spending about another hour of having everything soak in, that this is real and not a dream, and talking it out. I decided that it was time for me to go home. We said goodbye to each other before having one last kiss. For two people who had fallen out of love. It was definitely something. Your lips were so soft and warm. The kiss itself was full of longing and passion. For a moment, things felt like it used to. If only it had lasted a little longer.

“I guess I’ll see you around?” I said to you before I left. “Yeah I guess so.”

“Ahhh, but one last question?” you tilted your head in confusion. “Can I still call you princess?”

“Am…” Your faced turned into a sad expression.

“It’s still okay, right? I mean even before we were dating I called you princess because that’s what you are.” I smiled to you in an attempt to hide my sadness. Please, princess. Allow me to do this for a while just until I can get over you or until you have found someone else. Because even though you are no longer mine, you’ll always be my princess. You nodded your head and I felt relieved.

As I turned to walk out the door, I knew that this was it. There was no going back. No matter how much I would want for us to get back together, how much I wanted to be next to her, I couldn’t do that. After spending so much time to get out of the friendzone and succeeding, I stumbled back into the friendzone and will forever stay there. Once I got into my car, driving away I broke down. Reality hit me that we are no longer together. So many things came rushing to my head. All the memories, and all the things I wished I could’ve said to you, but my stupid brain couldn’t work out the right words to say until it was too late. My heart broken into a million pieces because the love of my life was no more. And the saddest part about it all…. Was that this was probably the first time in a long time that I actually felt close to you. Being able to speak honestly to you and listen to you…But it will also be the last time. Things will be okay right? Besides it's mutual..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey everyone! It's been a while hasn't it? Haha school and work have been super busy lately. I'm debating if I should continue with this story or not. Let me know what you all think. I probably wont be able to write often because life. But I will try! I cant leave you all hanging ;-). I hope you all have a great day or night!

~peace!