Pairing: Kim Sunggyu/Lee Howon | Hoya

Summary: When the chemistry between Sunggyu’s character and Howon’s character in a college drama gets a lot of popular notice from a lot of people, the drama club decides to capitalize on that by having them do more scenes together.

Rating: M

Words: 3,951

To Want What's Mine

Did you see how they were looking at each other?

How many scenes do they share in the actual book?

I love how the director made their fight seem like

My god! All the humping on the stage

There’s no way I’m missing next weekend’s show

Does anyone know where I can find the novel?

I ship JiYoung so hard

Did the school actually commission a gay play?

I think the proper ship name is YoungJi

Where have they been all this time?

It’s not a novel –it’s a play. It’s called “To Want What’s Mine”

I hope the play never ends

Maybe they’d have on stage…

Howon slammed his laptop shut and sat in the darkness of his dorm room. This was ridiculous. People were ridiculous. Dongwoo had advised against reading club reviews after just one week on stage but Howon had been too curious. Being the newest addition to the drama club for course points, he’d been desperate for some feedback because Professor Hyoan was being very tight-lipped about what he truly thought of Howon’s performances during rehearsal and on stage. It wasn’t like he’d had a choice.

But this… this was so silly. Minyoung and Jihyun had nothing between them. The script had said so. What were all these people –girls- thinking? Now, the next time he stood on stage with Jihyun, he’d feel weird. And it would be weird for only him because he was the only one stupid enough to read student reviews.

He dropped his head on his laptop, sighing into the dark. Why had he let this happen at all? He should have just let it be. He was going to let it be from now on. He’d learned his lesson and he was just going to have to leave his fate to Professor Hyoan and accept whatever it was by the end of the semester.

*****

Sunggyu’s classes usually ran late on Tuesdays so he knew no one would be surprised that he was an hour late for rehearsal because he always was. So he’d taken the chance to stop by his dorm and have some dinner before he eventually showed up for rehearsal that day.

When he entered the auditorium, he could hear the finishing tune of “Clear My Doubts” as the two main characters in the drama swept off the stage through opposite sides. He regretted showing up as late as he did. He always loved to watch Woohyun and Soojong take that scene as they sang till tears sometimes came to Sunggyu’s eyes.

He made his way down the stage as the stage manager handed him a new script.

“I have my lines down.” Sunggyu said, waving his copy of the real play but the manager shook his head.

“There’ve been some changes.”

Sunggyu took the script from him, frowning as he swept through the ten scenes for the next weekend production.

Jihyun

Minyoung

Jihyun

Minyoung

….

Jihyun

Minyoung

Jihyun

Min…

“Uh…” Sunggyu called out to everyone. “Why do I now have so many lines with…” He trailed off staring at the actor who played Minyoung. “Minyoung?”

“Howon.” The boy said.

“Why do I have so many lines with Howon?” Sunggyu asked. “And what is this? ‘I’ve been watching you for a while now.’ Jihyun is supposed to say, ‘leaning back in casual seductiveness’. Are you freaking kidding me?” What the heck were they doing? “Whose idea was it to destroy a classic?”

“A word, Sunggyu.” Jungyeop, the director said, waving Sunggyu over to the side of the stage. “You guys can keep on with practice.”

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

“We had to make a few changes.”

Sunggyu laughed, covering his mouth as he looked back at the stage where the boy –Howon- was watching him and the director quietly from the corner of the stage.

“Okay, first of all, I decided to play Jihyun because I have finals this year. I told you about this. I want to be in the play but I want a tiny role. Now Jihyun and Minyoung are in almost all of the ten scenes for the weekend.”

“But Sunggyu-”

“Second of all, since when are Jihyun and Minyoung flirting? Hyung, they hate each other.”

“Well, they don’t anymore.”

Jungyeop pulls out his phone as he clicks around and hands it to Sunggyu.

You could see Minyoung’s throughout the fight scene.

Did you see them making eye contact at the back of the stage?

It’s so weird that Anna and Jaebum are having a beautiful scene in the front but all I’m seeing is JiYoung.

Sunggyu handed the phone back to Jungyeop.

“So what? A couple of reviews and you’re changing everything?”

“It’s not a couple of reviews, Sunggyu. The school paper carried it.”

He hands the phone to Sunggyu again and he’s suddenly staring at a picture of himself and Howon. He’s sitting at the edge of the stage with his legs hanging off to the side but Howon’s behind him, watching him attentively with his hands in his pocket. The caption above reads: CHEMISTRY AMONG ENEMIES. And Sunggyu has to stop because he can swear he already knows what the article will say.

“Tickets are sold out for next weekend, Sunggyu and it’s just Tuesday.”

Huh?

“Hyung, there a thousand seats in this auditorium.”

“Precisely.” Jungyeop said. “And if they paid to see you and Howon make googly eyes at each other, that’s exactly what they’re going to get.”

*****

Rehearsal turned into an awkward mess after Sunggyu came back, sulking and completely uncooperative. He stood beside Howon, staring down at his script like he wanted to be anywhere else but on the stage.

By the time Howon and Sunggyu ran the three first scenes that they had with other people, Howon was so done. Everything . Sunggyu’s mood hadn’t improved the fact that everyone had to work with a new script wasn’t helping much, either. So the director called for an early close and asked that they all get better acquainted with their new lines.

As Howon went to pick his bag, he spotted Sunggyu talking to the lead character, Woohyun by the door. He was just about to look away when they both turned to him and Howon froze, feeling caught.

“Hey, Howon!” Woohyun called. “Are you busy?”

“Not right now.”

“Come have drinks with us.” He commanded and Howon nodded, taking out his phone and typing a quick text to Dongwoo that he was in desperate need of backup.

By the time he got to them, Woohyun was slinging an arm around his shoulders and squeezing up to him like they’d been friends since forever. Howon just laughed, going with the flow. If the two most popular drama club students wanted to hang, he was so down with that.

However, as it turned out, Dongwoo was so not the backup he’d thought he’d be getting. He’d forgotten that Dongwoo had been in the drama club with Woohyun for the last three years and so was a part of the Sunggyu and Woohyun inner club, sharing their jokes and laughing with them and almost completely oblivious to how uncomfortable Howon was.

“You’re not drinking.” Sunggyu said, nodding at his full glass.

“Howonie doesn’t drink.”

“Really?” Woohyun asked.

“What’s wrong with alcohol?” Sunggyu asked, twirling his cup around as Howon watched the liquid swish and swish inside of it in an almost mesmerized fashion.

“It’s… it’s just not my thing.”

“Right.” Sunggyu said, still looking at him. Howon felt weird under the attention. He also suddenly felt the need to pull his sweater around himself and scrunch his fingers further into the sleeves. Because Sunggyu was looking at him and it was… it was different.

“Hey.” Dongwoo said. “You two should be sitting together. You need to bond.”

“No, we don’t.”

Howon was suddenly being pulled up and dumped on the cushion beside Sunggyu as Sunggyu shifted to accommodate him.

“Yes, you do.” Woohyun agreed. “You’re about to become lead roles and we can’t have you both showing up on Sunday without any chemistry.”

“We have plenty of chemistry.” Sunggyu said dryly. “There’s even an article about it.”

“Well, there wasn’t any from today’s rehearsal.”

Sunggyu hit Woohyun on the head.

“You take that back.”

“Hit me all you want but you still need to get to know each other.”

“Fine.” Sunggyu said, looking up at Howon from his lean against the wall. “Get to know me. God knows we need it.”

What was he supposed to say now?

“Why don’t you get to know me?” Howon asked back, trying to mirror Sunggyu’s position but he had less space to spread into and he wasn’t as inebriated as the rest of them were, having avoided his drink the entire time.

“Oh, lookie, rookie.” Sunggyu said, eyes shining as he watched Howon. “There’s a kissing scene this weekend.”

“I know.”

“We’re going to kiss each other.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Have you kissed a guy before?”

No, he definitely had not. And before today, he’d never even thought it would be an item on his college experience list. But before he could answer, he heard smacking sounds coming from the other side of the table and he looked over, wishing he hadn’t, only to find Woohyun and Dongwoo kissing slowly as they caressed each other on the neck, the shoulders, the body.

What were they doing?

“So, never kissed a guy, have you?”

“They’re kissing.” Howon informed Sunggyu as if Sunggyu couldn’t see.

“Does it bother you?”

“Does it bother you?” Howon asked back, managing to tear his eyes from the duo making out on the other side of the tiny room.

“Why would it bother me?”

“Ah, sunbae.” Howon said, pulling at the neck of his sweater because everything felt really hot. “You were… you seemed kinda angry during rehearsal.”

“Because I was.”

“Because you have to kiss me?”

“Because I’m old and I’m allergic to change. Especially one that’s on the whim of a few, bored college girls.” Sunggyu grouched. “I have no problem with kissing you.”

Howon gulped, his lips as he watched Sunggyu’s, wondering what they’d taste like.

“Oh, for god’s sake.” Sunggyu said, pulling Howon down and clashing their lips together.

*****

Thursday practice turned out to be much better for Sunggyu. Once he’d readied his mind for the new role and decided that maybe it wouldn’t do to murder his director, he’d made his way to practice and waited for everyone because his Thursday classes ended before six.

After kissing Howon about a million times and convincing Howon to initiate the kisses as well, Sunggyu figured they were a little more comfortable with each other. But he hadn’t been prepared for the amount of snark and attitude Howon could give to the character of Minyoung until they were facing each other on Thursday and Howon was dazzling everyone.

“Yeah,” Howon said, rolling his eyes as he danced out of Sunggyu’s reach. “Nothing’s ever that easy.”

“You’re easy.”

“You won’t make me a child.” Howon said, changing the line from “I’m not getting into a childish fight with you.” Causing Sunggyu to laugh as he replied:

“Maybe we could make one together.” He knew was going off script, but he didn’t care.

“Hyung, do you have no idea where babies come from?” Howon asked, deviating farther from the script.

“Okay, okay. Hold on.” Jungyeop said, waving his hand at both of them. “Pens, you two. Write that down.”

“Write what down?” Howon asked, cheeks red as he looked like he was struggling to focus on anything but the script. Sunggyu could definitely understand where he was coming from. Because they'd been on a roll and they could’ve gone all night bantering between them. But the story had to move on.

“Your dialogue. I like where that was going. Can you take it from there but Sunggyu, join up at ‘don’t change the subject’.”

“That’s like three lines away.”

“Yeah. But your adlibs make more sense. Let them replace the old lines.”

Nodding, Sunggyu and Howon got back to it, trying to stick to the original script now, but even Sunggyu couldn’t keep his mind off the fact that with every word, they were getting closer and closer to the kissing scene.

But at the end of the rehearsal, when they finally ran the kissing scene, it was abrupt and curt and felt nothing like when they’d kissed in a dim room, surrounded by soju bottles and kissing friends. It had seemed almost impersonal and uncomfortable. And yet, when Sunggyu had pulled away from Howon, the hall had been silent for a second.

And then everyone had erupted in applause.

“Okay then.” Sunggyu said, hugging Howon from the side as he bowed and pushed Howon’s head down too till they were both bowing at everyone before them. “If this causes more noise on campus, better get ready. Because we’ll probably be having next week.”

Howon’s face was blue when they both stood up straight and Sunggyu wasn’t going to admit how much fun it was to rile the younger actor up.

“So, you and the new guy.” Woohyun said, later, wagging his eyebrows at him.

“Don’t be stupid.” Sunggyu said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“I’m just saying.” Woohyun shrugged. “That kiss-”

“Was nothing.” Sunggyu informed him.

“Did we… were we in the same auditorium?”

“Don’t try to stir up.” Sunggyu warned.

“I’m just saying. If that’s a stage kiss, I want to be one of you when the curtains come down.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because he’s a straight dude who just kissed a guy for the first time on Tuesday.”

*****

Howon stood behind the stage, squatting with his hand on his shoelaces as the words continued to wash over him.

…because he’s a straight dude… straight dude… because he’s a straight dude…

What the hell did it mean to be straight anyway? Girls were pretty. They were okay. But it wasn’t as if he was one of those guys who felt like he’d die if he didn’t a girl every week. He’d lost his ity in high school and had moved on to college but he hadn’t even bothered with a relationship. He hadn’t had the time or energy for it. Not when he was doubling in Dance and in Engineering. That he had the time to take extra hours on a drama was because he was taking only four core courses in the current semester.

If straight was someone who didn’t like –or look forward to- kissing another guy, then Howon wasn’t so sure he was straight anymore. He’d felt warm and tingly all over on Tuesday when they’d made out in the quiet room. He’d gone back to dorm and thought about it till he had dreams about it. And he’d come back to rehearsal, pumping in ual energy. If the director wanted them to have the next week and Sunggyu thought they should practice? Yeah! Howon would be totally fine with it.

Unless Sunggyu wasn’t. Unless he was just kissing and promising to fit a role… because he was a professional. And Howon was… well he wasn’t straight. So he had to be something.

Howon continued tying his lace as the door closed on the other two boys leaving the auditorium. His phone buzzed after he got up and picked his bag and it was a text.

GYU: want to get drinks?

Howon stared at the text. This was such a stupid thing to get vexed over. By the time the drama was done in five weeks and Howon had received his scores, he wouldn’t be here anymore. There was no need to get a quarter-life crisis over something so passing as a stage kiss.

HWN: can’t. have early classes

It was a weak lie but Howon couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.

*****

Sunggyu looked at his phone with a frown.

“What is it?” Woohyun asked. “Is he coming?”

“No.”

Woohyun shrugged and continued on his way.

“That’s weird.”

“What is?” Woohyun asked.

“Do you know anyone with early Friday classes?”

*****

Saturday practice was a little worse than Thursday had been. Howon tried to be calm about the way his head pounded anytime Sunggyu got too close. But he tried to cover it up even though he was sure Sunggyu could tell something was wrong.

At the end of practice, Sunggyu cornered him.

“Did I do something?” he asked as Howon focused seriously on a point just above Sunggyu’s shoulder.

“No. We’re fine.”

“Are we?” Sunggyu asked. “You’ve been… stiff with me.”

“It’s fine. It’s cool. I just have things on my mind.”

“Get drinks with me.”

“I have-”

“Before you lie, remember that tomorrow is Sunday.”

Howon knew he was blushing in shame because Sunggyu laughed and pulled at his hand, tugging him out of the hall.

The familiar tiny room didn’t feel so enclosing the second time Howon walked into it. But maybe that had something to do with the fact that they were half the number of people that had come in the first time.

“I still don’t drink.” Howon said as they sat, waiting for Sunggyu’s order.

“It’ll be just for me then.” He said, smiling so his cheeks came up and closed his eyes like a chipmunk.

“Sunbae, we have a show tomorrow.”

“Are you seriously never going to call me hyung off stage?”

Howon considered for a moment before nodding.

“Hyung.” He said, testing it. It felt even better in real life.

“See? I’m a better hyung than a sunbae anyway.”

Howon laughed.

“Now, want to tell me why we’re tense?”

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m going to keep asking till you tell me.”

Howon exhaled, feeling heavy and uncomfortable. So he pulled of his coat and the crack his neck from side to side. They weren’t kids here. Hell, the last time they’d been in this room, Howon had watched Dongwoo and Woohyun make out like it was no one’s business. He’d also kissed Sunggyu too. He’d done that. Yep. That had happened. There was no reason to be ashamed of what he was feeling. It was nothing.

“Talk to me.”

“I liked… kissing you.” He said, looking down at his hands.

“I like kissing you too. What’s the problem?”

Howon raised his eyes and stared back at Sunggyu. Was it that easy? Could it be that easy to just say like it meant nothing but also like it meant the world?

“I’m not straight.” Howon said.

“Is that what’s the problem?”

Howon nodded. And Sunggyu sat forward, leaning over the table.

“You’re in your third year, right? You have what? Two years to go? Engineering? Then what? Join the civil service, get a job, join military service, get discharged, go join some theater or some dance company or be an engineer-”

“What’s your point?” Howon asked.

“You have your whole life ahead of you.” Sunggyu said. “Don’t overthink everything today. If you think you’ve figured out something new about you. That’s fine. Start from there. Start simple.”

Start simple, Howon thought. Start simple.

“I like kissing you.” He repeated. That was simple enough.

“I want to kiss you too.” Sunggyu said, smiling at him.

“Yeah.” Howon nodded as Sunggyu got up to come closer. “Okay. Yes.”

*****

That Sunday, the ten scenes were explosive. Woohyun and Soojong sang a duet, as was standard; there was a group number; Howon did his dance number; and Sunggyu and Howon kissed in the final scene.

Sunggyu had almost forgotten that the entire auditorium had sold out. Not until their lips were letting go and the hall was going up in cheers and screams, did he suddenly remember that at least a thousand people were watching them kiss. In front of the school… and cameras… and real life people.

Howon had looked a little scared too. Like he was only just realizing what Sunggyu was just realizing as well.

But it wasn’t as if anything could happen to them. They had a script to protect them, a director to blame if it all went sideways, a throng of fans to support the characters because it was technically everyone’s doing. Howon and Sunggyu were just being professional.

They’d kissed each other not because they wanted to but because the school wanted them to.

No one was going to be able to crucify them for that.

After the show, the others wanted to go out for drinks but Sunggyu wasn’t really in the mood. That wasn’t what he was jonzing for at the moment. So he’d pulled Howon aside, ignoring knowing looks from Dongwoo and Woohyun.

“You’re coming back to my dorm.” Sunggyu told him.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have a roommate.” Sunggyu said.

And that had been that.

Sunggyu had expected restraint or confusion or worry from Howon, seeing as the boy had claimed to be a novice. The height of his expectation had been a little eagerness, maybe some curiosity. But he’d been completely unprepared for Howon’s enthusiasm and vigorous ual energy.

He felt silly about his confusion though. He shouldn’t have expected less. Howon was a dancer and dancers always claimed to be especially aware of their bodies. So why had Sunggyu assumed Howon would have no idea what his body needed when it came to ?

Howon had been too curious to try everything, eyes shining bright at every new sensation as his expression went from confusion to happiness in a matter of seconds in a manner that made Sunggyu feel like a deity. If this was how was going to be every day, Sunggyu didn’t think he’d ever be able to get enough of Howon. Not any time, if at all.

By the time they finally fell asleep, sated and aching all over, Sunggyu just knew… he totally knew… that nothing on the planet was going to make him wake up in time for classes the next day.

*****

Howon woke the next morning, sure that there should be daylight streaming in. But the room was as dark as night and the only light present seemed to be coming off a glare from a laptop, where Sunggyu sat with his legs folded into a chair as he read from the screen.

“Good morning.” He said, falling back on the bed.

“Good morning.” Sunggyu said, getting up with his laptop and coming to kiss Howon as Howon’s mind rewound to the night before. He could feel himself blushing and knew his cheeks were frozen in a shameful smile. He was absolutely glad for the darkness.

He’d just had .

He’s had with Sunggyu.

Garrrh, he wasn’t going to be able to make it to class.

“I’m reading reviews.”

“Oh god. Don’t.” Howon said, shifting away as he turned, unwilling to look at the screen.

“They’re talking about us having and saying very things.”

“Jokes on them.” He said. “Because had already.”

“We did, didn’t we?” Sunggyu said, kissing him again when Howon turned to look at the screen.

Howon’s tongue was in his mouth. Did you see?

Maybe they’re ing.

They didn’t go out to club dinner. The both of them

Did you watch the entire thing?

Oh my god, that kiss!

“Oh god.” Howon said in horror. “They’re not talking about our characters.”

“I know.”

“They’re talking about us. Real life us.”

“I know.” Sunggyu said laughing.

“Oh god.” Howon said, burying himself in Sunggyu’s comforter because he was never going to come out for air ever again.

“Girls are so weird.” Sunggyu said, sounding amused.

Howon didn’t care. He wasn’t about to fuss. Sunggyu was right here. And he could kiss him anytime he wanted and, apparently… anywhere.