“Hirai Hana… died this summer.”

Those daunting words echoed in my head. I couldn’t believe it.

I know that death is just a natural process in this cruel world of ours, but… it’s never gotten so close to me before. I mean, a teenager? At a prestigious high school? That could’ve been any of us…

Not only that, but the name… Hirai…? It sounds so familiar. Where have I heard that name before?

My search for answers was immediately put to a halt as the sound of a sobbing Dahyun broke my train of thought. My gaze shifted over at the sudden interruption as I witnessed the black-haired girl bawling her eyes out while continuing to stuff my rolls of sushi into as if she were part of a speed eating competition. I wasn’t really in the mood to eat anymore anyways…

My eyes scanned the rest of the table. They all must have been really close to this girl as those few mournful words created a cold, bleak atmosphere over the whole group that even Sana or Dahyun couldn’t possibly revive. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung had downcast looks on their faces as they slowly took small bites of their food, chewing at it slowly with the little amount of energy they had left in them. Jihyo just looked at the younger students with worried eyes, feeling sorry for having rehashed such a depressing memory. Jeongyeon merely picked at her food with her chopsticks clearly having lost her appetite, but still she stayed strong and tried not to show it in her face. Sana was the worst of all. Her skin turned a sickly pale hue as if all the life had been drained out from her soulless body.

An electronic bell tone rang throughout the courtyard through the loud speakers signaling the end of lunch break.

“C’mon guys, let’s go,” Jihyo beckoned as she weakly motioned us to follow her. I sluggishly packed my now-finished lunch back into my bag as I noticed Sana ruffle through her bag and take her lunchbox out.

“Sana? Lunch just ended.” I admitted to the girl hoping that she wasn’t still reeling from the gravity of the news.

“Yeah… I know…” she responded monotonously. “I’m just gonna stop by the classroom for a bit, you can follow the others to PE.” She clutched the small pail close to her heart as if it was worth a million dollars. It was clearly meant for someone else.

“What about you unnie? How are you gonna survive without eating~?” Dahyun asked worry apparent in her voice.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. I guess I can finally start my diet today!” Sana joked lightly seeming to have cheered up immensely after hearing Dahyun’s concern for her, but her smile still seemed forced.

Although it seemed like the overall mood had brightened up just a little, we continued our walk towards the field in complete silence as Sana left in the opposite direction up the steps back to her classroom.

“So, what is P…E…?” Tzuyu confessed breaking the quiet we had retained for most of the past hour.

“It’s basically a glorified recess period.” Chaeyoung admitted with a look of disgust on her face. “The school needed to find a way to convince the government that our students aren’t being overworked in their studies, but with barely any sports facilities or funding, it just turned into an outdoor study session.”

Thank God! I’m pretty sure if I had to show off any of my physical talent, all these new ‘friends’ of mine would have left me in an instant.

“Mina you should play soccer with us!” The shortest girl’s eyes lit up.

Hell no. My inner introvert wanted to slap her across the face for even suggesting the idea.

“Uh… No.” I didn’t even try to come up with an excuse at this point. There’s no way I’d be caught dead engaging in outdoor activities instead of studying.

“Oh…” The girl’s expression had now dimmed down to the point it was at during lunchtime.

“Play! I will!” Tzuyu beamed brightly as she attempted to cheer up the sad child.

“Um… Ok sure…” Chaeyoung replied as emotionless as possible after having just been rejected.

Jeongyeon and the three freshmen ran over to the field with a ball in hand as Jihyo and I settled on one of the cold metal benches overlooking the field. The fall weather seemed to treat us very well around these parts of Seoul. It was the perfect ratio of cloudy to breezy without any chance of rain. What a great environment to stud-

“Hey, about earlier,” Jihyo began as soon as I got ready to pull out my study material. “It’s not your fault. Nayeon’s just having a hard time right now. So, don’t take it to heart, alright?”

It’s a little hard not to with a first impression like that…

“It would be such a shame if you did… None of these kids really share my peace of mind... And it seems like you enjoy being a spectator just like me.” She ended with a warm smile already knowing her suspicions to be true.

“I mean I guess I do… I think I’m content with being on the sidelines for right now at least,” I admitted half-heartedly and annoyed.

The truth is, I’ve been too used to being the main character of sorts. Ever since I moved to Japan, I was always worshipped by my peers. Not once have I asked for it, but due to my lavish amount of money and my astounding top-tier grades, people would practically beg to be my ‘friends’. Ever since then, I’ve had my emotional walls built up high. Especially due to the rough introduction I’ve received so far from Korea, I had gotten so paranoid to the point where I’ve stopped letting anyone through.

“Just… content?” Jihyo raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

I just stared at my lecture notes from earlier hoping the older girl would get the hint that I didn’t feel like engaging in a conversation.

“I mean yeah, what’s wrong with that?” I stared off into the distance not really realizing what she was alluding to.

“The way you answered just now, It feels like… you’re not exactly sure what you really want for yourself.”

I know for a fact that I never want to date another guy like Jackson again… Even just thinking about how his temperament towards me could change in an instant gave me chills. But on the other hand… I did find friends like Yeri who I wouldn’t have met otherwise…

“And listen, I don’t want to sound like a nagging mother right now, but… I think you deserve to find out. For your own sake.” Jihyo continued.

I never really thought it was a major problem of mine up until now but… What do I want for myself?

My gaze fixed on the other students playing soccer in the distance. Jeongyeon managed to slide tackle a frail Chaeyoung onto the floor and knock the ball out of her control. Dahyun, Jeongyeon’s teammate, instead of going after the ball and scoring a free goal, decided to offer her help to a fallen Chaeyoung. Rather than getting mad, the short-haired girl just playfully yelled at Dahyun and tackled her as they all collapsed onto the floor in one balling heap of laughter.

These kids… their friendship seems so genuine… It made me wonder if I’ve ever had friends like that before…

[Flashback]

[San Antonio, Texas]

“SHHHHH! I hear her coming!” I heard a hushed voice through the door to my bedroom.

“Quick! Hide!” Another voice whispered in reply.

This was my first experience being robbed and I was ready. I firmly clutched my father’s lethal nine-iron close to my chest as I inched slowly towards the door. They wouldn’t even know what hit them.

3…

2…

1…

I kicked the door open with all my might and let out a shrill war cry at the top of my lungs as I executed my plan.

“SURPRI-“ the voice was cut off as I stabbed the club against his ribcage.

“AHH! ERIC! What the hell Mina!” the other perpetrator cried.

I instinctively stopped in the middle of my next swing at the sound of my name being called. Either these robbers really did their research or…

The lights flipped on.

When my eyes finally grew accustomed to the now brightly-lit room I noticed a lifeless body that belonged to Eric Nam on the floor, a frightened Wendy trying to check up on him, and a wide-eyed Amber with her hand over the light switch.

“Sur… prise?” Amber’s confused voice muttered as she stared straight into the face of my dangerous weapon.

“I’m so sorry!” I cried out as I realized the severity of my actions. I had managed to stab one of my best friends in the gut who took the blow entirely because he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party.

“Quick! Blow out the candles and wish Eric alive again!” Wendy cried in panic.

“But if everyone knows your wish it won’t come true…” Eric mumbled through pained gasps.

We all let out a sigh of relief at the gracious resurrection of our fallen classmate.

“Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital? Mina can pay!” Wendy insisted as she desperately checked Eric’s body for external bleeding.

“HEY! Why me?!” I yelled at the girl after hearing my name suddenly being pulled out in association with money.

“Because you killed him? DUH!” Wendy retorted. “And besides, we never make you pay for anything! You wouldn’t even fork over some money to save his life?!”

She had a point. About everything. These were the type of friends that never solely correlated my name to my money. At the time, it never really occurred to me that these were the type of friends I wanted, but in hindsight, I realized how just how much I’ve missed out on.

I glanced over at the half of the birthday cake that didn’t end up on the floor. It was crooked on all its edges and the coating of frosting had many holes on its surface. Even the “HaPPy BiRtHday MiNa!” message sprawled on the top of the cake was written in messy handwriting. But I guess it wasn’t so bad for a couple of thirteen year olds.

My heart ached and it felt as if I were crying revisiting this scene in my head.

“So… you can still eat the cake we made, right?” Amber questioned a little worried.

“Maybe…” Eric managed to say as he got up into a seated position. “But it might pop out of my stomach after I swallow it.”

“Nice! I call dibs on seconds!” Amber cried as she pulled out forks from her disgusting shorts pocket.

I knew I was full-on sobbing at this point. I couldn’t hold it back. The realization that I would never have friends like this again was just too much to bear.

This is it. This has to be what I want.

[End of Flashback]

*****

The bell tone rang throughout the school signaling the end of recess period. I shook my head and wiped the tear streaks on my face as I reoriented myself with my surroundings.

“I hope you had enough time to thi