Just a quick note to differentiate the characters: he/him(italics) – Sungyeol’s best friend

                                                                             he/him (Normal) – The person Sungyeol likes. (Good friend t oo)

11 Mar 2011

It is the happiest day of my life today. I just got a confession from the boy I loved. What should I do??? Should I accept him??? There are so much things running in my head now that it is making me dizzy.

13 Mar 2011

I’m not ready. I really can’t decide whether or not to accept him.

20 Mar 2011

It’s been a week and I still can’t make up my mind, I’m afraid. He keeps gawping at me with longing eyes waiting for my answer but I’m scared to take the first step and lead our friendship into something more. What if it doesn't work out? What if the others found out?? What would become of us???

25 Mar 2011

Am I thinking too much??? I know I should just follow my heart but don’t want him to get hurt. I’m usually very decisive but this time I’m acting like a wimp. It’s frustrating.

2 April 2011

I saw him crying in the roof tonight and my heart cringed. I wanted to console him but someone appeared before me, hugging him and kissed away his tears. I was dumbstruck because the boy was none other than my best friend. I’m confused. All I could do was to run away.

10 April 2011

I wasn’t able to sleep for days, the scene keep playing in my mind. He was avoiding my gaze. There was guilt plastered on his face and I don’t dare to think about what could have happen between them after I left. I think he had given up on me because they looked happier together. Suddenly, I felt like a third wheel sandwiched between them.  It hurts.                            

20 April 2011

“Yeollie hyung, I finally took up the courage and confessed to him”

“I told him I liked him”

“You’re going to support me, aren’t you?”

These were simple word he said but to me they were daggers piercing me deep because I can’t choose to ignore him. Between my best friend and the one I loved, it wasn’t an easy choice but it was an obvious decision. I chose the person dearest to me and gave him my blessing.

1 May 2011

Today, he suddenly grabbed onto my hand and demanded an answer. An answer I can’t give him because it won’t be the reply he wanted. All I say was sorry, he would treat you better and a punch landed on my cheek. My face was aching but the pain was bearable because my heart hurts even more.

5 May 2011

They are officially together. What more could I say, it was my choice after all.

2 June 2011

It was about a month since that fateful day and I was surprised I’m taking everything so well. I am able to eat and sleep every day and see them being intimate without feeling a thing. Okay, I’m lying but it wasn’t that bad now, my scars are healing. I think. They would eventually, won’t they??

 5 June 2011

We were left alone in the study room together only me and him. It was awkward because he kept fumbling with his pen, waiting for me to say something. But I just ignored him and he got violent. He grabbed my collar and shoved me onto the ground. It was the first time I noticed he was actually really strong. He straddled my waist and looked me in the eyes.

“Yeollie hyung, we could still be friends even if you don’t like me. Don’t avoid me anymore. I did what you want me to. I’ve made him happy” He pleaded as I lay there, letting his tears fell on me. What did he just said, I don’t understand, making him happy?? Did he misunderstand something?? He must have thought I loved him, but I didn’t want to correct him. It was better if he thought that way. So “Mhn....” was all I could muster to say because I was dying inside to tell him my feelings that I’ve always liked him.

2 July 2011

Everything went back to normal, just like the days before he confessed to me. We were closer than before, the three of us, teasing and joking with one another like the old days. I don’t feel like the odd one out anymore even when they kiss and hug each other in front of me. I’ve asked myself this question why?? Did I really stop loving him or did I learn to hide my feelings well. I think I know the answer, it’s the latter.

15 July 2011

They just had a fight today and my best friend came to me asking me to console him. What the heck was the only response I would give, why me...why me I keep thinking and it was obvious because we are all good friends. I want to ask the reason why they fought but I was scared to know because I could easily be the spark of it. How I wish?? In my dreams.

“He doesn’t want to have with me” He said nonchalantly without me asking.

“Bwoh??” I stuttered in return. “So you want me....want me to persuade him to have....”

“Yeollie hyung, you believe me....Hahaha........I was just joking........We quarreled....we quarreled because I was insecure. I always felt his heart was somewhere else. I think he loves another person but he keeps denying.  I really don’t get him. What should I do, I loved him so much”

Honestly, what do you want me to do, I want to question him? What should I do?? It hurts me hearing him in pain because I bet he is too. They are both, no all of us are in pain but what could I do to ease them away???

No matter what the outcome would be one of us is bound to be hurt because love works like a clap. It only takes two hands to make a sound but if another hand comes in the way, everything would be ruin. Everything would go out of synchrony.

16 July 2011

Pushing his room door open, I saw a shivering ball rolled up in the corner of the room. Helpless whimpers coming from his throat and I held my urge to go in. I can’t bear the looks of him tearing since I know I was the cause of his sorrows. All I did was hide behind the door, waiting for his sobs to rock him to sleep.

When the room went silence, I sneaked in quietly and carried my sleeping beauty in my arms onto his cozy bed. Glancing at his angelic features, I ran my fingers across his cheeks and wipe away the stray tears still fresh on his skin.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me.” I muttered as I press a chaste kiss on his lips. A kiss that could never been known to anyone except me.

19 July 2011

Is a lover’s quarrel just a game because they made up yet again.  So quickly that it made me a little sad. What the hell is wrong with me?? I don’t know what I’m saying? Why am I so gloomy because of it? I should be happy for them but I just can’t be.

Is it because I know he is still in love with me so my thoughts are wavering??? But they are fine now. It should be a transitional period. They just need more time together to develop their relationship. It must be. So stop all these futile thoughts, it would never bring you anywhere. Lee Sungyeol.

5 August 2011

It is their 3^rd month anniversary. I was smiling until my cheeks went stiff, I am happy for them. I am...but who am I deceiving??? Me, of course... Yes, I am deceiving no one but myself. I felt bitter. My tears tasted salty on my lips.  I dread seeing them sweetly together. I can’t stop my tears because I hate everything.

Why did I even let him go?? Why did I push him away??? Aish??? I’m an idiot.

Love is making me dumb because I keep asking myself stupid questions when I’ve already known all the answers; answers that are mocking my intelligence.  

1 November 2011

I can’t...I don’t know how to write this. I’ve thought. I’ve always thought I was mentally prepared to see this after I’ve immune myself to their touches, hugs, kisses, and caresses. I’ve idiotically thought I was prepared to hear his moans and that it would not affect me. But I was totally wrong. I can’t control myself. I can’t control the anger brewing in me. So I dashed in and things went viral instantly.

 Author notes:

                        Happy New Year everyone, so this is the part one to the two –shot.  I hope you have enjoyed reading this, it is written in a diary form and other than Sungyeol, the other characters are left very vague so that it can fit the different endings I going to write. I hope you are not confused yet. Part two is the account of what happened, please anticipate for it.

Yup, want to make a guess who is first him and him, if you get it right that would be the first pairing version. I hope you will read all the different versions even if it is not the couple you shipped because this is the beauty of fanfics, you can get the ending you wished for but in life it may not be the case. Not every relationship and friendship would work out right when love gets involved.

Please do subscribe and comment. I hope to hear your thoughts and views so do comment. Thanks.

Comment replies@

piyapatch:Happy New Year to you too. I hope you like the update. I will be waiting for your constructive feedbacks in the future.

haneul_lee: How was my update? Hope it is up to your liking though I think Sungyeol’s emotions are not really well portrayed out because I did it in a diary form.