Stanfour - Take me or leave me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXgShLa92Us

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You know that feeling when it’s too perfect to be true?

You wait for something bad to happen and it actually never does. But at the moment when you let your guard down and start to not think about it just happens. Out of nowhere. Like life is making fun of you.

Well that was for me every time, when I was with Jaejoong.

We were dating about half of year and then bam! The bad news came, out of nowhere. Just three hours ago I heard that he’s a gangster. And maybe the readers thinks oh you must be soooo happy. Well I’m not.

The truth is, it hurts. So bad. The fact that all those 6 months he didn’t say anything about it, hurt me.

But it was three hours ago. And right now I’m walking down the street to meet him, to accept him, because no matter how it hurts to be lied it hurts too much to be apart from him. It took three hours ,one bottle of soya and good friend to realize that.

The streets were empty, no car were passing by. And out of nowhere I saw weird guys coming. They stopped when they were in front of me.

The leader I guess, was with bronze hair, behind him was the guy with white cap and the other was with unusual hair color – pink, which surprisingly suited him. And the last one, well he was creepy.

“Hello” the leader said with soft voice “You’re ------- -shi? Hero’s girl aren’t you?”

“Y-Yes”

“Well, well, well” the cap guy made a step in front “Aren’t you cute huh? He still have a nice choice in woman’s” they all laughed.

“What do you think L, will Hero cry if we take her?” The leader tilted his head to the pink haired guy. L looked bored and looked away.

“Who are you?” I meekly asked.

“You don’t know us?” I shook my head “We’re Teen Top dudes. And you, cutie, are in big trouble” The creepy guy smiled.

“Does she even know why we are scaring her” L murmed.

“How wouldn’t she know, she is his girl?” cap guy said. And this was my chance I looked at the ground and quietly said

“I don’t know” With innocent voice. There was silence. Dead silence. I looked up, they were staring at me with burning eyes all humor disappeared.

L named guy quietly laughed “What’s the point of taking her now”

“We will delight her.” The cap guy walked towards me and bent down so he can look in my eyes “Your precious Hero killed our member” At this point his eyes changed to sorrow which made me step back.

L again laughed “This is getting more and more ridiculous. I am going home, there is no point of taking her anyways. She doesn’t know a thing and she looks like she’s going to cry any moment, which annoys me” That said he walked past me and so did all of them expect cap guy.

“If we meet once again here or anywhere around here” he said in low voice “You will definitely will lose something understand?” His eyes  were burning with anger, but it lasted one second and he was gone from my eye sight.

I stood there what it felt like hours till I finally could move. My  mind was spinning ,and I felt like falling at every step I was making. The same sentence was in my mind, did he really killed somebody? I stopped.

“------ - ah!” I heard Jeajoongs voice. “Are you hurt?” his worried voice got me out of my mind, I started to feel everything around me. I realized that he was hugging me and the second I realized that I pushed him away. “Wh-Wh-What?”

“Is it true?” I looked at him “Is it really true that you killed somebody?” He looked at me with terror. I didn’t need an answer everything was showing in his face “He was trying to kill you so you killed him right? You tried to defend yourself or, or, or maybe he tried to kill your friend.” I was babbling “No, no that’s not right.” I tried to think of every scenario I have ever heard of, but every time I tried to say it out loud it felt wrong. “Why you are not speaking. Tell me” He looked away. “Tell me” I begged.

“There’s nothing to say” Was his response. I looked at him with shock.

“How.. What? W-W… What do you mean there’s nothing to say?” I started screaming “Explain yourself. Tell me something that I could believe in.”

“Why would I? I don’t regret killing him” his cold voice was like a blade for my heart.

“I didn’t asked you if you regret” I whispered looking at him “I asked why?” His head tilted to my side

“Isn’t it enough to say that I love you? You need to hear only that from me.” I took one step back. “Yes, finally I said it. I love you. So why do you need to hear about how or why or who or anything about it?”

“Because he’s human like us. He deserves to live like you and I live now” He laughed.

“If you would just knew him you wouldn’t say that”

“But I can’t can I? Because you murdered him, who are you to decide who is good and who is bad huh? Even if you knew he was bad person we have police and laws and everything to make that boy regret it”

“And what do you want to do now? Make me regret it? Huh?” He screamed in my face “I wanted to kill him, because of what he did. Even if I tell you, you wouldn’t understand because you have an attitude like this that everything is solved with laws and all that . Well It’s not. Sometimes bad people doesn’t go to prison like we want to and good people take their place. People doesn’t wake up and start shooting  people out of nowhere, it takes reason and I have it. But you would never know this and you would never understand it.”

“Well make me understand it” I screamed back “Make me understand you reasons. Make me understand why all of the people, you, killed that person!”

“And what you want to know details or what? How my blade crossed his skin and made him bleed to death? Or how the thought of doing it again makes my blood boil?” His voice made me sickening.

“I don’t recognize you” I whispered “It’s like you changed the moment I knew all of you”

“I didn’t change. I was always the same.”

“No you weren’t” I said through the tears “You were sweet and loving, respectful and good.” I broke off. He looked at me with pain in the eyes

“Don’t cry” he placed his hand on my cheek and brushed off the tears “I love you okay? Forget everything and be with me” he looked deeply into my eyes

“I can’t” his hand slowly slid off from my cheek “The more I get to know you the more it starts to terrify me. It feels like every step I make it leads towards your side, the side I don’t like, which makes me vomit and feel regretful. I can’t just forget everything because my brains say no to you and it kills me because I can’t be without you. And.. and” He stepped away.

“Okay” his voice was full of pain “Go”

I couldn’t move.

“go” his voice now sounded firm. “GO” he screamed at me with tears in his eyes.

Slowly I lifted my feet and started walking. The thoughts were running through my mind as I passed him by. He didn’t stop me, but still I stopped a moment waiting for him, he didn’t move. Did we ever meet again? Was my last thought then I started to run.