Taemin stared at me. His jaw is taut. His eyes, his eyes are full of anger, his brows furrowed together.

“You lied.

I couldn’t say a word. Tears are already pooling in my eyes. I am restraining myself, a lot of people are watching us. We are backstage at MBC building. Apink will be having a filming in an hour time, and Shinee just finished their broadcast two level up, 15 mins earlier.

I tried to hold him, “Oppa, I ….

*PAAAP*, id never been slapped before, not by my parents, not even when I was acting in dramas. It wasn’t the pain that bothers me, it was him walking away, his irregular breathing, his fast strides but slouching shoulders. My heart is telling me to run after him, to explain to him everything, but I didn’t, I couldn’t. It was as if my feet is being glued on the floor, because I did, I did what he accused me of, lying to him.

*RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*

I woke up in cold sweat. It is 4.00 am in the morning. Has been awhile since ive had these nightmares. It must have been triggered by the news of Shinee coming back the same day as Apink, which is today. I rummaged my bedside table for the anti-depressant pills, I need this today. Heard the hustling & bustling outside my door. Opened my door and saw Soo Jung preparing breakfast for us,

“Yah, you’re up! Morning! Go and bathe & get changed. You have an early start today. Id make some French toast and hot milo to perk us all up

Eunji unnie is already sitting on the kitchen table sipping her hot milo. “How I wish either of them is a morning person like you Soo Jung ah. The both of them can sleep for days.

Its not a surprise to see Soo Jung here. She is welcome here whenever she wants to. Eversince her sister is not in SNSD anymore, and Sulli’s withdrawal from Fx and her relationship with Jongin surfaces to the mass, she needs a friend more than anything. Although I knew her quite late, we immediately clicked the first time Taemin oppa brings me out to Han River to meet up with Jongin and Kwonho. Soo Jung and Kwonho’s girlfriend was also there. From then on, we grew closer. The fact that she’d known Taemin oppa since they were trainees at SM helps me a lot in understanding Taemin oppa better. We also had similar taste in clothing so shopping is easy with her and like what Jongin always say to us, “The both of you practically has the same personality; cold but lovable”. Im glad that even after what happened with me & Taemin oppa, she never ask what happened yet she still stays the same Soo Jung that id know.

Id join them at the kitchen table after id finished getting ready. We need to be at MBC at 5.30am. It is always an early start the first day of comeback. Chorong unnie just texted at our group chat to be at the basement at 4.45 am. “Eat up Naeun, our maknae is still not up yet, - Eunji hissed with a toast in one hand and makes her way to Hayoung-ie’s room.

“What time did you even wake up? Who send you here? You don’t have any schedule today?– I poured my own cup of milo.

Soo Jung sits infront of me, sipping her hot milo. “Ive got nothing going on today and you girls need this. Is this how you treat a sunbaenim who comes over to prepare breakfast, not a word of thanks even?

Hayoung runs from her room to the toilet. Eunji followed after her, looked at us & shakes her head. She then went back into Hayoung’s room.

“Thank you so much sunbaenim – I rolled my eye and bowed 90 degrees to Soo Jung.

She laughed and continues eating. I head back to my room to tidy up my bed. I text my mum, dad & sister to pray for me & the rest of us. It became a habit that I do not bring my phone with me in the first day of come back because its going to be a busy day and I am more on the forgetful side. This year alone, I actually misplaced my phone, twice. I pulled the drawer to put my phone in, there on its left is the bracelet that Taemin oppa had lend to me. I lost the one he bought for me, so while waiting to order a new one, he lend me his. It is abit loose but it dangles perfectly on my wrist. I wore it on the last come back, I still remember how he gleams when he saw it on me. “Naeun ah, hurry up! – I don’t have time to think about it, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I took it with me and keep it inside my jeans pocket. Switched off the light and closed my bedroom door.

“All the best girls! Do not worry about it too much. Apink is the best! – Soo Jung beamed. I swear the public who criticizes her for being cold & emotionless would be shocked to see this side of her. Eunji gave her a big hug followed by Hayoung. I hugged her, abit too tight, I know she wonders what exactly happened between Taemin oppa and me but she clearly respect me enough to not ask. I do not want to worry her too much, with everything she have on her plate at the moment, she was crestfallen when Jessica unnie leave Korea and she’d fell into depression more so after the news of her relationship surfaces. She is getting better with our (Jongin, Taemin oppa and myself) help then, so I do not want anything to jeopardize her progress.

“All the best Naeun ah

“I know. Thanks for coming down.

“If he ignores you, leave him alone. Just focus on yourself. – she rubbed my back

At that moment, I wanted to pour out everything out to her.

“Okay go ahead. – she pushed me to the door.

“Fighting!

I put on my shoes, ready to face the d-day.