* The sixth door *

~

Germany, West Berlin 1961

Freezing Jinyoung pulls his coat tighter around himself and adjusts his scarf, pushing through the bunch of curious people who look in the direction of the death strip. He just wants to be at home, away from all these people and protected from the cold.

Trying not to draw any attention himself he directs his eyes to the ground and rushes past the crowd, finally reaching a lonely alley and being able to relax. Here nobody will recognize him. 

As he walks around the corner he curtly makes a change of plans and decides to visit his favourite cafe before going home.

The cafe is rather unpopular. It looks a bit old and worn out, has some kind of sad but dangerous athmosphere which is why not many people like to go here. Exactly perfect for Jinyoung.

Like always only a third of all tables are occupied and Jinyoung is relieved to see that the table he sits at most of the times he comes here is still free. It's a small table for only one person, which is already really fitting for Jinyoung since he's always alone as long he isn't working anyway, and also it's standing in the darkest corner of the room, hiding Jinyoungs face and making him feel safe.

He sits down gingerly and places his bag down next to him, eyes wandering through the room and searching for familiar faces he should avoid. Luckily today there aren't any old classmates or former friends who know a little too much about him which could make him uncomfortable. He sighs exhausted and slumps against the backrest of his shabby chair, making it creak suspiciously.

His hands cling to the edge of the table as he looks outside the window. Normally at this time of the year almost nobody would be on the streets but today is a special day and they are full. Jinyoung doesn't understand how something like this can light up the people's curiosity, the only thing it makes him feel is sadness, anger and disappointment. He doesn't want to watch.

A sudden tap on his shoulder pulls him out of his thoughts. In front of him stands a young waiter with wide grin and big puppy eyes - Jinyoung believes to remember his name is Youngjae - and waves with the menu. "The usual mister Park?" he asks, flashing him an encouraging wink and Jinyoung responds with a tired smile. "Yes but today with an extra shot of brandy please." he says in the most not pathetic sounding voice possible for him. Ordering alcohol aready makes him seem pathetic enough.

Seeming to be able to read his thoughts Youngjae answers with a "Don't feel bad mister Park, you're still classy as ever. There's really no other way to cope with the events of today than rinsing them down with a shot of high percentage drinks." and disappears behind the bar again. 

Just a minue later a big mug filled with a mix of coffee and brandy is placed in front of Jinyoung and he sends the young boy a thankful smile.

The cup feels hot against his rough but somehow still delicate hands and spreads warmth through his weary bones. Jinyoung doesn't know what to feel, well, he feels depressed. Today just a little more than usual.

His ears focus on the sounds of his surroundings and stuck on the conversation of a group of women, sitting two tables behind him.

"Did you see how fast they are working? They only started this morning and the wall is already almost finished, it will only take a few days until it's completed." one of them says in a worried tone.

"Yes, it scares me. Why would they even build such an ugly thing in the middle of the city..."

"Well, at least we don't have to look at the dead strip anymore" another says bitterly.

"One of my friends boyfriend lives in the east, they can't see each other anymore now." a younger one tells angrily. "This loss loss of humanity is incromprehendsible, really."

"Exactly, I have a coworker who lives in the east too, he was at work when they started and now he can't go back to his wife and kids. The Sozis are cruel."

Not wanting to hear any more of their talks Jinyoung gulps down his drink all at once and shoves the payment on the table, taking his bag and rushing out of the cafe hastily. Outside the cold air hits him right in the face, making his lips tremble. 

His head hurts badly from migraine, he has a sick feeling in his stomach and the cold painfully turns his hands into iceblocks. All he wants right now is a rest.

Shortly before he reaches his home it happens again. A small girl, which has eyed him thoroughly for the last seconds tugs on her mothers coat excitedly and points in his direction. "Mama, Mama, there's actor Park." Immediately a bunch of people who heard her turn around and look at Jinyoung in awe, some womens gazes full of adoration, squeals slipping over their lips. He feels small and insecure under all these eyes. Not giving them a chance to address him and ask for an autograph or something like that he immediately starts to walk faster, reaching his home faster than ever before.

Finally inside his appartment he goes to bed right away, no even changing out of his clothes. He falls asleep within minutes, night plagued with nightmares of his past and a certain face which appears oddly often. 

-

"Jinyoung, you have to get your freaking life together." Yugyeom says, shoving a plate with selfcooked food in front of Jinyoungs face, who reponses with a disgusted noise in the direction of the food. "You are going to eat this, now. Eat it or I'm going to force you, I won't watch you drowning in your selfpity anymore. You have to take care of yourself Jinyoung okay?" the younger says decisive, worry still obvious in his voice.

"I don't want to. I'm not hungry." Jinyoung grumbles but sits up and pulls the plate towards himself nevertheless. "Yes you are, you're only not eating because you think you'll be able to die this way. Well you would if you wouldn't have me. Now eat!" 

The blackhaired brings the first spoon to his lips, his face sullen, and feels the need to throw up. "It's nauseating Yugyeom!" he whines, but immediately shuts up as he sees the furious look on the others face. Sighing he gives in, "Okay, okay. I'm going to eat it Idiot." The smile on Yugyeoms face is bittersweet.

If he thought Yugyeom would let him live in peace after he finished the food he was wrong. He barely gulped down the last spoon when Yugyeom already pulls him towards his bathroom, forcing him to take a bath and shave. While Jinyoung is busy cleaning himself he chooses new clothes for him to wear and makes two cups of tea. 

Freshly cleaned, the scent of vanilla soap surrounding him, Jinyoung sits down with Yugyeom. "Why are you even here? It isn't like I invited you over." he asks the younger, a frown of his face. "I don't need an invitation."

"Yes you do."

"But I'm your friend."

Jinyoung is annoyed "I have no friends." 

"Surely, you have me." 

"I hate people."

"Not me."

Not having any arguments left Jinyoung continues to angrily drink his tea and stares to the ground.

For a minute there's silence between them, then Yugyeom speaks up again. "You know that they have built a wall between east and west germany right?" he asks softly, concerned to address a dangerous topic.

"I do, how could I not." Jinyoung laughs bitterly.

"And...how does it make you feel?" Yugyeom tries to go a little further.

"I don't really feel anything, I already lost my faith in humanity long ago." "But doesn't it make you feel sad or something like that?" the younger tilts his head, trying to see through Jinyoungs features what he feels. The other stays cold. "Makes no difference, you know I'm always depressed."

"Don't you think about Mark? You won't be able to see him anymore."

"Stop." Jinyoung says, voice icecold. Inwardly he thinks that it doesn't matter if there's a wall or not, Mark and him haven't met each other once in the last years and even without a wall they wouldn't start to meet each other again.

"But I can't believe that this doesn't matter to you, he was so important you." was? is.

"I said stop, stop talking to me about him. I don't want to hear it okay? I despise him." Jinyoung grits out between clenched teeth.

The younger shakes his head, "I don't believe you."

"You don't have to, I think I know my feelings better than you."

"He's still important to you but you don't want to accept it, get over