fluff and angst

Requested by: Taemins_LittleNoona (jungkook, oc)

It was early evening, barely 6PM yet the sky was already dimming. The wind outside seemed cold enough for the passersby to breathe out in mists. I looked down at the phone in my hands, rereading the message sent to me just 5 minutes ago. It was my mom telling me when the schedule for my surgery was. I was startled by the hand caressing my back. “Laura, are you okay?” I flash a faint smile, assuring him with a nod before turning back to the message on the screen. Whenever I was even slightly bothered, he’d notice and comfort me right away, especially when it concerned my health. Just last week I was in my doctor’s clinic, following up on my condition but the solemn look on his face told me I wasn’t going to be happy about what he was going to tell me. “I’m going to have to perform a heart valve replacement. Your tests showed that your symptoms of fainting and chest pains were caused by the defect in your heart valve.” He pauses before he looks up to show a small smile. “Don’t worry, Ms. Lu. It’s an operation with a success rate of more than 90 percent and you’ll perfectly recover within 5 years” Not long after I hear him mention the surgery operation, I was lost in my own thoughts, drowning out his words. Jungkook shook my shoulder lightly and stared at me with a worried look. “Did you catch all that, Ms. Lu?” I looked back up at him then at the boy standing behind me then back at the doctor. “He explained about how your surgery is going to go and what you should do to prepare for it” he said softly as he sat down next to me. “It’s okay, Doctor. I’ll take care of her to make sure she’ll be ready for the surgery” he smiles and the doctor smiles warmly back. “You should take care of yourself too, Mr. Jeon. Wouldn’t want to see you here again”. The doctor chuckles before the black haired boy smiled and nodded in response before bowing and motioning me to get up. “I’ll coordinate with Mrs. Lu for the schedule of your surgery, so don’t worry about anything other than staying healthy” he adds. I bow and stepped out of the office still distracted by my thoughts.

As we step out, the rest of the boys come in view along with the two men standing watch by the hallway next to the waiting area. The merry noise stopped short as soon as we stepped out of the office and was replaced with messy shuffles of feet walking towards us in a rush. “What did he say?” Namjoon asks the younger boy but I couldn’t register a word of what his reply was. As I plunged into over thinking the operation again, I felt warm, small hands grasp my arm along with a sweet voice asking me if I was feeling okay. “Why don’t we go to the café that sells your favorite ice cream?” I gave him a small smile as I nodded softly in agreement. He smiles widely and I follow him out of the group as the others followed suit to the back door of the hospital. The managers walked in front of us, making sure no one sees us on our way to the van. As I got in and sat at the corner of the car, Jimin came in next, sitting next to me. I couldn’t help but think 3 and a half years wasn’t enough for these boys to know you well enough but the comforting yet concerned look on the boy next to you proved you wrong. “Are we going to that café near the dorm?” the fair, elder boy asked out loud receiving an affirmative response from the silver haired boy. Yoongi’s question spiked conversations between the boys that were barely audible and intelligible to non-participants of the conversation. I smile as I remember how that café that barely had any customers only became my favorite hangout place because it was the most convenient and safe place to meet up with Jungkook who’s coming from the dorm not to mention the fact that they’ve coordinated with the management about the boys’ visits there.

It seemed the others ordered their own drinks while Jimin and I were the only ones that bought ice cream. He led me to a separate table, I followed knowing he was going to cheer me up and would’ve been shy to do so in front of his elder members. I noticed Namjoon sit next to Jungkook while catching the words ‘Laura’ and ‘health’ just before we stepped out of earshot. I watched the younger boy’s expression turned into worry and just a hint of stress before proceeding to eat the ice cream I’ve left melting in front of me. The four other boys pass us as they sat at the same table as the green-haired leader. “Laura?” I look back the boy in front of me with a worried look on his face. I smile at him and ate a spoonful of ice cream to show him I was okay but the brownie along with the ice cream got caught in my throat and soon I was coughing and wheezing. Jimin runs to get water over the counter and rushes in anxiety. As he ran back, I felt the piece lodged in my throat go down so I waved away his offer of water but the coughing didn’t stop. It felt like every time I coughed my chest was being pounded, the unbearable pain slowly going away as the coughing calmed down. “Laura? Laura!” Jungkook shouts as he runs to our table with a panicked look. I took deep breaths to regulate my breathing before holding his hands  “I’m okay, I’m okay now” “We’d better bring you home, you should get some rest” Jimin chimes in with a worried look on his face, the glass of water still in his grasp. I nod as my breathing goes back to normal. We walk over to the others who were looking worried but had Jimin assure them I was okay. We pile back in to the van and soon enough we’ve reached the dorm and the boys got off, waving goodbye and saying their take care’s and see you soon’s. I moved seats to the first row to sit next to Jungkook whom intertwined his fingers into mine instantly. I lay my head on his shoulder and he my hair as usual. As I was falling asleep, comforted by the soft caress, the van stops and the manager say we’re here. I step out of the van and stood in front of the gate. I held his hand tightly before opening the gate to enter. I breathe in sharply and caught the wrong timing. The chest pains were back with every cough and this time they were worse than this afternoon. “Are you okay?” in an instant he was standing beside me, patting and my back. “Do you need water?” I shook my head and started to calm down as the coughs died down. Jungkook faces me towards him and grabs both of my hands in his. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he looked genuinely concerned and I didn’t want that. “I’m okay, I’m gonna be okay” I squeezed his hands before hugging him. I watched him get into the van and he opened the windows to peek out. “Go ahead, go inside the house” I knew he wasn’t leaving until I did so I waved goodbye as I stepped into the house and locked the door behind me. 

I wake up at 10 AM despite sleeping early last night and I could feel the pain in my throat finding out it’s sore every time I swallow. I get into the bathroom to refresh and peeked down the stairs to see if anyone was home. As usual, I was alone again and was left with nothing to do. I get back to my room to check my phone and find a few messages from Jungkook. It seemed like he had a nightmare involving me. I try and cheer him up by sending him comforting messages before heading to my bed to laze all day on my social media accounts. Before I knew it, the sun had set and the last meal I had was brunch. My days passed by quickly until I realized it’s been a week since my visit to the clinic and since the last time I saw him. He mentioned how he’s been having dreams about my operation and he says he wakes up just as he hears a long, monotonous beep. I tried assuring him of my safety and health but I couldn’t help but think the same and even worse about it. I needed him, he was my happy pill and he was the only one that could ease my worries with just his presence. I desperately missed Jungkook mostly because all I do is watch all their broadcasts. I miss him even more especially since he constantly mentions how he’s been having nightmares. He’s been busy considering all the award shows and special performances they have to prepare for, not to mention how they’ve been rising to superstardom faster than anyone could have imagined. I’m grateful to even be able to talk to him through messages, I probably even see him more than his parents does then again I barely see my parents too.

Just as I was about to get back into watching v live, a new message comes in from Jungkook. “I really miss you. We have some free time later, can we meet at the café?” I reply instantaneously and got ready. I hadn’t washed in a while for my lack of hangouts and reasons to leave the house. It seemed like it’s gotten really cold outside so I decided to wear quite a few layers before jogging out of the house, hiding inside my coat. It was quite a walk but I was sure I had time enough before they arrived at the dorm. Despite the thickness of my layers, I was still shivering from the cold. I started regretting my decision to walk as I started sniffing every few seconds and my nose had turned red. I finally arrived at the café and surprisingly there was a male customer who seemed to be a student judging by the looks of the books splayed on his table. After buying a hot drink, I sat at the table by the store window.

I just received the news of my surgery schedule and I was back to worrying about it endlessly. Jungkook sat in front of me after asking if I was okay. “My mom texted me the date of the surgery” I watched his expression carefully as he gave a weary smile. “I’ll go with you just before they start the surgery” he pauses before continuing with a serious face “Don’t forget you’re not allowed to eat or drink 8 hours before and you should stay healthy” he places his hands palm up on the table, waiting for me to hold his hands. “I love you” 3 and a half years and I still can’t get used to it “I love you too” “Please take care of yourself. I know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling right now but don’t forget I’m here. I’m here with you” he squeezes my hands. “I can’t stop thinking about that less than 10 percent chance that something might happen, that the operation might fail, I might-“ “Please! Don’t say that. I can’t imagine, I can’t start thinking about it. I’m so scared to think I might not see you again, I might not hold you again. I never want anything to happen to you.” He buries his head in our hands before looking back up to stare at me with desperate eyes. As I stared at him closely, his face showed signs of obvious stress concealed under the makeup. “I watched your broadcasts” he looked slightly surprised but it shouldn’t have, he knows I do. “I know it’s bothering you a lot too. I know you didn’t have just 2 nightmares about it but you’ve been having them every night. I’m sorry; this is all because of me. If I’ve never been sick, if I’ve never been your girlfriend then you wouldn’t have to worry about anything” I’ve known this for a fact ever since I started dating him before they became big but I still decided to become a liability for him. I love him too much to hurt him or to leave him. “I love you and that’s all that matters” he squeezes my hand again before looking behind me. “I’m going to be late for practice. Text me the time and schedule of your surgery and we’ll pick you up at home. I will watch you get in that surgery room, okay? I really missed you.” “I really missed you too” he stood up to leave and hugged me before stepping out of the café. I felt defeated. All we did was talk about my surgery. I could’ve comforted him instead of telling him my worries.

The schedule was in 3 days at 9 AM and I couldn’t help but feel anxious the closer the date came. I knew nothing could calm me other than Jungkook adding onto the fact that my parents wouldn’t be able to watch me during the operation, making me even more afraid of being alone for the surgery.

Laura made her way to jungkook two days before surgery at night and goes out with him to walk around then went to a café time strikes 12 jungkook remembers she’s not allowed to eat checks time safe for 12 am but she’s full anyway and doesn’t want to eat anymore

Laura gets surgery jungkook sees her before she goes in the OR and leaves for a schedule. Fans find out or see that he was in the hospital and started spreading rumors.

My parents woke me up at 4 AM to wish me good luck and to tell me that it was going to be a smooth operation. They told me they’d visit right away as soon as they get off work. Once they left the room, I go back to sleep trying to convince myself not to forget what they had said, still half-asleep. I woke up due to anxiety at 6 AM, not getting enough rest to even dream of anything, and got ready by 6:30. I hadn’t slept early and was running on 4 hours of sleep. Before long, it was already 8 AM and I was pacing back and forth in my room, hungry, thirsty, and scared. The soft ping of my phone on the bed made the screen light up, revealing the newly received text message. I immediately rushed over only to find out Jungkook woke up late and was on his way to my place. I sigh in relief and started gathering my things, making sure not to forget anything for the post-surgery hibernation in the hospital. Closing the door behind me, making one last once-over to check if anything was left plugged in or open. Making my way downstairs, I huffed with difficulty while carrying the bag filled with personal belongings. As I sat to take a breather on the couch, the doorbell rings and my phone started ringing. I didn’t have to check the caller to know who it was so with a deep breath and a heave I pulled the bag over my shoulder and stepped out of the house. I was met immediately with a pair of hands lifting the weight off my shoulders and a disheveled Jungkook. The sun has risen but the fog and clouds hid it making the day seem gloomy. We stepped into the van and sped off to the hospital. “You ready?” he asks while attempting to fix his hair “I’m hungry” I answer with an awkward smile, giving away my nervousness. With a squeeze on my hand, he pulls me closer to rest his chin on my head. “It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay” he chants before softly kissing the top of my head. The hospital parking came in view and we stepped out onto the backdoor entrance. We were immediately greeted by the doctor who seemed to have been expecting us to arrive at this exact time. He gestured behind him for me to follow. I let go of my tight grasp on Jungkook’s hand, walking bravely towards the operation room. I shoot one last look before stepping into the double doors. After being anesthetized, I hardly remember anything and felt anything primarily because I fell asleep right before they brought me to operation table. I woke up, I was lying in a bed with the doctor standing beside me. “Oh Laura, you’ve come to.” He smiles from behind his clipboard before checking my pulse, my pupils, and the IV level. “You must be starving” he asks questioningly. I forgot I haven’t eaten anything in probably more than 12 hours. As I tried to speak, my throat was dry so I reached for the water on the bedside, sipping almost half the glass empty. I felt moderate throbbing on my chest but not enough for me to feel pain from it. “You need more rest but you need to eat at least a little” I smile at him before falling back down on the bed. A few minutes later, he comes in with a tray of bread and soup. Seems pretty scarce but I don’t think I could eat a lot either. The doctor explained quite a lot about my conditions and the surgery while I was eating. “It seems you had pneumonia without your or our knowledge. It did not complicate the surgery but it may have some effects on your recovery. For safety, we will ask you to go through more tests to assure your recuperation.” I smile at him as I drank down the last few drops of my water, placing the glass down on the tray. “Has he visited?” I ask cautiously. His smile falters a little before shaking his head in response. My head droops in disappointment before disappearing in the sheets, wanting to get some rest. “But your parents have messaged that they will be visiting at late hours” I nod in place, facing back from him. Just before I fall asleep I hear the door close, assuming he left the room, I started thinking about how I was careless enough to let myself get sick before the surgery, possibly complicating the operation.

When I woke up, my parents were chattering with a fruit basket and grocery bag in their hands. “Laura, baby!” my mom screams while holding out a hug. I sit up before hugging her, smiling at my dad, still drowsy. As an only child, my mom has always been incredibly down-to-earth and approachable while dad was little sterner and more distant. I could never forget his reaction when I introduced Jungkook to him. I just have to make sure I stay with Jungkook and no one else comes after him with the way he interrogated him. Although they did watch over me until around before sunrise, they left me and I was alone again. I did nothing but eat, sleep, and occasionally checked my phone for texts and notifications until I received a rare text from Jimin asking if I was okay. “I’m doing better, thanks for checking up on me” I reply with a smile, always thankful for Jimin’s concern and consideration. “Has anyone approached you or talked to you?” with his reply, I fell confused; something seemed strange and off. “No. Why what’s wrong?” “Nothing. That’s good. I hope you recover right away!” he replies instantly. It was too late for him to assure me there was nothing wrong. I go online to see if there was something wrong, immediately seeing “Jeon Jungkook” as the second most searched word.

“Jeon Jungkook seen with a fan?” “Rumors of BTS Maknae dating” “Jungkook of BTS was seen outside with a fan” All these fan rumors and articles about Jungkook came out under the search key. I felt my anxiety start raising in me, scared that Jungkook might be under fire for these rumors and articles. I press onto his number in my phone but ended the call immediately before it could ring. I had second thoughts, what if they might suspect it’s me if I call him now? What if I would cause him more trouble if I contact him? I decided against calling him or texting him. News of Jungkook visiting the hospital was leaked and that he didn’t stay for long after arriving. Readers and fans had started suspecting the same fan he met at the café was also the fan he visited at the hospital. At this point, I was too scared to check my social media accounts for fear that people might discover I’m staying at the same hospital. I had continuous anxiety attacks and developed insomnia through stress and fatigue.

Fans started gathering and waiting overnight at the hospital, hoping Jungkook would visit and hoping they’d find out who the fan is up to the point that the staff had to ask them to leave if they weren’t relatives of any of the patients. The doctor watched over me the whole time both of us knowing what a mess it’s going to be if anyone else were to know I was whom Jungkook was visiting. My parents had no idea about the fans’ schemes and leisurely visited me anytime they were free which was usually at dead hours when no one was around. On my 4^th day being confined, the doctor tells me I could leave by tonight or at dawn, whenever my parents could bring me home. The doctor left after telling me about the news and I was left to myself. I couldn’t do anything other than sleep so I rolled to my side and shut my eyes to try and get some rest when I hear the door open. I hear whispers but I don’t bother to look assuming it’s the doctor with a nurse, bringing me food. I hear the clank of something on the bedside and the screech of metal on the floor. “Laura” a soft, sweet voice called out to me. I hummed in response thinking I might be half-asleep and imagining things. “I missed you” at his second response, I realized it really was him. I turned to my side to face him and the worried and worn-out look on his face told me he was affected by all these rumors, nonetheless he didn’t fail to make me feel choked up and surprised like he always did. He searched the bed for my hands underneath the sheet, never losing eye contact. “Jungkook the rumors-“ “Don’t worry about them. Don’t worry. I’ll protect you” he held my hand in between both of his and kissed my fingers softly. I felt safe while he was here, acting like my knight in shining armor but unlike happy ending stories, my knight had to leave once again. I got to hear about how he’s feeling and how he’s coping with all the piling work, steering away from the bad news lurking just outside the door.

As we dreaded, there were witnesses of Jungkook’s visit and they found out whom exactly he visited. Just before I was released, gifts and packages were sent to my room; disturbing and disgusting gifts like voodoo dolls, letters with blood, and even death threats. No one was allowed to enter my room other than the doctor, as he requested, but they couldn’t help it when I left the room; facing all these angry fans that’re shouting at me, crying, and even swearing. Eventually they were sent out for the noise and disruption but it didn’t stop there. My social media accounts were flooded with hate comments. “Jungkook doesn’t need a dying girl like you” “You’re just some weak girl that Jungkook pitied” “Don’t fool yourself he doesn’t actually love you” “I bet you just blackmailed him into meeting you” some even involving my personal life, forcing me to put my accounts on private and soon enough, I had to deactivate. The horror of the hate didn’t stop online, my closest friends and acquaintances have started texting me as if they never knew who I was, as if I wasn’t their friend at one point. I locked myself at home, never stepping out of my room, not knowing what to do. My only solace was someone I couldn’t see anymore and someone that caused me so much pain. A week after, my home has been revealed to the public and people have started crowding outside, shouting and rallying as if I had no private life and personal space. The intensity of it has made me unable to sleep, not only because of the stress but also of the noise.

All of this has caused nothing but pain and misery and I’ve decided to make a move. Jungkook hasn’t said anything; his agency hasn’t said anything, so I will make a choice. I blocked his number to refrain him from contacting me and he couldn’t come to my house because of all the people always camping outside. Although I cut off contact and ties with him, I watched their guestings and performances. I missed him. I missed him so bad. I missed his sweet voice that always assured me whenever I was troubled. I missed his soft touch that always felt like home. I missed his sweet gaze that always gave me butterflies. I loved him so much but I know my love isn’t enough to risk his career and my safety. The sadness in his eyes shows whenever I watch him on TV, he seemed greatly bothered, at first. After 2 weeks, 3 weeks, and a month later, he seemed like nothing had ever happened. The people had stopped coming and he’d never visited me. It seems he’s made his decision. I may have been the love of his life at one point but his fans are the ones that gave him his career, his fans are those that gave him a life to love. I may end up as just another one of his stories to tell but he will always be my love, my Jungkook