Water

Calm as the surface of a pond
Deep as the Mariana Trench
Mysterious as the deep sea
Strong as the mighty ocean
Elegant as the climbing waves

Your every move leaves me thirsting
Yet I feel like drowning at the sight of you
So close to touch and yet so far
You are the fata morgana in my drought
The muse against my doubt
I am dehydrated from love

Please save me

“A jobless poet attempting to save his existence with lovesickness, what a rare sight in this city indeed.”

Yifan looks up from his drabble book and musters the waiter peeking over his shoulder. He plainly turns the page and faces the intruder.

“Not that it is of your interest, but I am not jobless.”
“But a poet and lovesick for sure.” The waiter further jokes and places a huge cup of chocolat chaud on Yifan’s table. Yifan gives him a pointed look.
“And you are?”
“A company-less chansonnier working this part-time job to save up for more studio recordings.”
“A name would have done.” Yifan cuts in dryly.

“The name’s Jongdae. I just wanted to let you know that I sympathize with your suffering.”
“Thanks Jongdae, I appreciate your concern for a stranger’s job situation.”
“You’re hardly a stranger now. You’ve been to this café every day for the last four weeks. I daresay you’re a regular now and I pride myself on knowing our regular customers. Inspiration is achieved easily through observing people.”
“On that we can agree. Would you let me continue working now?” Yifan demands with slight annoyance.
“If you promise that you call for me should you need something, yes.”
“Okay, okay.”

Yifan shakes his head when the waiter saunters away with a tune on his lips. Jongdae is not so far off with his observation after all.

Yifan is a best-selling romance novelist with a writer’s block - and ardently lovesick.

.

Paris is famously acclaimed the city of love and to Yifan it had always been. Put aside the crime rate in the outskirts, the ever present lack of cleanliness in all of the city and the exhaustion called tourists of which the city makes most money - yes, Paris is a city of love. Yifan grew up in a small village in the Normandy and felt the magnetism of the capital so strongly he moved there after his graduation.

The city had sobered his notions of how romantic it was on the real scale, but that had not stopped him from painting the city in gorgeous colors in various poems, short stories and eventually novels. Four books and a collection of short stories and poems later, as well as two gay novels published under his alias BenBen Oh, Yifan was empty of words. Empty of the city.

Love had walked his way out of nowhere.

Yifan had been close to Sacré-Cœur, looking for a cafe nearby in an attempt to write a random kiss scene taking place on the stairs of the church when the delicious smell of fresh croissants had reached his nose. He remembers in slow motion how he turned to the source and an angel passed him by, a basket of croissants, meringues, macaron and other baked goods carried in front.

Kim Junmyeon, the owner and baker man of the small boulangerie Gardien had been on his delivery walk to Café Centaine situated right across his own store and walked right into Yifan’s heart.

Yifan comes to the cafe every early morning ever since, drabbles poems and scribbles sentences and watches cuteness on short legs hurry left and right behind his counter, greeting and sending every customer off with a pleasant smile and a baked piece of heaven. Yifan wants to honor his ethereal existence on print, use words to make this beauty appear in front of the reader’s eyes and yet no letter makes it onto paper or into a document on his laptop. The writer’s block is frustrating and so is his lack of courage to personally buy something molded by Junmyeon’s small hands. That his artwork is honed Yifan already knows, for a croissant from Gardien is his usual breakfast and Yifan will forever compare other baked goods to Junmyeon’s.

Equally nosy and noisy Jongdae is the one who shoves him face forward into taking action.

“You know, you’re not the only one with an infatuation for those buns.” Jongdae comments as he catches Yifan staring focused past his notebook and right at the bakery across.
“Excuse me?” Yifan grounds out and stares at him.
“You heard me. There’s a Korean-looking guy coming here all two weeks or so, clad in a cabin crew uniform and he’s chatting amicably with your object of desire.”
“He’s not my object of desire.”
“And Charles Aznavour isn’t a living musical legend, sure. I’m just saying that you should take a chance before it’s too late.” Jongdae hums pleased with himself.

“Who says I want to?”
“Your pining does. I’m not so deluded to think you’re coming here for me.”
“You’re not?” Yifan mocks playfully. Jongdae laughs good-humored in response.
“Denial gets you nowhere. Junmyeon is charming, but he is that to everyone by default and you have to shove yourself into his line of vision as more than a customer if you want his private attention.”

Yifan hates to admit it, but he starts to observe Junmyeon’s customers from there on. True to Jongdae’s observation Junmyeon is expressively charming to everyone, as much of a skilled salesman as he is a baker. Yifan waits for someone male to turn up that might draw a personal reaction out of his infatuation, part impatient in need to assess the competition and part frightened in worry he will not outstrip that stranger. What he does not do is pick up the courage and personally buy from the bakery. Jongdae mocks him for it daily, but Yifan finds over time that well-intentioned nagging is Jongdae’s expression of genuine care.

It is approximately a week after their conversation that Jisoo enters the stage. All alarms in Yifan’s head ring loud and shrill when a man in flight attendant uniform approaches from the left end of the street and heads straight for the Gardien. Junmyeon is bouncing back and forth behind the counter. When turning to the man he freezes for a second before his face turns to a brilliant, recognizing expression with a perfectly genuine smile. It looks private and the immediate chatter the baker breaks into proves they definitely know each other well. Jealousy instantly flashes through Yifan and the green flames insistently at his composure. It does not help that Junmyeon leaves the store soon after to greet the man and they leave together, walking into the opposite direction of Sacré-Cœur. Yifan mentally restrains himself from following, but he certainly goes home in a grumpy mood.

Two days later, Yifan decides if he was a non-human creature then certainly not a chicken. After spending yet another morning staring at the blinking cursor on a blank page on his laptop he braces himself and makes a decision. Today is the day. He will do it. He will have his first conversation with Kim Junmyeon.

Junmyeon is his usual delightful and busy self and Yifan cannot help the dreadful feeling when noon, his usual time to go home, arrives. He packs up and pays for his breakfast and two additional coffees before gathering his courage and approaching the bakery. He will just buy a piece of cake. He is just trying to be a customer and appreciator of Junmyeon's art of baking and leaving the area of being an observing creep.

Yifan swallows down the lump in his throat when he queues up behind two other customers and prays that it is Junmyeon and not the other employee, an older lady, who takes his order.

”Hello Sir, what will it be for you?” Junmyeon asks and Yifan nearly drowns in the sound of his voice.
“Cake. One piece.” Yifan presses out with a tied tongue.
“What kind would you like?”
“Uhm. Which one do you recommend?” Yifan stammers, face heating up. He really has not entirely thought this purchase through and now he looks like an idiot.
“Personally I take great pride in my macchiato orange cream cake. Does that sound good to you?”

There is a spark in Junmyeon's eyes as he looks at Yifan over the rim of his glasses. It looks cute. It also seems like he is directly taking Yifan's presence in. Yifan almost forgets to answer.

”Yes, good. Very good.”

Yifan stares wordlessly while Junmyeon's packs one piece of his praised cake into a small container and places it on top of the counter. Yifan hands him a five euro note and waits for his change.

”Thank you for your purchase and come by soon again.” Junmyeon bids him goodbye cheerfully.
As if he does not feel embarrassed enough Yifan almost trips on the street as he turns away from Gardien.

At home he plays through every moment of their exchange as he lets the cake Junmyeon takes pride in for a reason melt on his tongue. Like everything else Junmyeon does it is absolutely delicious.

From that day on Yifan makes it a habit to step by Junmyeon's Gardien at noon every day and have Junmyeon recommend him a new type of cake. Yifan figures if he was the hero in one of his alias novels then he would try to make himself recognizable for the other person somehow. It comes easier to him with the days to speak in longer sentences and make actual conversation with Junmyeon.

Jongdae starts calling him “Junmyeon's cake guy” and Yifan likes the sound of that, even if he does not give the waiter the satisfaction of knowing. That Junmyeon has started to notice him too becomes evident when the baker addresses it directly eventually. It is a calm noon in early May, Junmyeon is alone in his store and Yifan the only customer.

”Say, you've come here a lot lately so I hope you don't mind me asking, but I could swear I've seen you sitting in Café Centaine regularly lately.” Junmyeon says as he packs another piece of cake, a classic German Black Forest gâteau.
“Oh, yes. I found the cafe a while ago while I was looking for a great place to work and now I'm spending my mornings there.” Yifan answers casually, or at least pretending to be so.

”So I was right!” Junmyeon declares. “Are you teleworking?”
“Not strictly. I'm a writer.” Yifan clarifies, pleased that Junmyeon is curious about him. “I write short stories and novels, usually romance and comedy. Occasionally poems too.”
Yifan smiles insecurely. Not all people take a man writing romance novels seriously.

”That's amazing, Yifan. Have you published works?” Junmyeon looks at him with rapt attention and it is all Yifan ever wanted.
“I have. I publish under my English name Kris Wu, in case you want to check.”
“I'd love to. I'm honored to have a published author as my customer. My name is Junmyeon Kim, while we're at introductions. I'm a baker, but that is pretty obvious I guess. It's not as great as being a writer of course, but I love my job.”

Junmyeon laughs and Yifan laughs too.

”Your job is important too. Without you I'd be starving for breakfast and I wouldn't have delicious cake while I am writing.”
“Oh, now you're flattering me.” Junmyeon smiles and his cheeks take on a dusty red.
“I'm not. I merely appreciate your craft and talent.” Yifan explains and says his goodbye.

It only dawns him on his way back that a) that was some flirting done there and b) Junmyeon was very welcoming of compliments.

So that is what Yifan does. He compliments Junmyeon on his baking, on his bakery, on everything he can think of. He is pretty sure the older lady Junmyeon employs knows what he is doing, because she occasionally takes her sweet time dealing with a customer so Junmyeon is free for Yifan next. The chance to ask Junmyeon out to a date presents itself, as expected, through a piece of cake.

”I'll give you the one with the chocolate Eiffel tower on it.” Junmyeon chirps.
“How come I receive such an honor?” Yifan asks with a little mockery.
“It's because you're such a loyal customer and customer relations are important.” Junmyeon justifies himself and takes one of the white boxes with the bakery's advertisement on it. “It's too bad. I haven't been at the Eiffel tower in ages. I was busy with bakery school and establishing Gardien that I never really did much sight-seeing.”

”But Paris is so gorgeous.” Yifan says surprised. He knows by now that Junmyeon moved all the way from Seoul to learn the baking handcraft at one of the most famous schools for confectionary in the whole world.
“Absolutely. Actually there is this novel series Les Amants de Paris that I enjoy reading where the author writes about different places in this city that I badly want to see, but I work from early in the morning on and don’t like going alone.”

“Couldn’t your boyfriend take you?”
“Who?”
“The guy in the flight attendant uniform. I couldn’t help observing how close you two seemed when he was here last time.”
“Oh, you mean Jisoo? No, he’s not my boyfriend. Just a friend and junior from my high school in Seoul. He usually stops by between flights when they land in Roissy-Charles-de-Gaulle and we have dinner in a Korean restaurant in the 9th arrondissement to catch up.”

“I see. I apologize for the unprompted assumption.” Yifan says, not an ounce apologetic and perhaps a little too gleeful that Jisoo seems not to be competition after all.
“It’s fine. Jisoo wouldn’t have the time to explore with me anyway.” Junmyeon says with a slight, adorable pout to his already pouty lips.
“Then can I offer my services? I have been living here for the last five years and I think I know my way around the important spots and hidden treasures.” Yifan suggests and waits eagerly for a reply.

“If you don’t mind that you cannot take me out at night, because in my line of work I am not as flexible with day and night time as you are.”
“I think it is exactly because I am flexible in that aspect that I am your perfect company for a tour around Paris.” Yifan counters smoothly and very satisfied with himself that Junmyeon gave him another unintended opportunity to flirt.
“You’re cheesy. I am less and less surprised you write romantic novels. But fine, take me to the Eiffel tower tomorrow. Pick me up at noon. You bring hot chocolate from Café Centaine and I’ll bring food.”
“Aye aye Sir.” Yifan salutes and silently promises himself that Junmyeon would make no mistake the day after on what kind of tour Yifan takes him.

Yifan whistles happily as he carries a two cup tray with hot chocolate out of Café Centaine and looks out for Junmyeon. He thinks he made enough of an effort with his outfit to state clearly enough he is here for a date, but at the same time hasn’t tried too hard to look different from how he usually looks. He might has put his hair back with gel though. An ex-girlfriend told him once he looks particularly good when he shows his forehead.

Junmyeon comes out of Gardien with a soft smile on his face and an even softer looking pastel pink sweater covering his upper body. The glasses are still there, but his hair is combed slightly to the side. There is a bigger bag slung over Junmyeon’s shoulder, presumably for the food. Yifan is used to him wearing his crisp white work clothes and definitely appreciates the change in outfit. Junmyeon seems to have tried a little too, so he does not seem clueless to what character their tour has for Yifan.

“Hi. Ready?” Yifan greets him.
“Ready.” Junmyeon affirms. “Where are we going first?”
“How about you allow yourself to be surprised?”
“Should I? Okay.”

Still, Junmyeon immediately knows when Yifan motions them to get off at École Militaire.
“So we’re walking the Champ de Mars up to the Eiffel tower?”
“Yes, we are.”
“How standard.”
“This is Paris and you haven’t seen much of it. We have to cover a few of the tourist spots.” Yifan explains as they stroll past the Monument des Droits de l’Homme towards the Bassins de Champ de Mars.

Despite the complaints Junmyeon lets a ‘wow’ after they walked around the Bassins and the Eiffel tower comes into full view. Yifan watches the expression of awe on Junmyeon’s face as they walk closer. Who said standard is bad.

“Do you want to go up?” Yifan asks Junmyeon, who still gapes at the iron construction.
“The queue is kind of long. I think we should plan that for another day.”
“Well, then let’s stay down here and find a bench.” Junmyeon suggests.

They find a nice spot at the Allée des Refuzniks and Yifan hands Junmyeon one of the two cups after Junmyeon opens his bag and conjures up a box from Gardien. Yifan peers at the box curiously. Junmyeon places it on his lap, laughing.

“You really love my baking, don’t you? There, you open it.”

The box is heaven in pairs. Two croissants, six macarons in three different colors, two pieces of tarte au chocolat und two pieces of pastel pink colored meringue. It is also a catalogue of Yifan’s favorite goods from Gardien.

“Oh, you got us hot chocolate from Café Centaine. They have the best in Montmartre.”
“They do. I would have brought coffee too, but I didn’t know how you like yours.”
“No sugar and a quarter of milk.” Junmyeon chirps and reaches over to take a white chocolate and almond macaron out of the box.

They finish the box calmly between sips of hot chocolate and Yifan is not stingy with compliments. He loves Junmyeon’s baking and he loves… he loves the way Junmyeon looks in the sweater, the way his eyes show awe at the sight of the Eiffel tower and he loves that Junmyeon remembers tiny details about Yifan. It makes him feel not alone with his feelings.

“Where to now?” Junmyeon asks after throwing away the box.
“I thought we walk down the Seine to Pont de Bir-Hakeim and then explore l’île aux Cynes.” “And what do we do there?”
“You’ll see.” Yifan promises and tugs Junmyeon towards the river by the sleeve of his sweater. The material feels as soft as it looks.

They stroll down the Port de Suffren to the Pont de Bir-Hakeim and Yifan uses his chance to turn into the tour guide he had promised Junmyeon to be.

“Say, Junmyeon, have you ever watched Last Tango in Paris and Inception?” Yifan wonders as they reach a small staircase on the bridge.
“I have, actually. Marlon Brando is legendary and Inception is a genius movie.”
“Then you’ll be surprised to know that the first scene of Last Tango in Paris took place here on the bridge and they also filmed scenes for Inception here.” Yifan tells, pointing at the promenade under the métro overcrossing
“Seriously? That’s really cool. I think I even remember a few scenes.”

Yifan smiles content and leads Junmyeon down the stairs and onto the small island between Pont Bir-Hakeim and Pont de Grenelle. The trees on the Allée des Cygnes are in full, beautiful bloom and the sun shines down as if to encourage everyone to leave their apartments and roam outside. Yifan keeps telling Junmyeon important dates and events around both bridges, but keeps the highlight of the island to himself until they reach the end of the island.

“Hey, isn’t that-”
“The Statue of Liberty? Yes.” Yifan verifies as they come out under Pont de Grenelle. “And look, how convenient, I brought a camera. You can pretend in front of everyone in Seoul that you went to the States.”

They walk around the statue and Yifan orders Junmyeon to stand at the foot before hurrying to the end of the island and taking a picture of him.
“Come here, let’s take a selca.” Junmyeon motions him closer. Yifan looks at him disbelieving.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. I’m bad at taking selcas, but I want to take a picture together regardless.”
“Don’t worry. I know how to take a good one.” Yifan assures him and hurries over.

Junmyeon puts an arm around Yifan waist without hesitation and holds up a peace sign. Breathing in for a moment Yifan rests his arm on Junmyeon’s shoulder and lifts the other high to snap two pictures with Junmyeon’s phone. Junmyeon keeps his arm in place while they look at the pictures.

“Looks good. I like them.” Junmyeon says satisfied.
“It helps being tall and having long arms.” Yifan shrugs when Junmyeon lets go of him and slides the phone back into his pocket.
“It does. Give me your number later and I’ll send them to you.”
“Will do.” Yifan promises while they walk to the next bus station to head back to Montmartre.

“How do you feel about a flying visit to Sacré-Cœur?” Yifan wonders as they get off at the métro station Anvers.
“I feel good about it. But let’s take the railway up. We walked a lot and I don’t feel like climbing up.”
“You just want to walk the way back down.”
“Damn, you caught me.” Junmyeon laughs.
“Don’t worry, me too.”

Arriving at the head of the staircase leading back down from the church to Montmartre and their little cosmos Yifan takes a deep sigh. He watches Junmyeon walking ahead happily, skipping down stairs with a bounce in his step. Their date went so well and he does not want it to end. Realizing that Yifan is not following Junmyeon stops his descent and turns around. “What are you doing? Come down.”

Yifan chooses the other side of the stairs’ hand rail and hurries down to join Junmyeon. He watches the other man who seems to have a permanent smile on his face. Junmyeon turns his head and returns the look. His smile is so bright that Yifan cannot help returning it.
“So, did you like today?”
“I did. I had a great time. Thank you for spending time with me and showing me all those famous places.”
“I’m glad. I want to show you more of this city, if you’d come with me?”

Junmyeon nods and stops walking. He faces Yifan and moves towards the handrail, resting his forearms on the painted steel.

“You know, I’m really glad we’re in France and not in Korea of China.” Junmyeon says.
“Why?” Yifan wonders as he steps closer from the other side so that the rail is only a small barrier between them.
“Here we don’t cause a big scandal when I do this.” Junmyeon explains and reaches up.

Then he pulls Yifan forward by the collar of his shirt and kisses him.

Yifan takes in a sharp breath in surprise before kissing back. It is short but sweet and the hot chocolate still lingers on Junmyeon’s lips. Junmyeon smiles shyly when pulling back, leaving Yifan still hovering slightly over the rail. The look on his face prompts a short laugh from Junmyeon and pulls Yifan back into reality.

“What?” He asks embarrassed and somewhat confused that Junmyeon laughs.
“You look so surprised.”
“In my defense not everyone kisses on their first date.” Yifan replies. Junmyeon chuckles and dives under the handrail to the other side.
“I do when I’m sure about the person. You also made very clear that you want to go on more dates with me. I can read subtext, you know.” Junmyeon explains with a slight pout and slides his hand into Yifan’s, pulling the other down the remaining stairs.

“Sunday I’ll take you to Pont des Arts” Yifan promises smiling at the foot of the stairs.
“The bridge where couples leave locks, right? Isn’t that a tad bit early?” Junmyeon teases but he is smiling too and his hand clutches tighter to Yifan’s.
“I’m taking you there, I didn’t say we’ll leave something behind.”
“Yet.” Junmyeon says quietly and Yifan decides to leave it hanging in the atmosphere of potential that follows them where their steps take them. Unfortunately the city has removed all locks and made it impossible to leave new ones, but should Junmyeon and he want to leave a love lock somewhere one day, he strongly votes for Pont de Bir-Harkeim.

They arrive in front of Gardien too fast for Yifan’s taste and linger in front of the boulangerie for a moment.

“Will you come tomorrow too? I have created a new cake that I want you to taste.”
“What kind?” Yifan asks curiously.
“It’s a secret. But I should go in now. I have to prepare for tomorrow.” Junmyeon stands on his toes and pecks Yifan again.
“See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, Junmyeon.”

Yifan waits until the door to the apartments above Gardien falls close behind Junmyeon. He sashays home on a cloud, up the stairs of his apartment and right to his bureau. Starts his laptop, clicks files and opens a document. His fingers start flying over the keyboard in an elegant dance, writer’s block finally gone and forgotten.

Part Three of the Les Amants de Paris series.

L’Ange de Sacré-Cœur
The Angel of Sacré-Cœur

Le fin.

Vocabulary lesson and trivia (please see what I did in all in there™)

chocolat (f.) chaud - hot chocolate
chansonnier (m.) – song-writer
arrondissement (m.) - district or borough
boulangerie (f.) - bakery
gardien (m.) - guardian
centaine (f.) - hundred
gâteau (m.) - cake
amants (m.) - lovers
ange (m.) - angel
fin (m.) - end, ending

Title meaning: baiser (m.) means kiss in French, but Germans have for unfathomable reasons decided to call the wonderful baked good Meringue “Baiser”. Just imagine the hilarity of a German person ordering “kisses” from the lady or man in a bakery on their French vacation. Tell me you’re choking on laughter. My intention with the title was therefore a pun to read it both as “All your kisses” and “All your Baisers = baked goods”. You know, because Yifan wants all of Suho’s kisses and buns baked goods… I am lame like that, yes. Why do you think I stan the tall awkward softie and the tiny lame nerd as couple. Takes a nerd to know a nerd.