Tiffany has never liked drinking as much as Yuri or Sunkyu, and she certainly can’t hold a candle to them in terms of alcohol tolerance. This is rather obvious when, a bottle and a half of soju in, she blurts out, “You’re prettier than all of them.”

Jessica blinks. “All of who?” she asks, sounding bewildered. “Whom,” she corrects herself a second later, always the language lover, and Tiffany finds that so endearing she almost forgets what she’s about to say.

“Lee Yeonhee. Park Minyoung.” Tiffany waves a hand, as if there’s a throng of beautiful, famous women in front of them now and she’s telling them to take a number. She doesn’t have eyes for anyone except Jessica. “Even Yoona, but don’t tell her I said that or she’ll use her aegyo on me.”

“I’ll try to remember that if I ever run into her,” Jessica says dryly, although a hint of pink has taken refuge in her cheeks.

“Would you ask her for her autograph? Since she’s your bias and all.”

“She’s not my bias,” Jessica says. “You are.”

“Oh, right.” Tiffany had forgotten that, or maybe she just wanted to hear it again. She beams at Jessica, cupping her own cheeks because she feels like she needs to support her head. Jessica looks at her rather warily, but fondly too. “That means I’m your favourite, right Jessi? Your favourite idol?” She frowns. “Well, at least in my group.”

“Not just in your group. My favourite idol in the whole country,” Jessica says, with a faint but genuine smile. “Also Tiff, I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

“Just in Korea?” Tiffany hiccups. “Does that mean you like some American celebrity better?”

“You’re just fishing for compliments now. If you get a really big head then I might change my opinion.”

Tiffany pats her face, wondering if she can clear her head that way. It doesn’t work, and shaking her head doesn’t either. It just makes her rather dizzy.

“You didn’t even drink that much,” Jessica says, frowning at the two bottles in front of Tiffany. “I drank just as much as you did. I didn’t know your alcohol tolerance was that low.”

“Do you remember that time we broke into your parents’ liquor cabinet?”

“I actually don’t remember when we were drinking. I only remember how they almost killed me afterwards.”

Tiffany peers sombrely into Jessica’s eyes. “You didn’t even tell them it was my idea. You just took the blame. You’ve always taken care of me, Jessi.”

Jessica shifts, rather uncomfortably. “You were my best friend. Of course I took care of you.”

“Were?” Tiffany asks mournfully.

“Are,” Jessica says softly. “You still are. You always will be.”

“What if I don’t want to be your friend?”

For a moment, Tiffany thinks the alcohol has altered her perception of time, but then she realizes that time is moving normally and it’s merely Jessica who’s being completely still.

“I would be very hurt,” Jessica finally says, her voice light. Then she flags down a waiter and asks, “Can we get the bill, please? Together.”

Like us? Tiffany wants to ask, but another hiccup is on its way. “I’m paying, okay?” she says firmly, reaching for her bag.

“No, I am,” Jessica says, her tone equally unyielding.

“I invited you, so I should pay.”

“You can pay next time.”

Tiffany perks up. “So there’ll be a next time?”

Jessica gives her a strange look. “Of course,” she says, like she wonders how Tiffany could have thought otherwise. “But I’m not letting you drink so much next time.”

“I’ll go home and take some drinking lessons from Yuri and Sunkyu.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Jessica says with a smile. “Tell them to take it easy on you. I bet they can drink you under the table.”

“All the members can, even maknae,” Tiffany sighs. “Only Taeyeon is even worse than me.”

“Even worse than you? That’s hard to imagine,” Jessica teases.

“Jessi,” Tiffany whines, and Jessica laughs. And no matter how tipsy Tiffany may be, she doesn’t think she can ever forget this. This, as in the way laughter dances in Jessica’s eyes. This, as in the way the hint of pink has turned into a bloom across her cheeks. This, as in the way Tiffany’s heart takes off like a sledgehammer in a way that has nothing to do with alcohol. This and this and this.

“Tiff?” Jessica asks, her smile faltering. Tiffany must be staring at her too intently.

Tiffany understands now why people call alcohol liquid courage. She can feel it burning in her veins, filling her with a fire that she thought had been extinguished. Or maybe that’s not the alcohol after all. Maybe it’s just Jessica. “I’ve missed you, Jessi.”

Jessica looks at her in that solemn way again, like she’s trying to find something she’s lost in Tiffany’s face. “I’ve missed you too.”

Tiffany wants to say something to that – as to what, she has no idea – but no words could possibly suffice and so she merely smiles instead. Jessica stares at her, and Tiffany wonders if she’s found what she’s looking for. She must have, because she smiles back.

And Tiffany finds three words beating against her bone, fighting to escape her chest. They sing a melody that she hasn’t heard in years, since the girl in front of her walked away from her with Tiffany’s heart in her palms. Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Iloveyou.

 

Tiffany feels considerably more sober once they step outside and are greeted by a cool breeze, making their hair dance and faces sting. She feels like it slaps some of the intoxication right out of her, and she can’t say she’s sad about its departure.

“At least you don’t look like you’re about to fall over,” Jessica says.

“Did I earlier?” Tiffany asks, smoothing her hair away from her face.

“I was quite worried.”

“You would’ve caught me, right?”

“Of course,” Jessica says without missing a beat. “I don’t know if I could support your weight though. You’ve been eating a lot lately. What has Yoona been calling you?”

“Jessi!” Tiffany feels like her face is on fire. And not in a good way. “It’s bad enough that she calls me that. Don’t you start too.”

“Call you what?” Jessica asks innocently.

“You know, a pink p—” Tiffany’s eyes narrow. “You just want to get me to say it, don’t you? Well, too bad. I’m not falling for that.”

“It was worth a shot,” Jessica says with a shrug. “Do you want me to go home with you?”

Tiffany stares at her with wide eyes. “What?”

“How are you feeling? Do you think you can get home on your own, or do you want me to come with you?”

Well, Tiffany has gotten home just fine in much worse conditions, but she doesn’t know if… “Do you want to come over?”

“Hmm?”

“You can, you know, exchange drinking tips with Yuri and Sunkyu and chat with Yoona – actually, maybe not that because she’s just going to tell you embarrassing things about me…”

“Sounds like a great time,” Jessica says with a smile, but she’s already shaking her head. “I can’t today, sorry. I have enough time to drop you off but then I have to go to an event right after. Another day.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

“Do you want me to sign a contract?” Jessica asks dryly.

“No, I trust you,” Tiffany says easily, and Jessica gives her that solemn look again. It’s slightly different this time: not like she’s looking for something she lost, but like she wants to remember something so she won’t lose it again. “And don’t worry about me, I can find my way back to the dorm on my own. Go take care of your event, CEO Jung.”

“That has a nice ring to it when you say it,” Jessica says. “Okay, I’ll see you next time then.”

“See you,” Tiffany says, and she wonders if they should hug, or shake hands, or what. She hesitates, but before she has to make the decision, Jessica leans in and puts her arms around her. It’s a very brief hug, barely long enough for Tiffany to feel Jessica’s body against hers, to catch a hint of Jessica’s perfume. Jessica steps back, her hands still on Tiffany’s arms, like she wants to hold onto her for just a little longer.

“Don’t forget,” Jessica says. “You’re paying next time.”

Tiffany laughs, and when the first taxi pulls to the curb, Jessica insists that she takes it. When Tiffany gets into the cab, she still has a smile on her face.

 

She spends the taxi ride dozing, not fully asleep but closer to the land of sleep than waking. Snippets of images dance across the back of her eyelids – two children playing in a sandbox, one of them insistently coaxing the other to build a sandcastle with her; two teenagers standing at the corner of a school gym, both taking a break from their dates that is meant to last a few minutes and lasts for the rest of the dance; two women at a café, nursing coffees and making conversation that’s free flowing and yet held back – and she can’t tell whether they’re dreams or memories.

“Miss? We’re here.”

She’s jarred awake, and for a second she’s caught up in the feeling that often accompanies a sudden return to consciousness: a sense of deep, jagged unease, the haze lifting over your mind as you wonder where am I? or even who am I?

But then she remembers: she’s back at her dorm after a meal with Jessica. She’s come home, so why does she still feel like she’s drifting on some dream-like plane?

“Thanks,” she murmurs, handing over money to cover the cab fare and then some.

“Hey, I’m sorry to ask,” he says, like the polite ones do, “but are you Tiffany from Girls’ Generation?”

“Not today,” she tells him. “Today, I’m just Tiffany Hwang.”

And on that note, she tucks her hands in her pockets and strolls off toward her apartment, the wind whistling a wistful tune behind her.

 

Yoona is on her way out when Tiffany opens the door, and Tiffany very nearly runs into her, forehead to forehead. Okay, given their height differences, maybe more like forehead to chin. Tiffany would like to say it’s her quick reflexes that save them from a painful collision, but it’s really thanks to Yoona, who hastily stops in her tracks.

“I know you complain that I’ve been out too much, but is giving me a concussion really the right way to keep me at home, unnie?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m more likely to get the concussion, since my head can’t even reach yours,” Tiffany says wryly. “Plus, your skull is too dense for that.”

Yoona beams, like Tiffany had complimented her. “By the way, Yuri unnie and Hyoyeon unnie cooked dinner tonight and there are still leftovers. I know you ate already, but knowing you you’re probably still hungry since—”

“Im Yoona,” Tiffany says in warning.

“Anyway, just saying!” Yoona says cheerfully. “Okay, I’m out, unnie. Tell me about your date later! I don’t like hearing the details from Sooyoung, I can’t tell if she’s exaggerating or if things really are that exciting.”

Before Tiffany can strangle her, Yoona is at the elevator already. Tiffany sighs and massages her temples, wondering what she did to deserve Yoona in her life.

After she takes her shoes off and hangs her jacket up, she finds the two chefs of the night sitting at the kitchen island, clearly waiting for her.

“Hey, I heard you made dinner tonight,” Tiffany says. “You do it on the one night I’m eating out?”

Hyoyeon whistles. “Wow, did things go that far, Fany? Isn’t this just your first date?”

Never mind about Yoona, she looks like a saint next to Hyoyeon. Tiffany wonders how many people will end up on her to-strangle list.

“I mean, Fany has known her since they were kids,” Yuri says. “It’s probably their like, three thousandth date now if we’re going to be technical.”

“Technicalities,” Hyoyeon says with an airy wave of her hand. “So Fany, how far did you guys get in America? Are you just picking up where you left off?”

Tiffany glowers at her. “You’d better watch yourself, Kim Hyoyeon. I know where you live.”

Hyoyeon makes a popping sound with her lips. “I’m terrified.”

“You know Hyo isn’t as easy to scare as you, right?” Yuri says. “It’s not like you can just dump some plastic spiders into her bed and watch her run screaming out of the room.”

“I did not run screaming out of the room!” Tiffany says indignantly. “Okay, maybe I screamed like, a few times. But I didn’t run out of the room.”

“Taeyeon!” Yuri yells.

“What?!” comes Taeyeon’s irritated voice. Yuri probably just took her away from an important game of Sims.

“Did Tiffany run screaming out of the room after the spider incident?”

Taeyeon is her best friend. She can trust Taeyeon. There’s no way Taeyeon is going to sell her out.

“Don’t you mean incidents? Yes, every time!”

Hyoyeon almost falls off her chair from laughter. Yuri seems to be faring better until she sees Tiffany’s face and then she really does fall off, but she manages to land on her feet.

“I hate you all,” Tiffany mutters darkly, and then makes a beeline for her room.

 

It turns out that Taeyeon isn’t playing Sims after all. She’s watching a nail art tutorial video on her tablet, while lying on Tiffany’s bed.

“Why are you in my room?” Tiffany says flatly.

“I wanted to be here when you came back so I could get the story first,” Taeyeon says easily, not sounding the slightest bit abashed.

Tiffany almost throws her hands in the air. Since when did her life turn into some kind of drama that her members are obsessed about?

“You think I’m going to tell you the ‘story’ after you betrayed me to those—those hooligans out there?”

“Hooligans?” Taeyeon repeats, looking like she’s half a second away from bursting into laughter. “Is that the best insult you’ve got?”

“Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany crosses her arms over her chest. “Why does everyone know about me and Jessica?”

Taeyeon winces slightly. “Well, I mean, did you really expect Sooyoung to keep shut?”

“So it was just Sooyoung who said something?”

“I, er, may have drank a little too much over dinner and said a few words. Maybe.”

Tiffany groans. When she said that Taeyeon’s alcohol tolerance is even worse than hers, she should have seen something like this coming.

“Why were you even drinking? You don’t like to drink.”

“It was a special occasion.”

“What special occasion?”

“It’s not every day your best friend goes on a date with the love of her life.” Taeyeon looks absolutely serious when she says this. “Don’t blame me for getting a little excited. Speaking of that, how was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Tiffany replies automatically. “Just a…hang out.”

“Well then, how was your ‘hang out’?” Tiffany can actually hear the air quotes in Taeyeon’s question. She’s surprised Taeyeon didn’t make the gesture with her hands.

“It was…good.” Maybe Taeyeon can hear the ellipses in Tiffany’s replies too, because she raises her eyebrows in a classic that’s it? response. Tiffany swallows. “I’ve missed her.”

Taeyeon’s gaze softens. “I would imagine. You haven’t seen her in so long.”

“Hmm.” Tiffany closes her eyes and sees two images in her mind’s eye: Jessica as a teenager, walking away from her, and Jessica as an adult, striding toward her. Sometimes Tiffany will think that she’s changed, but then she’ll do something, say something, and Tiffany will see the old Jessica as clearly as if she stood in front of her. She wonders if that’s unhealthy, always comparing Jessica to the past her, but she can’t help it. She can’t help looking for hints of the girl she grew up with in the woman now, and she wonders if Jessica does the same with her. Maybe that’s the reason for those searching looks she gives Tiffany.

“I drank too much tonight too,” Tiffany says. “I said some things I’ll probably regret tomorrow.”

“Did she drink a lot too?”

“No. I mean, she drank as much as me, but it didn’t even have an effect on her.”

“Ah, she’s one of those people.” Taeyeon nods, as if she and Tiffany have normal alcohol tolerances and everyone else is a heavyweight. “Well, what did she say to you?”

“She said…” The exact memory is slipping away from Tiffany already, like a boat caught up in a strong current and tugged downstream, but she can still remember the feeling of warmth, of happiness, washing over her like a slow tide. “I don’t remember exactly, but I liked it.”

“Okay, so it doesn’t sound so bad then,” Taeyeon says. “Sometimes alcohol is that push that people need. Or rather, honesty is and it’s hard to be honest completely sober.”

Tiffany blinks at her. “Since when did you say such wise things?”

“I don’t know, maybe alcohol pushed me into a vat of wisdom.”

Tiffany giggles. “That makes sense.” She flops onto her bed beside Taeyeon and stares up at the ceiling like it can give her answers. Her bed feels oddly lumpy for some reason.

“Ow,” comes not her bed, but Taeyeon who she sat on unintentionally. “Is this your revenge for my slip up?”

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Tiffany rolls off Taeyeon but almost ends up falling off the bed. “Sorry, I feel like the alcohol is still hitting me.”

“A likely excuse,” Taeyeon grumbles. “Well, I’m glad you had fun. I’m going to go back to my room – I’m almost done building my city. Holler if you need something.”

Tiffany giggles again, and Taeyeon looks at her like she’s crazy. Or, well, even crazier than usual. “Holler, holler, holler,” she starts to sing, and Taeyeon rolls her eyes so hard it looks painful.

“You’re starting to sound like me. That’s a really bad sign. You should probably sleep before you do something else you’ll regret.”

“TaeTae.” Tiffany looks at her earnestly. “I miss her already.”

Taeyeon sighs and pats her head like she’s a small child. “That’s because you’ve got it for her bad.”

“Do you think she misses me too?”

“I’m sure she does,” Taeyeon says indulgently.

“I bet I miss her more. Do you want to bet with me?”

“Oh my god, how much did you have to drink?” Taeyeon pulls Tiffany’s blanket up to her shoulders and shifts her pillow so that her head is resting on the centre of it. “Never mind, just go to sleep, okay? Sleep it off before our schedules tomorrow. Good night.”

Taeyeon is almost at the door when Tiffany calls for her again. “TaeTae?”

Taeyeon sighs, but turns around. “Yes, Fany?” she asks with supreme patience.

“I think I love her,” Tiffany announces to Taeyeon and the world at large.

Taeyeon’s face softens. “I think that’s rather obvious. Where’s your phone?”

“It died,” Tiffany says sadly.

“That’s probably for the best.” Tiffany doesn’t understand why, but she feels too tired to ask Taeyeon, who gives her a gentle smile and says, “Go to sleep, Fany. You can talk to Jessica in the morning.”

That makes Tiffany brighten, although she doesn’t want to wait that long to talk to Jessica. “Okay,” she sighs, and closes her eyes. Taeyeon turns off the light and steps out of her room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Tiffany barely registers the sound before sleep sinks over her.

 

When she wakes up, she finds that someone – probably Taeyeon – was considerate enough to plug her phone into the charger and it’s fully recharged, much like her. She has two new messages, both from Jessica.

Hope you got home okay. Text me if you haven’t fallen asleep.

And:

Had fun last night. Can’t wait for next time :)

Tiffany hurriedly types back a reply, feeling as giddy as a teenage girl with her first crush.

Hehe, how did you know? >< I crashed when I got home OTL. Really gotta get started on those drinking lessons.

She takes longer to write her second message.

I had fun too!! she replies, and then, before she can stop herself, I always have fun when I’m with you~~ Hope your event went well! Will be counting down until next time <3 <3 <3

She almost has an existential crisis over whether three hearts are too excessive, but then Jessica texts back with one of the same, followed by the heart eyes emoji and the kissing face emoji, and Tiffany’s heart goes through a roller coaster ride with only ups and loops. She feels like they can probably make a new emoji with the look on her face right now, and also that she can finally finish writing that ballad she’s been stuck on for months.

She knows who she’s going to dedicate it to.

---

A/N: “This and this and this” is taken from The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.