Sunggyu was pounding on the familiar blue door of the apartment that he had not visited since three years ago. Each bang on the door and each ring of the doorbell resonated with the guilt that had been building up in him over the last few days. He never thought hurting someone else could do so much pain to himself, nor did he know he was capable of crying so much. The door was cold from the winter morning, but his hand had lost any conscious sense of pain.    When the door finally opened, Yerin was standing in the doorway, visibly annoyed but unsurprised by her visitor. She left the door open for Sunggyu as she returned to her couch, where she was working on another upcoming article. Sunggyu slammed the door behind him, not caring about the staring neighbours who had been watching him the whole time.    "Yerin."    Her eyes refused to tear from her screen. Her fingers continued typing furiously, as if Sunggyu were invisible.    "BAEK YERIN!" It was the first time Sunggyu had raised his voice in a very long time. The setting was familiar: Yerin was refusing to listen, doing her homework, pretending Sunggyu was not there to pick a fight with her. Felt like they were having their breakup reenactment.    "Give me back the thumbdrive you stole, now." Sunggyu's knuckles were turning white from clenching his fists too hard. Yerin finally put her laptop aside to face her ex-boyfriend, her usual air of aegyo completely gone. Instead, a smirk was spreading across her face and her cold eyes unwavering as she stared right at Sunggyu.    "I paid you back with Friday's lunch, didn't I?"    "YERIN! This is not a joke! Give it back to me!"    Yerin moved forward fearlessly until she was looking at Sunggyu right in the eye. "What help would that be anyway? The news is out, your little friend is hurt."   The mention of Woohyun simply made Sunggyu dizzy from his seething anger. "Why are you doing this, he's done nothing to you!"    "He hasn't, but you have!" Yerin snapped. Sunggyu hadn't expected this. She wasn't even like this back when they said they broke up. She was nowhere near this irrational. "Remember the day I met you at the Subway stall near your office? I wanted to stop by your office first. I was thinking 'hmmm, maybe I should ask him out for a reunion lunch with him'. But guess who I met? So I did stop by your office in the end, and it was just on the table. I think for all the harm you did to me back then, it's quite fair that both of you paid back for my career. And thanks a lot," she held up her laptop in Sunggyu's face, "a million readers, retweets and tons of mentions. I think I might be getting an extra bonus at the end of the year. You probably approached him for the same reasons anyway." Her voice was on edge, as if she would start screaming at any moment, and all pent-up anger within her was only holding in because of her proper upbringing and determination. Sunggyu could not believe that listening to Yerin was only building up his guilt and hurt towards Woohyun. She was supposed to be his easy way out, to blame everything on her. Yet here he was, finding himself feeling sorry for her, towards her as well.    "It's not him."    She was undeterred. "What?"    "I said...it wasn't him. I didn't break up with you because of him. I didn't even know him back then." All he could do was sigh. The steam that had propelled him to come here this morning was vanishing as he witnessed the pain overflowing in Yerin's words. She had not recovered from their break up, she had hoped, and he had crushed it again over lunch in that Subway. "I made....made up....I made up a person back then okay? I couldn't bring myself to break up with you without constructing some sort of invisible parter! If I had just told you, after 2 years, that I liked....I liked..." Sunggyu was trying to catch his breath. Yes, everything was like deja vu. He was breathless and on the verge of tears that he had to force himself to hold back. "I liked guys. So I thought, if I told you I already had someone, we could both let go better." His hands were grabbing onto her shoulders, their foreheads leading together, both crying. "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for hurting you, but he really had nothing to do with it. He doesn't even know. You are still the only one." He tightened his grip, as if hoping that he could pick out all the melancholy and hurt within her and remove them. Yerin was shaking uncontrollably under his apology; she never expected to hear them after all these years of hating him, mentally cursing him, and also missing him.    Yerin reached into her pocket and pulled out the thumbdrive. She loosened his grip and placed it in his hand, "But you love him, don't you?"    Sunggyu looked at her inquisitively, confused by what he was hearing.    "You love him."    "No I don't?"   Yerin rolled her eyes, causing another tear to drop as a result. "Ya, whatever you say."    Sunggyu figured it was her way of easing into an apology, so he left it unanswered.    "If your boss asks-"    "I can handle that," he whispered as a he planted a kiss one her fringe. "Yerin-ah, be happy. Be happy for me, will you?"   Pause.   "I hate you," Yerin looked up slowly, parting the fringe at the part where he kissed her moments earlier, "you always manage to make me do things that hate myself even more."    Sunggyu gave a her a long hug that was reminiscent of that fateful day many years back. Yes, that was her way of peacemaking, and this was his. They were so compatible and incompatible in so many ways, Sunggyu was pretty sure he did love her at some point. She just came at a wrong time when Sunggyu finally found himself. She was, like Woohyun, innocent.   "Be happy."   And he left her standing in her living room, and left to let the cold morning breeze dry up the tears on his face.   - ∞ -   Apgujeong at night was Sunggyu's remedy for today. Holding a half-finished beer as he walked down the street hopping clubs after clubs briefly, approached by no less than five ladies, he continued to trudge mindlessly in the area to let the alcohol and noise numb his senses. Yet this only made the thought stronger: that he had hurt two of the most important people in his lives, and one of them was still feeling miserable, suffering under the harsh and unreasonable standards of this society. He felt like he was doing a field study of s