Covert Chapter 3

Song For This Chapter// Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding

"Can't you see?

I'm dead in the water

Still looking for you

Cause I can hardly breathe

When your hands let go of me" 

SoHyun~

My fist was clenched and the pressure grew even tighter while I sat in my office after the meeting with the bureau’s director. My breathing was ragged in my attempts to quell my anger. They stripped me away of my choice, my option. A vision flashed across my eyes, which was of me chucking a book at the clear wall. I forced my eyes shut, breathing deeply and slowly to calm myself down. The external sounds of light conversations, fingertips rapidly pressing on keyboards, and the swiveling of desk chairs slowly trickled in as I regained my focus. 

I glanced at the ring on my finger. And then every sound disappeared, leaving me in silence with my own turbulent thoughts. It didn’t belong there. Marriage, love, and relationships all seemed so trivial when compared to the situations some individuals find themselves in. All the cases I worked reminded me once again that the humans are in the end striving to survive. Blood rushed toward my eyes as they glazed over. Wiping at my eye with my finger, I left my office to grab a glass of water.

“SoHyun. You’re still here. Weren’t you going to leave since you had a date with Sungjae?” Seo Woo asked me while she was stirring her coffee. I drank my water before answering her question.

“Someone called in a favor, so date night got cancelled.” I told her, fabricating the reason why I wasn’t leaving early to spend time with Sungjae. I knew that I wouldn’t bear to see him right now.

“Ahh. You okay? You seem a bit tense.” Seo Woo’s expression toward me was that of concern with her lower lip slightly pouting. 

“Anyway, I have to get back to writing up the case reports.” I said, walking out of the coffee room and back into my office. Taking a seat at my desk, I gripped a pen and began writing up the remaining case reports. However, halfway through I simply couldn’t focus. My hands trembled, making the task quite difficult. Tears welled in my eyes and I was losing control of my emotions. I knew exactly why these emotions were overwhelming me. I just didn’t want to admit it. Then suddenly I received a call from my mother.

“SoHyun ah, how can you not even call your own mother after not showing up for dinner that night?”

“Mom, I really don’t have time to…”

“You think too deeply into things. Sungjae is devoted and loves you. That should be enough reason for you to marry him.” 

“Mom, that’s what you think. Sungjae doesn't even know yet.”

“I know, so wouldn't it be better to not tell him at all? And especially what happened between you and… Are you still seeing him? I told you to stop!” Only now, did she sound like an actual mother. 

“Mom, I will handle it.” I heard her sighing deeply over the phone. She was never supposed to find out. 

“Kim SoHyun! I didn’t raise you to be scorned. I won’t say anything about him to Sungjae or Sungjae’s parents, but clean up your act. It’s been three years. And please pick up your phone when I call.” 

“Bye mom.” I spoke into a dead conversation, for the call has already ended. It was so typical of my mother to simply say whatever she needed to say and then abruptly end the call. 

Clean up your act. My mother added to the stress I was currently experiencing. However as always she was indeed right. My forehead creased, as I couldn’t suppress my emotions any longer. My fingers clutched my temples at the worsening migraine. Grabbing my phone, I dialed his number.

“Where are you?”

Tonight, I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment. I found myself parking the car in front of a loft. I peered at the building in front of me with dreariness knowing that this might be the last time I come here. I was about to get out of the car when my phone rang and guess who it was. It was none other than Sungjae, my current fiancé. Sighing, I turned my phone off and left it in the car. The second I stepped into the loft, he was sitting on the steps of the staircase with a glass of bourbon in his hand.

“Are you drinking on an empty stomach again?” I asked, joining him on the steps. 

“Shouldn't you be the one not forgetting to eat?” His lips inched upward in a soft shrug. 

"Well, I'm not hungry." I said, taking the glass of bourbon from him to take a sip. Other than the usual cups of coffee at the office and a sip of this bourbon, I had gone the entire day without eating anything. Sungjae always made sure that I ate at least one meal a day by asking to eat lunch together. But with Sungjae staying home and me working long hours, I forgot to eat due to my lack of appetite. 

With his head leaning against the exposed brick wall SungHoon stared at me impishly while he tapped my fingers restlessly. His boyish and mischevious expression flashed a glimpse of him from when we first met. That part of him was still there... I looked away, throwing the liquid down my throat when his fingers crept near my wound. Looking down at my white shirt, I saw that the bandage was stained with yellow discharge. 

“I’ll have to remove the stitches. There’s too much pus leaking out. How did you not notice this sooner?” He asked in a disapproving tone, opening up the buttons  hastily so he could take my shirt off. Goosebumps erupted over my shoulders once the fabric was removed. My body responded by leaning away from the site of pain as he c