Covert Chapter 13 

Song for this chapter// The War by SYML

Flashback

SoHyun~

I ascended the stairs to the bedroom to check up on my fiance after a long task force operation. It’s been a couple days since I’ve been home. My hands instantly flew up into the air on an instinct at the sight of a gun aimed towards me. The person that held the gun was none other than my fiancé. My initial shock dissipated and calm took over. I knew that he would never shoot me. His neck glistened with sweat. His wide eyes met mine. His body straightened with tension, but his hand trembled. The heavy sounds of his breathing occupied the silence between us. Steadily, I approached him and took the gun to disassemble it. 

Placing the parts down onto the dresser, I went to the bathroom to grab a towel. SungHoon stared at me with wet eyes remorsefully. That apologetic gaze was one I was all too familiar with. It was the same one my mom would give me whenever I would treat her wounds after my dad beat her. I sat next to him on the bed, wiping the sweat from his neck and face. I was careful not to touch him, for he was now highly sensitive to touch. 

“I'm sorry…” 

“No. Don’t say that.” I insisted, recoiling my bruised fingers away from him. “Everything will be okay. I’m going to get some sleep before work tomorrow.” 

I avoided staring back at him as I left our bed and down to the living room where the sofa was. I pulled the blanket over my head and felt a tear trickle down my nose and onto the silk pillow cover. I knew what he was going to say. I didn’t want to hear the truth. Our relationship was in ruins. We both knew, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. It has been months since I’ve started sleeping on the sofa due to SungHoon’s night terrors and writhing in bed. But I held on. I held onto the glimpses of the SungHoon I knew and grew acquainted with the changed version of him. The one that couldn’t bear to have someone touch him. The one that drank constantly to block out the memories. The one that slept with a gun under his pillow. The one that didn’t eat or sleep for days in an attempt to figure out what happened to his body. 

“I can. I can explain.” SungHoon blurted, rushing to stand to his feet from his position on the cold pavement of the basement floor. The second I entered the basement lab, I recognized that odious smell. I neared the curtains and pulled them back to see a splayed corpse on the hospital bed. The limbs were tied to the bed frame and the mouth was taped shut. The sliced torso revealed the rib cage and internal organs. The white sheets had dots of blood on them. SungHoon’s complexion was spotted with blood as well. The scalpel clinkered when it fell from his hand. 

“I wanted him to feel the pain that I suffered.” His voice came out low, yet steady. They were devoid of any compunction. 

“I’m aware of that desire…” I muttered honestly, walking away from him. 

I locked the bathroom door and leaned forward onto the sink. The faucet ran, forming a constant puddle on the floor of the sink. Splashing my face with cold water, I exhaled deeply and stared into the mirror. I always sought refuge in a locked room. Memories of my past as Park SoYoon came rushing in. I recalled how many nights I would sleep under the grand piano in my practice room, which had sound-proof walls so that I wouldn’t have to listen to the sounds of my father screaming as he took a golf club to the vases, picture frames, and my concour trophies. I would huddle into myself and block my ears to prevent hearing the sounds of my mother’s pained moans as a golf club wrecked her body. 

Later that night, I woke up next to SungHoon. I jolted suddenly at the realization that he carried me from the sofa to the bed. Lying inert next to my fiance, I could only stare at him. I wanted to touch him but didn’t want him to shrink away from me. But then SungHoon touched me first. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulled me into his chest and pressed his lips against my forehead. 

“I’m dying.” SungHoon whispered to me, his breath tickling my forehead. “So I’m letting you go.”  In other words he freed me from any responsibility in caring for his declining health and inevitable death. He was well aware of how much responsibility I already shouldered. My mom was already enough. This way he could lessen one more burden for me. However, his decision couldn’t prevent me from hurting. 

“No. No you're not," I got off the bed and away from him. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes as I tried to stop the onset of tears I knew would fall immediately. SungHoon sat on my side of the bed with his face toward the floor and buried in his hands. A wrinkle of heartbreak rippled through my forehead. “I just got you back. I can't lose you again…” I choked on an incoming sob, growing more and more angry at the situation.

"I want to live... with you too," SungHoon uttered, brushing his hair away from his face to reveal his teary and reddened eyes. However, one look at him and I broke down onto the floor. SungHoon reached his hand out for me to grab, pulling me up and into his embrace. "I don't want to be a burden to you, so please let me do this." 

He came into my life when I least expected it and piqued my curosity when I never intended to fall in love. He was the one person I trusted enough to reveal my past to. He was the one person I wanted a happy ending with. But we weren't even allowed that. Even after meeting Sungjae, I still couldn’t let go of my feelings for SungHoon. I hated SungHoon and loved him all at once. Love scared me, but I later realized that it was losing the people I loved that terrified me the most. 

“Sungjae got shot.” MinHyuk’s words rang in my ear and I lost my grip on my phone. I burst out into tears, burying my wet face into the palms of my hands. I stared at my reflection in the mirror of the closet and saw the true version of myself. I told myself to get a grip, but my hands shook as I picked up the phone. 

“I’m on my way.” I spoke into the phone before pocketing it. Wiping the tears from my face, I hurried to get dressed and go to the hospital. The hospital scared me. I never knew who could be on the other side of the door, fighting for their lives. It was my mom, SungHoon, and now Sungjae. 

He was still in surgery when I arrived. His parents, older sister, brother-in-law, and team members were seated in the waiting room. I accepted the cup of coffee, but couldn’t tak