8/11/16 – Tuesday

Since that day, we still hadn’t talked about whether we are like dating yet; though, strangely enough, a part of me was hoping he’d talk about it today. This is all so cheesey whenever I write this all down at the end of the day, but trust me when it happens, I don’t seem to think about what I’m doing. It’s as if I don’t have control over myself and the stupid things I do.

School today was just distracting, plain distracting. I didn’t even pay attention in class because all I could feel was Wonshik’s gaze fixated on me all day. Okay, so in case I haven’t mentioned this, we changed our seating arrangement and somehow I got placed next to him of all people, how the hell do I concentrate in class?

Halfway through Maths class and I’d feel Wonshik’s feet making its way to my feet, situating themselves right next to mine.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You already so badly at Maths so pay attention you -head.”

His maths results were just dropping so badly, that he had to come to me for more help. As usual we’d be at the café, drinking coffee while he tried his best to understand why maths existed in the first place.

“You know if you keep staring at me, your grades won’t get better, right?”

“But at least I feel better.”

Cheesy, Wonshik, way too cheesy. You should really work on your lines.

9/11/16 – Wednesday

We decided to study in the library instead today. Trust me, nothing was done. I’m starting to wonder if he cares more about his grades or about me. Well, not that I’m complaining that he spends too much time on me, I’m just not as cheesy as he is to act this way in public.

I admit the only thing I thought about all day was how my 18^th birthday is tomorrow. I’m not necessarily expecting anything from Wonshik but I did want him to go to my birthday party tomorrow so I stupidly asked, “Want to come to my house tomorrow?” Nicely played, Taekwoon, nice.

I’m grateful that he doesn’t question my weird way of speaking and just goes along with it so he agrees. My family is throwing this small little birthday party for me tomorrow, because we all know I don’t have any friends.  So, after the whole afternoon spent with Wonshik and trying to get him to do at least a page of maths questions, I rushed home to ask my mom about inviting Wonshik over. It seems a little childish and weird, I know. It’s my own birthday party so why am I asking my mom, it’s just a thing so don’t ask me why.

Thankfully she said ‘okay’ to it and I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. It felt a little weird, my first time spending my birthday with not only my family but also a friend, and in this case, I’d spend my 18^th birthday with Wonshik, which brings me back to the question he asked me but I never answered, “are we still just best friends?”.

10/11/16 – Thursday

Okay, where do I start? I’m just going to describe today in detail because I feel like it’s needed.

I woke up when I felt my bed sink in a little to the left. Well, I initially thought my mom came in to wish me happy birthday or something but as I turned to the left, I noticed that it was Wonshik sitting there, with his legs crossed and smiling at me.

I got up so fast you’d think I saw a ghost. Asking him why the hell he was here, he replied, “Isn’t it your birthday, ?” Right after he said that, I found him lying right next to me, our faces only centimetres away from each other. “So, are we really just best friends?”

I just found myself staring right back at him for the next few seconds, the both of us looking at each other in a somewhat comfortable silence. It’s not that I didn’t agree with him or whatnot, but because I didn’t know how to answer him. It also felt like the right thing to do at the time, to stay silent.

“Hey, it’s your big day, 18 years old and all.” He jumped out of the bed, dragging me with him. Soon I felt myself being pushed out of the room and into the toilet with the door shut behind me, “Go get ready, we’ve got a long day ahead.”

Are we really just best friends?

So that all happened at about 8 a.m. in the morning, my family seemed really happy to have Wonshik over which made me much more reassured that they took a liking to him really quick (in 2 hours to be exact).

“Why didn’t you introduce us to Wonshik early, Taekwoon? He’s such an amazing kid!” My mom probably repeated that like five times today.

“He even collects models of cars! Wonshik is my type of guy.” Even my dad joined in on the Wonshik fanclub parade.

I acted as if I was annoyed, but deep down it was comforting to see this sight of my family chatting comfortably with my friend – the only true friend that I have.

Of course, as birthdays go, the usual stuff took place: playing of console games, watching the television, opening presents and blowing out the candles. Typical of Wonshik to suddenly appear behind me to whisper in my ear, “You know, those candles aren’t the only things you’re blowing tonight.”

Right, he just had to say that and I ended up choking on my drink, “That’s also not the only thing you’re choking on tonight.” He added.

“Kim Wonshik.” I stared at him, but failed to keep the seriousness on my face because I ended up laughing and walking away quickly. He’s lucky he whispered, or else he would’ve gotten it from me for saying it in front of my parents.

Dinner was great, obviously. Anything with your favourite dishes is heaven, that was what my birthday dinner was, heaven.

“Thanks,” I said to Wonshik, “for coming here today. It means a lot to me, so I’m happy you came.” I liked that he didn’t say anything and just smiled in return, there’s something about his smile that seemed too damn comforting.

“Funny how we don’t act like 18 year old boys, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re so damn cheesy, we act like two high school girls in love.”

“Wonshik, I-“

I really was about to tell him something when my mom interrupted, “Taekwoon, you’ll accompany Wonshik home, won’t you? Make sure he’s safe, okay!”

“Of course, mom, get the birthday boy to do it.”

The first few minutes of the walk to Wonshik’s house was again, filled with the comfortable silence we always have. I noticed how he made sure he took really small steps, obviously to drag the time.

“So, are we really-“

“No.”

“What?”

“We aren’t just best friends, are we?”

Even in the dark, with the dimly (and really badly) lit lampposts, I could see a smile forming on his face. Walking up closer to me, I felt my feet rooted to the ground. Now, back then I never understood the meaning of this idiom, how could anyone have their feet rooted to the ground? At that moment, I perfectly understood every part of this idiom, I felt like I experienced it completely, as if something was holding my feet and preventing me from even moving an inch.

I wasn’t too sure of what happened next because I think I remember closing my eyes, but I felt a pair of lips touch mine in a really swift move, and the next second the feeling was gone.

Opening my eyes, I found Wonshik where he was initially, but seemingly further away. I could tell that he was grateful for the dimly lit lampposts. Then, he started giggling, “See you tomorrow! Get home safe, alright?” He started running back to his house.

My 18^th birthday with the people I love the most, and my first kiss. Oh my god.

11/11/16 – Friday

On the way to school, the only thing I could think about was how Wonshik would be like today; all my questions quickly faded away once I saw a really excited looking Wonshik running towards my way in the corridor.

“TAEKWOON!”

“The hell are you doing with everyone else here?”

“Can’t I give my best friend a nice morning greeting?” He winked at me. He winked, I repeat.

Class was obviously going to be hell today, not only because it was History (my weakest subject) but also because I had to deal with Wonshik constantly trying to get my attention in class. Somewhere halfway through the period, Wonshik started to pass me paper notes, with scribbles such as “let’s go get coffee today” “history class ” “what is he even saying” “I’m pretty sure you don’t understand either”

As much as I loved this guy, History was the only subject I at. Meaning it was the only class I needed to pay a 100% attention to. Annoyed, I grabbed the paper from him and angrily wrote down, “will you stop it, you , I’m trying to concentrate here.”

Unfortunately, as I was passing the paper back to him, my teacher caught us. Of course, what luck do I have?

“Jung Taekwoon!” He shouted in front of the class, his ruler slammed against the board, “I thought you were a much better student than that. Detention! For both you and Wonshik!”

Detention. It just had to be detention.

“You’re such an idiot,” I mumbled to Wonshik as I scrubbed the toilet floor, “this is the first time I have detention and it’s because of you.”

“This is the first time I’m cleaning a toilet.” He said, amused, as he cleaned the toilet seats, “But look on the bright side, you’re having detention with me.”

“How’s that the bright side?”

“Don’t be such an .”

“So, coffee after this?”

“I wonder how you speak of coffee when we’re cleaning the toilet.”

My parents are going on a little vacation by themselves, without me, since my exams are coming soon. They told me to ‘ask Wonshik to stay with me and keep me company because they trust him’. I absolutely cannot believe this.

12/11/16 – Satuday

It was about 9 in the morning when me and Wonshik were at my front door, wishing my parents a safe trip.

“Take care of Taekwoon for us, will you?” My dad shouted from the lift.

“Don’t worry sir, I will!”

After they left and I shut the front door, Wonshik’s facial expression changed into something I couldn’t understand, “It’s like your parents knew we need some alone time.”

“Wonshik, if you don’t come to your senses I’m going to kick your out of this house.”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But damn, I could get used to coming to your house more often. More importantly, your room.” I never understood Wonshik, at times he just seemed like that 18 year old kid who was too frustrated.

We spent the whole day just watching movies on the television, cooking together and then studying.

“Aren’t you bored?” We were in my room, Wonshik laying flat on my bed while I was hunched over at my desk, still trying to understand a single paragraph from the History homework since the past 10 minutes. “I can’t believe you’re such a genius at Maths but you at History.”

“Maths is simple, History is complicated.”

“How the hell is Maths simple? There’s so many formulas, and numbers, and graphs.” He made a disgusted face, looking as if he were about to puke. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, finding myself seated next to him on my bed.

“Has anyone ever told you that your laugh is so precious?” I don’t know what it took me to suddenly say that, but I swear I wasn’t in control of myself when that happened.

He stopped laughing at that, and I was scared, scared that I said something wrong. Instead, he reached out and pulled me closer to him, our lips met immediately and I felt my face burn up. How did it get to that? I don’t know honestly.

This kiss, though, wasn’t like the one that we shared on the night of my birthday. That was a peck, right? This was seriously a kiss. I felt Wonshik’s hand on my neck, his other hand on my right arm. Due to the awkward position I was sitting in, I had my left arm stuck under me, but my right hand unconsciously found itself moving to Wonshik’s hair.

“Has anyone told you how beautiful you are, then?” Wonshik asked after a few minutes.

I couldn’t help but smile, and it was a genuine one, one that I rarely showed anyone else – one that meant a lot.

And everything else that happened that night, I keep to myself, in my own memories.

Wonshik, too. What I mean is, he’s someone that I’d like to keep just for myself, and for no one else to share with.

That’s what Wonshik is to me.