Hands moving around his bedroom desk he feels around for his smart brailler, thinking about how expensive it was and the fact that he can't afford to lose it. The moment his hands touch it, he relaxes and pulls it toward him. Jonghyun can't help but be thankful for the device that makes his life easier.

Fingers positioning themselves on the standard braille keyboard, he begins to write. 

It had helped him learn braille when he first lost his eye sight but he continues to use it as a way to write song lyrics. He knows he could just write them down and have someone read them to him but he likes writing and having the device read it back. He feels much more independent, no need to bother someone else he tells himself. 

He starts off by typing about the various sounds he's heard throughout the day. There's something about trying to envision them that calms him. He thinks about the way the leaves crackle as he steps on them on his way to class. There's the way the student next to him taps his pencil against his desk during class; sometimes he even joins in to try and create a beat. He thinks about Jinki's laugh whenever he makes a witty comment...

The typing stops as Jonghyun leans back against his chair and closes his eyes. 

He doesn't see darkness.

There's no easy way to describe what he sees because he doesn't completely understand it either. Sometimes he sees white with hundreds of tiny points of light dancing in front of him. Other times he just sees nothing. It's not exactly black, he just sees nothing. His brain doesn't know what he's missing so he just senses nothing. 

But his brain can still construct a mental picture. So he starts by imaging the leaves - their size, depth, texture. He pictures the classroom desks with the students in them, pencils in hand.

He pauses before thinking about the next thing. He tries to picture Jinki.

His thoughts go back to earlier that day. Most people wouldn't have allowed him to touch them as much as he did. But then again he's almost sure the only reason he did is because he likes Jinki... he likes him as a close friend. It hurts him to not be able to see someone who cares so much for him.

All he can do is raise his hand and try to retrace his facial features... but its not enough. Frustrated he pushes himself away from the desk and stands up. His chair tips back, making a harsh noise as it collides with a nearby nightstand. 

"Jonghyun, is everything okay?"

The worry in his mother's voice forces him to calm down. "I'm fine." 

As the footsteps grow more distant he allows himself to collapse on his bed. The urge to cry rushes over him and he feels his eyes go through the motions, yet his tears aren't normal. He let's out a harsh laugh.

He can't even cry properly. 

-

"Will you guys stop? We're trying to eat here."

Both Jinki and Jonghyun turned simultaneously toward Key. "Stop what?"

"The flirting!" Key replied exasperated. As usual the five were eating lunch together at a nearby restaurant. 

"Are we flirting Jonghyun?"

"Well I mean this is my normal voice."

"Oh shut up."

"Make me."

"Maybe I will."

Key pretended to gag as the duo broke out in laughter. Next to him Minho patted his back sympathetically while Taemin was too focused on his homework to notice.

"We're just having fun," Jinki finally said taking a bite of his food. 

"Flirtationship if you will," Jonghyun added not able to see the glare Key was sending his way. "I can feel your stare."

"Well could you two do it in private?" Minho asked backing up Key. Key smiled at having someone on his side and slowly inched closer to him.

"Whatever I'm leaving anyways." Jonghyun said as he stood up from the table. Jinki ignored the feeling of emptiness he felt as Jonghyun moved away. 

"Where are you going?"

"Retake an exam," Jonghyun replied as he grabbed his cane. "I don't think it will take long."

"Can I come with you?"

"Miss me already?"

"A bunch."

Jonghyun chuckeled, his cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. "It'll be quick. I can go alone."

Jinki nodded as Jonghyun waved goodbye at the group. "I hope he passes the exam."

"You should have gone with him," Key replied taking a fry from Minho's plate. If Jinki had actually been paying attention he would have noticed the small smile on Minho's lips and the way he simply pushed his plate closer to Key. 

"You just wanted me gone."

"True," the younger responded looking up from Minho's plate. "But you two spend all your time together, might as well have gone with him."

"We do not," Jinki replied with a small whine. "Taemin back me up." The youngest of the group simply looked up from his homework and stared at them. "When did Jonghyun leave?"

Jinki groaned as Minho and Key chuckled. "What?"

"Just go back to your homework Taemin." The latter simply shrugged and returned to his writing. 

"Anyways," Key looked away from Taemin and instead focused on the male next to him. "How did Jonghyun lose his eyesight?"

"Key." Jinki stammered. Leave it to Key to ask such straightforward questions and for Jinki to apologize for his friends insensitivity.

"It's fine," Minho replied. "He won't mind me telling you guys. He gets tired of repeating it and will sometimes make up stories."

Jinki smiled, that sounded like Jonghyun. "If you're sure he won't mind, how did he lose his eyesight?" The question had definitely been on his mind, especially after seeing him write so well.

"There was a chemical fire in his home when he was ten," he paused and took a deep breath, "I was there. It's a long story."

Taemin stopped writing and joined the others in listening. When no one said anything Minho continued.

"We were having a playdate. I told you about how we're childhood friends, right? We were next door neighbors actually and we spent a lot of time at his place. That day his mother was baking something and left us in the living room near the kitchen while she did the laundry upstairs. We don't know what happened exactly but a fire started in the oven. It spread to a lower cabinet near the sink where they kept the cleaning supplies. 

A huge chemical fire began. We ran towards it, we were just kids, curious about what was going on without realizing the danger. In the moment I froze but Jonghyun didn't. He screamed for his mom and pulled me away, covering my eyes with his hands. He was taller than me at the time, yes I know thats hard to believe. He felt the need to protect me because I was younger so he used his body to shield me and guide me out. The flames, flashes, and smoke were incredibly strong. We got stuck and couldn't get out.

But he didn't stop protecting me. We managed to get to the door and his mother pulled us out. By the time the firefighters arrived he couldn't see. He suffered severe burns to his face and specifically his eyes. It was bad but he heals very well. His eyes are definitely much better now as well. The doctors said theres a chance he could have an eye transplant in the future if his eyes don't get worse.... so yeah. That's the story."

A million questions went through Jinki's mind but he knew what the first one had to be. "Are you okay? I mean you went through it as well."

Minho looked at him with curiosity and gratefulness, he was the first to ask about him. Everyone always asked about Jonghyun, and with good reason, but no one seemed to ask about how it had affected him. "I'm okay," he answered sincerely, "although of course there are times I feel guilty for what happened."

"It wasn't your fault," everyone spoke at the same time. Key who was next to Minho threw an arm over his shoulder in support. "It was an accident. Both of you were stuck and sadly had to go through that."

"Thanks," Minho replied quietly with a shy smile. "It's nice to have friends who care so much."

They all smiled before gathering around him and doing a group hug. "Okay guys I think this is too much."

"Shut up." Key responded tightening his hold. "You're stuck with us."

-

"Jinki are you okay?"

Looking up from the charts in his hand, Jinki realized he hadn't been writing down anything. 

"I'm sorry."

Doctor Kang simply nodded before repeating his words. As he wrote them down Jinki mentally slapped himself for not paying attention. Once he'd finished he handed off the chart and headed to the break room for a quick drink of water.

"It isn't like you to be so disconcentrated."

He turned in surprise to find Doctor Kang staring at him and quickly apologized again. It wasn't always easy to get a doctor to shadow and he felt like he was throwing the opportunity away. 

"Is something wrong?"

"How successful are eye transplant surgeries?"

"What?"

Doctor Kang looked at him in confusion but when Jinki only stared back he realized he was still waiting for an answer. "Approximately 40,000 corneas are transplanted yearly with a ninety percent success rate. Is there a reason for your question?"

Jinki simply nodded before shaking his head. "Thank you."

That night under the covers of his bed Jinki pulled out his phone and typed "Chances of regaining eye sight after chemical fire."

He clicked on the first article and began to read.

-

-

A bit late with this chapter but I was having a bit of a hard time writing it. 

Wanted to dedicate this to one of my best friends Dyl whose going through a bit of a hard time right now. She's always so supportive of my writing so I wanted to update as a get better soon gift! Love you!

Also quick thanks to all those who've subscribed and left a comment. I hope I don't let you down with this story.