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Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

 

Kim Taerin stirred in her bed. She tried to get rid of the annoying sound of her stupid alarm by covering her whole face with her pillow but the beeping sound kept on getting higher and higher. As she did not want to be pissed off early in the morning (or create any damage to her iPhone 6s), she immediately sat up.

 

"Okay! Okay! I'm up! Geez!"

 

Her eyes quickly squeezed in the little sunlight came from behind the abstract curtain. Pouting a little, she rubbed the sleepiness off her eyes and ruffled the already-messy bed hair. Taerin reached for her mobile to turn off the alarm. As she did that, she looked at the clock.

 

8:34am, Sunday, 14th November 2015

 

She internally groaned. Sunday is the day she usually spent on her bed, rolling around until noon before she gets up to shower and grab her lunch. But she felt a little different today. She had this urge to go to her favourite cafe, Shine & Howl, down a few blocks, and have English Breakfast set together with warm apple tea. So, she stepped off her bed to stretch the sleep out of her before going off to shower.

 

Today is going to be a good day.

 

***

 

Well, the rain always comes unexpectedly.

 

Which explained the situation of both two frozen person in front of the pick-up counter. This is not Taerin's fault though. She only has two eyes on the front and no extra eyes at the back of her head. The fact proved it was not her fault they both collided to each other when she was just there to take her order. Another fact was she was not the one who was running around in a packed cafe. She silently looked at the poor (and wet) guy in front of her who was still bowing, apologizing to her non-stop.

 

"Okay, okay. You're sorry. I got it. Stop bowing." Taerin gritted between her teeth.

 

The guy immediately stop bowing. He stood up straight again and OH MY GOD HOW COULD A SURPRISED FACE COULD BE SO ADORABLE? Taerin mentally slapped her face for the sudden fangirl moment. She let out an inaudible sigh to the guy in front of her who was now changing his endless 'I'm sorry' to 'thank you'.

 

"Okay. You can stop thanking me now." Taerin stopped the guy at his, probably, millionth 'thank you'.

"Thank you." The guy said for the last time. "I'll personally take care of your apple tea."

 

Huh?

 

She just realized the dude in front of her was donning an all-black outfit - a black polo shirt with his sleeves folded to his (oh my god look at those veins) arms, a black knee-ripped skinny jeans and a pair of black Converse.

 

Oh.

 

He is the staff of the cafe.

 

"Have a seat first. I'll send it to you when I'm done."

 

Like she was hypnotized by his smile (which reminded her of a kitten), she took her breakfast plate (which, in miracle, saved from the collide) and sat to the nearest booth by the huge, tall window.

 

Little did they both know their little accident could lead to a beautiful friendship.

 

***

 

"Waiting for Jongdae?"

 

Taerin looked up from her paperback. One of the baristas of Shine & Howl, Kim Minseok, smiled at her while cleaning his station.

 

"Yeah. That brat told me to wait for him today. No idea why, but to avoid any further whines, I just agreed."

 

The staff door opened with force and an annoyed-face Kim Jongdae came out.

 

"And this brat paid for your apple tea and made it himself even before he clocked in for his shift which, in case you forgot, made him paid the tea from his pay-check."

"How could I forgot? You reminded me every time I said you're whiny."

"You love that trait of mine, Kim Taerin. Don't lie."

"You're delusional."

 

Minseok just laughed watching the two bickered. The two youngsters just knew each other for a month after the apple tea disaster but they acted as if they knew each other since forever. They protect each other like best friends, they bicker like siblings, they joke like children. The cafe had been more hyped with the presence of the two. Even the manager, Kim Joonmyeon, became used to the bickering that he will ask Jongdae about Taerin's whereabout if she did not come that day.

 

The two bid Minseok goodbye before exiting to Jongdae-knows-where. The Christmas was just around the corner. So Hongdae was flooded with the celebration's decoration; reindeer's headbands, Santa's hats, fake mistletoes and other tacky Christmas stuff. The two laughed when a man dressed as Santa danced around them singing an off-pitch "Jingle Bell Rock".

 

"Jongdae, what are we doing here? There are like 11 days before Christmas. I'm cold~" Taerin whined when they kept on strolling non-stop.

"Who's whining now?" Jongdae smirked.

"Jongdae~"

 

Jongdae let out an adorable laugh (Taerin's heart did not fluttered hearing that) before holding her wrist (Taerin's heart did not just skipped a beat because of that) and pulled her towards an accessories' shop.

 

"I remembered you told me told wait for you at the shop and follow you somewhere. Not about allowing myself to be drag like a ragdoll."

"Nagger."

"Hey!"

 

Without letting go of his friend's hand, he began to survey the colourful and graphic socks in the display glass near the cashier.

 

"Who are you buying for? The boys?"

"Hm." Jongdae nodded. "I need eleven pairs. Each with their personality."

"Oh, there's a penguin. You said Kyungsoo reminded you of penguins right?"

"Oh yeah. You're right. The eyes are like his too."

 

Both of them began to survey socks for the other ten boys after picking one for Kyungsoo. After Jongdae purchased his gifts for his friends, they both went out of the store, still hand-in-hand. Taerin had no idea why he never let go of her hand but she chose her happiness over curiosity. She enjoyed the warmth of Jongdae's hand and she did not wanted to lose it yet. So she just let herself being pulled all over the bustling streets of Hongdae.

 

They stopped in front of a little booth selling women's accessories. Taerin quietly ran her eyes over the beautiful rings, bracelets and necklaces. She was observing this one necklace with a star pendant when she felt a sharp elbow nudged her side. With a painful glare, she looked at Jongdae, who pretended to be innocent.

 

"What?" Taerin gritted.

"Choose one. I'll buy it for you."

"Why?"

"As an early Christmas present."

 

Taerin raised her eyebrows towards the guy beside her; as if she was delivering 'seriously?' question.

 

"I'm serious, woman." He rolled his eyes, answering her sceptical eye-question.

 

Taerin just grinned at him while pointing at the star-pendant necklace. He looked at the chosen necklace and nodded, approving her choice. He politely asked the elder woman to take out the necklace from its original place. After inspecting the necklace for the last time, he smiled to the elderly before paying for the necklace.

 

"Turn around." Jongdae commanded.

"What?"

"I want to put on necklace?"

 

She laughed listening to Jongdae's tone.

 

"Was that suppose to be an answer or a question?"

"Just turn around, you lunatic woman."

 

Taerin giggled again before followed what Jongdae asked. She could not deny her rapid heartbeat now could make her had cardiac arrest due to the close proximity between Jongdae's warm body and her own. She also worried the guy (and the elder woman) could hear the pounding. She tried to relax her body; not that Jongdae will feel the tense but whatever.

 

Tap.

 

She turned around. Jongdae observed her from top to bottom. She felt a little shy so she just gazed down; afraid to meet the eyes of her crush.

 

"She's brighter than before right, ma'am?" Jongdae's tone is admiring, not insulting or a joke.

"You kids are a cute couple. Reminding me of my younger days with my husband."

 

Taerin felt like she could burst into a billion stars right now. She looked up to meet an equally blushed Jongdae.

 

"We're not a couple, ma'am. Just friends."

"Yup." Taerin painfully agreed. "Just friends."

 

***

 

The apartment's living room echoed with the laughter of 14 people. It was 14th of January and they were celebrating double birthday of Kyungsoo and Jongin at Joonmyeon's huge apartment. They were telling their embarrassing high school stories to the new two newcomers, Taerin and her best friend, who she politely asked or, in her best friend's word, forced, to come with. Half of them were drunk already, causing more embarrassment to be spilled.

 

"You're 16 when you had your first kiss, right Baek?" Chanyeol snickered at the brunette beside him in the circle. "What's her name again? Tae-something?"

"Ugh I was forgetting that, you freaking yoda!"

"It was like ten years ago, Byun. Get over it." Joonmyeon said.

 

A merciless laughter burst again in the circle. Taerin laughed out loud too, enjoyed seeing how the 26-years-old men joking around each other like they were still in high school. Her best friend, Sky, seemed to enjoy it as well despite of her word of protest a few days ago when she asked her to accompany her to the gathering. She eyed Jongdae who was laughing out loud at Baekhyun, his best friend.

 

"Hey, let's play a game!" Birthday boy, Jongin, suggested.

"Sure." Tao agreed. "What game, Nini?"

"The Dare Game." Said birthday boy enthusiastically chirped.

 

Taerin just watched the boys groaned.

 

"That is so high school, Nini!" Belated birthday boy, Kyungsoo, slapped Jongin's thigh.

"Hey, I'm the birthday boy today!" Jongin whined. "Play what I wanna play!"

"Okay, okay." Minseok agreed. "Let's entertain our birthday boy. Knowing him, I'm pretty sure he has some hidden agendas to play this game."

 

And so, they played the game, starting with Jongin. Sehun dared him to prank call the pizza parlour to order 15 pepperoni pizzas in English (since he can speak the language like he was born English) like a drunk English person. They went in circle, daring each other with stupid pranks, tasks and challenges. After Luhan settled with his dare task (writing his name in Hangul with his , courtesy of Kris), now they came to Jongdae.

 

"Give me your best shot." Jongdae said with a smirk in his face.

 

All the boys minus Jongdae immediately returned the smirk to Jongdae before turning their heads towards Jongin.  Jongdae felt a little nervous, knowing the birthday boy did have something in his mind. Looking at the mischievous smiles slapped in his other stupid best friends' faces confirmed it. Jongin, who was previously leaned on the floor on his elbow, slowly sat up straight before propping his chin on his intertwined fingers, looking like the stupid evil prank mastermind he was.

 

"I dare you, to kiss Taerin, on the lips, for a full one minute."

 

The room became quiet. The only sound they can heard was the cars moving outside and the music from the hoo-ha street of Gangnam. Sky, who knew about Taerin's crush on Jongdae, sneakily eyed the reaction of Taerin, who turned out to be pale. It was like all the blood drained away from her best friend's face. Taerin herself, on the other hand, felt like her heart was threatening to jump out of . Jongdae has to kiss me? She really did not know how to feel.

 

Nervous?

 

Happy?

 

To finally feel the warm and soft-looking lips of Kim Jongdae, even out of a dare?

 

Taerin slowly turned to look at Jongdae beside her, who looked lost. Said boy turned his head as well when he felt Taerin was staring at him. She saw his trembling lips, probably wanting to say something. She wanted to reach out for his hand, telling him it is okay. It is just a dare and no hard feelings. She wanted to kiss that kitten smile of his. She wanted to feel the warmth. She wanted to  -

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Well, that was unexpected.

 

"I can't. I don't want to."

 

***

 

"It's 8pm you crazy woman. Wake. Up."

 

Sky slammed Taerin's bolster on her body at every punctuation. Said bolster victim just stayed in her bed, soullessly and sadly. It was Valentine's Day and it also has been a month since she talked to Jongdae. After he said he could not fulfil Jongin's dare for an unknown reason, the situation became awkward so Kyungsoo decided to watch movie together in the living hall. Her attention, though, was not at the movie played on the screen.

 

She felt sad.

 

A little dead inside, to be honest.

 

So Jongdae did not wanted to kiss her.

 

Why?

 

Because she is not pretty enough?

 

Because her breath smells?

 

What?

 

What was Jongdae's reason?

 

She still did not know because halfway into movie, Sky decided to end up Taerin's misery and excused both of them, as Taerin has work the next day and so does herself. She saw a glint of guilty look in Jongdae's eyes but decided to ignore it and walked out of the apartment.

 

"Hello? Am I talking to a rock now? Wake up!"

 

Taerin decided to shut her up by throwing the pillow she was hugging towards her. Sky, however, dodged the pillow. She grabbed it and began to hit her.

 

"I am here-" a hit "Turned down Chanyeol's invitation to watch a movie-" a hit "And all I got back is this-" a hit "misery-" a hit "and awful-" a hit "face?!"

"I'm in my mourning state. Go away. Go and date that yoda." Taerin's muffled voice came out of the pillow she buried her face on.

"I can go out with Chanyeol next time. I want to save you now. Get up -" a hit "NOW!"

"Oh my God, you sounded exactly like Aunt Petunia from the first movie."

"GET DRESS!" Sky hit her for the last time. "NOW!"

 

***

 

"Why are we here out of all places?"

"I'm bored. Besides, it's a beautiful place. Nothing's wrong with it."

"There are too many couples! People might think we are the gay couple and then people will start to throw rocks at us. Or worse, they'll throw us down."

"You're just thinking too much."

"Did not!"

"Shut up and just enjoy the view."

 

Taerin felt like throwing her best friend off the Namsan Tower. It does have a beautiful view especially at night, but, like she said, there were too many couples tonight as it was Valentine's Day. So, there were a lot of people acting sickly sweet with their partner as if they could not do it on normal days. Knowing herself, who was still not getting the fact Jongdae did not wanted to kiss her, made her feel more awful looking at the couples. It has only been 10 minutes and she already felt stressed out.

 

"Can we go home now? Please."

"Uhh, fine, you big baby." Sky finally surrendered. "Just wait here for awhile. I'm going to the ladies."

 

Taerin agreed. She turned back to, at least, pretend to enjoy the night view of Seoul. After a few minutes, she felt a tap on her shoulder. However, she did not prepared to see another person other than Sky.

 

"Jongdae..."

"Hey."

 

She felt her whole body became icy. She was not ready to meet Jongdae yet. However, God above did not heard her prayer and ended up letting her fate tonight to be meeting with Jongdae.

 

"Did you...? How did you...?"

"I know you'll come here."

"Sky told you?"

"She's part of my plan. Please, don't be mad at her. I forced her to be part of this. You have no idea how hard it is to make her agree. I almost lost my arms and legs for her. Good thing Chanyeol could convinced her."

"Yeah."

 

After that, the atmosphere became awkward. She did not know what to say. Jongdae, in front of her, was looking nervous, playing with the hem of his sweater, which was so adorable Taerin wanted to drop everything and hug him tight.

 

"Are you still mad at me? For saying no to kiss you?"

"I'm not mad." She softly replied. "I was just...sad."

"I'm sorry."

 

Taerin looked up from her shoes to meet the sincere eyes of Jongdae. Seeing her somehow positive reaction, Jongdae plucked up the courage and stepped into Taerin's space, getting much closer to her.

 

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I wanted it to be special."

 

Taerin scrunched her forehead. Wanted what to be special?

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Jongdae took another step. Now, their shoes met and they were very close Jongdae could feel her breath. He mentally screamed 'oh it!' in his head and cupped Taerin's jaw with one hand.

 

"I want our first kiss to be special." He whispered. "Not out of a dare."

 

Wait.

 

WHAT?

 

Taerin's eyes became wider. Her heartbeat increased when she felt Jongdae's face getting closer. She could smell the minty breath of the guy in front of her. Jongdae tilted his head when he was just inches from Taerin's lips. He brushed his lips on hers before saying the words he wanted to say since two months ago.

 

"I love you."

 

Their first kiss was soft and sweet. No rush or fight for dominance. Just two lips slowly danced on each other. They both tasted like mint. Taerin smiled in their kiss. His lips tasted exactly like Jongdae. So warm, so sweet, so soft. She might get obsessed with his lips by now. The kiss got deeper when Jongdae pulled her closer by the waist. She locked her hands behind his neck, enjoying the slow first kiss they shared. They wanted it to be longer, but nature calls as they really need air right now. So, they pulled away together before connecting their foreheads.

 

"I love you so much. You had no idea how miserable I was for the past month."

"I wanted to say I'm sorry but I was miserable myself. So..."

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't meant to hurt you."

 

Taerin kissed his forehead before reconnecting her forehead with his.

 

"It's okay. I know why you did that now. And I know how you feel too."

"What about you?"

"What?"

"What do you feel?"

 

Taerin put on her thinking face for awhile, to make Jongdae feel nervous. She scrunched her nose to add more effect.

 

"Hey. What's with that face?" He pouted.

"I'm thinking."

"What?" He whined and stomped his feet.

 

Taerin laughed her head off, seeing the baby side of Jongdae. She decided to put Jongdae out of misery and kissed the pout away.

 

"I love you too. So much."

 

***

 

At 11.30pm at the very same nostalgic night, they lied down Taerin's bed, side by side, looking at each other's eyes. She felt safe in his arms. She might get drown just by looking at his beautiful eyes, but as long as she wakes up with Jongdae by her side, she knows everything will be okay.

 

"You're my first girlfriend in my 26 years of life you know."

"No way."

"Yes way. I never had a crush on anyone before since I'm too busy studying and working my off for the cafe. Let alone a girlfriend. So, that's why I took a very long time to confess to you."

"So, I'm your first. I'm honoured."

 

Taerin pecked his lips. Jongdae smiled brightly at her before pulling her closer to his chest. She inhaled his scent - like strawberry - which she thought she was addicted too as well.

 

To be honest, everything about Jongdae is addictive.

 

"I want you to take good care of my heart okay? Take it easy. I'm not used to this." He whispered into her hair.

"I will, Jongdae. I will take care of it as if it is my lifeline okay?"

"Promise?"

 

Taerin looked up from his chest. There, she saw Jongdae's eyes, which were deep with sincere and a glimpse of nervous. She pushed herself up to kiss Jongdae deeply.

 

"I promise."

 

They, then, sealed the promise with another deep kiss.

 

***

 

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

 

Taerin stirred in her bed with a smile. She slowly opened her smile, anticipating to see Jongdae's face the first thing in the morning. Their first morning together. She could not wait to spend her time with her love. She turned and her smile was wiped off.

 

The only thing she saw now was white.

 

White ceiling. White walls with glasses. White bed sheet. Even her clothes were white.

 

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

 

She looked around to find her phone. However, she realized the sound was not her alarm. It was from the life support machine beside her bed. She saw the date on the machine.

 

12:01 am, Monday, 15th February 2016.

 

Where is she?

 

She turned her head towards another side of her. She saw someone's hair on the bed. She knew that hair.

 

"Mum?"

 

The elder woman immediately woke up from her slumber. She looked at Taerin for a moment before burst into heavy tears. Taerin was pulled into a quick hug before her mother pulled back again to press a button on the wall. A group of people immediately rushed in to her room. She felt confused. She has a lot to ask but she just let them check her pulse, her eyes and all.

 

"It's a miracle." One of them spoke.

"It's a success." Another one said and began to high five everyone before turning to Taerin with a palm in front of her face. "Slam it, kid."

 

Taerin just high-fived the man without thinking. The man happily talked to her mother about something she still blurred about and only realized everyone was out when her mother tapped her shoulder.

 

"Oh, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"

"Confused?" She replied. "And thirsty."

"Right, right. Wait."

 

Her mother reached a bottle of plain water from her bag before helping her to drink it. After drinking a good amount to clear , she began to question her mum about everything.

 

"Mum, what happened? What is a success? Why did the man said that?"

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

 

She looked at her taking a deep breath before holding her hand. Her mother softly rubbed her hand before saying something that made her heart skipped a beat.

 

"You're here for almost four months already. You suddenly collapsed in front of your favourite cafe, Shine & Howl. The staff there immediately brought you here. The doctor said you had cardiac arrest. They said your heart rhythms are abnormal. They wanted to fix a pacemaker to save you but the procedure was risky as the pacemaker available that time might not suit you and your heart might stopped altogether. I thought I'll lose you that time..."

 

Taerin felt her mother gripped her hand tighter. She rubbed the old woman's hand to calm her. After awhile, she continued.

 

"And then, a young man was wheeled into the emergency. All with blood. They said the boy got into an accident on his way to work because I saw his apron. It's the cafe's apron. Shine & Howl."

 

Taerin suddenly felt cold.

 

"Too bad he couldn't make it."

 

She felt her world starting to crumble.

 

"But there's a miracle behind his pass."

 

She stared at her mother, waiting.

 

"It turned out he signed up as an organ donor in the very same hospital. The doctor who handled your case checked his heart's compatibility to yours and it's positive. They said as if his heart was meant to be yours. So they immediately pushed you into the OT and began a long 12 hours heart transplant."

 

She immediately pulled out one of her hands from her mother's grasp and put it over her chest.

 

Right above the heart.

 

"I want you to take good care of my heart okay?"

 

So, this heart beat was previously his?

 

She really did owned his heart now?

 

"It's a miracle you survived, my daughter. Even if it took too long for you to wake up. It's a miracle. Thank God."

 

A tear dropped from Taerin's eyes.

 

She cried.

 

Hard.

 

"Oh, the young man's mother asked me to give you these when you wake up. Such a strong woman. She lost her son but she still stand strong. Here."

 

Her mother gave her a small box and a letter. She took with her shaking hands. She slowly opened the letter.

 

Hi!

 

Whenever you read this, I'm probably dead. I asked my mum to give this gift and letter to my organ receiver. You know, I don't know why I want to donate my organ if I'm dead. It's like I'm going to my next life incomplete. It will be okay if they took my kidney. What if they took my heart? I'm going to reborn heartless! I hope it's not gonna be bad. I hope you'll take care of my organ okay? Help me reach for the stars since I'm no longer capable to do that. Thank you! Get well soon!

 

Kim Jongdae :)

 

Her tears flowed down harder on her cheeks. She put the letter aside and reached for the cover of the box.

 

It was the star-pendant necklace.

 

***

 

She played with the pendant she wore since the first day she received it. It has been two years but she never stopped the 14th day ritual every single month.

 

The visit to Jongdae's last rest.

 

"Hey Jongdae. It's me. How are you there today? Good? Are you playing with the angels? I'm good. I've been going to check ups and they said my heart - or your heart - is in perfect condition. You're proud of me right? I really take care of your heart."

 

She smiled to the smiley face of Jongdae.

 

"I miss you, by the way." She chuckled. "It's funny how we can miss someone we never met before. But we've met right? Before we parted. Me, back into reality and you, moved on into another life."

 

She tried so hard not to cry in front of Jongdae, but every time she comes, the tears betray her and trail down her cheeks.

 

"It's funny how I remember you, Jongdae. How can I remember your warmth, your touch, your lips, your hugs? I hate to be here sometimes because you're not here, but you want me to reach the stars right? I want to be with you, Jongdae. Even in my dreams. But you never came no matter how much I prayed for it. Just for one last time, Jongdae. Let me feel you even in my dreams. Let me hold you for one last time. Just one time and I'll never ask for it again."

 

Taerin sobbed harder, thinking of a miracle.

 

One last time.

 

Just one more time.

 

What will she has to do to have that one last time?

 

She slided down in front of his grave.

 

"What should I do, Jongdae?"

 

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