The company dinner was finally finished, everyone smiling and happy while they returned to their cars. All but one very grumpy short man. 

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The boys piled into the car, smell of barbeque wafting off their clothes and the slick of the sweat on the backs of their necks heating up the space. I sit back in my usual seat, right smack in the middle of Sehun and Jongin. The car starts off as we squeeze into our spots, automatically closing our eyes, falling victim to sleep. However, an annoying poke at my side keeps me awake and aggrivated.

Does Jongin not know when someone is tired and just wants sleep? 

I snap around, annoyed and grumpy, slapping on a blank face as I observe a shocked expression. 

"What do you want." I ask, thoroughly done with whatever the young dancer wanted. The words slip out before I register why I'm even angry at Jongin. 

"What the hell Soo? Why are you so angry all of a sudden?" Jongin asks, immediately scowling after he hears my tone of voice. I search his face with my eyes, running over miles of tan skin, few acne scars, high nose and wide eyes, plump lips and perfect hair. I roll my eyes at how much his face screams "ladykiller", scowling when I remember how he was acting with Krystal. He scoffs, turning to the window and setting his head on the cold glass with a loud thump, causing Sehun to stir from his sleep. I make a face at Jongin while his back is turned to me, lying my head on Sehun's arm and closing my eyes to sleep. 

It takes me a few seconds of quiet before I realize that I have no idea why I'm even mad at Jongin. I think back to him and Krystal talking, but thats just talking, why would I get angry because of Jongin conversing with another person? I try and piece everything together-- Jongin being cold, the sudden worry of people misunderstanding, the loud conversation with Krystal. 

My eyes shoot open as a thought crosses my mind. 

What if he likes- 

My body freezes as I shoo the thought away from my head. I close my eyes and rest on Sehun once more, humming in approval when he shifts and fits my head into the crook of his neck, creating a cavern of heat and comfort. My senses slowly drone out, taken hostage by sleep. 

---------------------------------------------------

I'm shaken awake by the manager when we arrive back at our dorms, the rest of the car completely empty except for me and Sehun. We both stir and I hear a quiet "five more minutes mom" come from my right as I quietly snort in my sleep. 

We get walked back into the dorms and I automatically collapse on my bed, forgetting about the cheap barbeque smell and the foul taste in my mouth, wishing for sleep to take me as it did in the car. 

But I feel strangely empty, waiting on something comfy to envelop me, just as Sehun did earlier. I hear the creak of the door and the shuffling of feet as the bed dips and familiar arms hug my waist from behind. I hide a smile to myself, clearing my throat to address the male clinging on to me. 

"Jongin get out." I mumble, not meaning a single word of it. 

"I know you like this stuff Soo Hyung. Dont deny it." He smiles, laughing into the nape of my neck. An awkward silence appears, consuming us into the midst of it's awkwardness. He coughs quietly, silently stating that he will talk again. 

"I'm sorry for acting annoying on the car. You were falling asleep but I kept poking you because I was too excited. So I'm sorry." Jongin mumbles, embarrassed by the fact that he had to apologize. "But I really had something important to tell you, thats why I kept poking you earlier."

My eye blinks open in interest, slowly rolling around to look Jongjn in the eyes. 

"What?" I ask, cocking my head to the side, a strange habit I have when asked an interesting question. He smiles brightly, making a small feeling flutter in the bottom of my heart. My stomach twists slightly, pinching my mouth up into a smile. 

"I think I like someone..." He says, eyes sparkling with excitement and anticipation. I my eyebrow in surprise. Jongin has never been one to show interest in any other person than the ones in his group. I turn and face the bunk above me, looking at a set of criss coss metal bars that supported another human being on top of me. 

My eyes squeeze shut, anticipating a certain perso, or more like a certain gender. The answer occured to me in the car, right before nap time. But although I know I should be happy for my best friend (who for the first time finally found an interest), a small quiet string pulled at the bottom of my heart, forcing me to feel nervous and sad. 

I anticipate the name that ran through my head all night long. 

However I dont know yet how much pain that name will bring, how many secrets that name will hold, how many problems that name will make. 

Oblivious to the future, I smile at the name spouted to me that one cold night. 

"I think I like Krystal." 

And then, I knew that I had made a mistake. It was not earlier at the dinner table where I felt the most alone, it was now. Lying on a bed with my best friend next to me, spilling out the secrets and the truth. 

Yes, this was truly the most alone I had felt in a long time.