Chapter 4

Seungcheol didn't pick up his phone. I called him several times and sent some messages but I got no response. I think he is really mad at me. Of course Jeonghan, who wouldn't get mad at you. You just stole a kiss. Stealing is a crime and yes you're a criminal. I released a long sigh that I didn't knew I was holding. How will I be able to sleep well? Maybe, Seungcheol as well can't sleep tonight. And that's my fault. I stare at the dark ceiling of my room. I've experienced different painful events in my life. This situation is definitely an addition on the list. I should get used to it already, but no it still hurts. The pain doesn't lessen, it gets worst rather. I get my phone on the night stand and I check my Messenger. I still got no response from Seungcheol. But I felt relieved to see a small round icon beside my last message. Atleast he already seen it. As I turn off my phone, I tried to close my eyes. It's been a long day, I need rest. ------ The bell rang and everyone in the class excitedly run outside the room. It's already lunch time but I don't feel like eating. But I guess my stomach doesn't feel the same. I almost forgot that I didn't eat breakfast and dinner last night. I grab my bag and I have no choice but to go to the cafeteria. I saw Seungcheol sitting alone at the table on the right side corner of the cafeteria. I immediately move towards his direction. I should set aside my fear and nervousness and grab this chance to talk to him and again, apologize. I took the seat across him and he looks startled to see me. We spent most of our life taking lunch together, so I am really surprised on his reaction. It seems like he's not expecting me to show up, atleast not now. I look at him and he suddenly look down on his notes. I chewed my lips and wander my eyes. He is still focused on his notes so I made a fake cough to get his attention. And it works because he put down his pen, but he didn't look up at me. I didn't waste any more time and started talking, I hope he'll listen to me. "About yesterday.. ahm.." I look down at my fingers tangled together. I can do this. "I'm sorry Seungcheol I did--" "Forget it." "Ahm, Seungcheol let me explain why I--" I flinched when he closed his notes with a loud sound. He clenched his fist and he slowly move his eyes to look at me. My heart is beating fast again, but this time because of fear. Seungcheol glares at me. It's the first time I saw him like that. It's the first time Seungcheol gets mad at me. I want to cry. I don't want to ruin our friendship just because of my stupid feelings. I don't want to see him like this. I don't want to lose Seungcheol. He's all I have. "I don't want to hear your explanation. I don't want to talk about it. Jeonghan, please. Stop." Seungcheol gathered his things and leave the table. I followed him. "Seungcheol!" He stops and turn around to face me. "Jeonghan, please. Don't follow me. I think it's better if we will stop meeting for now." "What? Why? Seungcheol, I'm sorry. Don't you even want to hear the reason why I kissed you?" "Jeonghan, stop! Just forget about it!" A girl came to him and slings her arms on Seungcheol's. I furrowed my brows and gives Seungcheol a confused look. The girl gently rub her hands on Seungcheol's face. "Babe, are you okay?" Then she looks at me, "Is there something wrong here?" Seungcheol grab the girl's hand then he smiles at her. These scene infront of me is like a bullet buried on my chest, and these two people infront of me are the gun men. I don't know what exactly I'm feeling right now. It's a combination of anger, jealousy and sadness. But to sum it up, I think I'm just in pain. "It's nothing babe, I'm just telling Jeonghan something. Let's go?" The girl nods and intertwine her fingers with Seungcheol. I watched them leave, happily swaying their hands together. Seungcheol doesn't even said goodbye to me. Is this the end of our friendship? He will just dumped our friendship just like that? Why is it always like this?! I am always left by the ones I love. I hate this life! ----- A month had passed and Seungcheol is still avoiding me. Everytime he felt my presence he will immediately go and leave. He didn't talk to me unless it's about something very important. And for this month, he just talked to me once. Seungcheol is doing very well in keeping his distance away from me. But no matter how I tried, I just can't forget about my feelings. In everything I do, it reminds me of him. The things inside my room seems to have his name on it. Every night before I fall asleep, it's him I am thinking. It's really hard to accept that Seungcheol already forgotten me. It's only a month but it feels like forever. I always see him at the cafeteria with his girlfriend. Until now, I am not yet aware of what her name is. All I know is she's two years younger than us. We are now in our last year in junior year. We will be moving to senior high school after some more months. I doubt if their relationship will last. But I'm not wishing for them to break up, I'm just concerned about Seungcheol. I don't want him to feel what I am feeling right now. I don't want him to suffer as much as I do. I just wish that that girl will give Seungcheol all the love he deserves.