Chapter 1

My life is not perfect. It’s never been atleast better than what I want it to be. It gets worse as time goes by, as I grew up. Toy cars, Rilakkuma plushy, and Seungcheol. These are the only things I have and I wish to have forever. The things that makes me happy and forget my heartache. They have been on my side.. all my life. "Jeonghanie!! Moveee. Give way to my car!" "Oopsss. Sorry.. Slow down Cheolie! Your car might bumped to the po-- I told you." "Why are there lots of post here!!" Seungcheol pouts and I can't help but laugh on his cuteness. "That's okay Cheol. Your car didn't breaks though" I gave him a reassuring smile. But the pout on his lips didn't fade. I move towards him and gently rub my hand on his back, "Cheolie.." "Let's go home Jeonghanie" he finally grins, "I'm hungry!" Those are the days I missed. The 5 year-old Choi Seungcheol is the cutest. He's very careful with his toys. He don't want it to get dirty nor destroyed. He loves them more than anything. "Jeonghan, why are you smiling?" The deep voice I heard gives shiver to my body. I look to my side to see Seungcheol removing his plate from the food tray. He is very different now. He is not the cute Cheolie I used to play with when we were kids. He is different in a good way. His deep voice compliments to his body built and very handsome face. Choi Seungcheol changed a lot. And I like it. I didn't realized that I was staring at him until he snapped his fingers infront of me. I gasped and look away because of embarassment and I heard him laugh. I felt him move closer and I look down my side to see his hand over my shoulder. My heart starts to race. Seungcheol always making me feel this way. Always. "What's wrong with you, Hannie? Here, eat these pancakes. Maybe you're just hungry." He removes his arms on me and gave me the plate with pancakes. I smiled and mumbles a 'thank you'. Seungcheol starts on telling me about his day, but I didn't want to listen. I look at his plate. Seungcheol has a chocolate syrup on his pancake and that makes me pull my lips into a small smile. Maybe his features has changed but he's still the Seungcheol that I know. I was wrong, he didn't really changed at all. "Jeonghanie! Look my mom bought me a new toy.. Jeonghan?" Seungcheol tilts his head to see my face and his eyes widen, "Jeonghan why are you crying?" I felt his warm body on mine. It only makes me cry harder. I turn to him and hugged him back. "Mom and Dad fought again! I don't want to see them fight! I'm scared Cheolie, I'm scared." Seungcheol gently rubs my back and I continue to sob on his shoulder. Seungcheol didn't say anything. Of course, we are both just kids, what do we know about parents fighting. He moves away and lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe my tears. "Stop crying, Hannie. I'm also sad when your sad." he said. I helped him in clearing my tears by rubbing the back of my hands to my eyes. "Sorry." I told him. "It's okay. Don't worry everything will be alright." he said and I nod slowly. I sit properly beside him, our backs are leaned on the trunk of the tree. Seungcheol bring out his new toy again. It's a robot, the robot he really wants to have. His parents loves him so much. They gave him everything he wants, every toy he wants. And that's what I envy. Not the toys but the family, a loving family. My parents always fight. My dad always come home drunk and sometimes he hit my mom with his belt or anything his hands will reach. It's really terrifying. I will just stay on my room and watch them from the small opening of my door. Almost everynight, I cry myself to sleep. Every morning when I wake up, there are dry tears on my cheeks. I'm glad that Seungcheol is my friend. He is always there to comfort me and makes me laugh. Atleast, I can forget about the heartache just for a while. "My mom cooks the best pancakes in the world." He said enthusiastically. I look at him and smile. "Do you want to try it?" he asked. I grin and nod excitedly. "Great! I will tell my mom to make a lots of pancake when you come over!" he put his hands together in excitement. "What syrup do you want?" he asked again. I look up to my side and knit my brows. When I think about my answer I look again at him and flash a silly smile, "I love strawberry!" I told him but Seungcheol pouts. "But, I want chocolate. I thought we have the same favorite." Choi Seungcheol is being cute again. I laugh at him and that brings back his smile. "Yey! You're laughing again. Jeonghan, when you feel sad, just come to me. You are always welcome in our house. We will eat lots of pancakes. Okay?" "Okay." I smiled at him sweetly. Seungcheol is really sweet. Sweeter than the strawberry syrup on my pancake. "Yah! You are not listening to me!" I look at him again. "Oh sorry." I chuckled. I'm so lost with my thoughts I forgot that he is beside me. "Jeonghan, are you okay? You are just staring at your food. What's the problem?", worry is present in his tone. I smiled and revert my gaze to my plate, "I'm fine. I just remembered something." "What was it?" he asked. I opened my mouth but I can't find a right words to say. Maybe, there are some things that are better left unspoken. "It's nothing." And maybe there are feelings that are better kept as a secret.