Sunggyu went out of the building and started walking randomly, he didn't feel like going back home yet and well, nobody was going to tell him anything. There wasn't a lot of people going around at the time so it was fine, he thought. He knew the area like the palm of his hand, many times they had "dates" in places nearby when she had practice or just after one of their singing sessions. They would share late at night a romantic walk or some not so healthy snack secretly. He knew everything she liked, specially when she was stressed from work, he learned the things she needed in those situations. Like he told her a long time ago, she was able to light up his day with just a smile sometimes. He should be able to do the same one way or the other, right? And he tried a lot of things until the moment when he got to know every detail of her came and turned him into a superhero at moments.

He was walking around the areas they frequented the most, some people from convenience stores or the people in charge of cleaning some buildings in the area would greet him. Old people who didn't care that he was an idol but knew him as the guy from that beautiful couple that will always wander around late at night. A deep breath and the chilly wind froze his body for like a minute; the park they used to frequent had a couple sharing a coat to protect them from the cold weather of these days. He smiled at the sight of them. Memories coming back and a weird warm feeling took some space inside his chest. Images of him hugging Eunji from the back, how they would walk like penguins because he didn't want to let her go. He braced his own body remembering how it felt to have her in his arms. Sunggyu loved the cold weather because she was always cold and he was always warm. They were made for each other, he would give her some warmth while she would cool him down just at the right temperature. 

All this thoughts made him smile unconsciously but just when everything felt right, that wall tumbled down. It was not possible for that to happen again. What happened to these memories? To those precious moments? They both loved being like that and he wasn't lying, he wished with all his soul that she would be there with him right now. A puppy love like that couple that was sharing a coat there, they had that, and even more. They were so much more than a puppy love, that wasn't just a stage where they both pretended to be perfect for each other. They knew their limits, what they could ask to the other and what was off limits. Sunggyu had learned what she liked and changed for her, the same with Eunji, they were working hard to be the best for each other. It was like a love story that came out of a book. Or at least he thought that. Probably, she did too.

From my childhood,
the beautiful fairy tales
The love that I learned for the first time
was all about the fluttering feelings

I thought that kind of love
would come to me too

But soon enough the discussions and complaints came. During their comebacks, presentations, programs, both with schedules that had barely time for them to sleep. Days without talking or texting each other. Once in a while he would receive a sad face or picture of her pouting, asking for him to call her or wait for her after she finished practicing or recording something. Sunggyu would ignore it and sometimes even told her to quit it with the childish acts, because he didn't have time to act cute and that stuff. Just like her, he was busy and the stress did not help him to say things properly. During that time whenever they met he would complain non-stop, about not getting enough sleep, the problems s gave him, his tight schedule and to make it worst about her. For not understanding that they weren't the same. Even when both groups were famous she didn't have the responsabilities that a leader has and she would never be able to understand. That she should be more grateful to Chorong and treat her better. Giving away the same excuses not to visit her. Just letting her be the one to come and visit him whenever she was allowed to.

"I'm tired. Let's not meet."

"Another day, the traffic is bad, gonna take days to get to your building."

"I can't, having a date with the bed instead."

"Need to take care of the kids, talk to you when I have time."

Eunji was aware of that, and she never said anything during that time. She understood that it was all the fatigue that was talking through him. That he didn't mean to say that she wasn't tired too, that she didn't have as much, or more (because of her solo preparations at one point), work than him, that she didn't deserve a break. She kept it inside because it wasn't his fault. Their "dates", that were meeting during common schedules after she got sick of having to be she the one that went to see him, had the same topic for more than a month but never she stopped him, nor she would complain about how tired she was too. With patience, she would listen to him and try to give some comfort and support. After all the complaints she never broke to tell him to stop, to think how she was feeling, no. Eunji endured during a long time but Sunggyu didn't acknowledge that at the right moment. They both needed each other but he was too selfish to see it. She loved him so much to endure all that, but all the suffering and pain he caused to her was bigger than her love for him. And maybe it was bigger because her love decreased. It was decreasing little by little with every discussion and pointless complaints.

Now there was nothing he could do about how Eunji could have felt during that time.

How she could be feeling during this time.

Need you, I really didn’t know back then
Need you, I thought we’d last forever
I didn’t know how precious you were
and only complained every day
Now I finally know
that the pain is greater than that love
Our story has ended like that,
becoming a sad memory,
my love

After a few more months when their schedules went back to normal. Solo activities, no need for promoting and just short shoots for this or that program, their lifes went back to normal. But Eunji didn't feel like that. She couldn't believe the 360 degree change that her boyfriend suffered. Did he have a bipolar personality? Again the sweet and caring Sunggyu came back but she could still feel some distance between them. Maybe she was the one putting distance. But it felt like the right thing to do. On the other side he didn't quite understand what happened with her. He did a lot of things for her so she could go back to "normal". Gifts, surprises and even when she received them gladly and was thankful for them, her attitude was still the same. Clueless he didn't pay attention to it. Little he knew that it was the same situation from before when he gave her stupid excuses not to meet.

"I'm feeling sick. Don't come."

"Don't wanna do anything, just change it to another day."

"Tomorrow I have a schedule early, I should sleep."

"It's raining, stay in the dorm better."

That made Eunji suffer from depression for a while. Her leader knew and she was receiving professional attention but nobody else knew. She wanted it that way. But that didn't help to their recent problems. Sunggyu felt her more distant and that was what made him look for attention somewhere else. It was the reason why he suddenly had an interest in Babysoul leaving Eunji aside. How could he know? But now he understood that he was wrong, that he was the one at fault, he didn't pay enough attention to her. And the worst is that he only knew about those problems after they broke up because he had a conversation with Chorong not long ago. If he only knew back then. If he only realized it before. But every day we mature and definitely he still needed to grow back then. At this moment he could only imagine how they could be if he knew all of this before. They would still be together, right?

This isn’t the love I used to know
What I dreamed of, in the fairytales
I thought it was like that

I guess I was too young
to know love back then

Remembering how much time he spent with BabySoul during that time instead of spending it with Eunji made a hole in his chest. He deserved the cold weather that was hard to breathe, that felt like knives on his face when the wind blows. He was so stupid. Sunggyu thought about how many times he complained to BabySoul that Eunji was acting different, weird. That he didn't know what to do and at times breaking up with her seemed like the best option. In the end, she was the one who always said that nothing lasts forever, she was looking for that, not him. And he was getting tired of trying.

"Trying."

He laughed at himself. Never really he tried to understand what happened to Eunji. He just wanted to fix it so they could go back to normal, where normal was him receiving her full attention despite her schedule or how tired she could be. He used to believe they were the perfect match and forever was short for them. How wrong can someone be? And coming to think of it he had been wrong so many times with her. Apologizing to her now seemed like the correct thing to do. Not even asking to come back together, he just needed to ask for her forgiveness. For everything he did and for everything he didn't do. She might not need him in her life. But he needs her. Unfortunately, he realized too late. It's well known that a person doesn't know what they have until they lose it.

Need you, I really didn’t know back then
Need you, I thought we’d last forever
I didn’t know how precious you were
and only complained every day
My love

He sat near that couple, but soon they left when they saw that guy had an expression of killing them. Of course, he couldn't be more envious of them and how bad he wished that couple was him with Eunji. Damn, how much he missed her now was impossible to express with words. The weather was getting colder and staying outside wasn't good anymore. But he was punishing himself. In his mind he deserved the worst that could happen to anyone. A worst punishment, he himself needed that. A great apology, she deserved it. Too many things going around his mind but the biggest one was regret. If he could only turn back the time, that would be his only wish no matter what. Now staring at his phone, tears were falling on the screen that had her picture. And remembering the last time he saw her, hours ago, how she was so concentrated in singing. Only one song was playing in his mind now and it fitted the situation perfectly. Taking a deep breath and without caring if anyone could see him although that would be really difficult at that time in that weather, he started singing out loud with all his heart. There were no more perfect words to express his exact feelings in this very moment.

It was 2 a.m.

Just a guy singing to a girl group.

At the end of the song.

Kneeling down, he broke in tears.

*Now I finally know
that you’re so precious
You’re the love that I learned with my heart
that is what I finally realized
Now I can’t turn things back,
it’s too late, you’re not by my side
But our beautiful story
is still in my heart,
my love*

This is really short, sorryㅠㅠ

I actually had this written weeks ago

Forgot to post it lol

Also I thought about changing some things

But I couldn't (?)

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