I don’t know for sure when I ever liked Baekhyun in the first place. I always thought he was very cocky, insensitive and stupid but he’s different when it comes to me. He treats me differently, acts differently around me and sometimes I get confused. 

Who is Byun Baekhyun? Is he the sweet, caring, fluffy puppy that he is with me? Or is he the cool bastard who couldn’t care less about anyone with everyone else? The question still remains unanswered for me and I think I’ll never really find out. Baekhyun has always been unpredictable and although that seems to startle everyone, I’m pretty much used to it. 

When did Baekhyun and I start being best friends? That, I remember perfectly. We met at middle school. He got into a fight and almost got beaten to a pulp but I happened to be walking by and unintentionally saved him. 

I didn’t even know there was a fight going on. All I remembered was the anger that built up inside me for getting a low score at a test that I spent a whole week studying for. I was blowing off some steam in the school garden, taking my rage on some innocent plants. I screamed in aggravation and kicked a rock to god knows where then I heard a cry of pain and a loud thud. I panicked as I followed the voice.

When I peeked through the bushes, there Baekhyun was, crawling away from the boy beating him up. His nose was bleeding so I came running to him and helped him up. After securing him to the care of the school nurse, I went straight to the principal to tell him what happened. 

Baekhyun never left me alone after that. At first, I thought that he was the most annoying thing that I unfortunately let into my life but I never knew that he’d turn out to be the most amazing thing that happened to me instead. 

When did I realize that I’d helplessly fallen for my best friend? That… That’s a bit hazy to me. Was it when the idiot had somehow gotten my number and started to annoyingly call me every night? When he sent me funny morning texts that I somehow grew accustomed to and constantly looked forward to when I woke up?  

Maybe it was when he attempted to bake me a cake on my birthday but still ended up buying one on the last minute? Or was it when he stole a bouquet of flowers from Jongdae to give it to me instead on Valentines day?  

I could go on and on but I still couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. I guess it just came gradually. It came from right under my nose and I had no choice but to drown in my emotions as I fell deeper into the never ending pit of attraction for a person who would probably never be mine. 

I sighed deeply for the nth time that day. Baekhyun wanted me to come over to study with him and Chanyeol. I already knew what’s in it for me if I came but I still said yes, unable to turn down a request from my dumb best friend. Chanyeol also warned me before I came but I ignored it. I missed the little bastard so I was actually eager to come. 

Again, my hopefulness still overshadowed the rational part of me and thought that no, Baekhyun wasn’t going to have a girl there but the moment I flung the door open, I saw him disgustingly glued with his new girl. 

Chanyeol visibly face palmed. Baekhyun was too busy to even notice my arrival so Chanyeol let me in himself and had me settle next to him on the floor. It’s the worst place to sit, I noticed, since the two were right in front of us. They were on the couch, giggling at each other, whispering things into each other’s ears. 

The girl would grind on him every now and then and Baekhyun would bite his lip and slide his hands up and down her thighs. I wanted to puke so badly and if I didn’t care about  having to clean up after myself, I really would've. I tried to distract myself by studying but it was just way too hard. Even Chanyeol was taking uncomfortable glances at them. 

The seemed to have built up between the two so they moved to his bedroom. Horrid images in my head made me shiver uncomfortably. I buried my face into my folded arms. “I’m an idiot,” I murmured to myself.  

I heard Chanyeol snicker to himself before he patted my shoulder. “I’m going to have to agree with you on that one, Hae. You’re a very smart girl but your brain just shuts off when it comes to Baekhyun.” I looked up from my arms and pouted at the friendly giant seated beside me.  

He’s completely right. I can’t deny it or try to defend myself because it’s true. There was no loophole no matter how hard I try to flip the situation over. I frowned, Chanyeol just staring at me with a knowing smile.  

For the many years that Baekhyun and I have been friends, for the many years that I loved him more than just as a friend, I have admitted to almost everyone close to me that, yes, I do have feelings for him. He’s the only one who never really knew.  

How can I tell him anyway when almost every time I see him, he has a new girl stuck to his side. It’s revolting to watch. It makes my chest tighten and my stomach twist into knots. My head suddenly throbs in the stress of having to witness and put up with it. 

I heard a muffled laugh from Chanyeol again so I turned to him, glaring. “I see lasers shooting out of your eyes. Zing!” he joked and cackled. My eyes widened a little as I brought my head lower. I was glaring at the bedroom door and I didn’t even notice. I leaned back with a sigh and rested my head on Chanyeol’s knees. 

“Chanyeol, you’re a very honest friend. Please tell me honestly that I’m completely hopeless and I’ll never have a chance with him. Please tell me those words at every single time my heart starts to beat for him and please etch it in my brain whenever I start to think too fondly of him,” I pleaded, nudging his knees with my head.  

My gigantic friend only laughed at me but it wasn’t a teasing laugh anymore. It was a fond laughter that seemed to make my heavy heart lighter. I look up from his knees and rest my chin on it instead. “Am I ugly, Chanyeol?” I asked with a frown. 

Chanyeol gasped at