Changmin was eating breakfast unsure if he was anticipating Yunho’s company or dreading it. Shortly after he returned to his room the previous evening, the front door opened and closed.  Then Yunho’s bedroom door closed.   He was grateful that there was no make-up involved after Jae’s manipulation of Yunho’s good heart.

The leader arrived, barely glancing at him.  Changmin watched as Yunho fished a travel mug from the cupboard and poured coffee into it.  It was a shock – he didn’t even know there were cups like that in the apartment.  The bigger surprise was that Yunho had a backpack slung over one shoulder.  

“You going somewhere?” He asked casually.

Yunho froze.  

Changmin continued to eat, pretending not to wait for a response.

“I’m moving out.”

The maknae choked.

“I’ll stay at a hotel until I get my own place. SM will have someone gather my things.”
Yunho didn’t have the audacity to turn around and face him.  Changmin wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.

“I don’t know why you think you have to leave.”  The spoon dropped from his hand and clattered against the porcelain bowl holding his rice.  

The leader turned around, mug in hand, looking like he was going to dash out of the room before Changmin could get an answer.

“Min-ah…Changmin-sshi.  I annoy the out of you.  I know I do.  You text me all the time.  I make so many mistakes with how I live here that it frustrates you.”

Changmin tried to interrupt but the older man held out his hand.

“Last night I did something unforgiveable.  I made you feel unwelcomed in your own home.  I was selfish, inconsiderate and a total .”

Yunho’s face betrayed no emotion, only sorrow.  It hurt Min’s heart to see him so…depressed.

“You can’t go.  You can’t cook or clean?  How will you manage?”  Changmin wanted to punch himself for saying stupid, irrelevant things instead of how he really felt.

“There are people you can pay to do that,” Yunho said flatly.

“Or you can just stay here and I’ll do that for you, like I have been.”

“It’s time I got out on my own.  You need privacy, a place of your own where you can live like you want, be with whomever you want – whenever you want.”

‘I never needed it before because I had you… I’ve always had you.’  Changmin couldn’t say it aloud.  He understood that Yunho was really talking about himself.  If he and Jaejoong were going to reconcile, then Yunho would need privacy and a place of his own.  This had nothing to do with his own needs.

Yunho assumed a finality in their conversation and left the maknae staring at the space he had just occupied.  The walk down the hall and the elevator ride make Yunho feel extraordinarily lonely. He knew it was only the firsts of many excursions that he would make alone now that he was moving out.  He just hadn’t thought he’d feel so empty so soon.  Hell, he wasn’t even out of the building yet!

He waited anxiously as the doorman hailed a taxi for him.  There were a few people milling about outside, but they didn’t look like hard core fans.  With any luck they’d just say hello and wave him on his way.  

Once in the cab, he relaxed.  He opened his mouth to say something, only to realize that Changmin wasn’t seated next to him.  In that moment he realized that he forgot to apologize to the maknae for taking him for granted.  His list of many failings was adding up quickly.

By the time he reached the SM building, he was convinced he was practically worthless.  No wonder half the SM family thought he looked cold and mean.  Had he treated them like he treated Changmin?  How many people had he insulted with his curt personality?  

Lee Soo Man was waiting for him at the entrance.  If his interaction with Changmin indicated it was going to be a bad day, having Soo Man waiting for him meant it was going to be a horrible day.  This was the only man who could instill fear in Yunho just by being in the room.  He greeted the executive with a 90 degree bow.

“We need to talk.”  Soo Man informed him.

Yunho’s only choice was to follow him to his office.  He had barely taken a seat across the huge mahogany desk when the executive spoke.

“I’ve had several calls regarding you this morning.”

The leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki swallowed hard.  He imagined Changmin calling, but who else? “Several?” He asked cautiously.

“You met with Jaejoong last night,” Soo Man stated nonchalantly.  

“I did,” Yunho summoned his courage.

“I’m disappointed.  After all he did to you, I thought you had better sense.”

“It was a moment of weakness,” Yunho admitted. He kept his eyes lowered.

“Changmin says you are moving out?”

“Yes.  I need some time and space.  So does he.”

“He’s perfectly happy having you at his side.”

Yunho cocked his head quizzically.  “It’s not like the band is dissolving.  I’m just moving into my own place.”

“I know the band is not going anywhere, you still have to fulfill your contract.  It would be good if the two of you settled whatever differences you have and continued to play nice,” Soo Man warned him.

Yunho left the office feeling like he had just been scolded by the headmaster for using a permanent marker on the whiteboard.  He couldn’t understand why giving Changmin what he needed was something bad.  Since when had privacy become taboo?

There wasn’t much time to think about it as said maknae ambushed him in the hallway leading to the rehearsal rooms.  Yunho was suddenly off balance, being dragged by his wrist toward a door.   He tripped across the threshold, catching himself as Changmin slammed the door shut and locked it.

“Yah, this is no way to treat your hyung!”

Changmin was angry.  It wasn’t his usual, garden variety irritated at people’s general idiocy angry.  This emotion was built out of trepidation, a genuine sense of abandonment and a lot of turmoil about his own feelings for Yunho. The forceful push that sent the older man sprawling to the floor was merely the by-product of a hatred he had at his own inability to have a heart-felt conversation with the man.  Over the last ten years he had played his part as the mean little brother, a soul fighter who took what he wanted from his bandmates, always the third wheel to their fan service pairings, blocker extraordinaire between Yunho and Jaejoong; often he felt like he was more of a leader in public than his older members.  He wanted to have a civil conversation with Yunho much like Jaejoong had the previous evening.  But he doubted Yunho would have taken him seriously.

He knew that the leader would understand him best in the way he was accustomed to behaving:  perceived threats and potential violence.  Because when push came to shove, and that’s exactly what had just happened, Yunho would see it for what it really was:  Changmin’s need to be heard.  The young man stared at his friend on the floor, their eyes glaring at each other before Changmin began to pace.  

“Betrayal…” Changmin started, not sure if he should begin there.  But it was the first word that fell from his lips.  He felt that way from the moment he realized the three members who became JYJ had abandoned the remaining two members of Dong Bang Shin Ki.  For two years he and Yunho worked to clear their reputation, did everything they could to keep the band alive and in the minds of the fans – despite the negative views of JYJ’s perceived slavery.  

Every day he needed to hear his hyung remind him that they were good enough, that he was worthy of being the other half of DBSK.  Yunho worked hard to improve his vocals, increase his range so that their harmonies would balance each other.  Changmin tortured himself to move more like Yunho, to lose himself in the music enough to let his body dictate the dance steps instead of his calculating mind.  He saw himself as the weak link in the duo; and Yunho’s perfectionism drove both of them to success, lest he get left behind by yet another member.

Changmin stopped pacing for a moment, looking forlornly at the man on the floor who gave him his undivided attention.  “You’ve made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.  You’ve taught me so much…and now you just walk back to him? Back into the arms of a man who used you, threw you away, left you shattered?

“How many times did I try to crawl away and hide?  Huh?  How many?  Only you know, because only you came and pulled me back to reality:  our reality.

“But what you didn’t know was how many times I purposefully hid just so you could find me.”
He saw the surprised look on the older man’s face.

“You became so disillusioned by their betrayal, it became hard for you to trust again – even yourself.  At first I thought your coming to deal with my withdrawal was to protect me.  As much as I had always protested that just because I was the youngest, it didn’t mean I needed protecting; you tried that much harder to shield me from the garbage thrown our way.  But one day I realized that you were guarding yourself; not me.”

Changmin took a breath.  The look on Yunho’s face told him he had touched upon the truth.  He began pacing again.

“You need people; their trust, their touch.  It’s like some autistic tendency that keeps you grounded.  Jaejoong was your tether. Once he left, you needed a replacement, and I realized that if I didn’t step up, I could lose you.”

The pacing ended with him standing directly in front of Yunho, their eye’s meeting.

“You manipulated me?”  

Changmin heard the pain and uncertainty in Yunho’s voice.   He hung his head, no longer able to hold onto Yunho’s fierce gaze.

“It’s funny how you choose to see it that way,” he said softly.  “I have loved you for a long time, hyung.  I have always known how incomprehensible and inconceivable loving you could be.  It’s all consuming and the reason we fight like we do.

“I have never denied my love for you.  I’ve never even hidden it from you.  It was just overshadowed by something everyone perceived to be bigger, more acceptable.”

He chanced a glance at the older man, surprised to see an emotion contorted across Yunho’s face that he had never seen there before.

“You aren’t as broken as you think.  If you were, then there would be no way you and I could have ever continued on as a duo, or even in this industry.  There’s a reason we work.  You don’t complete me, but I have a completeness to my life because you have shown me how to be a better person.”

Their eyes met again.

“Through all the hardships we have suffered, you have never lost sight of who you are and what you wanted.  You have taught me to do the same.   We complement each other, and the only way for one of us to be broken is for both of us to be broken.”