Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin are known as the official Tom And Jerry couple in spite of their not too couple-y status.

 

Which is precisely why Kim Taehyung relishes the morose expression Park Jimin, his most favorite human being on earth, makes as they silently eat their lunch. Taehyung has been brought up ideally by his parents and he knows to be thankful for what he’s been given, but Park Jimin is one of the rare people who can make him wish that he didn’t have eyes or ears.

 

Just as he voices out the last statement, since they have been engaged in a fight since morning, Jimin drawls in a very bored manner, “Trade them for a brain. why don’t you?”

 

Taehyung racks his brain for a comeback, but huffs instead as he can’t find a decent comeback. Jimin notices his friend’s dilemma and smirks, “I’d be able to hear the gears of your head turning, but because of their absence, I can’t.”

 

Taehyung is on the verge of throwing insults at Jimin, but his thought process is interrupted by the sound of laughter coming not far from where they’re sitting. They turn their heads to see two girls from their class and Taehyung rolls his eyes at how excited Jimin looks at the sight of Haein, their class representative.

 

[It should be noted that Haein is the same girl Jimin blew all chances with when he accidentally told her that she was more doable than the group assignment in his nervousness.]

 

“Hey, hey, they’re smiling at us,” Jimin states, his voice dropping into a low tone.

 

“More like they’re laughing at you,” Taehyung rolls his eyes, remembering his friend’s blunder in English class.

 

For Taehyung and Jimin this is enough to start an argument, but Hoseok passing by catches Taehyung’s attention so his best friend drops the topic because he doesn’t speak ‘lovesick.’

 

Little does he know, he is bound to pay for his treatment of Jimin as Taehyung is karma’s favorite child.

 

 

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When Taehyung makes it to the basketball court, they have half an hour left before practice starts. However, due to the shocking punctuality of the team captain, Taehyung finds Yoongi sitting against a wall, watching Hoseok dribble around with the ball.

 

He stops in his tracks to watch Hoseok play without a care in the world and after a while Yoongi’s deep voice permeates his hearing, “If you’re thinking that maybe there’s a chance you aren’t the worst player in the world, then just know this is his first time touching a ball. It’s only normal he’d be bad.”

 

Apparently Hoseok isn’t as immersed as he seems because as soon as Yoongi says that, he turns around and smirks, “Funny, that’s not what you were saying last night.”

 

Yoongi’s ghostly white skin turns into a deep shade of crimson and Taehyung would have laughed if not for the knowledge he himself looks similar to the captain.

 

“Wh-what?” Yoongi stutters and Taehyung stops himself from cooing at the oldest of the three because he has too many things he wants to do before he tastes death.

 

[Park Jimin has once had the guts to say, “Like what? Wallow in self-pity because you’re hopeless? Pun intended.”

 

If Jimin and Namjoon choose to bond over the stupid wordplay on Hoseok’s nickname, then who is Taehyung to interfere in their world of lameness?]

 

Getting back to the present, we can see Yoongi vehemently yelling, “I was with my brother yesterday what are you even saying?”

 

“I simply said that you didn’t say I was bad at playing last night, like you didn’t mention the sentence at that specific period. Get your head out of the gutter.” Hoseok throws Yoongi a lopsided grin and like the professional third wheel he is, Taehyung uncomfortably shifts on his feet.

 

“So… what are you two doing here? There’s half an hour before practice starts.” Taehyung  awkwardly asks because that’s exactly how he feels.

 

“Making babies.” Yoongi rolls his eyes at the obvious question and for once, Taehyung has a comeback.

 

“Since when did babies mean lame jokes?”

 

Yoongi, however, never runs out of words when it comes to Taehyung and so he says, “It doesn’t, but rest assured. The day you and Jimin will have your firstborn, the word baby will officially mean lame jokes.”

 

Taehyung’s jaws go slack at the wink Yoongi sends him, and almost automatically his eyes snap towards Hoseok whose interest is definitely piqued.

 

“Whoa, Tae-Tae, you’re on a roll. First Jungkook and now Jimin? It’s like some sort of Korean Drama where platonic relationships are impossible.”

 

Hoseok bursts into laughter and Yoongi joins in silently, but Taehyung is extremely unamused.

 

“It was still reasonable when you assumed I had something on with Jungkook, but since you’ve brought up Jiminnie, I need to clarify that I’m not into .”

 

Hoseok barks with laughter whereas Yoongi simply rolls his eyes.

 

Taehyung’s blood runs cold when Yoongi murmurs, “Have fun convincing the whole school. And Hoseok.”

 

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The downside of being in a class full of idiots is that Taehyung is automatically labeled as a ‘dumb blonde’ despite being neither of the two adjectives. However, Taehyung also knows not to whine about it since Kim Namjoon’s delivery of the infamous line, “Blonde? Definitely not. Dumb? Subjective.”

 

Needless to say, Seokjin was on the verge of tears from how hard he was laughing and only stopped when Taehyung glared at him. His consolation, like always, wasn’t appreciated by Taehyung at all, “Hey now, not everyone is born with superior genes…”

 

That’s why, Taehyung has to resist the urge to facepalm when Mr. Choi asks Jungkook a question the younger boy is bound to mess up.

 

“Mr. Jeon, what do you think about Copperfield finding his happily ever after in Agnes Wickfield?”

 

Jungkook, in an attempt of sounding intellectual, scratches his head and clears his throat, “Uh, well his first wife, Dora, didn’t die too long ago and he’s always dubbed Agnes his sister… didn’t he?”

 

Mr. Choi taps his right foot impatiently against the floor, “Yes, yes, good to see you don’t have goldfish attention span. But could you please answer my question?”

 

Ignoring the eruption of laughter, Jungkook replies, “Well then, won’t that mean his feelings for both women were halfhearted? Then Dickens kind of wrote him as a player, didn’t he?”

 

Taehyung buries his face in his hands out of second hand embarrassment as he hears Jungkook blurt out a pun (What a tactic of impressing Jimin), “I’d say that’s a move… literally.”

 

The whole class erupts in laughter at the completely unfunny pun, and from somewhere in the front Taehyung hears Jimin holler, “Don’t you mean that’s literarily a move, Kookie?”

 

There’s another round of laughter and Mr. Choi’s stern voice declaring detention for both of the boys. Jimin sends a wink Jungkook’s way who only blushes a little before smiling cheekily and Taehyung wonders if the two are even a bit sad about getting detention.

 

If, for the sake of retaining his sanity, Taehyung didn’t pretend that he actually saw a pair of six year olds flirting, he’d know why they looked so happy about one-upping their literature teacher.

 

Mr. Choi stands behind the podium and speaks out a question meant for the whole class, “To conclude this class, how about you tell me what we learned today?”

 

Hyejin, a regular backbencher of the class, raises her hand and says with her infamous smirk that has half the guys swooning over her, “We learned the biography of Kim Taehyung’s ancestor.”

 

Normally, it rouses interest, but Mr. Choi is by now so used to the group demeaning classic literature that he rubs his temple before gathering his things, ignoring the roaring laughter Hyejin ignited.

 

“Miss Ah, you’ll be joining Mr. Park and Mr. Jeon in detention.”

 

The beaming smile she sends Taehyung’s way makes him skeptical about whether detention actually is a synonym of free food and his life is an official lie. As Mr. Choi walks out, Hyejin walks up to Taehyung, “Hey man, that was just a joke by the way.”

 

“I’m clearly missing the funny aspect of it, then.” Taehyung sighs.

 

Hyejin her head to the side, as if suddenly she can’t understand human language, “Wow, you’re not aware of your reputation, are you?”

 

“Reputation?”

 

Wheein, her friend, calls her and with a quick wave she disappears, leaving Taehyung to wonder about what exactly she means.

 

If only Taehyung knew what Hyejin means by reputation, he probably would have cut off all human connection. Maybe other than Jung Hoseok.

 

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Taehyung is on the ground panting from basketball practice when Hoseok crouches down next to him. It’s universal knowledge that Hoseok hates unhygienic things as much as Yoongi hates germs and parasites (that’s the captain’s extremely subtle way of dissing Taehyung since no one in the world can break the code), but being the basketball team’s manager has made him almost immune to perspiration.

 

“Taehyung, can you sit up?” Hoseok asks tenderly and Taehyung is up in a moment.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Hey, I hate to be the one to give you a lecture…”

 

Taehyung blinks and displays the cheesiest grin he can muster, “More time to listen to your voice. Sweet.”

 

Hoseok rolls his eyes, “I have a boyfriend, you brat. Take your playboy-ish tendencies elsewhere.”

 

Wow. Way to be rejected.

 

“Playboy-ish tendencies? When have I ever shown interest in another living, breathing human being other than you?”

 

Yoongi soon appears and sits down by Hoseok, who only turns to smile at his boyfriend without reciprocation.

 

“Bad at basketball, as dumb as his crush, epic playboy and now an out-of-the-closet *necrophile: Taehyung’s list of qualities seem extremely impressive if you ask me.”

 

Hoseok nearly falls on Yoongi with laughter, who smiles a little before fishing out his phone and fixing his attention there.

 

“I’ll pretend I know what necrophile means and the rest of the adjectives are supposed to be compliments,” Taehyung drawls and Yoongi mouths a you’re welcome.

 

“As dumb as his crush? Damn that person must really be dumb. No offense Tae,” Hoseok laughs.

 

Yoongi snorts and Taehyung has no problems saying none taken because anything that can compare to Jung Hoseok is a blessing.  

 

“Back to the lecture… don’t you think you should pipe down with your… conquests?”

 

Yoongi snickers at Hoseok’s choice of words and Taehyung stares blankly at the same guy.

 

“I mean, I get it that relationships don’t always work out since most people aren’t like me…”

 

Yoongi nods and mocks assent by saying uh-huh.

 

“Shut up Yoongi. No one else would put up with your .”

 

“A rather nice one, if I may add.”

 

“You may not. I’m trying to talk here!”

 

“Okay fine,” Yoongi puts his hands up in the air in mock defeat, “I concede. You have a nicer than me. Proceed.”

 

Taehyung decides to be a little venomous and interjects, “Not setting the bar high now, are you?”

 

Revenge is sweet.

 

Stifling his laughter, Hoseok continues, “But that doesn’t mean you have to give up on them. But just because you don’t have to give up on them doesn’t mean you should keep surfing from one to another…”

 

“What are you even saying?” Yoongi interjects but apologizes as soon as Hosek glares at him.

 

“No really, what are you even saying?” Taehyung asks, surprising even himself.

 

The phenomenal moment when Taehyung and Yoongi agrees on something arrives, and after the shock of it passes, Hoseok says, “You know, the whole thing about you dating every single person on the planet. Apparently Taylor Swift tweeted yesterday declaring war on you.”

 

“That was a fan account and a joke,” Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Why does everyone hate on TS anyway?”

 

“But you said that it was…”

 

“After five years together, you still believe my bluff and you can’t believe it when I say that I don’t even know who this Jiwoo you speak of is, so seeing her behind your back is...”

 

“First of all, I was talking about Jisoo and secondly, in case you forgot, Jiwoo is my sister.”

 

Taehyung stops them from bickering and says, “What the hell was that about me dating every single person on earth?”

 

“Oh, you know, first you’ve been seeing Seokjin Hyung, then Jungkook and after that Jimin. It’s all around campus that you and Jimin had a major fight yesterday and now you’re seeing Chaewon…”

 

“Who is Chaewon?”

 

For the second time that day (More elaborately, in his long, long life of eighteen years), Taehyung has Yoongi’s support (Doomsday must be near), “I know right?”

 

Hoseok rolls his eyes, “She’s apparently your best friend’s younger brother’s girlfriend’s fifth cousin’s sixth cousin.”

 

“Is this what you go through?” Taehyung turns to Yoongi who nods sadly.

 

“Hoseok Hyung… the whole thing is nothing but a stupid rumor. For once, I don’t know who Chae Won is…”

 

“Like I said-”

 

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t care to find out. Seokjin Hyung and I? Seriously?”

 

Hoseok chuckles, “Well… that did sound weird but at the rate you were going with Jungkook and Jimin…”

 

“The whole thing with Jungkook was a joke played by others, Jimin and I can’t stand each other. And I don’t even know this Chaewon so this whole lecture isn’t necessary.”

 

“That’s the same thing Yoongi says about Jisoo but I know for a fact…” Hoseok is cut off by a groan from Yoongi.

 

Giggling, Taehyung continues, “Hyung… A lecture like this from you is really painful because I don’t even care about all the people you’ve mentioned… maybe I do care about the first three but I only want to strangle them to death so…”

 

“For someone who has such little stamina, you can talk a lot in one go.” Yoongi interjects, stealing Taehyung’s shine.

 

At his last attempt of saying everything he intends to, Taehyung ignores Yoongi and speak on,“So you don’t have to worry, I only have eyes for…”

 

“Restart practice!” Yoongi yells out and Hoseok gives Taehyung a quick pat on the head.

 

“Well, you’re clear then, Taehyung-Ah.”

 

After that Hoseok leaves the ing court.

 

Yoongi only smiles mischievously, “Oops. Bad timing.”

“Like your freaking birth.” Taehyung groans in frustration.

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(In)effective Seduction Technique#3: Clear Up Your Reputation 

(Sabotaged)

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A.N: I'm sorry to all Taylor Swift fans, but the reference was simply based on popular opinion and not my own. It's also for comedic purposes so forgive me T^T

*A necrophile is a person who prefers the company of the dead to the living.