Taehyung is in the middle of his twentieth push up when he hears the voice that kills all happiness in the world.

 

At least it's not Park Jimin, Taehyung tries to console himself though Min Yoongi isn't the love of his life (He's more like the love of the love of his life, but that's not something he likes to think about).

 

 

Yoongi tells him to ‘hurry the hell up’ and Taehyung wonders exactly what  he’s done to deserve being in the same Universe as the notorious Min Yoongi.

 

Why couldn’t he be born in a Universe where Min Yoongi is a sweet, charming little boy who’s nice to everyone and is the embodiment of positivity?

 

“Simply because no universe can deal with two Kim Taehyungs,” Yoongi says making Taehyung realize that he’s voiced out his thoughts, and the older continues. “And even a sweet version of me won’t excuse you from the push ups.”

 

Taehyung stands up after five more push ups, and rubs at his biceps before speaking up, “You know what? I changed my mind, a Universe without Min Yoongi sounds even better. Why can’t there be one?”

 

“Because you can’t go to heaven before you die. Shall I help you go there?” Yoongi drawls and threateningly places his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder.

 

Taehyung hears Jaehyun mumble a warning to him, and at that moment Hoseok shows up with a clipboard in his hands. He waves at Taehyung and the younger is about to do the same when he hears the club manager speak, “As expected from you, Tae-Tae, you managed to befriend the uncivilized dwarf of our school. I wish I had your social skills.”

 

Taehyung’s jaw hangs open at the passive aggressiveness in Hoseok’s voice. The youngest of the three turns to look at Yoongi, who’s glaring at his boyfriend like they haven’t been making cheesy Harry Potter jokes just the day before.

 

That’s why he’s so mad today, Taehyung thinks as he throws their papery white captain a knowing glance that goes blatantly ignored.

 

“Are you calling me short?” Yoongi spits back, and for a split second Taehyung is almost worried that the team captain seems to be way more concerned about his boyfriend calling him short than uncivilized.

 

“Absolutely not,” Hoseok giggles almost girlishly, “I am just saying that if Tolkien was an artist instead of a writer, your portraits would be in every museum around the world.”

 

Taehyung mentally cheers for Hoseok landing a vital blow, but doesn’t dare speak up lest he worsens the situation and gets rewarded with another set of push ups.

 

“Well then, since you insist on being such a salty little , I’ll just hang out with my friend over here. I’ll bet he doesn’t have any problems with hanging around a dwarf.”

 

Taehyung suddenly feels the need to interject. Because well, his arch nemesis and his long time crush is in the middle of an argument and of course you understand which side he wants to take.

 

“Ah… Baggins is actually a Hobbit… Also, dwarves aren’t really my favorite creatures of the fantasy genre,” Taehyung trails off.

 

“Your best friend is one, hobbit or whatever,” Yoongi remarks.

 

“Well, given how much I love him, I stand by my previous statement.”

 

Taehyung hears Hoseok snicker and the younger would actually feel somewhat triumphant if not for the blonde haired Medusa glaring at him.

 

Apparently the modern day Medusa doesn't need the prey to look him in the eyes to turn the living creature into stone because Taehyung can feel his resolve to resist the evil (Or the good, considering how you look at it) crumble. He gives in and takes a few steps back, detaching himself from the conversation.

 

Practice resumes and Hoseok is gone as quickly as he appeared, shattering Taehyung's hopes and dreams.

 

“At least mask your disappointment. Hoseok isn’t really single and ready to mingle, you know?” An upperclassman, Woo Jiho, speaks up as Taehyung tries to pass by him while dribbling the ball.

 

“I know, but Hoseok Hyung just blew the captain off in front of the entire team,” Taehyung can't help but feel complacent, and he’s sure that he’s spent way too much time around the three sources of evil.

 

“Yeah, but just ‘cause he blew his boyfriend off don't think he’s gonna blow you anytime soon. Yoongi and Hoseok have always had minor fights.”

 

Taehyung nearly throws the ball at Jiho’s face because what the hell was with that erted wordplay? However, he can't throw the ball because the mischievous older already snatched it from him, using Taehyung's surprise to his advantage.

 

It seems that the basic credential for being a formidable jerk is the ability to make incisive wordplay, and wow Namjoon and Jiho keep setting the bars higher than they are on the weekends.

 

---

 

Taehyung settles down on a cafeteria table by himself in an attempt of saving his food from being devoured by his so called friends. He knows that Jimin has a radar that can detect when Taehyung buys food from five thousand miles away but well, to survive he must at least try.

 

He starts to eat and that’s when Yoongi sits down across from him, angrily setting down his tray of food.

 

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asks, an eyebrow raised.

 

“Since you agreed to be my friend for the time being, isn’t it normal that I’m going to sit here?” Yoongi asks, looking as if saying an entire sentence is taking away moments from his lifespan.

 

“Uhh… no? And I didn’t agree…”

 

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew,” Yoongi scoffs as he takes a bite of his food.

 

“Who said I can’t chew this much?” Taehyung asks dumbly, not getting the real meaning behind Yoongi’s words.

 

The older boy makes a sound of disbelief and says, “My god! Talking to Namjoon is easier than talking to you.”

 

“Oh, you know Namjoon Hyung too?”

 

Yoongi nods, “Classmate.”

 

“You seem conversational. And fun in parties,” Taehyung remarks and the older scowls again, making Taehyung wonder how it’s not a permanent expression yet.

 

“Well, one time I asked your Namjoon Hyung to explain a theorem to me. It got to a point where we needed to prove that X and Y are the same point, and I asked how the hell it was possible when the two points are at least three miles away.”

 

Yoongi stops talking and shakes his head. Taehyung silently sympathizes, because he can almost foresee what’s coming next.

 

“Then after fifty five minutes, I managed to have a clear conception of what Schwarzenegger's Cat is but I still didn’t know why X and Y were the same ing point.”

 

Taehyung can’t help but laugh out loud, and that turns a lot of heads towards them.

 

“Is that Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung?”

 

Taehyung shifts on his seat uncomfortably but Yoongi is completely impervious. He's probably used to being seen as the cold prince in school.

 

“Wow, the basketball must’ve hit Taehyung pretty hard huh? He’s talking to the same guy who makes his life hell.”

 

At that very moment, Namjoon and Hoseok walks into the cafeteria. Needless to say, Taehyung’s attempt at hiding behind his hands doesn’t work, despite his hands being a solid 20 cm.

 

Namjoon, being the grade A he is, strides over to them and sits down beside Yoongi despite knowing what’s going on between Hoseok and his boyfriend of five years. Reluctant, Hoseok settles down beside Taehyung and keeps his gaze stubbornly focused on Namjoon.

 

“Of course, Mr. Wisdom-Dragon and My Lord, you can go ahead and take your seats beside humble commoners of Hobbiton,” Yoongi says with a bored drawl in his voice.

 

 

Seeing Hoseok’s eyebrows shoot up, Taehyung quickly interjects, “In the language of big folks, it roughly translates into I’m glad you chose to sit with us.”

 

Namjoon snickers and Hoseok bursts out in laughter, because he’s just Hoseok: the bubbly teenager that laughs more than Ariana Grande bats her lashes (which is a lot, by the way).

 

“Honestly, Tae, if only Yoongi was smart enough to befriend you a long time ago, maybe he won’t have to be a loner every time his of a boyfriend starts a fight.”

 

Yoongi replies in the same old bored voice of his, “If only Jung Hoseok was as tall as his friend over here, he and his uncivilized dwarf of a boyfriend wouldn't ever make eye contact and get together.”

 

“You’re nineteen. Get over the fact that you’re shorter than Park Sandara’s lines in every 2NE1 song ever.”

 

“You’re nineteen too. Get over the fact that I’m less negotiable than the spider you tried to compromise with while screeching like a horror movie heroine.”

 

“Don’t bring a spider into this… our argument doesn’t need to be tainted by…”

 

Taehyung unknowingly giggles, imagining Hoseok trying to coax a spider out of his room and screaming every time there’s a movement. The small action turns three heads towards him, and Taehyung shrugs, “What? It’s cute that you were trying to negotiate with a spider.”

 

Namjoon, deciding too take his ual frustration out on Taehyung’s love life, speaks up, “Watch out for this kid, Hobi. He’s a better player than you’re accustomed to seeing.”

 

Yoongi drawls, “Not setting the bar high, I see.”

 

Taehyung ignores the pale skinned boy and focuses on Hoseok instead, who is busy stuffing his face with food contently. It’s an endearing sight, and after sending a sideways glance at Yoongi, Taehyung can tell he’s not the only one enamored.

 

Namjoon snorts, “If only the amount of cheese in the air would automatically settle on my pizza, I’d be a happy man.”

 

Hoseok is clueless when he looks up, and Yoongi averts his eyes at the speed of lightning. Taehyung doesn't bother, and Hoseok asks in a perplexed manner, “Is there something on my face?”

 

“Yeah,” Taehyung dreamily says, “Handsomeness.”

 

Hoseok starts laughing with red smudging his cheeks, and pats him in the head a couple of times.

 

Namjoon feels the need to interject, “I take my words back. I definitely don't want that much cheese.”

 

Yoongi stands up and storms away, leaving a very perplexed Hoseok. Namjoon mutters out a little uh-oh before following the basketball team captain, turning around once to make a throat slashing motion with his index finger.

 

Hoseok lets out an audible sigh and runs his fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry about Yoongi. I mean, after five years this type of fights between the two of us is routine but usually Yoongi doesn't involve people in it. I’m sorry he’s such a .”

 

“He isn't so bad though, I mean, I’d take this over his tyrannical self during basketball practice any day.”

 

Hoseok laughs, “He kicks during games, doesn't he?”

 

“More like he kicks my , throwing the ball in my face and all.”

 

“Well, he can get a little inconsiderate, but he never does that willingly.”

 

“Not with you, maybe. But he knows why he’s an towards me.”

 

‘Why?”

 

Taehyung doesn't say anything, despite knowing that it’s actually the perfect time to strike. Yoongi has been nothing but a jerk since day 1 and Hoseok is super angry at the team captain. Taehyung knows that now is a vulnerable time to attack, but there's just something in the way Yoongi looks at Hoseok that makes you think the sun shines out of the ethereal features (Taehyung is definitely not saying that it doesn't, physics textbook). And this something prevents him from trying to make a move now, even though he knows that Hoseok is emotional enough to seek temporary comforts.

 

Yoongi’s stupid, Taehyung thinks, he may call me dumb but to make someone like Hoseok Hyung angry… He must be a complete idiot.

 

There’s an if I were him punctuating the sentence, but Taehyung wills himself not to think like that.

 

“Because well, I’m Kim Taehyung. Either you love me or are jealous of me, no in between.”

 

“Funny. I never recalled being jealous.”

 

“My, my, Hobi-Hyung, what a way to confess your love.”

 

Hoseok throws him a lopsided grin, “Brat. You get extremely daring with Yoongi not around. Gotta watch out for you, Casanova.”

 

Taehyung feels need to correct that Casanova was a womanizer and Hoseok is probably not a woman, but he doesn't want to kill the jocular, flirtatious vibe.

 

“You better,” Taehyung winks and adds, “But only when Yoongi Hyung is not around.”

 

“Seems like spending the day with him was a traumatic experience.”

 

“More so than a needle poking at my vein, but he’s not entirely bad. He actually tried to keep up a decent conversation with me until you two showed up. He seems to be someone who does not break a promise.”

 

Hoseok seems more star struck than Peeta and Katniss for a moment, and then says almost absentmindedly, “Promise, huh?”

 

Then almost instantly, he stands up and kisses Taehyung’s cheek, murmuring a quick thanks before running out of the cafeteria.

 

Needless to say, Taehyung’s face wash passes it’s expiry date with the bottle still half full (Or half empty, in Jungkook’s words). Taehyung himself passes the rest of the week wondering exactly what about the word 'promise' made Hoseok have some sort of a sudden revelation and immediately reconcile with Yoongi.

 

Way to play hero, Kim Taehyung.

 

---

 

 

Jimin is all over Seokjin as he laughs, his eyes nearly invisible. Taehyung is sulking as he sits across from them, a pout on his face.

 

“This… Is funnier than his whole damn existence.’

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes and lets out a whine, and finally Seokjin relents.

 

“Come on, Jimin, we all know Taehyung is the only person dumb enough to try and seem cool to his crush by acting like his obnoxious rival in love with an upper hand is actually a decent human being. It’s no surprise that it backfired so why are you laughing?”

 

Taehyung slams his head on the table as Jimin’s laughter rises octaves higher and Seokjin dumbly asks, “Did I say something?"

 

(In)effective Seduction Technique#2: Strike When the Enemy's Down [Not Utilized]
 

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A.N: I'm sorry for the late update.