[CHAPTER XVIII]

How to Say Goodbyes

Taekwoon was stunned by Hakyeon’s mother’s question.

Did she just say the mortal realm? But how?

“I… what do you mean?” Taekwoon confused and panicked.

“To the mortal realm or human world. I know it. You’re… a God. From the Underworld right? I can sense it from you even if you try to hide it. The eye of the moon hidden behind those bandages on your right arm… it’s calling out for me.”

“But how?”

“I…” She was hesitating to answer despite being the one who brought up the topic. As if she had no other choice… “I used to be a Goddess as well. Lived in the same world as the one you came from. They use to call me the Goddess of the Moon, the one who watched over the Moon and protected it. But I left the Underworld and came here to live with humans, instead.”

“You? Why?” Taekwoon was too shocked at her suddenly claiming to be a god, the Goddess of the Moon, nonetheless. Then, what about Hakyeon?

“I fell in love. With the man, Hakyeon’s father. The gods from below are no different from those that lived up in the Heavens. We had the powers to observe how the humans lived and it was one of the only things that kept us entertained, especially for me and my two siblings. We watched the humans live and struggle, working hard to survive on their own without any external powers or strengths. Hakyeon’s father was different from so many humans in my eye. He tried so hard to survive and help the town even when he was just a boy and although he got picked on a lot, he never once stopped smiling. Hakyeon resembled his father’s personality a lot. As I watched him, I became curious and attracted to him. I felt as if his smile had the ability to light my entire world and change how gloomy I was becoming. When I decided to meet the man, I broke all Godly rules but I did not regret it. The moment I finally saw him, I fell in love, more than ever.” She said.

“How were you able to get here though? I thought the door, the gateway that connected the two worlds was locked because of the missing key,” Taekwoon questioned while still trying to digest everything he just heard.

“It wasn’t during my time. It only became that way a little after Hakyeon was born. Apparently, the key was lost or taken and the Gods banned access between the two worlds.”

“I see… but why are you telling me this?” He wondered.

“Because I don’t want you to end up the same way as I am now. The reason why I’ve become this ill is that I was once a God. The blood of the god’s once flowed through my veins but by coming here to the human world, it means that I have left on my own to become human. Immortals such as yourself, have a longer lifespan than humans and don’t get the same humanly diseases they do. Even your injuries healed up rather quickly. If a human were to be in the same state as you, they would’ve died already from the amount of blood you lost. Being human means that we have thrown away our identity as Gods and the longer you stay here in the human world, the easier it is for you to get sick and even die. The Gods that get sent down here to study about the humans, would often make trips between the worlds just to replenish their energy. Staying here permanently will kill you eventually. This is why I’m sick and I know very well that I don’t have much time left in me. I have used up every drop of my strength left to trick Hakyeon and his father into thinking I’m getting better but this lie can’t be kept for long.” Her face became dimmed with sadness when she spoke the truth.

Taekwoon was shocked to hear this from her and didn’t know what to make of it all. Does that mean if he chooses to stay here, he will fall in the same predicament as Hakyeon’s mother?

“I know my son has asked you to stay here. Forever to be exact. But you cannot do that. I know you love my son. I can see it in your eyes, the same as how I was when I first met Hakyeon’s father but you have so much youth ahead of you, so much time left to experience the worlds. I don’t wish for you to become the same as me. I once thought how sad I would be if I saw Hakyeon’s father pass away before me because a human’s lifespan was shorter than that of the God’s but as I got sick, I realized, the one with an even shorter time is the Gods that have thrown away their identity to become human. When I fell ill, the sight of my husband having to worry and care for me day and night broke my heart. I thought… how regretful I would be not to be able to care for him or comfort him after I pass away. Just imagining my husband drown in misery after I pass away, I just can’t take the pain for not being able to be by his side anymore, to tell him everything would be alright. If Hakyeon saw you fall ill after staying here for too long, he would be very upset and won’t be able to live with himself. My son is too soft-hearted and cries a lot despite how strong he tries to be. When you got injured for the sake of protecting him, he was restless and couldn’t stop worrying about you. What would he do if he finds out that the reason you die or got sick was because he told you to stay?”

As Taekwoon imagined it, he became frightened by the images that appeared in his head.

“Humans and Gods were never meant to come together, yet I broke that rule because I was too selfish with my desires. This is the price that I have to pay. I really don’t wish the same to happen to you two. You’re both still so young. You have such a bright future ahead of you. Please… I hope you can return to where you came from.” She suddenly knelt in front of Taekwoon and pleaded him. “Please. I don’t want to see my son fall in pits of sorrow when he finds out.”

Taekwoon was taken by surprise and wanted to help her up but his hands could not reach. His body froze as his mind was still trying to grasp everything that Hakyeon’s mother told him. The outcome would only lead to sadness for both of them. Was there really no way that Taekwoon could be with Hakyeon if he decides to stay in the human world? He wanted to stay so selfishly and desperately to simply stay by Hakyeon’s side forever but when he was told that forever did not exist, he became afraid. Hakyeon’s mother had a point. Taekwoon wasn’t afraid of his own death but rather, what would happen to Hakyeon after he dies? The thought of no longer being able to be by his lifelong friend’s side to comfort him, scared him the most.

*   *   *   *   *   *

As Hakyeon was making his way back home from the mayor’s mansion, he kept thinking back on the pressure that the old man gave him. Although he had already agreed with marrying Soo-ah, neither of them wanted to go through with it anymore. Soo-ah wanted to help Hakyeon and think of a way to cancel their marriage without putting his mother’s health in danger. The only reason she’s been doing better than before was because of the mayor’s help.

Hakyeon had to think of a way to cancel the marriage but how? He really doesn’t know.

Hakyeon finally made it home and the first thing he did was rush to Taekwoon’s bedroom to see how his friend was doing. After all, Taekwoon got hurt because he was trying to protect Hakyeon. Hakyeon could still remember how his mind went into a blur after being pushed out of the way by his friend. When he fell and looked back, it was already too late. It was as if time had stopped for him as he watched the fallen ceiling devouring his friend entirely. Hakyeon’s body froze at that very minute and couldn’t even move to help Taekwoon. He blames himself for being so useless.

When he opened his bedroom door, Taekwoon was nowhere to be found and he began to panic. Hakyeon ran downstairs and all over the house but still couldn’t find his friend. Did Taekwoon really disappear just like he did in his dreams? It can’t be. Please don’t let it be.

“What’s wrong son?” His mother stopped him when she saw her son rummaging the entire house looking for something.

“Taekwoon is gone, mom! I can’t find him!” He cried out.

“Don’t worry. He only returned back to Jaehwan’s place. He said he didn’t want to intrude on us any further. That’s all.”

“But he’s still badly injured! He can’t move around carelessly alone! What if something happens to him? Jaehwan isn’t always there to help him if he needs assistance!” Hakyeon began to cry from his fears.

“Honey, you worry too much. Taekwoon will be fine.” She was strangely calm about the situation and Hakyeon didn’t know why his mother didn’t seem to care as much as he did for his friend. “Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m going to Jaehwan’s. I can’t let Taekwoon be by himself. I’ll be staying out tonight so don’t worry about me.” He said as he rushed out the door so fast that his mother had no time to even persuade him.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Hakyeon ran so quickly to Jaehwan’s place that his legs were starting to give in half way and was having a hard time catching his breath when he finally arrived. He rushed inside the inn and was greeted by one of Jaehwan’s brothers, Jaegwan.

“Is Taekwoon here?” Hakyeon asked while still short on breath.

“Yeah. He’s upstairs resting. What’s wrong? Why are you here?” He asked.

“I’m going upstairs then. I’ll be staying here tonight.”

Jaegwan looked puzzled at the boy rushing up to find his friend.

Just before Hakyeon could open the door, he heard Jaehwan talking to Taekwoon about something.

“So you’re really leaving?” Jaehwan asked.

“Mhmm. I… I’m thinking about it.” Taekwoon answered him.

Hakyeon felt as if his heart had stopped. Taekwoon is leaving? But why? Didn’t he promise to stay here forever?

“Does Hakyeon know about this? He’s been worried day and night about you since you got hurt you know.”

“I know… But… I can’t stay here for long after all.”

“Well, won’t you at least stay until after his wedding? I’m sure he’ll be glad if you attended. You are his best friend after all.”

Silence.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehwan asked.

“I… I don’t want to attend his wedding. I just… don’t. We already had a huge fight over this matter before and although he’s forgiven me for all the horrible things I’ve said to him, I just can’t do it.”

Hakyeon could hear Taekwoon’s voice becoming much quieter as he spoke. It’s true he was really hurt by Taekwoon’s words back then but he couldn’t find it in himself to hate Taekwoon at all. He wanted to forget all about their argument and start new again.

“Even if he’s forgiven me, I… can’t forgive myself.”

*   *   *   *   *   *

 “Huh? You’re leaving already? Were you able to meet with Jaehwan and Taekwoon? Hey where-,” Jaegwan was completely ignored by Hakyeon but more like Hakyeon was too deep in thought to hear anything at all.

Taekwoon was going to leave him even though he promised to stay by his side. Why? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me after all? Because I told him that I didn’t want to be friends with him? That I told him I hate him for all he said to me even though I would never be able to hate him for real. What went wrong? Maybe he finally saw me and I didn’t turn out the way he thought I was… is it because of how I look? Is it because I’m dark? Why… why… why…

As Hakyeon dragged his feet slowly back home, the tears that continued to stream down his cheeks wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the possibilities as to why Taekwoon might be leaving him. Even though it’s only been a few days, Hakyeon could not imagine not having Taekwoon by his side. Yet, he still couldn’t understand why. Why was he so obsessed with Jung Taekwoon, his friend?

*   *   *   *   *   *

 “Well, if you’re leaving, I hope you could at least tell Hakyeon about it. He’s been really worried about you since you got hurt and he really cares about you. If you disappear suddenly, he might end up blaming himself for it. He’s usually a very positive person but when he gets depressed, who knows what he would do…” Jaehwan and Taekwoon were continuing their conversation.

“I know… I just don’t know what to tell him. That’s all.”

“Well, just say you can’t stay and have business to attend to back home? I’m sure you’re a busy man at where you came from and you made it all the way here just to see Hakyeon and apologize to him. I’m sure he will understand if you talk it out with him. You don’t want him to misunderstand the reason why you’re leaving right?”

“I’m just worried that I don't know what to say when I see and tell him. I can’t bear to see him cry anymore because of me. If he pleads me to stay again with that look on his face, I’m afraid I can’t say no…”

“The reason why you’re afraid to tell Hakyeon and had that fight with him before, it’s because you like him right?” Jaehwan was sharp.

Taekwoon was surprised at Jaehwan’s insight despite his aloof appearance.

“You haven’t told him you like him, right? Maybe if you did, he might change his mind about the wedding with Soo-ah. I don’t like her and I think Hakyeon deserves better. You protected him from getting hurt and even came all the way out here to find him in order to say you’re sorry for hurting his feelings. I think if you confess to Hakyeon, he might feel the same way. Especially when I saw how much he worried about you for the past few days.”

“I don’t know. If he felt the same way as me, he wouldn’t have agreed to the marriage or talked so much about her before.” Taekwoon was doubting Jaehwan’s assumptions. “You said you don’t like that girl, why?”

“Huh? It’s my gut instincts. Never liked her from the moment I saw her. Something about her just doesn’t feel right. Maybe too much of a good girl? I don’t know but I just don’t like her.”

Well, that makes the two of us, Taekwoon thought even though the reasons were quite different.

“Anyways, just confess to Hakyeon-hyung. It’s better than never telling him your feelings. You don’t want to regret it when it’s too late. You don’t want any more misunderstandings between you and the person you love the most. That’s the worst.” Jaehwan said as he looked sad by what he told Taekwoon.

The way Jaehwan advised Taekwoon and the sudden sad and broken-hearted look he had on his face, strangely reminded Taekwoon of someone else.