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My Past.

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If you ask me what kind of friend I am, I think the answer is pretty simple.

 

I would like to call myself the one friend that always remember my friends. All the time.

 

No matter where I am.

No matter whose I am.

No matter what have you done.

I always remember and gonna think about you forever. Think about you while crazily missing you.

 

Just like now, here I am, waiting for them a.k.a my friends to replying my message. 

Its been hours of waiting already. 

 

 

"Kyungsoo hyung, what ya doing today?" 

I turned to my back to look at my little brother, SeungSoo, who just get inside my room without my noticenes. I glared at him. Just how many times must I told him to knock first before ing enter my room? This is my room and I'm being good enough to deserve some freaking privacy. 

Why it's so hard to makes them understand?! I am freaking growing teenager, and teenagers need a ing privacy, even a little bit.

"Get out" Comes my reply, have enough of glaring at him and begin to looking at my screen phone, ignored him.

Not so long after that, I feel my bed cracking. Grrrrrr..

"Came on Kyungsoo, I want to know your plan for this holiday? Do you even have one?"

I rolled my eyes. There's no point kicking him out. He'll never lessen to me anyway. Maybe I was too kind, nah, kidding. 

"What?" I said boredly. I heard him sighing. 

"Don't say that you are not. Seriously hyung, when will you get out, have some fun with yourself. Don't just sit here waiting for your stupid friends that not even think you as their friend" 

I glared at him harder. 

"They are so not, get out I don't have any time for this Seungsoo" I returned my attention back to my phone, refreshing my email, afraid that I don't get the new notification. 

But got none. Just like always. 

Sighing. 

"Told you to not wait for them. The old them is gone. People change hyung, don't try too hard yourself only to fall"

I look at his serious face without any word, lips sealed close.

No matter how much I wanna push that reality away, it's always comes back to me. Dragging me back in.

Quickly I moves my face away from his while my hand begin to pushing him away. I don't wanna him to see my down face.

"Shut up, stop saying nonsense" I mumbling.

I may not seeing it but I know that Seungsoo is already out of my room, cuz I don't sense his stare anymore. Sighing, I get into sitting position and staring at nothing but a thin air.

My sweet little memory taking all over again. I can't help but thinking. 

 

 

I remember that we used to eat together when lunch break comes over, changing our food, judging other people together then laugh like a mad people. 

 

 

"Omma, can I have your noodles? Pleaseeee?"

I looked up from my sandwich to giving Baekhyun a dirty looks when he tried to do aegyo just to have some untasty noodles from schools canteen.

Feeling eyes on his, he look at me, sticking his tongue out childishly. I continued to put my disgust face on just to show him that I hate her cheap act so damn much.

I mean, you sure can have that noodles even you're not making that stupid face (come on~!) I need to get my tummy filled. 

"You two stop it, people are watching! Soo, Baek you are growing up so act like one" here we go once again. A nagging omma.

I send a glared to Baekhyun. Look what had you did. 

He returned my glare. I ignoring his failed to glare and give an innocent look to the mom of the group, Junmyeon a.k.a Myeon.

"But Myeon, I really can't stand his ugly - funny, funny face I mean funny! Because it....it...  . .. .. ..funny..?" I feel bad for my mom. Just since when did I became this stupid? 

"Nahhhh even if people do watching them Myeon, you think these two will care? Hah what a joke" Jongdae who sit in front of me, let out a snort. Baehyun glared at him. I hummed, not really feeling like joining their stare competition. 

We are close to each other, sure of that. But in Jongdae and Baekhyun case, I won't be so sure. There always a wall between them. It's so hard to be broken.

I look at Luhan beside me. He was looking at something seriously that he don't even notice my stare. I following his stare.

There a two girl who shouting while crying at each other, claiming that she snatch her boyfriend behind her back. The other girl shouted back just as powerful as her friend did.

Oh drama! I loved it, I mean who not?

"Damn...do they even release that they were fighting over a taken boy?" Minseok muffled, mouth filled with food.

"Nah, just let them fool them self first" I said, eyes not leaving them.

"We can always tell them...after we finished our meals of course~!" Jongdae smirk evilly, just like the way we do.

 

 

From the moment we got into the school, we together till the end of the school period. 

 

 

I d my bag pack harder, running through the whole corridor. Even when I was too busy running away crazily, I still manage to cursing towards no one but myself.  

Stupid me who sleep late last night and now I gonna get penalty for being late, freaking again. Darn it. 

If only I not using too much internet last night.. 

Luckily I already got my math homework done first. 

I speed up, don't really give a to the couple of pairs eyes that stares at me running and my damn uniform is not helping my situation at all. I mentality groaning. 

Just when I was about to shout out my frustration, I were being pulled toward my back by my bag pack with so much force.

What the..

"Owh! - what -

Whoever it is, they gonna get it really bad for treating me this way.

I was ing late enough already for this !

I turns back, ready to fight and only meet Jongdae smirk. I blinked. 

Whatttttttt

"Eh? You were late too? How came?" I asked dumbly because Jongdae may have and always been annoying but he always right when it comes to time dealing.

Jongdae is always comes in times. His house just a couple blocks away from our school for gods sake.

He gives me a happy yet naughty smile. I snort at that.

"It turned out this way. Came on, we're late. Lets go together." I still staring at him, speciously. 

"Soo hurry!" He let out an girly whines. 

I just hummed as reply, feeling glad to have some conformit. Knowing that its not going to be so boring when I get a little long speech from my discipline teacher yet still senses something odd from what just happened. 

But I just choose to let go, from now.

 

Turned out that's day is my birthday. I laughing at their epic fail acting when pretending not knowing everything but i pretend not to notices it. We celebrating it together with cakes they bought together at canteen, along with my classmates. Making a loud noise and kicking some people out of canteen with our loud volume, but being the birthday boy, I let them guys go for once, too busy eating my birthday's cake that has been filled with blue and purple whipped colours cream, my most favorite part.

Did not mention, blue and purple is my favorite color, even now it still be in that way.

 

 

We used to be the gang that always get loved by every single teacher in the school because we a nerd.

Teacher love nerd. And that what we are.

Nerd gang that always competed with each other. Scared by other good students, annoyed by bad students. 

 

 

"Class shut up! You should talk when I told you to! Not when I am!"

Rolled my eyes really hard at that lame words, please, find some new word. That just makes me more sleeply from what I already am. But being nerd, I just put my fake face and continue to copying the notes.

My classmates is an . They ignored Mrs.Atina and just became more loud like that is not enough. 

I had enough. I need to finish my note to go home and they are not helping even a little bit. Thats it.

"GUYS SHUT UP!! DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKES YOUR NAMES TO THE DISCIPLINE!?!!"

I shout and just like that, class fell into deep silent. 

I sense Mrs.Atina's smile but pretend like not notice it. 

Back to my note, I sent a quick smile at Luhan who looking at me with his proud smile. Actually I also impressed by myself, how come I manage to makes my classmates follow my order every single time? I must be too solic towards them that's why.

I put my attention back to my note, tried hard to ignored Jongdae's odd glare.

"Nerd" said someone, obviously means to me and my gang.

I let out a small smirk at that.

 

 

Yes, we are nerd. We know that.

 

But you know what?

 

We loved being called nerd, that's what we are. And we don't even shy to show it.

 

Always get seen together everywhere, protect each other.

 

 

"Soo where are you think you're going?" I stop my step when I catch Luhan's voice behind my back. I turns over with raised eyebrows. 

"Why you're here? Don't you suppose to be at canteen?" I watching in blurr when Luhan and Baekhyun taking a step closer to me.

"Not without you young man. Now answer me, where are you going alone?" Luhan answered my question with another question of him.

I makes a blank face.

"Restroom... "

"Then let's go together"

 

 

As friend, we also used to fight a lot. Some of them was hilarious, when some of them was pretty serious. 

 

We ignore each other when we fight, but someone will always say sorry then we back being together again, just like things used to be.

 

 

I pretending to not notice Jongdae's stare into my soul and just continued to finishing taking a note from Baekhyun's notebook. 

Its not like I don't seeing him, I just wanted to see how long he can wait for me to response to him.

"Ahhh Soo stop being upset over that would you? I said sorry already please stop be like this.....I missed you.." He shooks my arms. Eyes blinking a couple times. 

Actually, I don't even have any idea why he always doing it. That is not cute I tell you. Not even try to spare a lie over here.

Seeing he got none response from me, he let out a long sigh.

I want to smile really bad at that. Inside my head, I was laughing at his funny frustrated face. Thats for not leaving a message to me all the weekend. 

"Ahhhh~! Soo I'm sowwwwy forgive me puh-lweeess??" And now he even pouting. Hummm.

No. Stop that. You look stupid. 

"Yah stop that. You're embarrassing me"

 

 

Hugging, kissing that's our thing. 

 

We even get called gay for couple times from some stupid that just jealous of our friendship. 

And that just make us laughing our tummy out, cuz damn girl, use your brain or something, you needed help.

Sure, we are gay, but not for each other duh. Please okey~

 

We always together, not really talking with others.

 

And that was before we meet the odd gang, them, the boys. 

 

I still remember that we become friends with them because they was the smartest group after us in our class. Then it begin, we start to talk freely, joking around and became comfortable around them.

 

Its started. 

 

Baekhyun, Jongdae and Minseok fallen for Chanyeol.

Maybe even me. I don't really sure about my own feeling, I still new with things like this so I tried to ignore it.

The less you know, the less you'll hurt. That's what I thought every time I feeling something weird when being around Chanyeol. I choose not to think. To let the feeling go by itself. 

But deep inside me, I know that I likes him a little bit more than any boys I ever had some light little crush on.

 

But I just pretending not. Because I taught that Chanyeol likes Baekhyun, my brother like friend. Well, Baekhyun like Chanyeol as well aren't they? No, it confirmed. I always said that to myself. 

Chanyeol is off a limit. Everyone but him.

 

Not helping the situation, Jongin, Chanyeol's friend told me that he likes me and seesm like can't leave me ing alone even for a second, act like i was his only. Its became out of hand.

 

Chanyeol too, seems love to support his best friend on courting me much to my disappointment. 

I were young and so wild, so I just let out a bored "Sure" to Jongin's "Wanna go out with me?"

 

And I pretend to be happy, yet again. 

 

 

"Don't Chanyeol looks weirdly handsome today guys? Do you notice it?" Baekhyun said dreamily while staring at the said boy who were busy messing around with some innocent people. 

I look at Baekhyun silly face before my eyes begin to searching for Chanyeol. Once I found him, I look back at Baekhyun not even moments later. I tell myself that I can't looks at him more than five seconds, it bad either for me nor Baekhyun.

"No, ugly like usual" I said flatly, act like heart is not beaming in happiness at at the moment i seen his face. 

Not sanctified, Baekhyun look at Luhan while pouting, asking for some back up. I rolled my eyes and crossing my arms not knowing where all of this conversation will lead us. We supposed to learn some I.T but the teacher is still not here. Leaving us get beaten by heat. I huffing in annoyed, how I hate waiting. 

Notice Baekhyun's stare. Luhan let out a soft chuckle. "Yes yes, he is. For you he always been handsome not matter what he done" Baekhyun let out a big fat smile. I raised my eyes brow at his love sick face and mumbling, "Even when he soaked in his own sweat, he still deadly charming, yes I got that a lot Baek"

He giggling, in very girl-like way, and I pretending to throw up at that. Luhan who beside me laugh at my disgust face.

"Maybe it just for me? Ahhhh he looking so cute today..." He continued. I just staring at him silently. 

Sometimes I feel envied at how she always manage to voices his though freely not worried hurting anybody, but I can't be in that way.

I will never even when I know that I can.

"Soo!" 

I looked at Chanyeol who now were running toward us, or should I say, me? ughhh..no, go away..

Ignoring my unwanted feeling that suddenly start to roaring when I sees his face, I hummed at him as answer, eyes looking away.

"Soo I was searching for you everywhere, come with me now. I wanted you to check my Malays homework"

I takes a secret glance at Baekhyun. He was peeking at Chanyeol. I let out a sigh inside. 

"Sure things. Lu, Baek come with me." I don't wanna be alone with him.

 

 

Sure, it hurt. But it's okay, because it's for Baekhyun happiness. 

But Jongdae is not happy with that. He may not showing it (which I called that bull because that's what so ing obvious man) but whatever he get the chance, he will tried real hard to be as close as he can with him a.k.a Chanyeol.

 

Its kinda funny though, always seen he making some stupid excuses just to be around him. Oh boy...

Chanyeol is sitting beside me, on my left while Luhan is on my right, so it's kinda uncomfortable to see your own friend flirting with you secret crush that liking your other friend

 

So I choose to help Chanyeol to confess. 

 

 

"Just man up and grown some ball, geez, ing confess!" I said grumply, not loving the fact that I had to do this all the day. Its begin to get me bored.

Sure I love spending time together with him, just two of us, this maybe gonna be the last time I got to talk to him when he was single but this is way too much.

I rather be sleeping than exchanging a freaking note like what I were doing right now.

Because -

"Can we just talk face to face? Why the hell we have to do this? Is not like he gonna hear us! He was like, ugh I don't know, a hundred block away!?"

Stupid Chanyeol who want to use papers to communicate.. 

He makes a horror face at my choice of word. I rolled my eyes at that, makes it longer to show it to him. Is everyone I know choose to takes a same action class together or something? Why the hell they all act dramatically all the time!

"Noooooo we cannot have that! Its safer this way! Trust me!"

I just stare.

"Whatever" You, you stupid dumb.

He blinked at me and I just ignoring his curious yet mystery expression, and begin to write after done thinking some plans.

"Here" I passed the plan notes, putting it on his tables before grabbing my bag pack. "You better take care of him.."

There's go my never comes hope. Be happy Chanyeol, make Baekhyun smile, please..

 

 

And not so long after that, Chanyeol and Baekhyun got together. My glad. My duty is done.

 

I sure that I must to let go.

 

I tried really hard for that, even now I am still trying. 

 

But for some reason, Baekhyun and Jongdae because more distant from what they used to be. Knowing them, used to be an enemy but knowing that sure is breaking my heart. 

 

I don't wanna we get spared by boys reason. 

 

Not helping the situation, Chanyeol and Baekhyun break up, out of blue, shocking me to the core.

 

And Chanyeol choose to change his damn school, leaving us.

 

Its makes me sad. But still, like always, I pretend to be all okey.

 

Our friendship becoming ugly, even uglier than before. I hate to admit that I can't do anything about that reality. 

 

Still, I had to do something don't I?

I do, I did something. 

 

I remember tried to ask them to hang out together but I can barely did. Some of us choose to not coming and leave me disappointed with their choice, I even feeling shame with myself. 

 

I tried to stay in contact, makes group chat, none of it working. 

One by one leaving the group like it was a nothing. Its not, not for me. Its mean a lot. 

But not to them, I sure of that. Its hurt. Hurt to accept the reality. But I must to.

 

Holiday comes.

 

We hang out. I am so happy that we finally seeing each other again. 

So damn happy. 

 

Turn out Chanyeol is joining us.

Without Baekhyun. I am not gonna lie, I had feeling something bad is about to happen. The feeling is strong and it eating me inside. 

 

But I will not letting this chance go, I need to use it.

I talking about some stupid things, makes fun of myself, asking about how things going, more stupid talks and anything to makes our conversation going. Sadly, it's barely works.

 

Still, it's okey than nothing, I taught because maybe we need a baby step, takes everything slow. 

 

But things don't always go just how you wanted it to be.

 

It happen again, Minseok told me to be careful, because Jongdae now is dating Chanyeol.

 

 

I stare dumbly at Minseok who dragging me away from the other by forse. We barely get inside the store yet he already act all excited. I can't help but wonder why.

"What?" I asked and just get he's creepy smile in return. That makes me curious more.

"Ahh what?" I replied, start to feel impatient. 

"Don't be too friendly with Yeol." He smiles, actually smiles. "He's dating Jongdae now, be careful"

I bites my lips, fist clenching on my shirt. Oh..

"Oh really? Wow I don't notice."

 

 

I remember my mixed feelings. 

 

Shocked. Sure.

Happy. Yes.

Surprise? Duh.

Betrayed? No .

Relieved. Yea..

Sad. Uh huh.

Angry? For Baekhyun, hell yes! That bustard!

And many more.

 

Its a mess. A big tangles mess. Everything is messing with me. I don't understand the reason why. Why I even...

I try to push my feeling beside and act like not knowing everything. 

 

I taught everything just gonna be okey again. That I just had to pretend that I happy again. I just have to smile and act all excited to cover everything up. 

 

Even when it hurt, I must to. Because I am me.

 

Oh yes, I also notices Jongdae's glare whenever Chanyeol is getting closer to me. 

 

Once again, I feel uncomfortable with this kind if situation. Why I also stuck in this situation? I swear I don't even try to think anything funny but why!?

 

No again, I taught, because damn people, Baekhyun is not even here so why so tight?! 

 

Ahhhh that's why Minseok told me to be careful..

 

I acted like nothing happen and continue to have a talk with Jongin, who now is my ex and was Chanyeol's closest friend just to avoiding to be pulled in conversation with Chanyeol's big mouth. But that was a big bad moves. Cuz that's makes me have to talk with Chanyeol too, he was sitting next to Jongin. And damn, he really don't know how to shut his mouth up. Jongdae continued to glares. That's not even my fault, Jongin was the one choose to sit beside me and makes Chanyeol comes to sit beside him also.

 

Jongdae continued to glare and I was so done with myself. 

 

Back to home, Jongdae texted me to told that our friendship is over.

 

That's hit me really hard.

 

But being me, I hold it inside, thinking that everything is going to be okey. But it sure not.

 

Our friendship is burned. 

 

Its all way gone.

 

Now, I can only remember how things used to be.

Because,

We are happy just being together once, we used to be happy all the day just by seeing each other face, we are happy...

 

 

 

....once.

 

 

 

 

 

I blinked. Eyes now looking around blankly. Realize that i was lost into my memories once again, i let out a weak smile.

Without any word, my hand reach for my phone, thump wipped the screen silently praying for some replay but still got nothing, i can only let out a deep sigh unite my heavy with darkness heart.

I just know at this moment that,

Theres go their last chance.

....I should stop. No more looking back..

But it's hurt... so much..

 

 

 

 

 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life,

but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."

-Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

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Humming in silence, I close my eyes. Brain working really hard to searching some good idea to get my easy task done. Ignoring the loud sounds that my classmates were happily created, I humming in rhythm. 

Ideas.... please come to me...I need your help...

Got nothing, I open my eyes annoyedly and glaring at everything I seen.

The others is in their own world, not really minding my glares but it's not like I care. I just glared.

you. I taught rapidly while glaring at them like they manage to hear my thoughts. I ing know that they can't, but I don't really give a .

I need to get my easy done by tomorrow, there not much time leave me to joint them to gossiping about some hoe's drama.

"Ahh Chanyeollie don't be like this please~"

Just then, a very ty purr do takes my attention away from a group of girl in front me. I look at my left, founding Chanyeol looking all annoyed at Pretty (well that's what she want we to call her so we just do it, not really minding so much about the truth about she is not so pretty but calling her with that name maybe can makes her became one. I don't know, I just think that way.)

"I told you that I can't, no snatch that, I don't wanted to" Chanyeol replying her with some bored face of him. I blinking my eyes. Oh drama, hem I loved drama. 

So I continue to stare. Wanting to see what she gonna do next.

"Ayy come on, why it so hard to give me your number? Is not like I gonna give to anyone else~" She still using her ty voice. 

Oh so that what this is all about. Chanyeol refused to give Pretty his mobile number. Interesting but sad at the same time.

Don't this girl know that Chanyeol had crush on Baekhyun?

I stare at Chanyeol now really annoyed face. He get up from his seat to get away but Pretty seems like already read his mind and she without any shame taking Chanyeol's seat just after the the said boy get out.

I humming in respond. Okey maybe this girl had going too far. I will say that Chanyeol is not liking her choice just by seeing how he was breathing harshly while staring at her like ready to tearing her body apart in any minutes. 

Okey me tell you, in our school, ugh, this sounds so childishly but we cannot just seat everywhere. 

Yes, we can't. You read it right.

We had our seat chosen by teacher and we can't change that. Once it became your seat, it's your seat till you up for another gred.

But here the thing, it's was like unspoken rule and this rule is rules by students and already known by everyone that we can't just seat everywhere that is not our seat unless we get permission from it's owners. 

And in this case, Chanyeol is not liking at how some stranger sit at his. I know him. If you not close to him, say, you are his friend but if you're not close enough, did not seat at his chair. Well, he don't really care if I do seat at his but that was the other point. 

Don't you, some scary stranger, dare to sit at his chair because he don't like it. He, without any doubt, hate stranger, erm.. just so you know.. 

His chair is his, don't you dare to seat on it like it was yours at least you are his friend and close enough for him to let you to sit at his. I replied, he hates it when stranger sit at his.

Like what Pretty were doing right now.

I know Chanyeol was about to letting his out when he look at me after that, caught me staring. He gives me a look, lips sealed. I let his eyes drawing into mine. I rarely let him do that.

Well hem..sure he's not talking and just staring at me in silent but somehow I feel like I understand what that stares mean for.

"Hey Pretty." I called her name not even second later, eyes now staring at her's emotionless. 

She look at me dumbfounded. Chanyeol is staring at me too, his face is now calmer than before. I may not looking at him but I can feel it. I know him well for not to realised. 

"Don't makes so much noise will you? I had homework to be done and you distracted my focus" I makes go-away sign, not really care her eyes that now was widened in embarrassed. 

Without any word, she get up and take her away with her not before she send me a hateful glares. I just shook my head at her childish act.

"Awwwwww thanks Soo! I only have you to relay on." Chanyeol's words makes me look at him in disgust. 

"Ewwwwww what the Chanyeol?? ing go away!" I pretending to throw my pen at him if he's not going to shut his mouth out any time soon. He just smiles tenderly at me and makes me all warm inside but I just keep it in and faking a throw up face.

"I mean it Soo, thanks"

I just hummed in replay before look over my task again, avoiding his stare. Feeling like get watched, I look up just to catch Pretty stare before she turned away not before give me a sly smirk. I stare at her back in silence. 

 

Yes I get that massage Pretty. Don't worry, I am not hoping for any of it. 

Not at all.

 

 

 

 

*He just treated you like friends, don't hoping for more.

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A/N: So..how baout it? Good or naaaah?