The rest of the week was no pleasure for Jackson. With having to avoid Mark like crazy, using Jinyoung as a bridge between him and the boy, and his exam preparation driving him up the wall, he had no time to think of anything else.  But Mark was still on his mind. Almost all of the time.  Jackson wondered how he was handling it all, the guilt tearing him up inside. He didn’t know what to do anymore. A part of him wanted to run to Mark, engulf him in a tight warm hug and tell him it’s okay, that he knows everything and that he may feel the same way. But another part him played the coward, fearing of losing Mark if revealed  too much...if he wasn’t able to cope with this new side to him. The truth was, Jackson didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He barely put himself through the day, without the feeling of a breakdown threatening to let loose.

He was lost in his own world not realising that Jinyoung was standing directly in front of him. Jackson stumbled back in slight shock then remembered where he was.

“Did you forget I have keys to this place? Jinyoung raised his eyebrows.  He moved forward, hugging Jackson.

“You look awful, have you not been eating?

Jinyoung returned to his usual self, nagging Jackson as he walked around checking the fridge.

“Hyung, did you bring my laptop? Jackson spoke from the sofa, hands rested on the plush cushions. He loved Jinyoungs condo. It was roomy, comfortable and even had a gaming room. Jackson reminisced how they all use to come down to the condo, especially during Christmas whenever their respective families didn’t drag them off on a family vacation. Mark came into his thoughts again and Jackson’s face scrunched from the sudden pain in his gut. Thinking about Mark and what he was doing to him was literally hurting him.

“Ya, am I some sort of messenger, why can’t you grow up and speak this out? Jinyoung asked, the frustration clear in his face.

Jackson only continued to stare into space.  Then he spoke.

“Hyung, you told me I can’t approach him until I know what I want” He reminded him.

“Well, what do you want?

Jackson internally groaned. He didn’t know what he wanted.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know who I am anymore! am I gay, Bi?  He burst out, taking Jinyoung by surprise.  Jinyoung put away the stack of chips he carried and seated himself beside Jackson.

“Our whole life, we spend too much time worrying about where we fit into and squeeze our self into labels we don’t fit” Jinyoung’s voice was calm.

“Why do you have to be gay or bi to understand these feelings more? When you can simply just be Jackson who happens to be in love with another man”

It made sense to Jackson. But it still left unanswered questions about him.

“You know, Mark and I used to have these conversations all the time” Jinyoung chuckled besides him.

“Was he just as confused?

“He was, only now I think he’s truly found himself”. Jinyoung looked proud.

I wish I could do the same.  

The though wondered around his head as he prepared for his afternoon shifts at work.

Mark felt lifeless, quite literally. He lay; face down on his bed, with a pillow on top of his head. The past few days Jackson was no where to be seen. In fact, Mark was aware that the boy was avoiding him since the morning after their physical encounter at Jinyoung’s party. He had gone to work that morning and didn’t return to sleep at home. Mark was used to this, so he didn’t pay much attention. But when Jackson didn’t call or come home for the next 3 days, Mark couldn’t help but feel panicked.  He tried calling, finding him at work but each time Yugyeom gave him apologetic smile and told him he had no idea where Jackson was.

Mark was one phone call away from bringing the police into this when Jinyoung stopped him, clearly less distressed about the whole situation.

“You don’t want to do that” He told him.

“Why? Mark was confused. Does he know something I don’t? 

Jinyoung looked conflicted. He sighed before sitting down on the dinning table’s chair.

“Because I know where Jackson is and he wishes to not be found yet?

Now Mark was more than slightly confused.  It made sense to avoid him for a while but to move out the house and completely avoid him was rather too much to Mark.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Jinyoung asked. Nothing about his tone sounded mad.

“I was going to tell you, but it seems Jackson beat me to it”

“He did, and that seemed to open up a whole load of feelings for him....which he will tell you about” Jinyoung smiled warmly at him. 

“He just needs time”

The panic returned. “Why does he need time, it’s nothing that kiss was an accident, he should know that and come back home”

Jinyoung studied his face. “Are we really going to do this right now Hyung?

Jinyoung never called him Hyung unless he was dead serious.  Whilst he was younger and relatively shorter, he believed that he was “mentally older than Mark” Which didn’t make any sense since Mark was the most responsible out of all his friends. 

“Do what? Mark smiled innocently.

“The thing where I pretend I don’t know how in love you are with Jackson and how much that kiss obviously meant so much to you, so don’t tell me you can move past this” Jinyoung huffed out in annoyance.

Mark flinched. He was really hoping to move past this.

“Well he doesn’t know how I feel, so yes I can pretend for a while longer”

Mark looked at Jinyoung. There was a look of concern mixed with anxiety.

“Not any more” He blurted out before ducking.   When he realised Mark wasn’t going to start catapulting objects at his face he lifted his head and stared cautiously at him.

“You did what? Mark was agitated. The one person he had trusted to keep his feelings quiet had betrayed him.

“I had to, other wise he was going to go crazy wondering, I didn’t tell him everything, I just sort of implied”. Jinyoung shrugged his shoulders as if he just didn’t tell Mark his friendship with Jackson might come to an abrupt end.

“Damn fine idea you had there, maybe me and him will have a nice chat, work things out and come out holding hands together”.  He threw at him, sounding inexplicably bitter.  He didn’t expect this from Jinyoung out of all people.

Jinyoung looked at him without any emotions.

“I’m getting damn well tired of both of you hiding away from your problems instead of facing them”

He pointed at him, the anger visible in his eyes.  “You’re both acting like it’s the end of the world because you suddenly kissed, do you think I haven’t been where you are right now?  Jinyoung glared at him.

 Mark rarely saw Jinyoung loose his cool. He felt a little guilty it was because of him. He stood up, walking carefully towards him. He lifted his hand to wipe the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead, praying that Jinyoung didn’t catch his quivering lip or shaky hands.

“I’m sorry” He whispered.  Jinyoungs gaze softened, seeming more like himself once again.

“I know you’re scared, but believe me, it all turned out for the best.....besides the deal is done, you both opened up and now you can’t go back to the way things were, you can only move forward”

Jinyoung opened his arms inviting him for a hug and Mark gladly fell into the younger’s arms.

Mark didn’t know how to face Jackson.  Speaking to him would mean confessing and he wasn’t sure that would turn out well. Mark was sure the reason he was so downtrodden was because he feared being rejected.

He decided Jackson sooner or later would find him when he needed answers.

For the rest of the week, Mark lived as if there was no meaning to his life. Everything felt so irrelevant.  Mark missed his classes sometimes. He usually relied on Jackson to wake him up when he returns from his morning classes but now the absence meant he had to only rely on his battered alarm.

Sometimes he would expect to turn and see him in the kitchen, mixing all sorts of carbs together and calling it breakfast, whilst forcing Mark to taste. Mark wondered how he didn’t have diabetes yet. Everything reminded him of Jackson. Even his own art class.

He was staring at the spot Jackson was sitting on his last visit to the art room when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Mark whipped his head around thinking it was Jackson but to his dismay it wasn’t.

He tried to not let the disappointment show in his eyes but apparently the young boy standing opposite him noticed.

“Not expecting me I see” .  He smiled playfully. “Sorry to disappoint, I hoped I was a little handsome at least”.

Mark blushed, extending his hand out before realised it was covered in paint all sorts of colours.

“Ahh sorry Sungjin Sunbaenim, I didn’t expect you here at this hour”.  Mark stuttered out. He had no idea why he felt nervous whenever he was near Sungjin Hyung, but Mark suspected it had something to do with Sungjin’s naturally  flirty personality.

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart” He winked at him staring over his shoulder at Mark’s work.

“wow that looks incredible” Sungjin patted him on the back. “You got real talent kiddo”

Mark hid behind the sleeve of his oversized sweater, as he raised his hands to over his face. He really didn’t do well with compliments. Especially if they came from Sungjin, one of the most respected art students on this campus.  He remembered how Jackson had complimented him calling him a real art major when he showed his work. Sometimes Jackson would brag about him to others, claiming he’s Mark’s manager.  A soft smile played on Mark’s lips.  He was distracted by a whistle coming from Sungjin.

“Who is the lucky man that you’re thinking of so deeply with that smile on your face?

Mark directed his gaze back at him, slightly taken back.  How did he know?

“Oh com on, don’t feel bad, I have a way of reading people easily” Sungjin laughed, his eyes twinkling.

“Sunbae, you won’t tell anyone right?

Sungjin waved his hand at him as if to say it’s a promise.  Then he moved forward, grabbing Mark by the back of his neck, one hand gently placed on his hip.

“Now that we’ve gone over your uality, how about a date, I promise I’m not a bad guy”

Sungjin’s face was dangerously close to Mark’s, the bridges of their nose almost touching.

Mark yelped in surprise. Sungjin let go after that, still laughing to himself.

“I’m kidding sweetheart, clearly you’re whipped for someone else”

Mark let out a sigh, relief washing over his body.

“I’m hungry; can we go to grab dinner? Sungjin asked. He glanced at Mark after he realised the younger wasn’t responding.

Mark’s eyes avoided his gaze. “I was going back home anyway, you can come if you want”

Mark crossed his fingers, dearly hoping he would decline but to his astonishment, he agreed.

“Lead the way”

They arrived at Mark’s shortly after and Mark busied himself ordering food. Eventually the inevitable came and Sungjin asked him to sit.

“What’s eating at you, you’re not happy with this guy? Sungjin fixed his gaze on him as practically leaned over the dining table in their tight fit kitchen.

There was no way Mark couldn’t tell lie to his Sunbae, he didn’t have it in him, but he couldn’t tell him the truth either.

“There’s no guy” He simply said, which was the truth. Mark was in no relationship.  Sunjin nodded although not looking convinced.

“If you say so”

“I really mean it”.

“I’m sure you do”. Sungjin looked amused. Thankfully the doorbell rang indicating that their food has arrived. Sungjin insisted on paying no matter how many times Mark offered. They sat in an awkward silence eating.

“Didn’t you live with someone? The question was unexpected throwing Mark off.

“Yeah, I do?

“You two look very cute together, like a real couple”. Sungjin directed his gaze over to the photo’s hung up from the doorway to the living room. Mark never truly realised how domestic their home looked until then. Any other day, he would’ve enjoyed it, the idea of seeming like a domestic couple with Jackson warming his heart, but instead it left an empty and uncomfortably dull ache in his heart.

“Is he not around anymore?

“He is, he’s just busy” Mark pursed his lips, praying he would stop pursuing the matter any further.

Sungjin raised his eyebrows and in that moment, the front door swings open revealing Jackson.

Jackson walked in, taking in the scene in front of him Mark begins to panic for no apparent reason as he watches the stony glare Jackson gives Sungjin. Mark couldn’t help but feel teary looking at Jackson. He bit the inside of his cheek to hold the tears threatening to let loose, relief washing over his body seeing Jackson.

Sungjin stands up, cleaning himself off.  “I should get going” He nods at Mark.

Jackson, glued to his spot continues to glare at Sungjin, his eye contact not faltering one but.

“Who’s he? He asks, his voice monotone. Mark stares in disbelief at his blatant rudeness. If Sungjin was offended, he doesn’t show it. He smiles at Mark one more time before nearing the door.

“I’m Sungjin, Mark’s Sunbae “. And with that, he opens the door and leaves. Mark sighs, relieved and makes a note to thank his sunbae the next time he sees him for not making a scene.

The two of them stand in silence, Mark giving him subtle glances to see if he was really there and not just a fragment of his imagination. The tension between them is thick and palpable, Mark would be able to taste the bitter tang had he stuck his tongue out. 

Finally Mark manages to tare his gaze away from the front door and he looks at Jackson watching him. He looks apprehensive.

“So you finally decided to show up” Mark‘s voice is shaky.  

“I was worried so I came to see you, but clearly I didn’t need to be concerned.” Jackson says bitterly.

Mark doesn’t answer but he looks at Jackson slightly stunned.  He takes a seat, feeling he might fall.

“I don’t understand” Jackson says, rubbing the back of his neck restlessly. “I though you--.

Mark’s own frustration grows and any happiness that Jackson was back was quelled by his own anger at Jackson’s disappearance and sudden erratic behaviour. How did someone that abandoned him, show up assuming things?

“Thought what? He asks his voice rising steadily. “What did you think exactly, Sungjin is my friend and you know what I don’t think I need to be explaining anything to you right now” Mark was loud enough to be heard by the entire block now.

Jackson looks equally perplexed, probably because this was the first time Mark raised his voice at him.

“A friend huh, do you also allow him to kiss you”.

Mark laughed disbelievingly, the proverbial rug literally pulled out from under him.

A moment of silence ensues, broken only when Jackson piped up.

“I shouldn’t have said that”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have, you have no right to make me feel this way, sick to death with worry and now you show up and I can’t even hate you for it because I love you too much to do that”  Mark voice cracked. He hated himself for being this weak and vulnerable whenever he was with Jackson.

In two strides, Jackson stood in front of Mark, his eyelashes glistening from the unshed tears.

He pushed Mark towards him, Mark’s head gently falling on his chest.  Mark worked to keep his breathing steady, the warmth seeping from Jackson’s chest which was firmly pressed to his face. The way Jackson his head left his nerves frazzled, his heart beating erratically.

“Mark?

“Yeah?

“I’m really sorry, I don’t think it will ever be enough but I’m sorry”.

Mark takes a deep breath to steady himself. He could never think with Jackson pressing so close to him let alone form coherent sentences. He lifts his head and stares up at Jackson. The blood rushes to his head and he feels as if all his thoughts are jumbled into one.

“Jackson, I’m.... I’m in love with you, and I know what happened must’ve been confusing for you but you really should’ve come to speak to me about it” He blurts out. Mark feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off him.

Jackson gasps his mouth slightly ajar and Marks wants nothing but to kiss it.

“It’s fine, I don’t expect anything from you” He adds.  

Jackson his breath in, his hands trembling. 

“Jinyoung was right” He laughs. But his laugh is not bright as it usually is.

“For someone who’s so aware of everything around him I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming”.

Jackson looks lost, his tears freely falling this time. The tight feeling in Mark’s chest returns and he feels himself standing and wiping Jackson’s tears.

“Why are you crying you fool? He smiles showing all his pearl white teeth in an attempt to lighten the mood but his smile is weak, the pain showing in his eyes.

Jackson puts a hand over Mark’s hand that was rested on his cheek, using the other hand to wipe Mark’s tears that were now soaking his face.

“The last time you cried was when you were 11 and you lost your favourite keychain, here I am making you cry again years later” Jackson says regrettably.  Mark laughs at the memory, remembering how he had searched every corner of his house with reluctant Jackson.

Jackson laughs with him, sensing what he’s thinking of and for a moment as Mark watches him, his eyes shrink smaller, the familiar crinkles appearing he feels as if they’re going back to normal, the best friends they always were and he eases himself a little.

Their laughter dies down and the atmosphere becomes serious.

“Mark, I’m not going to lie to you, that kiss brought up a lot of unresolved feelings and I realised something about myself.  Jackson looks calm now, his eyes looking at Mark with such longing that it caused his heart to speed up again.

“I realised that I’ve been noticing you a lot lately, finding myself caring for you so much, but I brushed it off and just figured that we had a hella good bromance, but I couldn’t hide from myself anymore and that night is a proof of that.” He suddenly grabs Marks hand, placing it on his chest palm up and Mark’s breath catches in his throat at the touch.

“This is what you do to me Mark Tuan, and it makes me loose my mind”. Beneath his palm, Jackson’s heart is beating, hammering against his ribcages. Mark’s hand presses against the spot and he could feel his heart beat increase until Mark thinks it’s going to rip out of Jackson’s shirt.

His eyes widen in shock. Is he confessing?

It was as if he read his thought because Jackson places his hand over Mark’s.

“I like you, heck I might be in love with you and I can’t promise I won’t hurt you but I want to stop running away and try this.”

Those simple words send Mark on a whirlwind of emotions, his eyes oozing with affection.  He nods, unable to utter anything and Jackson jumps up, engulfing him in a warm hug.

Mark can hear his muffled apology and repeated thank you. They stay like that for a while neither of them wanting to pull away from each others touch.

Mark closes his eyes inhaling the familiar scent of Jackson and he feels himself falling in love all over again.  

A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I tried to make it as honest and heartwarming as I possibly can:) Expect a lighthearted and cute chapter next. MARKSON is a GO!!!!