Jeonghan doesn’t mention it when I get clingy. He doesn’t utter a word about the nightmares where I wake up screaming his name, he doesn’t mention it when I go out more and more with him, when I take his hand, when I pay for ice-cream, when I take him shopping for sweaters and buy two so he can wear one, when I sigh wistfully as couples. I can’t tell whether he’s really stupid, or just doesn’t make it awkward for me.

I want to tell him. There’s a part of me that wants to burst out, yelling. Jeonghan. It’s me. I’m your Ovo. I’m Hong Jisoo. You’re my Ovo, that’s why there’s only X’s on my wrists. We were meant to be together from the start. We’re meant to be. You’re supposed to fall in love with me, and I’m supposed to fall in love with you.

But if I only existed of one part of me, I’d be very one-dimensional. There’s a second part of me that knows that everything will be too complicated. Jeonghan is a demon – if he says he loves me he dies, and I’m already on borrowed time myself, as far as living is concerned. Why would I put him through that kind of pain? To find his Ovo – for him to find his soulmate, finally, after all this time, and then what? I just die? Or worse yet, he dies?

I don’t want to hurt him.

And then, there’s Jun. I have feelings for Jun, without a doubt. Stirrings. So I haven’t exactly broken up with him yet.

Meanwhile, I spiral deeper and deeper into Jeonghan. I should have known at Christmas, when he gave me his cloak. I started, right then. And now…

What are we? Friends? Maybe? Jeonghan doesn’t make snide, sarcastic remarks anymore, not really, so that makes us friends, right? The fact that his face is so pretty it makes my heart hurt, and that his jawline is sharp enough for me to cut myself on, and the fact that his voice makes my very soul tremble… that’s all whatever, right?

I can ignore that, right?

But when Jeonghan rushes in from across the dorm to cradle me after a bad dream, he looks at me different. He looks at me with worry, with softness. He looks at me like… like Seungcheol looks at Jihoon when he’s worried.

It scares me. I’m scared. I’m scared of how Jeonghan looks at me. And worse yet, I’m scared of how I look back at him. Because no matter what, if Jeonghan’s there, I feel safe. And it’s not like I feel unsafe if he’s not around, but he’s like a security blanket for a child. When Jeonghan is near – when I can look into his round eyes and rest my head on his shoulder, I feel happy. Content, and happy.

So yeah, I’m sort of a love-stricken maiden over the one person I literally can’t do anything with, I’m in a relationship with a teacher I have feelings for but who doesn’t love me, two of my best friends are crushing on me, I slipped all the way down to a B+ in history and I have two weeks left to sort out prom.

Naturally, this is an excellent moment in my life and academic career for me to be studying the Animaniacs All The Countries of the World song.

“Here.”

I groan loudly, taking the coffee from him. “You put me off track!”

Jeonghan sits on my desk. “Where’d you get to?”

“Like, South America, somewhere. Okay.” I sigh and open my notebook again. “United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador too, Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil!”

Jeonghan joins me in a low singing voice. “Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, and French Guyana, Barbados and Guam!”

He rolls his eyes gently at me. “You’re an excellent procrastinator, Joshua. I never thought you had it in you.”

I lean back with my coffee. “I think a subconscious part of my brain is hoping that if I don’t organize prom then it won’t happen, and if prom doesn’t happen my operation won’t happen.”

“I don’t think it works that way,” he comments.

“You’re telling me,” I mumble, taking a sip.

“Are we going out later again?”

“Yeah, that okay with you?”

“Sure.” Jeonghan grins. “I have somewhere I want to take you.”

“Yeah?” I raise an eyebrow. “We went to the café just the other week so if-”

“It’s not the kitty café, lighten up.”

I pout but let him have his little secret, regardless. I eventually shift my list of countries to the side, finish my e-mails about food and punch and no-booze security, and slide away from the desk. “Done. Finito. For today.”

“Good. Grab your coat.”

I’ve never told Jeonghan how much I like wearing his cloak. It kind of smells like him, a little. It makes me happy. It’s super warm, too. And he’s right, I look pretty good in the col