Terrified
Dead Man's Hand“Hey.” Somebody grabs my hand, but I shrug it off. “Hey!”
“Leave me alone,” I yell, storming through the dance. I manage to make it all the way to the other side of the room, heading towards the door to the rest of the school building, before he catches up with me.
“Hey!” he yells, gripping my shoulder. I’d stop, but I’m already walking with so much force and rage that I just pull him through the doorway with me. When it swings shut, the music is dulled, and Jeonghan pulls me back. “Where the hell were you?! I was looking all over for you!”
“Just leave me alone!” I spit back, trying to move away again.
He glares at me, his eyes somehow seeming darker. He grips me again, pulling me back, leaning in. He suddenly sniffs really loudly and balks. “Why does your face smell of sulpher?!”
I throw his hand off myself and head for the front door, fully intent on going home. I know there’s no real point, since he has to come with me, but I just want him to get the point and shut up. Unfortunately, I’m not so lucky.
Jeonghan jogs right up after me. “You were with him, weren’t you?!” he asks, appalled.
“Who,” I mutter, taciturn.
“That demon!”
“His name is Jun.” I can’t help the edge in my voice. I’m shaken. My nerves are frazzled. Too much has happened in one day and I’m exhaused and anxious. I just want to get out of here.
“So you were with him!” Jeonghan’s voice is just grating on my raw nerves. “What were you doing that makes you smell so bad?!”
I turn on him in the same marching stampede I’m walking in: Jeonghan starts walking backwards, surprised. “Listen, you miserable ball of filth,” I hiss at him. “I am tired, I am hungry, I am cold and I’m sore. I’ve been up since five AM, I’ve worked my off, I’ve collapsed, organized, and danced the whole night with a smile on my face and I’ve been molested, so what I really don’t need right now is your pathetic trailing after me rubbing in my face! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”
Jeonghan stays in one position, eyes blown wide, staring at me.
So I simply take advantage of the situation and stomp all the way home.
Jeonghan perches himself on the balconey quietly, allowing me to do my night-time routine in peace, very quietly slinking back in when I’m in bed.
“…are you hurt?” he asks quietly in the darkness.
“…no.” My voice sounds weird. A little too soft. A little too vulnerable.
“…sorry.” Jeonghan’s body moves up to his regular place on the ceiling, but I don’t see any red orbs. He must be closing his eyes. “I should have been there.”
I shake my head slowly. “I didn’t want you there in the first place, or I would have pulled you along.”
“…I’m not supposed to leave your side, whether you want me to or not.” His voice is kind of soothing in the dark, now that I’m winding down. “Don’t associate with demons.”
I manage to crack a little smile, eyes slowly closing. “Present company excluded?”
“I don’t think you should associate with me either.” I can hear a smile in his voice. “But it’s unavoidable. Seriously. That guy will your soul out of your body without a second thought. You got lucky today. Please don’t do that again.”
I think about Jun. Twenty years old, very alluring, and unable to use any demonic powers on me. I think about his face coming closer and closer, about his lips touching mine, and instead of filling up with fear I can feel my heart pounding for another reason entirely.
“Are you scared?”
I’ve long become used to the fact that Jeonghan has superhuman hearing, and could hear my heart accelerate from across a crowded room. “…yes,” I whisper, rolling over in bed. “I’m terrified, because… I’m not scared of Jun.”
The words hang in the air for a moment, settling.
“…goodnight, Jeonghan.” I frown a little, because it sounds weird, and then I realize it’s because we’ve been together almost two months and I’ve never told him goodnight before. Such a harmless, meaningless human phrase. I never once thought to tell my eternal, personal plague that. But tonight… I feel all kinds of weird. Maybe I’m high on demon fumes, anyway. I sigh heavily, and do my best to let the night take me.
“I’m terrified, because… I’m not scared of Jun.”
I want to respond to that, but God, what do you say to somebody that stupid? I guess I’ve been pretty alright lately – after all, the idea is settling in that he’s for the next seventy years and I might as well try and get along at least – so maybe Joshua doesn’t entirely understand why demons are bad news for him.
And for me. Because I don’t feel like having a trip to purgatory ‘cause I let my Concordat get his innards by some lowlife demon who cheats at poker better than I do.
“…goodnight, Jeonghan.”
It takes a while but eventually Joshua’s heartrate slows down and his breathing gets heavy. When I’m sure he’s asleep, I crawl towards the balcony, but I don’t have to wait for long.
Wonwoo and DK drop down on either side of me, but I’m already turning. “You two. Can you take care of him for one night?”
“Where are you going?”
I pull my heels up onto the balcony railing. “I’m going to find Jun.” And with that, I unfurl my wings and
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