Jinki's in particular were the worst of everyone's. His newfound inability to sleep through the night wasn't getting any better with time and he just didn't know what to do with himself. 

 

He read online somewhere that journaling in times of emotional distraught could be extremely helpful, and since he had no better ideas, he tried it out. 

 

To Jinki, it felt like such a monotonous activity, because all he could ever talk about was Jonghyun. 

 

He'd write paragraphs simply about Jonghyun's eyes, hair, lips, and body. 

 

To Jinki, Jonghyun's entire being was poetry. He didn't know when he started to think that, but now it was almost all he ever thought about. 

 

Even when he would try to stop and think about something else, anything else, he would always come back to Jonghyun. 

 

It didn't make it any easier that Jinki was constantly around his newfound muse. 

 

The only way he could refuge and find peace of mind would be late into the depths of the night when he'd pull out his beaten up black notebook and scribble down line after line, and page after page about the man of his mind. And of his heart. 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

At about two in the afternoon Jinki woke up after a much too quick nap. 

 

He dragged his feet outside his room to go the bathroom. He slashed some cold water on his face and slowly felt his conscious rise to reality. 

 

As he was walking past Kibum and Minho's room, his ears became alert when he heard someone whisper his name. 

 

Although he didn't want to pry, Jinki lost all self-control as he leaned his ear towards the door in order to pick up what was being said of him. 

 

He couldn't make out anymore actual words, but he could tell it was Jonghyun and Kibum who were talking. It tore him apart to say he wasn't surprised. 

 

 

Suddenly Jonghyun opened up the door and Jinki quickly jolted his head back and scratched his neck in an attempt to look nonchalant. 

 

"Jinki, what are you doing?" Jonghyun asked.

 

"Nothin much. You?" He replied with a small shrug. 

 

"Jinki...were you just eavesdropping on us?" 

 

Jinki felt his moral responsibility to be a truthful leader fall onto his shoulders and he looked up at the other with disappointment in his eyes, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I heard one of you say my name. Couldn't help but be curious." 

 

"Fine, I forgive you. But don't do it again." He said. 

 

"I know I know. Of course I won't." 

 

 

"Jinki, why do I get the feeling that you've been giving Kibum the cold shoulder lately?" 

 

 

"What, me giving the cold shoulder? I'm just trying to stay out of his way. He hasn't so much as smiled at me in weeks, Jonghyun. I just figured I'd give the guy some space." Jinki said.

 

 

"Jinki, that's not like you. You normally give everyone around you heaping amounts of love regardless of how they treat you." 

 

"Yeah well I haven't been myself lately. What can I say." Jinki said in defeat.

 

"Tell me why, hyung." Jonghyun said leading them to the kitchen where he said on the counter with Jinki in front of him. 

 

"Let's not do this right now Jong." Jinki sighed turning around to make his way back to his bed. 

 

Jonghyun latched his feet around the other's middle pulled him in towards him. 

 

"Hyung, just tell me how you feel." Jonghyun said with his voice so soft it was barely over a whisper.

 

"I don't know what to feel, Jong. Honestly, it pains me to see you and Kibum be so close with each once again while I feel like we're as far apart as we've ever been." 

 

"Jinki it doesn't have to be like that. I still want my best friend back." Jonghyun's deep brown eyes tore right threw Jinki's and went right to his beaten heart to slowly mend it back together. 

 

 

"So do I." Jinki said.

 

"Then come here" Jonghyun answered pulling his friend into a tight hug. Jinki's head was into Jonghyun's chest and he could hear the other's beautiful beating heart boom gently against his ear.

 

"But, what about the picture Jong?" Jinki asked feeling vulnerable as ever in front of Jonghyun's overwhelming presence. 

 

 

"The picture's gone now. We can move on, free of its burden." 

 

Jinki's heart sank at the thought of their kiss being thought of as a burden. Something Jonghyun didn't want anything to do with. Although from what Jinki told the other when the picture was revealed to him, Jonghyun probably thinks it's the other way around. 

 

 

"Okay. Moving on, I can do that." He knew he was blatantly lying to himself, but once again he didn't feel he had another option to Jonghyun's suggestions. 

 

 

"But Jink?" 

 

"Yes?" 

 

 

"I want to make a deal. Since that kiss we shared has been brutally ruined, I want to have a redo." 

 

 

 

His eyes widened and even a small smile spread across his tired face as Jinki replied, "Okay". 

 

Jinki's heart rate picked up and his neck became a blushing shade of pink. He subconsciously his lips as he closed his eyes and leaned in towards the other doing his best not to hyperventilate.

 

When he felt a firm finger press against his lips he backed his head away in shock drawing his wide eyes up to the other.

 

 

"Not right now. I'm saving my kiss." Jonghyun said hopping off the counter and making his way to his room, leaving Jinki to stand alone in the kitchen with a reddened face and a quickly beating heart. 

 

 

~~~

 

 

Later that day, Jinki and Jonghyun had a photoshoot to do together. 

 

 

When they got there, they were quickly pushed into the hair and makeup room and to Jinki's incredulous delight, this particular photoshoot had a y concept. Oh joy. 

 

Jonghyun's shirt was swiftly taken off revealing the smooth planes of his tanned torso. Jinki changed into a thin white tank top that revealed way more skin than he was comfortable with. But he was too tired to make a scene, and he wasn't shirtless, so he went along. 

 

His hair was slicked  with copious amounts of product and he started to feel like he had cement on the top of his head. 

 

A hoard of girls encircled him and starting rubbing his skin head to toe in some sort of sticky oil that smelled like milk that was left out of the fridge for a bit too long. 

 

His eyebrows were plucked to perfection and his lips were made swollen so they appeared more pouty on camera. 

 

Jinki determinedly kept his eyes away from Jonghyun and his now glistening body from across the room, although with all of the mirrors it was deemed near impossible. 

 

His self-control could only last so long, until the two of them were made to lay down next to each other and gaze, touch, and pose. 

 

It started off simple enough. The two of them on the ground in front of a sunny window laughing and giggling with each other. 

 

Jonghyun naturally touched his arms and thighs, as he normally did when he laughed. Jinki knew better than to overthink it, but the feeling of his fingers squeezing right against his thigh lingered across this body. 

 

The photographer yelled at them to get closer, which Jinki had by then learned meant: touch more, get gay with it. Which was exactly Jinki's problem. 

 

The elder trailed his fingers through Jonghyun's soft blonde hair. His eyes softened at the tenderness of it all, but of course this was all fake and Jinki had to get his together.

 

Jonghyun dipped his head so his nose was pressed against the other's long neck and Jinki was stunned for a second or two. 

 

But he was quickly hollered at to do something, so he wrapped arms around Jonghyun's bare shoulders. 

 

He could feel the fifty layers of oil on his skin, and it irked him not to be able to rub it off, knowing the other couldn't be comfortable with it on. 

 

Then they had to get some shots of them standing up. 

 

Jinki wasn't sure if Jonghyun had ever looked as y as he did right then, lazily touching him and giving him the iest bedroom eyes he'd ever seen. 

 

The elder eyes raked over his form over and over again, memorizing every beautiful detail of it, not even caring about his obviousness of it all. 

 

It was all part of the job after all.

 

For the very last shot, the photographer told Jonghyun to sit down in front of Jinki.

 

But apparently that was just a very polite way of telling him to get down on his knees and stare up at Jinki.

 

His breath hitched when those eyes met his. Jinki swore they read tenderness, eagerness, and lust. He heaved a big exhale and rolled his head only to return to Jonghyun's intense gaze. He could see how heavily the other was breathing and it was doing things to Jinki, making his mind wander to dangerous territory. 

 

"And that's a wrap! Thank you everyone." 

 

Jinki jolted in shock, once again becoming aware of his surroundings. 

 

Jonghyun quietly stood up and slipped on his shirt before heading to their manager to talk about something. 

 

Jinki sighed, running a hand through his now stiff hair and just pleading he'd get a shower soon. 

 

Not only to rinse off all this oil, but also to get some alone time to just relax, before returning to this every busy lifestyle. 

 

~~~

 

The ride back to the dorms was silent as Jinki and Jonghyun sat in the back seat not exchanging so much as a glance with each other. 

 

The tension between them was palpable, and Jinki wished to ease some of it. 

 

"Jong, I have some baby wipes, do you want some to wipe off that oil?" He asked. 

 

With a slight nod Jonghyun took a few and started rubbing it up and down his shiny arms,neck, and face. 

 

After some time he asked, "Hyung, can you do my back please? I still have a schedule in an hour and I don't have time to shower." 

 

Jinki's eyes widened, and he instantly felt like saying no, not wanting to be so close to the other's bare skin. But he figured that he'd just seen enough of it to prove he had some self-control. 

 

He slowly lifted the back of Jonghyun's thin black t-shirt to expose the sparkling plains of his back. Jinki resisted from running a finger down the dip in his elegant back, wishing to make the other shudder. Jinki began rubbing up and down in small circles. Inevitably his small fingers brushed against Jonghyun's skin, and each time they did his breath would hitch and he'd exhale; breath brushing across the other's back. 

 

When they finally reached the dorms, Jinki released the younger's shirt and slowly got out of the car. When he turned back to get his bag, his eyes locked with Jonghyun's who's looked hooded and strung out. Regretfully, Jinki turned back and entered the building alone feeling Jonghyun's burning stare in his back as he did.