CHAPTER 12: TRAUMA

Trauma- SVT (Hip Hop Unit)

 (English Trans by: https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/11/seventeen-hip-hop-team-trauma)

Wonwoo:

“I just want to sing

Or else I’ll be trapped in my trauma

My mind has become impoverished

Deeper and Deeper

I can’t even find myself

I don’t know

I need a hand to hold”

A/N: hello my sweet readers. I hit 700 subs on Unsteady (and I’m at 570 subs on this fic!!! :) so I’m releasing my twitter handle as promised lol visit the A/N at the bottom if you want to scream at me, want updates on the fic, want to rant about BTS Outcast Final, etc. ;)

Also WROTE YALL A LONG CHAPTER CAUSE I LOVE MY BABES. THIS FIC IS UP TO 18 VOTES EEEEEEEEE

As soon as Wonwoo’s fingers made contact with Mingyu’s hand, Wonwoo knew he’d made a mistake.

Wonwoo screamed. Red flames danced with vibrant blue ice across both of their hands. 

Mingyu’s face contorted, eye’s fluttering shut. Pain occupied Wonwoo’s every thought, coursing through his body. He clutched his burnt hand tight to his body, frozen tears dripping down his face.

 Mingyu collapsed in front of him. His hand was black.

“Wonwoo, wake up! Wonwoo, I need you to wake up and get control right now or you’re out of here.” Wonwoo jolted awake as Joshua shook his shoulder almost violently, gasping for breath as the memory assaulted him again.

Ice covered the corners of the infirmary. The image of Mingyu’s frostbitten hand played non-stop through his subconscious, abusing his body as well as his mind.

Joshua retracted his hand from Wonwoo’s shoulder and pulled Wonwoo into his arms. Wonwoo tensed. “It’s okay, Wonwoo. It’s okay, you can’t hurt me. Healer, remember?” Joshua chuckled lightly, patting his back. Wonwoo knew Joshua could quite literally feel his distress. “He’s going to be okay.”

Wonwoo buried his head in the older boy’s chest, feeling his calm start to spread over his body, “B-but I-I hurt him…”

Joshua hummed, “Yeah, you did. But you didn’t know what you were doing and none of us could have expected what happened. It’s not your fault. It won’t happen again.”

Wonwoo stared down at the scar on his hand, zoning out as a different memory played through his mind.

“After camp is over, you’ll have one week to make a decision.” Seungcheol had been sitting across from his bedside, mere moments after Wonwoo had awakened.

“If you choose to accept, you’ll join us at the SWARM Boarding School in South Korea, Pledis, to further develop and train your powers alongside your pack. However,”

Seungcheol paused, hesitating for a moment, “If you deny, your awakening will be reversed and your memories, wiped. Your old life will resume, as though you never met us.

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’ve been given a gift, but it’s up to you to accept it.”

At that point in time, Wonwoo had understood nothing of what the older boy explained, but he’d thought he’d never want to be away from the boys. Now, he understood the weight behind his choice completely. He knew how to never cause Mingyu pain again.

He looked over to the bed where the younger boy lay, unable to meet Joshua’s eyes. “No. It wont.”

‘I’ll make sure of it’ Wonwoo promised himself.

Joshua left shortly after their conversation. Wonwoo’s fingers traced along the scar dancing across his grasp. The formerly seared skin emulated a flame almost too pristinely to be an accident.

Wonwoo laughed quietly to himself, imagining how Mingyu would likely treasure the flame-like scar. He wouldn’t be surprised if the possessive boy had branded him on purpose.

Wonwoo allowed his gaze to wonder to the boy who bore Wonwoo’s own embellishment. The younger boy lay stiff in the infirmary bed. The window’s light illuminated the snowflake impression on the lanky boy’s arm.

Wonwoo wasn’t real pristine on the concept of time, but Vernon came a few hours later with food, as he had been the past day. He made sure Wonwoo ate. He also gave Wonwoo a small pill, ‘Suppressants’ Wonwoo thought to himself.

Wonwoo released his hardened muscles from beneath him, elongating his stiff legs from his place on the floor. He popped the pill into his mouth and shoveled water from the sink to ease the pill down his throat. Swallowing, he peered tiredly at his reflection in the mirror.

Wonwoo shivered, feeling the normally comfortable cold wash over him. Within the time it took his eyes to blink, his appearance had altered and changed. Eerily familiar brown hair and brown eyes stared emptily back at him.

Self disgust ing, Wonwoo’s stomach rebelled for the fifth time that day. He scampered towards the trash can, narrowly avoiding a disaster.

Numb pain coursed through his hand. Mingyu groaned silently as Memories flashed through his mind. Pain. Blue blaze braiding with red inferno. Despair. Wonwoo.

His eyes opened to find the now brunette boy vomitting into a trash can. Mingyu noticed belatedly the change in hair color. Funny how the warm colors could become so ghastly. “Suppressants” he grumbled, noting to himself as his voice strained from misuse.

Wonwoo visibly paled, bloodshot eyes bolting up as his head turned, “Mingyu.”

“Suppressants. You took them.” Wonwoo nodded vaguely in response even though Mingyu clearly hadn’t meant it as a question.

Mingyu tried to simmer his rising anger before speaking. “In that state.” Another non-question. A growl burned at the back of Mingyu’s throat.

Although he understood the purpose of the drugs, he despised them wholeheartedly. They drained him completely and still didn’t do their job half the time.

“Yeah.” Wonwoo replied simply, distant, almost bored.

Mingyu grit his teeth. When he got his hands on the idiot that gave those horrid drugs to Wonwoo…

He sighed. The boy looked like a shell of his former self. Shadows leeched off his natural beauty, a blanket of darkness encircling the usually lively eyes. Mingyu yearned for the boy who he’d seen last. The one who was frolicking through the snow and gliding across ice. “When’s the last time you slept?”

Wonwoo opened his mouth before closing it again, eyebrows drawing together, lips merging into a frown. “I don’t really know” he admitted softly and unabashedly.

“Wonwoo!” Mingyu blurted. Wonwoo cowered backwards from Mingyu and he winced, realizing how harshly his voice had come out. “Sorry.” He apologized quietly, backtracking in hope that it would get the boy nearer to him again. “You’re just, you’re supposed to take care of yourself.”

“How could I take care of myself when I did that to you?” Wonwoo mumbled. Mingyu wondered if he’d misheard, forcing the fog that was his half awake brain to follow where Wonwoo’s dejected eyes had referenced before he’d looked away. He glanced down at his body, eyes immediately catching on the snowflake like impressions that spread from the center of his hands to his wrist to his forearm.

Mingyu’s mouth fell open in a small oh, realization dawning on him as his eyes drew up to the similarly pink toned markings. Wonwoo’s arm bore the consequences of what he’d done. The flames that stood for what he loved and hated most in this world.

Wonwoo may have been the one to initiate it, but Mingyu was the one who struggled with control. This had to be his fault one way or another. He had to make Wonwoo understand that. He smiled, patting the bed next to him, “Come here.”

Wonwoo recoiled, looking as if Mingyu had asked him to strip or something. Mingyu gestured toward the bed once again. “Are you crazy?” Wonwoo blurted out.

“You’re on suppressants now right, so it’s fine.” Mingyu laughed, “Get over here.”

Wrong move, apparently, as Wonwoo began violently shaking, backing further away from Mingyu. “N-No. Mingyu, I will not hurt you again.”

“Wonwoo, shut up.” Mingyu’s face hardened, his eyes falling again on the faded scar that stood out so harshly against Wonwoo’s pale skin.

“That was not your fault. And you’re on suppressants now. It’ll be fine. Nothing happens when we touched before, when I was on suppressants. Well, nothing really…” Mingyu chuckled awkwardly, “You always have an effect on me Wonwoo.” Wonwoo’s face turned a bright shade of pink as Mingyu’s eyes darkened slightly, obviously understanding the reference.

Wonwoo hesitated, looking back and forth between the bed, Mingyu, and the door. Mingyu thought the boy was about to give in, about to come and cuddle up into Mingyu’s side.

Then fear overtook every single intense feature on Wonwoo’s face, contorting as if he was in pain. His body jolted as Wonwoo reluctantly dragged his body out of the room. The door slam of the door shook Mingyu to his core. Wonwoo broke and so did he.

Mingyu knew he had to fix him; he just didn’t know how.

Mingyu’s gaze haunted Wonwoo throughout the entire dinner, tell-tale red swirls pulsing through every time he’d achieved eye contact. Avoiding Mingyu was harder than Wonwoo had imagined. Mingyu was rather terrifying when he wanted something.

Although most of the boys likely knew more or less what was going on, Joshua and Vernon were the only ones Wonwoo had talked to about the situation. He’d avoided Seungcheol since the leader had retrieved him and Mingyu from the forest. He didn’t really like having his thought spread bare before him.

Vernon was the sole person Wonwoo told about planning to turn down the gift. Although he’d seemed sad, he hadn’t argued with Wonwoo about it or tried to convince him to stay. He’d been a great help towards Wonwoo, even going with him to the “Checkup” that he knew was really just to announce his transformation to the heads of the camp.

Right before they’d left, Mingyu had come running out, trailed by the short scary boy who’s name Wonwoo had forgotten. Vernon had stood between them, shielding Wonwoo from the taller as best he could.

“Don’t let them take your blood.” Wonwoo felt ice pouring down his spine, a frequent occurrence when on suppressants as he remembered the older’s incredibly serious eyes.

He was called out of his reverie and back to Mingyu’s eyes as Seungcheol, who stood at his side, called for all of the boys attention. “Summer is almost over.” He announced loudly, commanding attention like always. “3 days until the final round of the games. I can now speak somewhat freely since every single one of our members has awakened now.”

The boys cheered, several hands coming to clap Wonwoo on the back. Wonwoo tried to smile. 3 days until the final games meant 4 days until he could go home and quite literally forget this ever happened.

Joshua, who was at Mingyu’s other side, tapped Seungcheol hand lightly, gest