Dear Taeyeon,

Hey buddy. It’s been months, right? You know, I don’t really count days, but I simply know it’s a long time since then. Looking back, I really, really, utterly feel terrible about that. For the past ten years of our friendship, we’ve never got this terrible incident like days ago.

Look; I’m sorry for throwing your phone to the wall and literally making it to pieces. I overreacted, but still you can’t blame me for that. I promise I will treat you another earphone or anything you want, okay?

PS: There’s my new number, line ID, and kakaotalk on the back of this letter. Text me soon.

Dear Sooyoung,

Sooyoung. Please stop writing to me about my disabled phone, will you? It hurts and I don’t appreciate it at all. If you really want to have my pain then get to my workplace or home ASAP and I’ll let you feel it.

Dear Sooyoung,

I don’t understand your metaphor about that. What does ‘sea of grief’ metaphor relates with my problem? Look, if you’re drunk please stop sending letters to me. I can still use social media on my tablet. It saves your precious papers and inks, and most importantly my time because every single damn time I did not reply you always spammed either my email or my literal mailbox.

Dear Sooyoung,

No. Your list of metaphor is as bad as Dane Cook’s jokes. Annoying.

Again, please stop writing to me. You have my new Line ID. Drunken texts are better than drunken letters, imbecile.

Dear Tiffany,

No Tiff. I don’t wear pink on Saturdays. You must mistook Yuri’s pants for that.  Then again, are you drunk? And where’s Yuri in this? Oh next time if you want to spam someone’s mailbox, please consider Tyler’s.

Dear Yuri,

Learn proper grammar, imbecile. Though you are my friend I still don’t appreciate drunken letters. Your hand writing is too hard to read, but I still managed to see few words. What the hell are you doing with the watch I gave to Tiffany?! Put it down or suffer my wrath, Kwon!

By the way, I received Tiffany’s letter first. Learn to write faster and run to post office faster, imbecile.

Dear Yoona,

Yoong. I know you’re my lovely dongsaeng and all, but like Tiffany and Yuri, I don’t appreciate any drunken letters. Your letters are full of improper choice of words and slangs, fool. I know you’re drunk but please send those kind of letter to Tyler’s residence.

Dear Tiffany,

Thank you dear. Please tell this to any other drunkards who always spams my mailbox. You all know I have another account on my tablet, do you not?

Tiff,

Please explain in the simplest way of why all of you have broken phones now and starts writing letters not sending the phone to any services? If you want to annoy me congrats, you have succeeded.

Tiff,

So Taeyeon broke all of your phones? Trashing it to little pieces? Interesting, I never knew she’s that barbaric. *there’s a little droplets of blood* Forgive me for the blood, I was writing this letter when Taeyeon barged into my workplace and happens to see this.

Dear Kris,

Well first off, I know SM is . Your contract , the new boss , and haters . But do you know what more?

huh to have broken phone and has to write to your senior about your problems. Let me ask you one thing; do I look like some customer service to you? Use at least email, you fool. I have enough of Yuri’s drunken letters much less any other unintelligent letters.

Dear Yuri,

Yes you have sent me some letters of incoherent and some inappropriate words. You’re so drunk that you cannot remember it, no? Well I do think you never reply my letter, much less read it.

Dear Seohyun,

First of all thank you for your concern. My body is healthy as always and I do healthy diet. Why do you think like that? As far as I concerned I do not receive any pizzas lately nor do I have time to order one. Yoona never came with Hyo and Yuri for pizza party.

I think you’re misinformed.

Dear Yuri,

I am here writing you this letter, wasting my precious ten minutes, just because we have been sniffed by Seohyun. I suggest you to go to gym right now and burn that fat from our pizza. I sense someone leaking that information. And I don't literally mean Seohyun sniffed us you fool. I know you will say that on your reply letter.

Dear Seobaby,

No. I can guarantee you. Those three never came to my house, much less for pizza party. If they did throw a pizza party, then it’s not on my house and I absolutely sure that I do not take any part on this misdeed. And if they did, then I shall write a letter to you immediately.

Dear Yoona,

Yoong. Alert code 38B. Seohyun know our pizza party and insisted you three have a pizza party on my house. Next time, proceed with caution and don’t tell a soul.

Yoong,

What do you mean you told a soul? Don’t try to freak me out, Yoong. You can’t do that to your unnie.

YOONG,

THE HELL WHY DID YOU TELL STEPHANIE ABOUT THAT?! OH I SWEAR TO GOD!

Dear Tiffany,

Tiff, I believe we have not yet have our girls night out. Would you like to meet me on A mall tomorrow night? I miss you already.

PS: Wear your disguise. Your CEO will kill me so as my CEO.

Dear Tiffany,

That was fun, right? Now, please tell Seohyun she’s misinformed. I promise I will give you that pink bag you want if you could convince her she’s badly misinformed.

Tiff,

What do you mean you don’t know?

YOONG,

WHY HADN’T YOU TELL ME YOU TOLD IT TO OTHER STEPHANIE YOU FOOL?! I LOST THIS WEEK SALARY! I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER STEPHANIE ASIDE OF THAT PINK LOVER YOU FOOL!

Dear Seobaby,

Yes and yes. I do forgive you Seohyun-ah. No need to be that scared! And I’m more than glad to have lunch with you! And I’m free tomorrow so yeah. Where do you want to eat? I suggest we should go with Taeyeon and Yuri, as I have some business with them also. Oh and Krystal gave you her warmest regards about your relationship with Yoong. Please don't be too hard to Yoong, please? 

Oh and about Tiffany, give her the warmest hug you ever give to anyone aside for your parents. She deserves it.

Don't question it, alright?